some sympathy and hope for everyone

[lynn1954]

I’m trying to give all of us the most non-cliché and helpful message that I’m capable of writing.

 

My basic point is: for each problem, caused by our self or caused by another person, there is a way to handle that problem to improve our own situation.

 

Wherever you are today, you can select choices today that will make tomorrow better.

 

Wherever you are this hour, you can think and plan and do things right now that will make you feel better in the next hour.

 

Think of an imaginary line that represents “worst”, “best” and everywhere between:

 

 

Worst |- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -| Best

 

 

This line could represent any one thing: your current level of sadness, acceptance, anger, optimism, mental health, physical health, regret, peace of mind, pain, happiness, etc.

 

Name one of your current problems, and place yourself where you believe you are on that line.

 

That is your starting point.

 

Then, choose thoughts and actions that will move you further away from the “worst” end and closer to the “best” end.

 

A very important concept: it doesn’t matter whether you created the problem that placed you on the line, or whether someone else created the problem. In either case, you can start where you are and help yourself, and help the people who are important to you.

 

This method works for any problem, so there are countless possible examples, here are just a few:

 

You’re a wandering spouse filled with guilt.

 

You’re a divorced betrayed wife filled with sadness.

 

You’re a married betrayed wife filled with anger.

 

You’re a single OW filled with pain.

 

Where do you perceive yourself on that line? What can you do to move yourself to the better end of that line?

 

The wandering spouse filled with guilt: maybe end the affair and re-commit to your spouse and marriage. Maybe ask your spouse for a divorce and allow everyone to proceed from there. Maybe some other choice. Because guilt is caused by doing the “wrong thing”, which choice will be the “right thing” to move you to the better end of the line? Don’t just sit there where you currently are on “the guilt line”, and don’t make choices that will make you feel guiltier. Make choices that will give you self-respect and integrity instead of guilt.

 

The divorced betrayed wife filled with sadness: maybe focus on work, family, and friends without seeking another relationship. Maybe focus on meeting a new man for a new relationship. Maybe focus on yourself with activities you love, enjoying your current self or improving yourself. Don’t just sit there where you currently are on “the sadness line” and don’t make choices that will make you even sadder. Make choices that will make you feel happier.

 

The married betrayed wife filled with anger: maybe stay with your husband and work on the marriage, maybe ask for a divorce. Maybe scream at your husband and scream at the OW, maybe tell them your anger calmly, maybe share your anger with a sympathetic friend, co-worker or family member. Don’t stay at the same point on “the anger line” day after day. Don’t hold on to your anger because your husband and OW don’t apologize because they’re not sorry for what they did. Make choices that will lessen or dissipate your anger so you can decide what to do to improve your situation and improve your life.

 

The single OW filled with pain: leave the affair and end all contact with the married man. Discuss with MM until you get a true and definitive answer from MM to determine whether this is a temporary fling, a meaningful relationship but no hope or plans for an MM divorce, or a true love leading to an MM divorce and future together. Don’t just sit there where you currently are on “the pain line”, and don’t accept circumstances that will push you into more pain. Make choices that will make your pain less.

 

It doesn’t matter whether you’re the victim or perpetrator of your situation. You can help yourself and help the people who are important to you, no matter what caused your problem.

 

My best wishes to all of us!

Edited April 22, 2013 by lynn1954

[Moemone]

I’m trying to give all of us the most non-cliché and helpful message that I’m capable of writing.

 

My basic point is: for each problem, caused by our self or caused by another person, there is a way to handle that problem to improve our own situation.

 

Wherever you are today, you can select choices today that will make tomorrow better.

 

Wherever you are this hour, you can think and plan and do things right now that will make you feel better in the next hour.

 

Think of an imaginary line that represents “worst”, “best” and everywhere between:

 

 

Worst |- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -| Best

 

 

This line could represent any one thing: your current level of sadness, acceptance, anger, optimism, mental health, physical health, regret, peace of mind, pain, happiness, etc.

 

Name one of your current problems, and place yourself where you believe you are on that line.

 

That is your starting point.

 

Then, choose thoughts and actions that will move you further away from the “worst” end and closer to the “best” end.

 

A very important concept: it doesn’t matter whether you created the problem that placed you on the line, or whether someone else created the problem. In either case, you can start where you are and help yourself, and help the people who are important to you.

 

This method works for any problem, so there are countless possible examples, here are just a few:

 

You’re a wandering spouse filled with guilt.

 

You’re a divorced betrayed wife filled with sadness.

 

You’re a married betrayed wife filled with anger.

 

You’re a single OW filled with pain.

 

Where do you perceive yourself on that line? What can you do to move yourself to the better end of that line?

 

The wandering spouse filled with guilt: maybe end the affair and re-commit to your spouse and marriage. Maybe ask your spouse for a divorce and allow everyone to proceed from there. Maybe some other choice. Because guilt is caused by doing the “wrong thing”, which choice will be the “right thing” to move you to the better end of the line? Don’t just sit there where you currently are on “the guilt line”, and don’t make choices that will make you feel guiltier. Make choices that will give you self-respect and integrity instead of guilt.

 

The divorced betrayed wife filled with sadness: maybe focus on work, family, and friends without seeking another relationship. Maybe focus on meeting a new man for a new relationship. Maybe focus on yourself with activities you love, enjoying your current self or improving yourself. Don’t just sit there where you currently are on “the sadness line” and don’t make choices that will make you even sadder. Make choices that will make you feel happier.

 

The married betrayed wife filled with anger: maybe stay with your husband and work on the marriage, maybe ask for a divorce. Maybe scream at your husband and scream at the OW, maybe tell them your anger calmly, maybe share your anger with a sympathetic friend, co-worker or family member. Don’t stay at the same point on “the anger line” day after day. Don’t hold on to your anger because your husband and OW don’t apologize because they’re not sorry for what they did. Make choices that will lessen or dissipate your anger so you can decide what to do to improve your situation and improve your life.

 

The single OW filled with pain: leave the affair and end all contact with the married man. Discuss with MM until you get a true and definitive answer from MM to determine whether this is a temporary fling, a meaningful relationship but no hope or plans for an MM divorce, or a true love leading to an MM divorce and future together. Don’t just sit there where you currently are on “the pain line”, and don’t accept circumstances that will push you into more pain. Make choices that will make your pain less.

 

It doesn’t matter whether you’re the victim or perpetrator of your situation. You can help yourself and help the people who are important to you, no matter what caused your problem.

 

My best wishes to all of us!

 

 

 

I love this as i am here in Pain. Single Ow. Thank you!

Edited April 22, 2013 by Moemone
correction