Moved too fast..how to recover?

[smesit]

Hi All,

 

I'm a 26 year old male trying to recover on this one with 28 year old female.

 

Been going out with this girl I met online for about 3 months. Things were going GREAT then I got comfortable. We have a lot in common, seemed down to earth, and she was attractive. She just moved here from out of state for work. She gets busy with work a lot as well as travels oftern. No big deal, I run my own business so I get pretty busy too. I've slept over her house a few times and she's stayed at my place too. We haven't slept together but have gotten into heavy kissing sessions. She didn't want to get sexual and wanted to take things slow because she didn't want to mess things up. Fine by me.

She told me she really liked me and I said the same.

 

Going back to the day before easter late last month, I told her she was welcome to come hang with my fam via text. My thinking was 'd invite her if she had nowhere to go since she was from out of town. She said she had plans with her boss (her best friend a girl). I said no prob. On our last couple of dates we agreed to play a game, I get back massage for teaching her spanish. I taught her some and the one she gave me was kind was a rushed job so I joked youre going to owe me more. She laughed. Easter came and I said Happy Easter Hun Bun.Hows the party via text? No word and then Monday came which was april fools.

 

This is where I made my MISTAKE and please dont grill me for it. I already know I messed up.. going to learn and improve from this but see if I can salvage this situation because I really thought she was a great girl. As a joke and I really dont why I texted this at the time..I said "you're on time out, eating lunch and my back hurts. Then I I remember I got swindled in our massage deal. Bad bad girlfriend. SO I decided I am withholding Spanish lessons and Sex until further notice." No word for 4 days. She usually replys within a couple. I sent a follow up saying "hey theres this great band playing, and btw was totally joking in my last text, not tryna jump into anything or gain more massages" no reply till a week later on saturday. She said, "so sorry still in saint louis. Was definitely thrown off by your monday text, felt like it was moving too fast.Hope youre having a great weekend." That was it. Then I replied that night, I agree with you and was kidding. I was trying to be funny making references and see how it could get misinterpreted to things and then I said sorry about that. I communicate verbally better than on paper. Never heard back. I let a week go by. Texted her about 10 days ago friday and tried to be casual and asked for drink saturday since I was in the area. no reply.

 

At this point I probably went too far calling her girlfriend and saying I was wiholding sex..but that was part of the joke since we werent doing any of those yet. Maybe I should have explained in greater detail? This girl is a texter too btw, not much a phone person. So I did the no contact thing to slow it down. It's been about 10 days and no word. That's ok she doesn't usually initiate and is the shy type. I know my chances might be slim but I want to give it one last shot. If you were me and really liked this girl what would you do given the scenario. Going to wait til later this week to give it more time but really appreciate any feedback/ideas.

 

Here's what I'm thinking so far:

 

I'm debating whether I explain thoroughly my text and be non chalant and say I'm in the area the following week if you want to meet up for drinks.. The only thing is its hard to explain in a few sentences without writing a novel. The reason I called her "gf" was bc thats what my friends named her already and I told her that verbally so thats what I was alluding too. She may have forgotten.

 

A friend suggest I text her I agree it was moving too fast and say we should be friends..but I feel like that's playing games.

 

Another friend that's a girl said to say how special she was and apologize again...but wouldn't that freak her out?

 

Either way If she replies great. If not I tried. Any ideas or input would be great.

 

Thanks!

[clia]

Texted her about 10 days ago friday and tried to be casual and asked for drink saturday since I was in the area. no reply.

 

This tells you all you need to know. She has not responded to you in ten days. The responses you got prior to that (after your text) were not warm.

 

She has moved on. You should do the same. She doesn't want to be friends. I'm afraid you can't recover from this.

 

(As an aside, I'm surprised she had so much of an issue with what you said after three months of dating, especially after you told her you were kidding. By three months in, usually there has been sex and an exclusivity discussion. You may have dodged a bullet here.)

[Eggplant]

I'm 26 too. One of the things I hate about our age group is how everything is via a text message. You really can't joke or say anything subtle in a text. No voice tone or facial expressions. You have to write a big 'LOL' or 'haha' every joke or sarcastic comment to make the light-heartedness explicit. And then you get no immediate feedback. Four days of SILENCE. If you'd been actually having a live conversation, this silence wouldn't have happened.

 

Here is my feeling: texting *should* be for communicating something quickly, like '5 min late.' But if you want to woo this woman, don't be a sissy. Dial her number and TALK. Then you don't have this kind of issue.

 

In fact that's my proposed fix for you -- call her up and say hi.

[Eggplant]

(As an aside, I'm surprised she had so much of an issue with what you said after three months of dating, especially after you told her you were kidding.)

Yeah her reaction does seem extreme. You may want to find another woman because if she really liked you, she'd get over it.

[Ninjainpajamas]

The girl isn't into you or there is someone else (despite what you know, she's not acting "normal"...it's a done deal, sorry.

[coolheadal]

You have scared this girl off and now your in the low end of the stick. Nothing you can do about it. You need to watch what you say even in text. Unless she's right next to you when you made those comments is the only way she would know you were making a joke about it.

 

Can't play around these days the modern woman is smart and they're not going to stand for any foolish comments.

Don't keep on sending any more text. Just leave here alone! If she comes around to you then let her text you? If not then you need to move on and find someone else. Don't sit and wait any more days for this girl. Be smart and think with your head. Next time never tell anyone what you had said in person or in another text. Play it cool!

 

Peace and happiness to you!

[spiderowl]

I think perhaps this girl wasn't that interested in the first place, sorry. Now that you've texted to her what is a very loaded text (if you read between the lines), she realises you want more and are applying a bit of subtle psychological pressure. If she'd been interested, she might have flirted back but she hasn't.

 

Was it Freud who said that 'a joke is never just a joke'. We express what we feel unconsciously through jokes and, not surprisingly, the people they are aimed at get the full message. It sounds like she was interested in a bit of snogging and attention but that's all.

 

I don't think you can bring her back. She's not responding at all. This speaks volumes. For your own sake, forget her and look elsewhere.

[veggirl]

after THREE MONTHS she would be stoked that you referred to her as girlfriend if she was into you. I think she was never that into you perhaps she just got involved because it was nice having someone around since she was new to town.

 

Regardless, if after 3 mos someone won't commit to an official relationship, its best to call it a day.

[smesit]

Thanks for all the input everyone. Yeah that's what I thought, I figured I blew it but always good to gain perspective from others. Should have never said that. Can't undo it so better to learn and move forward. I do think she was into me though, she said many many times she didn't want to mess it up and started keeping items at her place for me to crash with on her own accord.. but my text was loaded and the bullet went off. Too much to overcome. Won't make that mistake twice and definitely less text vs phone!

 

Thanks Again!

[Yookie]

I don't think you should beat yourself up over this. This is HER loss. After three months if she's not ready to move forward then you should move on... unless you wanted a casual relationship.

[smesit]

Thanks Brick, yeah I mean thinking about it now its better just to disappear. Not worth the drama bud.

 

Yookie, thats ok haha I already beat myself up after I sent it so no more BUT you are very right, we dated 3 months pretty consistently. Granted I made a mistake, there's something in the closet that I don't know. Thanks.