Dating, sex, and when should honesty occur

[bones1]

Okay, I have been dating a woman for 7 weeks. From our first date, I knew that I wanted her, and wanted to see no others. I felt we both hit it off, and from the things she was saying, i thought she felt the same. Niow, we have gotten to the point in which we are both exclusive. She talked of love, moving in together, vacations, etc etc, very early on, so i thought we were on the same page.

 

Now last weekend, she told me that right after we met, she had sex with someone else she was seeing. It was their second date. When i met her, she had to travel, she called when she came back, said she missed me, so i figured i was the only one. I asked her if she was seeing anyone else at the time, and she said "No" I asked if she had sex with anyone else, and she also said no. But it turns out that when she was back in town, she didnt call me, she called someone else. She says that she is in love with me now, but at the time she wasnt sure, and she did have sex with someone else. She said she didnt want to tell me then, as it wasnt my business, as we had no formal agreement.

 

So my question is should I over look this? Should i think that not everyone moves at the same pace? Right now I feel hurt, and a little confused. Not sure what to think.

[faux]

I wouldn't let this slide, as I don't believe it was "none of your business". Sex with another person while this girl is seeing you means YOUR health. She slept with him, which means now you'll be sleeping with him and whoever else he messed around with.

 

I would be asking if she used contraception, and how often she gets tested. I'd then schedule my next "date" with this woman at the local clinic for mutual testing. I think this is a big deal. If you two were not yet exclusive, I can understand that part of it. However, she was putting your health at risk, and possibly never even thinking to tell you about her encounter. I wonder if any of this even crossed her mind.

[johan]

Aside from the health thing, it really isn't your business. I assume by now you can judge whether she takes the kind of precautions she should. Now she is with you. Don't let something that happened in the first couple weeks of your relationship, which really wasn't a relationship at the time, come between what you can build right now. I think it's a great sign that she is telling you now.

[teck21]

I'm looking at Bones' other post, and while I have no 'useful' input, what I can say is that this relationship would make me feel very very uneasy.

 

'we had no formal agreement.'

 

I guess it's a personal thing, but I don't regard a romantic relationship the same way I would a business one.

[Jilly10340]

I would let this go because I assume that at the time you guys were just "dating" and had not yet had the big commitement talk. Although, it does concern me that at the time she said that she wasn't seeing or sleeping with anyone else. Why did she come out and tell you now? If she decided to divulge the truth without any prompting from you maybe that means that she really does care for you and wants this relationship to have a chance without any secrets of the past.

 

I would definately go and get tested, you and her both. I would tell her your feelings of being hurt also. That is a risk to your health by her having sex with that guy. It's definately your business. I would explain this to her.

[babybear]

Hi,

I was in a similar position, and I found out he slept with someone else soon after we met. However, i didn't find out for a few months, which made it harder to stomach. I was personally pissed off for health reasons because I don't know who the other girl is, or where the hell she's been. So, for that reason I think it was irresponsible. But, I don' t think she cheated...and to give her the benefit of the doubt, she was probably just confused and really scared you'd dump her the moment she told you.

 

 

Bb