3 months on...

[LIFE.GOES.wrONg]

Hopefully one day we'll look back at these posts and be in a much better place than before

 

I'll drink to that...

[Shocked Suzie]

I'll drink to that...

 

One day soon...

 

...now where's that booze

[Gunny376]

Its not a question of whether your going to come out the other side of this and that? The question at hand is how ~ as in ~ your going to come out of all of this. That is to say, how ~ as in ~ what kind of person do you choose to be because all of it?

 

Are you going to let it destroy you, devastate you, cripple you for life? Are you going to let it define you as a person ~ and it will. The only question is how and in what way are you going to let it define you? The choice is yours! You can either choose the 'red pill' or the 'blue pill'

 

You can allow and permit yourself to indulge in a life-long pity party, or you can choose to embrace it, learn from it, adapt from it, grow from it, take it apart and its component parts, and put it all back together again.

 

The choice is yours!

[Shocked Suzie]

Its not a question of whether your going to come out the other side of this and that? The question at hand is how ~ as in ~ your going to come out of all of this. That is to say, how ~ as in ~ what kind of person do you choose to be because all of it?

 

Are you going to let it destroy you, devastate you, cripple you for life? Are you going to let it define you as a person ~ and it will. The only question is how and in what way are you going to let it define you? The choice is yours! You can either choose the 'red pill' or the 'blue pill'

 

You can allow and permit yourself to indulge in a life-long pity party, or you

can choose to embrace it, learn from it, adapt from it, grow from it, take it apart and its component parts, and put it all back together again

.

 

The choice is yours!

 

All of the above....and I've known this from day one of finding out about his affair, I actually told him so that very day

 

I know it will be a long steep bumpy road but I know I'm able to and have already started to climb...I have and will carry on getting positives from this negative

 

x

[Gunny376]

There is so much invalualble experience and education that I've learned from having been a United States Marine? And I would fail miserably in trying to convey it all to you ~ because its just something you or one has to live through to comprehend and understand.

 

But if I can convey one single thing ~ concept it would be this:

 

"The WILLINGNESS TO AT LEAST TO...............................TRY!

It might get my azz killed or wouded?

 

But I've got the damn gumtion to at least try!

 

It might hurt me!

 

Mentally, emotionally, physically, pyschologically?

 

But I've got the damn gumtion to at least try!

 

I may fail? I may falter? I ma fall flat on my azz!

 

But I've got the damn gumtion to at least try!

 

I may look like an idiot? A fool!

 

But I've got the damn gumtion to at least try!

 

I may regret it ~ and I probally will!

 

But I've got the damn gumtion to at least try!

 

I may ______________________

 

But I've got the damn gumtion to at least try!

[Shocked Suzie]

Well the house sale has fallen through, now got to cover two mortgages as my tenants moved out as I was meant to be temporarily moving into the investment house to dress it to sell' and the exH is off on his 3rd holiday 'apparently paid for by the OW for the third time' my kids again feel pushed to one side, all unnoticed by him

 

All i can do is just laugh he leaves everything with regards to well everything up to me....he pays the mortgage for main house, which 'how I look at it' is where I'm lucky, although I will have to try to find some money now for the 2nd mortgage

 

I'm looking at all this as 2013 just isn't my year...not bad going as I've been very fortunate up until now...so will roll with 2013's punches!

 

Selling houses is a real pain, the buyers really stuffed me about

 

Anyway just had to vent a bit

 

ss x

[Techie Artist]

Sorry the sale fell thru, Suzie. Here's hoping another buyer is around the corner. Yes, you're lucky that he's covering the first mortgage. Don't let his seeming comfort dismay you.

[Shocked Suzie]

How To Love Yourself In 17 Ways ? Abundance Tapestry

 

 

After posting on LGW post, it suddenly dawned on me that on my low self esteem days I don't really love myself much... Thought I'd share this link cause I'm pretty sure there are a lot of us on here that could use some self love direction

 

Wondering tonight about this and getting over the anger/frustration in the actions from my ex .... I suppose this will come when I've achieved the above!

 

 

SS xx

[Shocked Suzie]

Its probably pointless posting this really as when i explain this to my friends their isn't really much i can do atm about this whole situation...since the house sale fell through i feel like i've slipped into a bit of a hole....my situation looks grim and i feel totally trapped and at times overwhelmed, just don't know what to do to take away some of this pressure...

 

i think its because all i want to do is heal and i can't because i'm getting held back by all whats going on!

 

my situation is this..

 

H is paying the main mortgage, it was arranged 'due to our current financial mess' that he pays this (and the visa card debt...which i had know idea existed) in paying this he doesn't have to give me child support. Without child support i can't move out, i have to stay in this house until it sells...I would love to move out

 

We now have another issue of an investment property...this has just become empty! yes mortgage No2 ... so I was supposed to be moving into this house for 6 months and then putting it on the market when house market picks up a bit, this house will be selling at a loss... but will then cut all financial tie with the H, which is what i want.

 

I work part time, ive been doing extra shift where i can...i'm on the final stretch of studying...i have approx 3 months left I have 7 weeks placement so i cant take on anymore shifts...i pay for all other bills ' i'm on the verge of bailing out!!' WHY cause i cant concentrate, can't remember a dame thing that i've been taught and can't afford to stuff up in my type of job, i was doing so well and now its all BLANK!

 

The past week i've felt pretty alone as no one really knows what to say to me cause my situation is just F@!#ED. I have my kids 100% of the time which i love, but i don't get any timeout (which i can deal with) but i need to have some sort of a social life...when i have gone out of an evening i feel so guilty (they are old enough to be alone) but i don't like to leave them as he has been REALLY SLACK i just feel bad and don't want them to worry i'm gonna do the same, iw ant to be there for them. There is no point in asking the ex to help out with the kids of an evening..cause he wont, the kids don't want to meet the OW and certainly don't want to stay at hers either and that would be his answer, he even was moaning about seeing them 'as arranged' whilst i'm at work, stating that this is to my convenience and feels like my glorified babysitter..wtf!

 

if there is any money left in the pot, i know he is gonna be a right idiot about it all as he wants me to pay 50/50 of the visas in his name as it was built up whilst we was together... i'm so over this! i'm the one who has had to sort out everything! apart from paying the mortgage, he has just walked away and taken on nothing else! he has been no support to the children or with regards to anything, i've had to arrange real est and deal with real est for both houses...if i were to say anything to him he'd just say i'm working hard to pay the mortgage n visas. He is on his 3rd holiday! a long wknd, thats another lot of loss of wages...i'd love to go away but can't afford it in money of time! but i need a break

 

I feel trapped!!! trying to deal with the emotions of the break up 'this stranger' and all this on top is doing my head in!

 

 

I've felt pretty ok up until now! i suppose its because i thought things would move forward quickly as we both want the same outcome...to cut financial ties

 

Sorry for the off load, i know there's not much anyone can say to help...i've just gotta roll with it all, just effecting me a bit and thinking of pulling out of my course when ive work so long and hard is killing me but i feel stupid as i cant remember anything!

Edited June 2, 2013 by Shocked Suzie

[Calvin's wagon]

Hi,

 

I'm just on my way to bed, so I'm not exactly thinking clearly, but still wanted to reply asap!

 

Its probably pointless posting this really

 

It's better to post it, hopefully it will make you feel at least a little better! It usually does for me...

 

Ok, try to divide the big mass of problems into smaller ones, and see which ones are a bit more manageable or can be done something about it.

 

I have my kids 100% of the time which i love, but i don't get any timeout (which i can deal with) but i need to have some sort of a social life...when i have gone out of an evening i feel so guilty (they are old enough to be alone) but i don't like to leave them as he has been REALLY SLACK i just feel bad and don't want them to worry i'm gonna do the same, iw ant to be there for them. There is no point in asking the ex to help out with the kids of an evening.

 

Since your kids are old and don't need that much supervision or are tough to handle, is it possible that you could anyone else for help, some of your friends? Maybe just to take them to the park, or maybe them having a sleepover at your friends' kids? Maybe doing this several times (even for a little while) will help you feel a bit less stressed out?

 

i think its because all i want to do is heal and i can't because i'm getting held back by all whats going on!

 

I understand (to a lesser degree) what's it like when you can't heal, when you're pressured from all sides... As hard as it is, it's important to try to be positive, push through, do what you can to mentally and physically relax as often as possible, push hard and survive, and at least laugh maniacally when things start to seem overwhelming:)

 

And remember - you are healthy, you have great kids, and the biggest problem (financial) is a temporary and solvable one (as far as i understand the situation), even though it's taking a lot of time and is emotionally taxing...

 

H is paying the main mortgage, it was arranged 'due to our current financial mess' that he pays this (and the visa card debt...which i had know idea existed) in paying this he doesn't have to give me child support. Without child support i can't move out, i have to stay in this house until it sells...I would love to move out

 

Em, so is he better off financially if he doesn't have to pay child support? Is he threatening to not pay anything if he would have to pay child support as well? I'm not sure how you came into such an agreement.

 

Does any of your friends have any legal experience or know anyone who does? Or experience with divorce, financial issues etc.?

 

Do you want us on loveshack try to dig onto internet to try to find free legal aid or some other (financial) advice regarding situations such as yours?

 

We now have another issue of an investment property...this has just become empty! yes mortgage No2 ... so I was supposed to be moving into this house for 6 months and then putting it on the market when house market picks up a bit, this house will be selling at a loss... but will then cut all financial tie with the H, which is what i want.

 

I'm not sure I understand - what is currently the situation? Can this house be sold now, to cover the costs of mortgages etc.? What happens if you try to move out to another (rental) place now and try to sell both houses now?

 

i'm on the final stretch of studying...i have approx 3 months left I have 7 weeks placement so i cant take on anymore shifts...

 

Is there any chance you could come to some sort of an agreement with the study institution, to either postpone the placement/exams or some other arrangement which would make things at least temporarily better?

 

ay for all other bills ' i'm on the verge of bailing out!!'

 

You mean dropping your studies?!

 

WHY cause i cant concentrate, can't remember a dame thing that i've been taught and can't afford to stuff up in my type of job, i was doing so well and now its all BLANK

 

Ok, have you:

- tried any relaxation techniques before/during studying?

- asked anyone (classmates, friends, librarians for books on this subject etc.) to help, give advice, help you relax, study, etc.?

- maybe we can help you with our advice, if you tell us more about what you've tried, what worked in the past etc.?

 

when i have gone out of an evening i feel so guilty (they are old enough to be alone) but i don't like to leave them as he has been REALLY SLACK i just feel bad and don't want them to worry i'm gonna do the same, iw ant to be there for them.

 

Again, try to ask someone else (or maybe ask your friends' kids to babysit them for free etc.).

 

Or ask your friends on advice how to find some sort of middle ground, for example going out with your friends to the movies/park, but also taking the kids with you, and they're there with you (maybe not watching the same movie or sth, or playing in the park a little away from you, so you can chat with your friends?). Or invite your friends to your house for a ladies' night, while kids are in their rooms.

 

Do you think the kids worry that you'll do the same? Maybe they don't, but rather worry about you not having time for yourself? Have you talked to them about if they're afraid, what can you do for them, what they want etc.?

 

There is no point in asking the ex to help out with the kids of an evening..cause he wont, the kids don't want to meet the OW and certainly don't want to stay at hers either and that would be his answer, he even was moaning about seeing them 'as arranged' whilst i'm at work, stating that this is to my convenience and feels like my glorified babysitter..wtf!

 

He's a piece of sh-t who doesn't deserve to be called a dad. There, i let it out, i'll go on to try to be positive

 

f there is any money left in the pot, i know he is gonna be a right idiot about it all as he wants me to pay 50/50 of the visas in his name as it was built up whilst we was together... i

 

Please, try to find (through your friends) someone who can give you advice on the financial/legal issues! Also, do try to find (and ask your friends, and/or us, to help you in finding) someone who'll help you pro bono (sometimes, in a lot of countries, it's more spread than people think) or who will accept delayed payment etc. Or who will give you a free first meeting, just to tell you whether you need further professional help etc.

 

There are decent human beings who are lawyers, not all of us suck. There are those who will, especially upon hearing your situation, try to help you even though they can't be financially compensated (immediately, fully, at all etc.).

 

he has been no support to the children or with regards to anything,

 

try to have proof etc. of his lack of support, moaning about taking care of kids (maybe through emails etc.).

 

i've had to arrange real est and deal with real est for both houses...if i were to say anything to him he'd just say i'm working hard to pay the mortgage n visas. He is on his 3rd holiday! a long wknd, thats another lot of loss of wages...i'd love to go away but can't afford it in money of time! but i need a break

 

So even when you ask him how can he affor so many holidays, what does he say?

 

Again, is there a chance you'd talk to him in a presence of a 3rd party, some common trusted friend who could "mediate", try to kick some sense in his head?

 

I've felt pretty ok up until now! i suppose its because i thought things would move forward quickly as we both want the same outcome...to cut financial ties

 

I'm still not sure I understand. Is there danger that at the end, when all is said and done, you'll be bankrupt/heavily indebted? Or is it more of a problem that the situation is temporarily really hard, until the sales come through etc.?

 

What is, truly, worst case scenario? Could you always have your friends to fall upon temporarily (finnacially, or accomodation wise,...) if the financial situation really become horrible beyond words? Or, if it truly became horrible and couldn't afford living there anymore, move back with the kids to UK? As hard as it would be, it still would with time be great

 

I'm just trying to imagine if there's a scenario where it would really become utterly hopeless, and so far I can't see it...

 

Sorry for the off load, i know there's not much anyone can say to help...i've just gotta roll with it all, just effecting me a bit and thinking of pulling out of my course when ive work so long and hard is killing me but i feel stupid as i cant remember anything!

 

 

Again, you're an inspiration to me, and i'm sure many others here, and even more sure that you're an inspiration to people in your life (except for your dic!"##kwad"#"3 of a husband). It will get better, even if it will sometimes seem to get a bit worse. Just don't give up You're smart, tough, have kids who love you, loving family&friends, you're getting a better education (even though with some potential hiccups:)), you're all quite healthy (even emotional issues can be resolved with time, love etc., and you shouldn't underestimate how much you're helping your kids go through this as well as possilbe!) etc. Don't forget all the many reasons for happiness, even in moments of despair and utter exhaustion from all of it!

 

 

Many hugs from me, hope to hear from you soon, but now i really have to go to sleep, because i'll start writing silly, unthought-out stuff, especially since this isn't my native language.

 

Many hugs and best wishes to you & the kids

[Shocked Suzie]

Sorry for the delay CW, i've been at work on a late shift, i just answered your questions using the quote and lost it all, so have just typed it out as below...

 

your right it does help to post stuff, my friends are all happily married and dont fully understand

 

My kids are great kids, they understand that i'm here for them...the times that i have gone out i get many questions, makes me feel a bit guilty and as the ex has left them feeling pretty shocked and pushed aside i dont want to add to their worry. I'm happy in my own company, i just need to try to start to meet like minded people as, as i said above my friends are happily married, dont fully understand and they don't go out that much. I've got a couple of friends that have the kids for a sleep over if i do go out for a late night.

 

The financial arrangement was made as he pays out a large amount of his wages on the mortgage and interest on a joint debt and visa cards that are in his name...if i took child support off him, he could not cover the mortgage.

 

If the main house sells for an ok price, then there will be some collateral..this will pay off some joint debt. When the investment house sells it will sell at a loss..this will eat into the collateral from the main house, leaving little or no money at the end...although i'd be debt free...apart from the visas in his name (these cards i knew nothing about) ive asked for statement breakdowns..still waiting! but he is saying 50/50 on these too as he said the debt is from when we were together. If the houses sell at a low price we will owe the bank money...i'm not keen on bankruptcy , although not sure how long paying 2 mortgages can go on for!! I have a good friend that has offered to put me n the kids up if needed, huge weight off my mind if it all goes belly up!

 

I've got all the paper work now for legal aid, i just had to do my tax..now i've done this i can apply. I've seek legal advice and have been told to cut all financial tie's with him due to the seriousness/depth of the financial mess!

 

I have kept all written contact from day one

 

With regards to him going away, i dont ask...he tells the kids the GF pays for all the trips, fails to mention his loss of earnings.

 

I've already pushed back my course at xmas...i dont think it is possible to do again, the class was told this is the last chance or it will be a fail! i'm just stressing as i cant remember anything i've learnt..i hope it will come back to me at placement

 

Again, you're an inspiration to me, and i'm sure many others here, and even more sure that you're an inspiration to people in your life (except for your dic!"##kwad"#"3 of a husband). It will get better, even if it will sometimes seem to get a bit worse. Just don't give up You're smart, tough, have kids who love you, loving family&friends, you're getting a better education (even though with some potential hiccups), you're all quite healthy (even emotional issues can be resolved with time, love etc., and you shouldn't underestimate how much you're helping your kids go through this as well as possilbe!) etc. Don't forget all the many reasons for happiness, even in moments of despair and utter exhaustion from all of it!

 

 

Many hugs from me, hope to hear from you soon, but now i really have to go to sleep, because i'll start writing silly, unthought-out stuff, especially since this isn't my native language.

 

Many hugs and best wishes to you & the kids

 

Thank you CW for your ongoing support, i appreciate it your a kind and thoughtful person, i know i'll get there in time, i just got overwhelmed this week and have panicked...i cant help but wonder what the future will hold

 

you would never know this is your second language...you are helpful and wise for your age hope i've covered everything? i will pm you if i have further legal aid questions

 

off to sleep now myself, have a great day and thanks again...

 

hanging in there! SS

Edited June 2, 2013 by Shocked Suzie

[Shocked Suzie]

[Calvin's wagon]

Great song, have been listening to it a lot, perhaps a bit too much Thnx for the tip!

 

Regarding your situation - have you checked or contacted any Australian support groups for single parents? I've googled them and find a couple of very interesting links, including:

- Single with Children - Support Groups

- Help and support for single parents | Raising Children Network

- Australia's biggest single parents website

- : Single parents - Child Support - Centrelink -Child Custody -Australia

 

I found this especially interesting (from the first link):

"LEGAL BEAVERS

Legal Beavers are separated parents, who are determined to cut the costs of Family Law. Their focus is on keeping you out of the depths of the Family Law process if at all possible. But if you have to go there, they'll get you through it as quickly, and as cheaply as possible. They help their clients find smart legal solutions, that allow them to save thousands of dollars, without compromising on the quality of the legal advice they need. Phone 1300 363 199 or visit their website at: www.legalbeavers.com.au"

 

Ok, I'm really tired, but I really wanted to write this, so you can check it out. Hopefully it will help you get cheaper legal advice, and also build a support network of people who understand your struggles.

 

Btw, have you considered asking your friends/acquantainces/coworkers etc., if they know of any single parents? Perhaps you could then meet them, I imagine they'll be happy to help you with advice etc., happy to meet someone in a similar situation etc.

 

Ok, hope to here from you soon, and I hope others will post in this thread as well again!

 

Best wishes to you and your close ones, lots of virtual hugs and bunnies

[Calvin's wagon]

Aaargh, I wrote a long post and I was sure I pressed submit/post/wossname

 

Well, in a nutshell, it was about australian support groups for single parents - check for example:

- Single with Children - Support Groups (especially Legal Beavers)

- SINGLE PARENTS ACTION GROUP

- : Single parents - Child Support - Centrelink -Child Custody -Australia

- Australia's biggest single parents website

 

Also, have you perhaps considered asking your friends if they know any single parents, with whom you could get in touch?

 

Best wishes to you&the kids!

[Shocked Suzie]

Aaargh, I wrote a long post and I was sure I pressed submit/post/wossname

 

Well, in a nutshell, it was about australian support groups for single parents - check for example:

- Single with Children - Support Groups (especially Legal Beavers)

- SINGLE PARENTS ACTION GROUP

- : Single parents - Child Support - Centrelink -Child Custody -Australia

- Australia's biggest single parents website

 

Also, have you perhaps considered asking your friends if they know any single parents, with whom you could get in touch?

 

Best wishes to you&the kids!

 

Thank you so much CW your are a star!

 

SS x

[Steen719]

I really feel for you because I know that feeling of like...what? what just happened to me? There he is, off with the new woman and having a good old time. You are worried about your finances, the kids and your coursework and the basta*d is off on another holiday. No matter how you look at it, it is not fair and it is just so hard to reconcile who you thought was your husband with the cold, uncaring stranger who he is now. It really is so painful and just so difficult to understand that this person was someone you loved and shared a life with.

 

Don't give up the class. You have worked hard for it.

 

Get the kids to spend the night out with friends and have a night for yourself. If that doesn't work, have your good friend over, watch some movies, have a nice dinner and have some wine. Relax and enjoy a little time with your friend.

 

I am far from "just great", but it does get easier and you learn to expect that you are going to have those dips on your roller coaster ride and you will know for sure those highs will be coming soon. It levels out and starts to improve. You will endure because you have the will and you have kids.

 

I'm sorry for your situation. I felt so sad for you when I read your story. It is just all too familiar and those of us left in the dust have to find a way to pick up the pieces for ourselves and the kids.

 

Oh, and I did go to a divorce recovery group and it was very helpful. I have remained friends with one of the facilitators. They asked to help with the group (my background) and I think I am ready to do so.

 

Keep your chin up. Don't quit your class!

[Shocked Suzie]

I really feel for you because I know that feeling of like...what? what just happened to me? There he is, off with the new woman and having a good old time. You are worried about your finances, the kids and your coursework and the basta*d is off on another holiday. No matter how you look at it, it is not fair and it is just so hard to reconcile who you thought was your husband with the cold, uncaring stranger who he is now. It really is so painful and just so difficult to understand that this person was someone you loved and shared a life with.

 

Don't give up the class. You have worked hard for it.

 

Get the kids to spend the night out with friends and have a night for yourself. If that doesn't work, have your good friend over, watch some movies, have a nice dinner and have some wine. Relax and enjoy a little time with your friend.

 

I am far from "just great", but it does get easier and you learn to expect that you are going to have those dips on your roller coaster ride and you will know for sure those highs will be coming soon. It levels out and starts to improve. You will endure because you have the will and you have kids.

 

I'm sorry for your situation. I felt so sad for you when I read your story. It is just all too familiar and those of us left in the dust have to find a way to pick up the pieces for ourselves and the kids.

 

Oh, and I did go to a divorce recovery group and it was very helpful. I have remained friends with one of the facilitators. They asked to help with the group (my background) and I think I am ready to do so.

 

Keep your chin up. Don't quit your class!

 

 

Thanks Steen I know you fully understand as you have similar issues too...i hope they have improved??

 

I will hang in there with the course as i will kick myself if i give up...im so close too...been working on my final assignment today (it actually helps to take my mind off things at times) I've decided to just focus on that, the kids and keeping the house tidy for viewings...at the end of the day either way (sell or bankruptcy) i will be penniless so why stress...i will try to save that energy for MY rebuild...

 

I'm still very shocked as to who this man is and where he has gone...but have decided to deal with it as that i've seen his true colours and he isn't a person i want in my life anyway or ever want back, so there is no need to dwell on thinking of him anymore...apart from being slack with the kids he does still love them, see's them and is still paying the mortgage for that i'm thankful for ...after that i'd happily punch him in the face

 

I've been invited out with some GF this Saturday...its a singles thing, which actually makes me cringe!!! I try to make myself go...i'd rather just go if it was a normal night that sort of thing makes be feel desperate lol...I'll get there eventually atm im in no rush...just want to feel settled in a permanent home with finances sorted and my own

 

Hope all's well for you

 

SS x

[Calvin's wagon]

Hey, how's it going today?

 

Any luck with finding support groups, or other single parents through your friends?

 

How's the assignment? Hope it went well!

 

I was happy to read your last post, it was very defiantly/realistically/stoically optimistic (so in a nutshell, a very interesting ) post! Hope to hear more from you soon!

 

Btw, as for the singles' event - you can go there as a wing-(wo)man:) You needn't cringe, feel desperate or anything negative - just go there and have fun, even if that includes "just" being polite to other people and having fun with your friends! You needn't rush or be rushed into anything - so everything will be great, 'cause you're great and because (from what you've written here) you have great friends!

 

Penniless - perhaps, but don't give up yet! And even if you end up pennilles, it will be temporarily, and you will, most importantly, have a great relationship with your amazing kids, great friends&family, better education/employment chances, you will have learnt a lot from all this and it will make you stronger. And you have a great safety net (in your friends&family), so methinks the world is your oyster (pardon my french if you're vegetarian ) But yeah, I know it will, despite everything, be hard for some time before enough time, ... , will pass for you to get over all this.

 

Best wishes to you and the kids!

[Shocked Suzie]

Any luck with finding support groups, or other single parents through your friends?

 

How's the assignment? Hope it went well!

 

i've been looking the main one is MEET UP which originally started i think in the US after 9/11... great idea, will go to a few of their local things at some stage...one of the links you posted, its a great idea, single parent thing 'only thing is finding my way around the web page' its like it was done in the 70's lol other than that i'm finding group thing a bit hard...its mainly dating site which atm i dont want...joined one for 2 days and it done my head in!

 

most of my friends are married..got one single friend and she parties hard when she goes out...i've just not got the heart yet, if ever to do that! i used to party hard in my early and late teens...i'm up for those sort of nights every now n then to let my hair down to dance thats all...not to do every wknd.

 

I was happy to read your last post, it was very defiantly/realistically/stoically optimistic (so in a nutshell, a very interesting ) post!

I decided to not to think too much about the stuff i cant control/do anything about...feel better now i've done this...just gonna focus on keeping house tidy for viewings, kids, course ...cant wait to finish the course!!

 

Penniless - perhaps, but don't give up yet! And even if you end up pennilles, it will be temporarily, and you will, most importantly, have a great relationship with your amazing kids, great friends&family, better education/employment chances, you will have learnt a lot from all this and it will make you stronger. And you have a great safety net (in your friends&family), so methinks the world is your oyster (pardon my french if you're vegetarian ) But yeah, I know it will, despite everything, be hard for some time before enough time, ... , will pass for you to get over all this.

yes i try to look forward and have hope that one day it will sort itself out for the best...i hope it does! if it wasn't for my kids i've no idea where my head would be at times!

 

i find the Ex FRUSTRATING as he only show any interest in the visa cards that are in his name...he doesn't a an opinion about anything else! probably cause he doesn't care...but the house sale 'he just says yeah your right lets do that if i didn't ask him he would just plod along with his head in the sand!! he is no help!

 

anyway off to work now, thanks for asking CW...i hope you are well, let me know if YOU ever need a chat

 

SS x

[Calvin's wagon]

Hey:)

 

Just a quick reply - "most of my friends are married..got one single friend and she parties hard when she goes out...i've just not got the heart yet, if ever to do that! i used to party hard in my early and late teens...i'm up for those sort of nights every now n then to let my hair down to dance thats all...not to do every wknd."

 

What I meant was that maybe you could ask your friends if any of their friends (who atm you don't know) are single parents - so that you could perhaps become friends with them (in time)

 

Best wishes, will try to reply more in the next couple of days:)

[Shocked Suzie]

Hey:)

 

Just a quick reply - "most of my friends are married..got one single friend and she parties hard when she goes out...i've just not got the heart yet, if ever to do that! i used to party hard in my early and late teens...i'm up for those sort of nights every now n then to let my hair down to dance thats all...not to do every wknd."

 

What I meant was that maybe you could ask your friends if any of their friends (who atm you don't know) are single parents - so that you could perhaps become friends with them (in time)

 

Best wishes, will try to reply more in the next couple of days:)

 

Ahhh not asked about but will do, the next few weeks are going to be full on with my course...thats not including selling the house, as soon as i'm done i'm gonna step up my social life in a natural way...

[Shocked Suzie]

Hi all

 

Just thought I'd do a little update, apart from last Friday I feel like I've really turned a corner. Few weeks ago when the house sale feel through I had a huge slump, not only was the fall through a set back, but with it came the looking back at those final days, the months of cheating, the loss...the list as many know is endless.

 

Last week I decided that I'm done! I can't allow myself to go 'there' anymore! It's too dark and gains nothing...I decided I will focus on a small handful of things and not to worry about the rest, I can't control the house sale, I can't control what he is supposed to be paying for, I cant change the past or what he is doing, or not doing...it's all just not worth stressing over

 

I can control my n the kids happiness, my work, my course, my bills and

making sure the house looks good for viewings...it's great a good friend said to me tonight at work, you seem much happier, you seem different feel the best I've felt in a long time, even felt excited at the thought of my new beginnings only thing that bothers me is his slackness with regards to the children, but I will try my best to counteract that for the kids and hope one day he will sort his sorry ass out for them.

 

Also tonight had the weirdest thing happen, had someone 'a friend' tell me that the OW has a new Facebook pic, I don't look at her fb page..I've blocked her she can't see me, I cant see her. Anyway I told another friend of this new photo of them and she was having a nose and I asked for a look, I wondered how I would feel....I felt nothing! I'm mean it made me feel a little sad..but it was the oddest moment ever...It wasn't like looking at my H, it was like he was a total stranger, I don't even find him attractive anymore...feels mad, odd...good!??!

 

I know this road is far from over but, I just wanted to do an update

 

Minimal contact and starting to let go...is the way forward

[trippi1432]

I think when they cheat, it just becomes easier for our feelings to change about them. Your stbx is very much like mine was...sometimes still can be when it comes to the financials. You come to find that it's a total waste of your time, energy and effort to try and get to any compromise. Control what you can, you. Don't allow him to invade your boundaries, her either for that matter. Also, make time to do something nice for yourself and enjoy it.

 

Keep looking forward.

[Shocked Suzie]

He has walked away from every responsibility, he is paying the mortgage that is it, not even sure how much longer he will do that for! He's not asked once how the kids are...how they are doing at school...taken them out when he see's them, gives no input on the house sale which is total in his interest to sell ASAP.

 

It's taken a while to get to this mindset and I'm sure I will slip at times...but this person is an idiot, can't quite believe I was married to him!

 

SSx

[Calvin's wagon]

Hi:)

 

A bit tired, so I shan't write a lot atm, but still:

 

1. Great the hear the good news and how great you're approaching things now!

 

2. How are the kids?

 

3. How was ladies night out?

 

4. Have you had any reply yet regarding legal aid? Do you want any of us to check for Q'land legal aid online?

 

5. This guy is bloody incredible and I wish we could do more to help you get over the hurt he has caused you and your kids. Also, think about documentin, getting as much evidence as possible, writing a daily list/log of all his lack of involvement in kids' lives & failure of his other responsibilities. It might come in handy if he further surprises you by demanding full custody etc. Just in case... But talk to your friends etc. before doing this, I'm not sure if/how this (if he realized you're keeping a log re: his irresponsibility etc.) could potentially further alienate him etc.

 

 

 

Truly truly best wishes, and as much as it hurts, I'm glad that with every day of his idiocy there is, hopefully, less and less chance he will ever try to interfere or hurt any of you again, and more and more chance that one day he'll realize what an arse he was and will try to do his utmost to help you all heal...

 

Best wishes