Dear Dickwad,. . .

[herenow]

Dear Other Woman,

 

When my wife found out about our affair it was the most overwhelming shock I have ever felt in my life. There is no kind way of describing this to you, so please understand my words are written to show the truth and not designed to hurt you. When I left work that morning I was sent off by the woman I had pledged to love, honor and protect. Upon returning from work that night I was met by the woman I had deceived, cheated on and deserted. All of the love I had for you when we spoke through the day went to dust as I saw her in front of me. I knew in a moment that she had found out. All of my fears played like a mad film in my mind. I saw the devastation my actions had created. I felt guilt bearing down on me. I saw our wedding day and the birth of our children. I felt guilt and fear as I had never experienced before.

 

Suddenly it was after midnight and we were both exhausted. I was torn between comforting her as she fell to sleep and stealing away to let you know what had happened. I chose to stay by her side, as I had let her down so cruelly for two years. To enhance my guilt I never had a moment pass where you weren't in my mind. My thoughts swung wildly between staying home where I was needed more than ever, and the possibility of allowing my imagination to come to life and getting to you. I have to say the sight of my actions sobbing in front of me tied me up and my place was by her side.

 

Soon a day had passed, and then another. I was very aware of my lack of communication to you, but I had made promises to my wife. I had hurt her so much that it seemed fair that I should hurt now. I'm sorry to say that in finally doing what I thought was right I ended up hurting you.

 

I wanted to stay. I wanted to go. My mind was a cacophony of thoughts and emotions and the thing that made me feel best was to take care of my wife. I needed to comfort her and I needed to keep my family intact. My greatest fears were all at my feet and I was in self preservation mode more than at any time in my life.

 

A week had passed and I finally had enough consecutive calm moments to email you, but the words didn't come. Each time I tried to lay them into some healing sequence I realized there was none. It was easier for me to convince myself you were better off without me and without my words. The guilt moved from my wife to you. I realized what an utter failure I was and how vast the hurt was that I had caused.

 

I should have sent a message. I should have let you know how much I love you and care for you. It seemed so hollow and crass to say those words and then say, but I need to stay here and make sure my family is ok. I need to figure out how I'm going to go forward. I am doubting everything about myself and my life. How hollow to say to you, I love you Darling, but I probably will stay where I am.

 

I had also made a promise to my wife. I promised her I would not contact you again, ever. I was so incredibly torn and afraid. I am a coward of the highest order and it was in those moments I realized that.

 

I am sorry. I hope one day you'll be able to forgive me and find someone who is worthy of your love. I wish I could convince myself these words will be of some comfort to you, but I know they will not.

 

x0.x0

 

Dick Wad

 

I think this is a great letter. However, before I can really understand it, please clear up some contradictions.

 

First , in another thread you say the OW ended the affair. In this letter you make it sound like you went NC with no explanation.

 

Second, you say "I hope one day you'll be able to forgive me and find someone who is worthy of your love." But, in multiple places you say you are divorced and with the OW now.

 

I want to take you at your word, but these points need to be explained before anyone can really find your words helpful.

 

Thank you so much and I look forward to your response.

[Washingmachine1980]

Unfortunately, this is how it works! I thought my XMM was a wonderful, caring person. Couldn't figure out why his wife supposedly screamed and yelled at him all the time. After his D-Day, I realized what a truly conceited ass he was. So glad my affair was a long distance one so my reputation wasn't ruined. He was an awful person. He made up all kinds of horrible things about people. He used to tell me awful things about the spouse of his good friend/co-worker. I looked her up and all of it was lies. When I was in her town 3 years after my affair ended, I mailed her an anonymous letter and told her everything he said about her. She is a very nice person and deserves to know. Have no idea what happened or if he ever figured out it was me. Don't really care.

[aPoppySeedcares]

Wow, a sad thread/sad song. Had to pipe in here, it seems as if Mr. John has no insight but to write posts that are opposite of what the thread was posted for and no insight to how he made the OW feel. Anyways, knocking that point out, i believe as an OW, being healthy minded and switching the importance onto yourself is much more invigorating than wasting it on someone who does not care. I have switched the focus and try to keep in mind it is not what the bugger thinks, it is how I think. He did not care enough not to hurt me and do all the etc. ect. ect., ad nauseam, in which is the standard blueprint for all dickwads, so why should I not love myself, and the only way to do so, is not only knowing but believing that I am 100% more worthy than him, and 100% more worthy for myself, and 100% more worthy of a man who treated me dis-respectively and one who could treat his wife dis-respectively. Yes, he did hurt me dearly, yes, he did lie to me, yes, I did play my role as well, and in the end none of the whole affair mattered and learning from it, is the only way forward. I have allowed myself to lose a whole lot of 'myself,' that would not have occurred if I had listened to my inner soul in the beginning. That is all. Thanks.

[aPoppySeedcares]

It might be a good idea to wonder yourself, why as a staunchly dedicated Former Wayward Husband you are lurking around an OW/OM message board. Seems a little off base, but that is my opinion.

[So happy together]

Excuse me but i thought this thread was about writing letters to the mm/affair partner. that is exactly what i did. i admit that i do not know how she feels since i am not a ow/m, but i am genuinely apologetic about the pain that i caused everyone, which includes her. it was wrong of me and i regret the pain every day. this is what i meant by being careful of posting here. i did not say anythign mean about ow, and i am sorry if i offended you poppy. reading this forum and these letters helped me see just how painful our choices can be and offered insight into what the ow goes through. are mm who only love their ow allowed here? the letter was good for me to let out my feelings and i wanted to show some ow posters that, at least for me, although i am reconciling and i love my wife, that i do not hate the ow, just the choices/actions we made. anyways i will only be reading this side and refrain from posting since i seem to post only things contrary to what the topic is (isnt that discussion?) i am thankful for the kind posters and i am sorry for everyones pain.

 

There will always be people on this forum who disagree. You're welcome to post and your letter to OW was fine. I get the sh*t beat out of me daily on this site... the thing is I don't care because it gets my point across. Keep posting. Take what you need, ignore the haters.

 

I'm happily with my bf, who was my MM until four months ago, so you can see why people would be pissed at me.

[So happy together]

It might be a good idea to wonder yourself, why as a staunchly dedicated Former Wayward Husband you are lurking around an OW/OM message board. Seems a little off base, but that is my opinion.

 

Maybe for support, which he obviously won't be getting from you. You're so niiiice.

[aPoppySeedcares]

Well it is nice that John has you as his Puppeteer, maybe he cannot speak for himself. And yes I am nice, thank you for the compliment.

[So happy together]

Well it is nice that John has you as his Puppeteer, maybe he cannot speak for himself. And yes I am nice, thank you for the compliment.

 

I am nobody's puppeteer, I just believe that we should all try to be kinder to one another. Clearly you do not agree.

 

These posts are OT, let's get back ON topic, shall we?

[aPoppySeedcares]

Sorry it is not all about you Miss Happy Together. Sure, whatever you wish to believe, we will make it all about you, oops I mean 'On Topic,' yes indeed. Thanks.

[underwater2010]

Dear MOW,

I want to thank you for making me see how much I truly do love my husband. I always thought that I could walk away strong and with little tears as I had done in my past relationships. WOW....I thought I would die from the pain when I first found out.

 

Please, I am begging you, your husband loves you just as much I love mine. DO NOT throw away the gift he has given you. I firmly believes he deserves so much more than you will ever have to offer him, but he WANTS you. Open yourself up to him and except the unconditional love he has offered you.

 

As for me, I hope you think about the pain you have caused me for the rest of your life. May it remind you to NEVER do this to another woman. If you must cheat, please stick to single men. Just so you know I will never forget the pain that was caused by a complete stranger.

 

Love,

The woman you never should have hurt

[So happy together]

Sorry it is not all about you Miss Happy Together. Sure, whatever you wish to believe, we will make it all about you, oops I mean 'On Topic,' yes indeed. Thanks.

 

This isn't about me at all. I hadn't even posted on this thread until you decided to be rude.

 

Oh well. I'm blocking you, I won't have to read your derrogatory remarks. Have a good day.

[aPoppySeedcares]

Okay. Thanks.

[aPoppySeedcares]

I am liking this thread. So here goes....

 

Dear Mr. 'Dickless,'

Awhile ago I was thinking it may be nice to hear your side and apologies. Although now after reading this thread, I see it would not be helpful in any way, shape, or form. Why do you ask? Well, I believe it is because as many other MM, you most likely could not distinguish your ass from a hole in the ground and would include me in your faults. You would, because you are a little lost boy. Would you write, " I am sorry for causing you pain because of my decisions and 'YOURS,' well of course you would. Would you include many many 'WEs,' well of course you would because you must include me in order to avoid your own faults alone and you feel blameshifting makes you a better and a more powerful man than the OW.

Bye Dick. Thanks.

Edited April 25, 2013 by aPoppySeedcares

[underwater2010]

Poppy, i would appreciate if you would not use the quote from my own personal letter. i feel as though you are attacking me personally. What I wrote is how I feel and i feel like you are singling me out and no one else which is wrong. yes, I used 2 "wes" in the entire letter. I said them because I did not have my affair alone, it was a joint decision. if you read the entire letter, i never blamed her solely, i acknowledged that we both made bad decisions. like i said i am genuinely sorry for the pain i caused to her, and i am truly sorry that you and all of the other kind posters are in pain but i dont know why you seem to get on me only? this will be the last post on this thread as i dont want to disrupt the letters.

JohnJacobs.....don't sweat that other peoples take on your sincere apology. It was straight from the heart and that is what this topic is for. I think it is great that a man can apologize not only to his wife, but his former other woman also. Kuddos.

[aPoppySeedcares]

My letter had nothing to do with you personally; unless you are in the group of MM, in the land 'Dickless'. You, we, your, are common words.

[Goodbye]

Dear Dickwad,

 

I contacted you at a very low point in my life. I'd just been through the divorce from hell, following the marriage from hell. I wanted you as a friend. Our friendship grew over the months and I told you I needed to stop talking to you because I had feelings that weren't just friendship, and you were a married man. You told me not to go, but I did. For a month we didn't talk and then you contacted me wanting my support, telling me that your marriage was imploding. You insisted this was due to your wife's loss of feelings for you. I agreed to see you.

 

Our passionate and loving (so I thought) times together had me so consumed with you. You were all I could think of. You told me you wanted to marry me as soon as you were done with your divorce. You wanted to make my daughters your own. You wanted me to take your name. You wanted to try and have a baby with me. You wanted to travel the world with me.

 

When you were done with your divorce??? I waited a few months before I started to question you on this. Because we lived so far apart, I had to believe you when you told me you were sleeping in the guest room. But now I realize this was all probably BullSh*t fed to me in the passion of our times together. It was amazing how quickly you could throw together lies to explain why you were here or there or unreachable...BECAUSE YOU WERE WITH YOUR WIFE. You probably never even intended to leave her, you SPINELESS PRICK. I offered you outs many times...even encouraged you to give it one last try in your marriage so you wouldn't have second thoughts. You led me on...and on...and on. For over a year. Yes...call me stupid. I was a woman coming off a divorce, lonely and primed to believe all the beautiful lines you fed me. I gave you my love. I gave you my body. You took it and gave me lies in return.

 

When I called you that snowy Tuesday, filled with jealousy because I knew you were spending the day with your wife (despite what you'd told me), I threated to tell her everything because I was so angry with the way you'd broken my heart. You called me back and claimed that you told her yourself. You know what? I think you are full of it. Completely. I fantasize about letting her in on all of the lies...the lies about HER. She is probably a lovely woman, not the bossy, loveless workhorse you'd portrayed her to be. Who knows...maybe I still will let her know. Or maybe I'll calm down and eventually all of this will just be a bad memory.

 

Thanks for shattering my hope for love.

 

XO "Your Beauty"

 

PS: I lied. You are fat. And you look like crap.

[aPoppySeedcares]

XO "Your Beauty"

 

"PS: I lied. You are fat. And you look like crap.

" :laugh:

[Goodbye]

Strange, that felt really good to write even though I still love him *&^^&$%. SIGH.

[aPoppySeedcares]

I understand, my 'caring,' for him is usually when my period comes a knocking:rolleyes:, and sometimes find breathing deeply and maybe a cry helps.

[wanting more]

Dear OW,

 

I am sorry for the pain that i caused you. While i will never understand first hand what you are going through, i am genuinely sorry that you are hurt by my actions and yours. we should have never developed a relationship the way we did. we should have kept it professional and stuck to small talk. i should not have confided into you instead of my wife. what i shared with you, i should have shared with my wife. i did not lead you on or tell you that i wanted to be with you. at the time i did not see our ea as anything more than a friendship. i cared for you, but i was not in love with you. i guess that our relationship was an escape for me, as selfish as that is, from the problems that i had. i am now with my wife and we are trying to reconcile. i do regret our relationship. it was so wrong of me to hurt the woman i love the way i did, and yes, it was wrong of me to hurt you as well. i sent you an nc letter and all that i ask is that you respect it. i know you are hurting, you have told me so, and i know that you blame me for all of the fall out, but i just ask that you respect it. i believe that we can all heal if we just stick to the nc. i do think that you are a nice woman, and i hope that you can heal and continue with your life as i am trying.

 

** i am sorry for the jumbled mess of a letter that was. lots of thoughts going around in my head and i wanted to be as nice as possible as i know there are those who are hurting.

 

 

As a fOW I appreciated your letter. Has she ever broken NC?

[Dontknowanymore.]

Sounds that by your letter he is being kind - maybe finally to his poor wife maybe he was so blunt because that's the least that SHE his wife deserves, only one victim here not you or him.

[bellasue]

Yes none of us OW are "victims." We are, however, human beings with feelings as well. MM need to be careful how they throw around words. They should never say "I love you" if they would throw you under the bus as soon as things go south. They should, IMHO, treat the OW with dignity and respect because they have been intimate. Have the decency to break up face-to-face. Treat the OW with kindness and compassion. Just one woman's opinion.

[Goodbye]

Exactly Bellasue. Having a shred of human decency is a positive thing.

[So happy together]

Sounds that by your letter he is being kind - maybe finally to his poor wife maybe he was so blunt because that's the least that SHE his wife deserves, only one victim here not you or him.

 

WS is not blameless either. It is a triangular relationship. If the BS and WS were happy in, and nurturing their relationship, this would not happen in most cases. I didn't say all, because there are serial cheaters, but for most, it wouldn't be as prevalent.

[Decorative]

WS is not blameless either. It is a triangular relationship. If the BS and WS were happy in, and nurturing their relationship, this would not happen in most cases. I didn't say all, because there are serial cheaters, but for most, it wouldn't be as prevalent.

 

Not true.

 

And it's something to remember in your new relationship.

 

You cannot love someone enough to keep them from cheating on you. You can't sex them enough, or have enough conversation or care taking.

 

We simply don't have that kind of power over other people.

 

That's why some of us have been urging so much caution and introspection in continuing a relationship post affair. If the cheater doesn't fix what is wrong internally with them- it's just a change in location. And the things that caused the affair as a coping device- they come back.