business associate - does she want a relationship/sex?

[vickvagner]

This is a question about a business associate (same very large company, different locations in the local area). She is late 30s, divorced, 2 kids. I am same age, separated, marriage is over.

 

I have known her for about 5 years, and have always had my eye on her, just as a fun "crush". Over that time, whenever we see each other (2-3 times a month) at business meetings, its become practice she always sits with me, if she is late coming into a meeting she squeezes my arm in passing, etc. We have been to group lunches, etc. but never really spent any time alone, and to her mind I am positive she knows nothing about my marriage ending, etc. (I'm pretty private when it comes to all that).

 

So I get an email from her a few weeks ago, she had figured out we were asked to go to the same training about 3 hours away. She suggested we carpool, but had to do it in a day due to her kids schedules, etc. Of course I agreed.

 

Well, as soon as we got in the car, I surprised myself because I started to realize how much I really liked her. I asked her about her ex, she told me all about that and other past relationships. I talked about my marriage, and she was surprised when she learned it was over.

 

So about halfway home, she says, sort of in context with what we are discussing - "I'm not really after a relationship, I have the kids and am so busy" and then added "but it would be nice to find someone to hook up with once in a while to, you know, satisfy the needs"

 

My question for all of you...

1) Was that a proposition that I completely missed?

(should I have said 'well, why don't we get a room' and seen where it landed?)

 

2) In general, is she signalling that she is interested?

 

The reason I didn't respond was I was concerned about, given our business, crossing a line and messing up our relationship there - because that would be very hard for both of us to explain - but probably worse for me (I slightly outrank in the company). Also if I really like her, would that have been moving too fast when something more could be there?

 

and

 

3) What would you all have said?

[ForeverHopeful1]

What she really meant to say was:

 

"I dont want to date you, but I am wondering if you could take me home and do magical things to my body? She does not want to date you, maybe for a number of reasons... maybe she will in the future if things go well. I dont know... She may even enjoy a little cuddle or a date here and there, but she sounds like she is busy, has children, not ready for dating full time, or having someone to play step daddy, but is still a woman, who wants to have her "needs met."

 

I am not sure what I would have said to a woman in this situation. Lol. I am a 29 year old married woman with no children. She was throwing it out there for you though. That is what I do know. Lol. Women dont normally say things like that, in situations like that if they dont want you. If so, it would be odd and misleading IMO.

[kamani]

At the moment she just want somebody to have sex with and she is not ready for a relationship. Proceed if you an handle that sort of thing.

[carhill]

1. Proposition for sex, notably about satisfying her needs. Beware: Separated or recently divorced people can be all about their needs. It can be an abyss.

 

2. She's interested in sex/attention. Anything else is nebulous.

 

3. Pass. That answer is because I'm relationship-centric regarding sex and she's not interested in a relationship. If your relationship style includes casual sex, then your answer will likely not agree.

[Babolat]

Could be good for both of you. Comes down, again. to boundaies, making sure you are on the same page. if you want something like this and can handle "not getting hurt" if you want more, go for it.

 

I went thru this recently with an ex girlfriend (we reconnected after 12+ months apart). I told her I did not want to date, that I like her as a friend, cared for her, but did not want a relationship. She continued persuing me for sex, literally. It quickly turned into her asking me why I was not asking her out; why was I doing things with me friends and not her. I continued to tell her we are not dating. Now she is an emotional mess and is blaming herself for getting to close..yet, get this, she still texts me asking if she can come over to have sex. I am starting to say No now.