I Finally Left Him, Why Do I Feel Bad For Him?

[LikeAnnaB]

I dunno why I feel so bad for him. He's treated me horribly. Especially the last month or so. I don't know if you all remember me. I am the girl whose boyfriend hit her, and I was making all these excuses for him. Well he didn't hit me again. But his temper has just gotten worse and worse. It's like I walk on egg shells. CONSTANTLY. Everything I do or say upsets him. I cry all the time because of the way he treats me. Then today I said, "You know our anniversary passed. How come we didn't do anything? My birthday also passed. How come we didn't do anything?" And he told me, "If you want to do something so badly, plan it and pay for it yourself." .....Goodness I felt like nothing. He never treats me like a lady. He never takes me out. I just sit in his basement all day. Have sex with him. Drive him to work. Then go back to my place. Only to come back and do it again. I told him I was done with it. That I can't be with him. That he doesn't make me happy. I asked him what I've done to make him treat me so badly? I asked him if he was okay...Because honestly. I'm okay. I feel relief. For the first time ever. I feel relief. I want him OUT. OUT of my life. GONE. He's so mean to me. We also got into an argument because at 1 am or so he'll try and send me out to the corner store to go get snacks by myself. What kind of man does that to his woman? Why would you want your woman driving around at 1 am by herself? I had to leave. I had to leave. My God I PRAY I stay strong. I pray that I do not go back to him. I pray he let's me go peacefully. I pray he doesn't tell me lies about changing in order to suck me back in. He makes me so unhappy. He makes me so unhappy. My God I just want to be free of him. I just want to have the strength to be with someone who treats me better. Please let me keep this strength.

[ThatJustHappened]

Good for you!!!!!! I'm so happy for you, and proud.

[LumberJack]

I watched this recently:

Leslie Morgan Steiner: Why domestic violence victims don't leave | Video on TED.com

 

All I can say is - be strong.

Know that you're not responsible for him. Find happiness.

[geegirl]

My God I PRAY I stay strong. I pray that I do not go back to him. I pray he let's me go peacefully. I pray he doesn't tell me lies about changing in order to suck me back in. He makes me so unhappy. He makes me so unhappy. My God I just want to be free of him. I just want to have the strength to be with someone who treats me better. Please let me keep this strength.

 

I remember you.

 

It's not his responsibility to let you go, peacefully. It's your need and want to let yourself go peacefully from this situation, because you expect better for yourself and you deserve more for yourself. It's your responsibility to be determined never to allow someone to treat you so badly again.

 

Change? Someone that is wired this way may never change, and even if they do, it has to come with investing much time and effort, along with self-reflection from within. All that doesn't happen overnight. Most times, people talk about change just to rope you back in.

 

It's a choice Anna. I can't for the life of me understand why someone would even want to go back to this. If anything, he treats you like garbage. Worse than something stuck under your shoe. You can go back to being garbage or you can suffer the pain of detaching from this, working on rebuilding your self-esteem because you have none, and moving on to bigger and better.

 

The next time you want to go back, read this thread.

Edited April 23, 2013 by geegirl

[samsungxoxo]

So not only does he hits back a girl like a man but he is a cheap and inconsiderate loser who doesn't even remembers your damn b-day!!!

 

I'm glad to hear you finally grew a backbone and dump that lowlife abuser. Now go find a real man. There are still those out there.

 

Do not allow him back in your life, not now, not ever. I would also make sure to tell everyone that he's an abuser. I would even tell his parents so they can see what type of ''man'' they raised.

 

I've dumped my then bf for much less than what the OP was experiencing. He was too kinda inconsiderate for my feelings. Though he never hit me (as he would have regret it deeply) nor did was anywhere close to the OP's bf, I still dumped him because like I he wasn't making me happy either and the greatest insult for me was having to spend the money he gave me for my birthday for a date (basically my birthday wasn't free, but I had to pay 50/50.... GRRRRRR).

Edited April 23, 2013 by samsungxoxo

[DaSkullCrusher]

Research codependence anonymous.

[turnera]

Read this book: Why Does He Do That? Inside The Minds Of Angry And Controlling Men.

[Phoe]

Man, this reminds me of some of the way things were with an ex, several years ago...

 

birthday COMPLETELY forgotten. didn't even say "happy birthday"... and honestly there's no reason to forget, my birthday's only 4 days after his.

 

always sending me out at odd times to get him something, or calling me out to pick him up when he's drunk, never wanting to actually DO anything with me, but happy to use me for his benefit when it suited him.

 

And I let him...

 

I eventually left when I found he was cheating on me. I found out yesterday that he's now engaged to that girl. I'm not "jealous" persay, but felt this weird twinge, a sort of "Why wasn't I good enough? Why was I so worthless that he would treat me like garbage, but the girl he cheated with was awesome enough not only to CHEAT, but to treat her like a princess (from what I can see on social media, obviously I can't vouch for their personal day to day interactions, but facebook alone tells me he treats her MUCH nicer than he did me), and top it off with proposing to her. He wants to spend his life with her.

 

I was nowhere near special enough. THAT'S what makes my heart twinge. Not because I want him in any way shape or form, or am jealous of her... just because it's a kick to my self-esteem.

 

 

ANYWAY, haha, finally leaving him gave me quite the sense of empowerment. I know in time you'll look back and wonder how the heck you ever let it get the far, and you'll know that you would NEVER let someone do that to you again. You've learned!