liswil Posted September 20, 2004 Share Posted September 20, 2004 I've read about different kinds of cheating and wondered what constitutes cheating if you are in a committed relationship/marriage? Link to post Share on other sites
Breathe Posted September 20, 2004 Share Posted September 20, 2004 Anything you wouldn't do in front of you Spouse would be unacceptable behavior. Link to post Share on other sites
honey2005 Posted September 20, 2004 Share Posted September 20, 2004 I agree, and anything you would have to lie to them about afterwards. Link to post Share on other sites
will_woman Posted September 20, 2004 Share Posted September 20, 2004 anything which hurts the spouse so badly and against the marriage vows............. Link to post Share on other sites
liswill Posted September 20, 2004 Share Posted September 20, 2004 I guess I wanted more specifics. What exactly is an emotional affair? What about exchanging affection with someone else--is that cheating? Or is it all about sex? Link to post Share on other sites
Author liswil Posted September 20, 2004 Author Share Posted September 20, 2004 I guess I wanted more specifics. What exactly is an emotional affair? What about affection --is that cheating? Or is it all about sex? Link to post Share on other sites
MMBastard Posted September 20, 2004 Share Posted September 20, 2004 Emotional affairs are often more difficult and serious as opposed to sexual relationships. I feel things can be patched up between spouses after an sexual affair, however, after an emotional affair it is much harder to fix things. Men can enter into sexual affairs without any emotions and be same good husbands to their wives (at least on the surface). If they however enter into an emotional affair it is so much tougher..... Link to post Share on other sites
Author liswil Posted September 20, 2004 Author Share Posted September 20, 2004 But what IS an emotional affair? How can men be good husbands if they are having sex with someone else? That doesn't make sense--they'd be lying and keeping secrets. How can that be a good marriage? If affection is exhanged (physical stuff without sex), is that an emotional affair? Link to post Share on other sites
MMBastard Posted September 20, 2004 Share Posted September 20, 2004 Yes, that is an emotional affair. You have a strong emotional connection with the person but not having sex. As far as sexual relationships go, it is a scientific fact that men can have sex without involving emotions (tesosterone and adrenaline levels go sky high) thus, while feeling remorse, they do not lose love or emotional attachment to their spouses. This is not to say that women can't have sex without involving emotions (recent trends with women and casual sex prove this) but often then not sex is a way of showing discontent in their relationships/marriages and has an emotional background. Hope this helps....Take care Link to post Share on other sites
Author liswil Posted September 20, 2004 Author Share Posted September 20, 2004 So is kissing, hugging, etc... an emotional affair? I guess I thought an emotional affair was where you spent a lot of time talking to the person and getting really close. As for men and sex, they might be able to have it without emotions but I still think it would affect the marriage just as much. Having sex with someone you're not married to involves deception and shatters trust. You can't have a good marriage with that in play----regardless of the fact that it was just sex for the guy. Link to post Share on other sites
LoneStar49 Posted September 20, 2004 Share Posted September 20, 2004 Originally posted by liswil If affection is exhanged (physical stuff without sex), is that an emotional affair? You are trying to obtain specific information without divulging any information, it seems, and therefore, it is really difficult to give specific answers. What you are asking is like asking if the sky is blue. Sure, buy a million different shades of blue. A sometimes it isn't blue at all. Is "affection exchanged" and emotional affair. Maybe, maybe not. One of my best friends husband and I exchange "affection" - we hug when we see each other, we banter back and forth - and occasionally when she is out of town, we might even go to dinner or to a theater play. But are we having any type of affair? Not on you life!! Nor would either of us even consider the idea. On the other hand, I do believe that in some scenarios, the exchange of affection can lead to an affair - physical if not emotional. So much depends upon the people involved, the situations they find themselves in, and for the married person, often what he/she feels they may be missing out on at home. Then again, there are those that have everything they want and need at home, but just enjoy the thrill of the chase for some unknown reason. So, why don't you describe to the best of your ability exactly what is going on and maybe someone can respond to your concerns. Link to post Share on other sites
LoneStar49 Posted September 20, 2004 Share Posted September 20, 2004 Originally posted by liswil So is kissing, hugging, etc... an emotional affair? I guess I thought an emotional affair was where you spent a lot of time talking to the person and getting really close. As for men and sex, they might be able to have it without emotions but I still think it would affect the marriage just as much. Having sex with someone you're not married to involves deception and shatters trust. You can't have a good marriage with that in play----regardless of the fact that it was just sex for the guy. You and MM were writing while I was. He and I disagree somewhat. He says that hugging and kissing constitute an emotional affair (I think that's what he said), but I disagree. As far as they lying and deception, yes, that can certainly be detrimental to a marriage. Anytime anyone feels compelled to lie about anything, it is detrimental because exactly as you said, trust is shattered. And once trust is shattered...well, I can say for myself that it is almost impossible to get it back. Don't know about others. But the emotional affair...while the physical stuff is serious business, I'd say the "emotional affair" is much more serious. It involves not just the pleasurable feelings of sex - the orgasm so to speak - but feelings on a much deeper level. True and sincere caring for another person - for their welfare and happiness. Wanting to see them and spend time with them whether sex is involved or not. And, sorry to say, the sex, when it does happen, is much more satisfying simply because of the emotional connection. Make any sense? Link to post Share on other sites
Author liswil Posted September 20, 2004 Author Share Posted September 20, 2004 You and MM were writing while I was. He and I disagree somewhat. He says that hugging and kissing constitute an emotional affair (I think that's what he said), but I disagree. So do you not see these as cheating at all? As far as they lying and deception, yes, that can certainly be detrimental to a marriage. Anytime anyone feels compelled to lie about anything, it is detrimental because exactly as you said, trust is shattered. And once trust is shattered...well, I can say for myself that it is almost impossible to get it back. Don't know about others. I'd say you can't get it back. Link to post Share on other sites
Author liswil Posted September 20, 2004 Author Share Posted September 20, 2004 Is "affection exchanged" and emotional affair. Maybe, maybe not. A married friend of mine is getting affectionate and kissing someone besides his wife. Link to post Share on other sites
LoneStar49 Posted September 20, 2004 Share Posted September 20, 2004 Yes, I do see hugging and kissing as cheating if it is done in any context with a sexual or emotional connotation that extends beyond friendship. Especially the kissing part. A hug? That could be a friendly, how are you doing, "you look like you need a hug" type of thing. And I'm assuming you are not referring to a simple kiss on the cheek type of thing. Another defining feature that someone else mentioned is if this hugging and kissing is done without the knowledge of the spouse. As in the situation I presented with my friends. I hug him when I see him in front of his wife, and hug her in the same way. When we go out for the occasional dinner while she is out of town, it is with her full knowledge - beforehand. And don't get me wrong. This dinner thing isn't a frequent occurrence. Maybe once every 2-3 years. But...you were asking about emotional affairs. Does hugging and kissing constitute an emotional affair. Not necessarily. As for getting it back - trust? Some people say they can. I don't think I could. People are different as are their responses. Personally, I would hate to be in a relationship where someone was always questioning or wondering about my actions, and especially if I was doing all I could to prove that I had become trustworthy. I think that would be the death of the relationship for me. As for your married friend...trouble looms on the horizon. Emotional or physical - who knows, but the fact is, he's playing with fire. And someone will most assuredly get burned before it is over. Link to post Share on other sites
Author liswil Posted September 20, 2004 Author Share Posted September 20, 2004 I know they had full body hugs and kisses on the lips but I think that's all. My thread was on what constitutes cheating in general but yes, I also wanted to know what an emotional affair is. I don't think I still understand what it is exactly. I still don' t a person can get trust back although people can (and do) fool themselves into thinking that they can. Who after being cheated on would not question everything the other person did after that? It's impossible not to---unless the person just blocks it out of their mind---and that's not a good relationship either. Link to post Share on other sites
Breathe Posted September 20, 2004 Share Posted September 20, 2004 Anyone ever been in a relationship knows what constitutes cheating. You know what you can and cannot live/deal with when it comes to wrong doing. You know what makes you uncomfortable and what hurts you. When you go to someone other than your spouse to get something/anything that you are not getting in your current relationship - then this is cheating. Be it emotional or physical. Whether or not you can forgive and continue the relationship after wrong doing is a personal decision that one must decide for ones self. Link to post Share on other sites
Author liswil Posted September 20, 2004 Author Share Posted September 20, 2004 I don't think everybody knows. It seems like there's different definitions of cheating--which is why I asked about it. I know what hurts *me* in a relationship, but I'm pretty sensitive and that doesn't mean what hurts me would be considered cheating. See what I'm saying? I just figured I'd ask what actions people consider cheating since some people I know were discussing the topic recently. Link to post Share on other sites
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