bustedstuff88 Posted April 23, 2013 Share Posted April 23, 2013 New member here, but longtime lurker. Finally coming out of the shadows and i'll give you guys my back story. Im a 25 year old male. I just ended a 10 year (no exaggeration) relationship with the mother of my two children. We got together at 14 and stuck it out together way too long. We ended things 3 months ago but are still in the process of selling our old house, tying loose ends, and actually officially getting the divorce. My ex is not the issue, we both understand we are done with eachother, and there is no hard feelings. My ex wife was the only girl I have ever been intimate with, actually the only girl ive ever even kissed, so I dont have much experience with things like this, so im turning to you guys. The problem is that since my realtionship ended 3 months ago, im finding that alot of women I resisted in the past (along with women im just meeting) are coming out of the woodwork and suddently wanting to spend time with me. I never cheated in my relationship, and I wasnt "shopping around" during it either. I signed up for match.com a few weeks after the initial split (had to take a few weeks to just get my head on straight and assess myself) and I befriended 5 women. Now, on my profile I explicitly stated that I had just got out of a seroius realtionship and I was definetly not looking to jump into anything serious again anytime soon, if ever. Keep in mind that in becoming a father at 16 with my first girlfriend, ive never really had the "single expierince" untill now. So of these 5 women, there 2 in particular that seem like they want to take things farther (theyve pretty much explicitly said so)...And this is where it becomes confusing and I need some advice. I value the friendship I have with all of these 5 women, and I dont want that to go away. Also bear in mind though that none of these five women strike me as my "match made in heaven" if that even exists. They are great friends, fun to talk to, but would I ever marry them? No. Part of me feels like after being with one owman my whole life, I need to shop around and not jump at the first thing that shows interest in me. Thers millions of potential women out there...I dont want to limit myself. Anyways..... Woman #1 is 38. Im attracted to her physically and we have fun hanging out, talking on the phone and texting. She is what may be described as a MILF. One night we got to talking and I was confinding in her about my old realtionship and some of the things that I failed in and my partner failed in. I brought up how I love very long foreplay sessions but my ex wouldnt oblige. Well, this really intrigued woman #1, and now she has all but told me that next time we hang out she wants to make out/fool around. She has also expressed to me how ideally she wants a man that can fulfill her spiritual, financial, emotional AND physical needs, but after being celebate for so long (15 years she says, and I believe her) she is willing to compromise on the first three and just go for the physical. I told her im in no position to provide financially (im a recently divorced college grad with 2 kids!). I tried to be very direct about this. So now im afraid....I DO NOT want this woman to feel like im leading her on. I dont want her to get hurt. Im not afraid for myself, Im not going to get clingy. Trust me when I say that after 10 years of it, i dont want the possesssive BF/GF situation again for a long time, if ever. I mean im attracted to this woman, I havnt had sex in months, and i think we could please eachother. I just dont know if we could do an actual emotionless FWB situation. We do talk about stuff beyond sex, but i also dont want it to get to the point of us moving into seroius relationship territory. How can I tell this woman that im attracted to her, id like to have sex with her, but i want her to know that this probably isnt going to result in marriage and I really dont even want a traditional GF right now? I dont want to hurt her, but Im also aware that if we dont talk about this stuff now, she may very well be thinking its going in a different direction and end up getting hurt badly in the end. I also dont want her thinking that if she gets sexual with me I will all of a sudden change my mind and want a realtionship with her. Also, how do I tell her that I really dont even want to be exclusive? Again, I dont want to limit myself....I need to explore and see what ive been missing. Confused yet? Another side issue is managing the time with all these women....im sleeping with none of them (yet) but I feel like trash for talking to multiple girls. Maybe this is just from years of training in only being with one woman? I work and have two kids that split time with my ex ( I actually have the kids a bit more than her but whatever) Its really hard to line up time to see all these people becaue I just DONT HAVE THE TIME. So I feel like a ****ty friend too....its also getting to the point where I can have multiple conversations going with these women and ive actually unintentionally sent a text reply to one that was meant for another that was somewhat intimate.....yikes! But they all know I dont want anythign seroius, so should I feel bad? Im not trying to be a "player" here, but im finding that most women really enjoy spending time with me. Im told im attractive, intelligent, funny, witty, and charasmatic. Could it maybe be that now that ive "hit the market" im just really desirable? young, educated, good job, my own place, things are going right for me....I was off limits for so long (I would purposely deny even platonic female attention when I was married...in hindsight I shouldnt have, My ex was cheating on me anyways, but I digress). Now I find I relate to women very well, and they seem to come to me like a magnet. Help please? I want to have sex. Maybe with a couple of these women.I dont want a girlfriend. I like going home to an empty house and doing what I want to do without worrying about someone else. I just dont want anybody hurt. Should I just come out and tell any of them before I sleep with them that we can both continue to see other people??? I gotta tread lightly here....I dont want to lose friendship with these woman, above all else. If it meant no sex, then thats fine. But then how do I tell Woman #1 no then? She clearly wants me pretty badly. 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vickvagner Posted April 23, 2013 Share Posted April 23, 2013 You're not manipulating these girls - they know the game - you said up front you are NOT looking for a relationship - they can decide if its worthwhile to pursue you for more than friendship with benefits - the older woman/MILF has it right - she just wants to fool around - which is JUST what you should do! And guess what - OLDER women know what they're doing - so she will be JUST what you ordered to get you back up to speed- have fun! Link to post Share on other sites
Author bustedstuff88 Posted May 4, 2013 Author Share Posted May 4, 2013 And the truth shall set you free! Just told both of them about the other one and guess what? They are both cool with it.... Bingo. Link to post Share on other sites
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