24 yr. old virgin - considering "giving up"

[Lonely Guy]

Hi everyone, just looking for a bit of advice about this situation I'm in. I decided to sign up here to talk about it as it's kind of a sensitive subject and not something I'd talk about with anyone I know in real life

 

Basically, I just turned 24 in February and I'm still a virgin

 

First off, there is nothing wrong with me. I'm actually very attractive according to most people. A lot of people have compared me to Heath Ledger. I take very good care of my appearence and also wear very flashy clothes. Being that I didn't have a lot of friends or go out much in my teens or early 20's, I tended to spend all my money on myself. Now I wear fine fabrics like silk, cashmere & linen and I tend to stand out from the crowd.

 

As far as how I got to this age with my virginity intact, I used to be a very extroverted, outgoing and confident person up until my mid teens. I had my first kiss at 10 and up until I was about 15 I was with a lot of women. But around that time I lost pretty much all my friends. I fell out with some and lost contact with others and I think I felt rejected by what happened. Anyway after that I just wanted to lock myself in my room and smoke weed 24/7. I literally didn't leave the house for years and that along with smoking weed constantly caused some changes to my personality. I am super introverted now. I barely speak to anyone unless I have to and even then I'll give one word answers. Obviously not a personality condusive to meeting women

 

Despite this, I did have one girlfriend at the age of 17. I didn't have to do much as she basically pursued me relentlessly. I really should have lost it to her as I had the opportunity to do so on many many occasions and we did everything else sexually except the actual deed. But when it came down to it, I couldn't maintain an erection. Probably because of the insecurities that had built up over the previous two years.

 

Anyway I don't crave sex because you can't miss what you've never had. Affection on the other hand.. just being with, touching, smelling and kissing a woman - I miss that so much it's hard to put it into words. It's like a constant knawing pain. And the fact that it's been so long (I'm past six years without now) means I have a lot of bitterness and anger built up inside me. Not even directed at anyone in particular, it's just there

 

I have lived in a small town my whole life where there weren't many opportunities to meet women to begin with. But now I'm moving to the city and I feel like my life is at a crossroads and there are two routes I could take.

 

I could give up entirely. Give up is probably a bit of a misnomer as I can't really say I've tried at all. But what I mean is basically draw a line in the sand right now, make up my own mind and say I will never be with a woman no matter what. I feel an incredible amount of bitterness that I never got to have sexual experiences from 18-24 and I can't see any way I could cure that anger at this point. Any woman I'm with, deep down I'm going to be very bitter & jealous towards her that she got to have experiences I didn't. Maybe I'm better off just saying I missed the boat on this and moving on. There are other things in life I enjoy, I can just focus on them, keep buying nice & expensive things for myself, stay high and try my best to be happy that way.

 

On the other hand, I really do crave affection, terribly. Sometimes it gets so bad I can barely think of anything else. It's one thing saying I'll just give up but I'm not sure if I could just turn off my feelings like that. I'm also worried as to how much worse things will get. I'm not sure if in six more years the anger won't build to a point where I can't contain it anymore and start lashing out at people.

 

I'm not asking for advice on how to be with women. I have a fair idea of how to do that and like I said, I've done it plenty of times in the past. Right now, the things I've been through just make me very nervous & scared around women I'm attracted to. But if I actually made an effort, even though initially it would probably be terrible and awkward, I'm sure eventually I'd get through it. But I guess my question is should I even bother trying at this point? Would it be worth it?

 

It will be nice just to talk about this anyway. I've never admitted it to anyone. It's not something I'd talk about with any of my real life friends as obviously there's a huge stigma about still being a virgin as an adult male. I actually think most people I know assume I'm some kind of pimp from the clothes I wear, music I listen to etc. My usual dress code is something like silk Versace shirt, pinstripe linen suit, alligator shoes, cashmere Burberry overcoat & felt fedora with satin trim

[Maleficent]

Hi hun,

 

I have a friend - great guy! - he was a virgin until he was 25. I can't imagine how - but you are certainly not the only one.

 

The only piece of advice I will give you based on this guy is that, when you have a girlfriend (and you will) - don't let her walk over you just because you are afraid she'll dump you.

 

He did this and now, he is..well pretty f*cked up if you ask me...lol

[DannyMason]

If you're good looking, wear nice clothes, and recognize your social anxiety issues, what exactly is stopping you from sewing your wild oats as quick as you can and then worrying about a relationship? Then you'd have no reason to be envious or bitter and have the best of both worlds? As a 25 year old virgin that's basically my own plan, although I have impotence issues holding me back.

 

Also FWIW 13.89% of unmarried male 25-44 year olds are virgins.

[Els]

Given that you're 24 and especially as you're not REALLY a virgin (I'm guessing you gave your ex an orgasm or three while you were doing 'everything else sexually'), that is unlikely to hold you back.

 

But... silk shirts, pinstripe suit, alligator shoes and a fedora at 24? What??? Seriously, ditch that and go for a nice modern shirt and jeans.