Goodbye Posted April 23, 2013 Share Posted April 23, 2013 Confession: I just broke NC and sent a brief "how are you" email. UGH. I was about to sit down and write a "Dear Dickwad" letter here and I relapsed. Link to post Share on other sites
lilmisscantbewrong Posted April 23, 2013 Share Posted April 23, 2013 Confession: I just broke NC and sent a brief "how are you" email. UGH. I was about to sit down and write a "Dear Dickwad" letter here and I relapsed. Oh my - well don't beat youself up - many of us have done. But now, stand firm! Go for a walk and clear your head!!! Link to post Share on other sites
DelusionalOne Posted April 23, 2013 Share Posted April 23, 2013 Although some of us take this way more personally and seriously than others out here... We are all just a bunch of strangers trying to help each other out and give support (mostly). No judgement here. You have to do what you feel is best for you ultimately. There are many many times over the last 3 months where I almost broke down and contacted xMom. Fear of rejection has stopped me. Being ignored or getting a nasty-gram in return has been enough to stop me. I hope it works out what ever way you want it to. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
So happy together Posted April 23, 2013 Share Posted April 23, 2013 Hang in there Good. Do what you think is best for you. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Goodbye Posted April 23, 2013 Author Share Posted April 23, 2013 Thanks all...I think I'm going to need to get hyponotised or something to get him out of my head. Link to post Share on other sites
thefooloftheyear Posted April 23, 2013 Share Posted April 23, 2013 Thanks all...I think I'm going to need to get hyponotised or something to get him out of my head. How long were you in NC? TFY Link to post Share on other sites
Author Goodbye Posted April 23, 2013 Author Share Posted April 23, 2013 A whopping 9 days. Link to post Share on other sites
skywriter Posted April 23, 2013 Share Posted April 23, 2013 You gotta get back to NC. Just forgive yourself for having a lapse of NC and get on with it. Nothing good can come from making contact. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
KathyM Posted April 23, 2013 Share Posted April 23, 2013 The sooner you stop playing with a broken toy, the sooner you can go out and get yourself a new one that isn't dysfunctional. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
thefooloftheyear Posted April 23, 2013 Share Posted April 23, 2013 A whopping 9 days. Hang in there...NC is a VERY difficult thing..Ive done some very difficult tasks in my day, but this one has been the hardest, hands down.. Just wait till you are like 60 days and start to feel like the whole thing is slipping away. Its like being dangled off the edge of a bridge by one leg. Its horrible. Dont mean to scare you, just that you need to stick to it. The sooner you begin the sooner you will come out the other end... TFY 1 Link to post Share on other sites
ComingInHot Posted April 23, 2013 Share Posted April 23, 2013 Goodbye, you are not weak. You just had a weak moment. Now get back on the NC train and chug along* sheesh. like I haven't had moments of weakness with chocolate. Everyone is right. Just keep the "bad" as far away as possible to make NC work. CIH* 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Goodbye Posted April 23, 2013 Author Share Posted April 23, 2013 Thanks ComingInHot. I think I need closure. Maybe I'm unsettled because I suspect he just told me he told his wife to get rid of the "stress" of our relationship. Maybe I should let her know the truth. Or maybe I should just forget it and try and NC. Link to post Share on other sites
DelusionalOne Posted April 23, 2013 Share Posted April 23, 2013 Hang in there...NC is a VERY difficult thing..Ive done some very difficult tasks in my day, but this one has been the hardest, hands down.. Just wait till you are like 60 days and start to feel like the whole thing is slipping away. Its like being dangled off the edge of a bridge by one leg. Its horrible. Dont mean to scare you, just that you need to stick to it. The sooner you begin the sooner you will come out the other end... TFY OMG.... That is exactly how I felt. That whole slipping away thing. It's horrible. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted April 23, 2013 Share Posted April 23, 2013 Did he reply back? http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/coping/337989-no-contact-nc-guide-long-walk-consolidated-discussion Stay strong. When you feel weak again, post here. Or do write him a letter (handwritten, this way you're not tempted to hit 'send' and then go, oh no what did I DO?!!) then put the letter away or burn it. Link to post Share on other sites
lilmisscantbewrong Posted April 23, 2013 Share Posted April 23, 2013 Yes - the idea that I would be rejected or that he really hated me somehow was enough to finally cement in me that I could not be the one to break it. I did (after a year or so) send him a message on a forum we were both on that said "this is for me and no one else. I forgive you and I have let everything go. ". And it truly was for me - of course there was no response but a lot of activity during that time so I know he got it and most likely his wife got it too. But at that point it didn't matter - it was very sterile and I meant it. Nc is a bitch. Let him work it out - he has to - and it has to be without you around. Just start over and hang tough. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Got it Posted April 23, 2013 Share Posted April 23, 2013 ((((((Goodbye)))))) Okay, first, hand smack! Okay, so you are human, you slipped off the NC wagon so dust yourself off and jump back on. You are trying to put down new patterns over well established ones. That is hard work! Please be gentle with yourself and go take a nice, sudsy, bubble bath to pamper yourself. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Lillyfree Posted April 24, 2013 Share Posted April 24, 2013 9 days is nothing - you are still only putting one foot in front of the other. i broke NC at about 6 week mark, and i got a reply - it only confirmed that my decision to end it was correct. be easy on yourself, and if you get a reply delete it and go back to NC! it's the best way to heal, even if it feels like torture at the moment. the worst thing is when you start to forget the bad things, and to really miss the good moments - that's when it will be really hard to not reach out to him! but whenever you feel like you want to, remember that love and friendship shouldn't hurt you to the point of incapacitation! post here each time your fingers get itchy. *hugs* Link to post Share on other sites
ComingInHot Posted April 24, 2013 Share Posted April 24, 2013 Goodbye, good morning! I'm probably going to kick myself (someone should*) for asking, but you said you think you needed closure. What does that look like to you? I'm kind of thinking the A door "closed" when he said No More A. I understand it's sucky, & you didn't like the way he did it, but (and this is just me okay? ) any type of affirmation by MM, try or not, might make it more difficult for You to move forward. Ya know, kind of trying to move on Knowing or thinking MM still is into you... I don't really know though, just a thought* Link to post Share on other sites
Got it Posted April 24, 2013 Share Posted April 24, 2013 I did want to follow up on the closure piece. Unfortunately no one can give you closure, that is something you give yourself. Think about it, in a perfect world is there ANYTHING he can say or do that will answer all your questions and calm your hurting heart? Unfortunately, usually there isn't. My best recommendation, journal how you feel, write him letters here or at home, don't send them to him, but write out how you feel. And when you reach a point of starting to let go, take them and burn them in a ceremony. Closure is accepting the end of the relationship, and that is something that you have to work through yourself for yourself. It's hard, and it hurts, and it takes (the dreaded word) time. ((((((Goodbye)))))) 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Goodbye Posted April 24, 2013 Author Share Posted April 24, 2013 Goodbye, good morning! I'm probably going to kick myself (someone should*) for asking, but you said you think you needed closure. What does that look like to you? I'm kind of thinking the A door "closed" when he said No More A. I understand it's sucky, & you didn't like the way he did it, but (and this is just me okay? ) any type of affirmation by MM, try or not, might make it more difficult for You to move forward. Ya know, kind of trying to move on Knowing or thinking MM still is into you... I don't really know though, just a thought* CIH, I guess closure for me would be him telling me we were done. He didn't say the affair was over...far from it. He told me he needed to work on his end and to do that he needed "space." Space often is code for: I'm to wimpy to be straight with you but I'm hoping you'll go away on your own. Part of me believes him and part of me feels he is too wishy washy to make a decision either way. I guess closure could also come from my end, by decided the HE is not for me, but I'm not certain of that either. Link to post Share on other sites
Got it Posted April 24, 2013 Share Posted April 24, 2013 Goodbye, he may not be in a position/desire to make an absolute decision. I remember thinking, when in college, that what I wanted with my boyfriend/husband later on, was to be able to freeze him, put him on a shelf, go do my thing and when I was ready, take him down and everything would be hunky dory. Obviously this is not realistic but maybe there is a tinge of this in what your MM is trying to do? He wants to go down one road but he wants to keep a pinky in the other road, just in case, so that nothing is a definite and he still has options. Unfortunately with people we can't do this, time and people are fluid and there are no freeze dry options (unless I am not up to speed on technology and in that case let me know! ) But you don't need him to make that decision, you are right, you can make it. What you can do, as absolutes are hard to look at, is to say, right now we are done. Who knows what the future holds, I am going to keep walking and if catches up and I am still interested, fantastic. But I may find that I am not down the road and that is okay. He is making a choice and so am I. No one can predict the future, just set up the present to be the best situation that you can. You make the decision, whatever you want it to be. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Goodbye Posted April 24, 2013 Author Share Posted April 24, 2013 Goodbye, he may not be in a position/desire to make an absolute decision. I remember thinking, when in college, that what I wanted with my boyfriend/husband later on, was to be able to freeze him, put him on a shelf, go do my thing and when I was ready, take him down and everything would be hunky dory. Obviously this is not realistic but maybe there is a tinge of this in what your MM is trying to do? He wants to go down one road but he wants to keep a pinky in the other road, just in case, so that nothing is a definite and he still has options. Unfortunately with people we can't do this, time and people are fluid and there are no freeze dry options (unless I am not up to speed on technology and in that case let me know! ) But you don't need him to make that decision, you are right, you can make it. What you can do, as absolutes are hard to look at, is to say, right now we are done. Who knows what the future holds, I am going to keep walking and if catches up and I am still interested, fantastic. But I may find that I am not down the road and that is okay. He is making a choice and so am I. No one can predict the future, just set up the present to be the best situation that you can. You make the decision, whatever you want it to be. This is what I'm thinking Got It. Thanks. Link to post Share on other sites
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