Im thinking my Affair is with a crazy person

[Ihaveaheadache]

Don't get me wrong I'm a little messed up myself but not my point here..

 

We havnt been together but for a few months, hes also married, a lot older than me and successful. We clicked and everything was mentally stimulating. We met and things were even more perfect. He would always compliment me beyond belief andshowed a small jokingly sensed amount of jealousy. My H is not a very romantic complimentary guy nor has any jealous bone in his body, so of course i ate this attention up. Well, the guy I'm seeing I've noticed is starting to get MORE jealous. He has told me over and over and over x1000 how he doesnt want emotions involved. So I said to him not to long ago that why is he so jealous if he doesn't care. (previous post). He then responded doesnt my jealousy give you an indication of how i feel about you. I simply started wondering if hes crazy. Basically I met him online. Well I joked about how I've gotten several emails from guys in his same profession and how its ironic. Just talking....I'm not the jealous type so i wasnt aware of how this would affect him. Well apparently he is always thinking im emailing these other guys. I told him I had to go run errands and didn't email him for several hours. He then was basically accusing me of going to see someone else. He doesn't ever get mean, he just says whatever go have fun with him then. Cocky like. Well I work for some successful men and when I got home I sent him a message being cute and telling him im horny. Well he then says who do I think about when i do stuff...these other men right? I of course say him...and he gets really cocky and says like it better be,.or good. Like I said before he was always so complimentary,....Now so many things I say are "crazy sounding" to him or like a little "psycho" and he constantly tells me "watch it" or "your going to push me away". We text a LOT back and forth, well sometimes he wont respond for several hours, even though I know damn well he has time. But then if i dont respond for hours he texts like what are you doing. When we meet hes very controlling but in weird ways..I got a phone call from my H when we were together :::yikes::: well I was touching his chest and he like pushed my hand away like crazily. After I got off the phone i was like wth was thay about?? He said i dont want you reaching into my pocket while your on the phone with him. Then many times we meet ill tell him to calm down and quit acting so paranoid, he then tells me that if i complain again he's going to just leave.

 

Did I totally get wrapped up into a weirdo?

[pteromom]

He wants you all to himself, but also doesn't want to commit to you or have any responsibility toward you. He wants you completely devoted to his needs.

 

Just like he wanted his wife completely devoted to his needs. And when she didn't comply to his satisfaction, he found someone else (you) to do so.

 

I don't know that he's a weirdo, but he certainly seems like a narcissist, and it seems that he has the capability of becoming emotionally abusive. I would be wary.

[So happy together]

Don't get me wrong I'm a little messed up myself but not my point here..

 

We havnt been together but for a few months, hes also married, a lot older than me and successful. We clicked and everything was mentally stimulating. We met and things were even more perfect. He would always compliment me beyond belief andshowed a small jokingly sensed amount of jealousy. My H is not a very romantic complimentary guy nor has any jealous bone in his body, so of course i ate this attention up. Well, the guy I'm seeing I've noticed is starting to get MORE jealous. He has told me over and over and over x1000 how he doesnt want emotions involved. So I said to him not to long ago that why is he so jealous if he doesn't care. (previous post). He then responded doesnt my jealousy give you an indication of how i feel about you. I simply started wondering if hes crazy. Basically I met him online. Well I joked about how I've gotten several emails from guys in his same profession and how its ironic. Just talking....I'm not the jealous type so i wasnt aware of how this would affect him. Well apparently he is always thinking im emailing these other guys. I told him I had to go run errands and didn't email him for several hours. He then was basically accusing me of going to see someone else. He doesn't ever get mean, he just says whatever go have fun with him then. Cocky like. Well I work for some successful men and when I got home I sent him a message being cute and telling him im horny. Well he then says who do I think about when i do stuff...these other men right? I of course say him...and he gets really cocky and says like it better be,.or good. Like I said before he was always so complimentary,....Now so many things I say are "crazy sounding" to him or like a little "psycho" and he constantly tells me "watch it" or "your going to push me away". We text a LOT back and forth, well sometimes he wont respond for several hours, even though I know damn well he has time. But then if i dont respond for hours he texts like what are you doing. When we meet hes very controlling but in weird ways..I got a phone call from my H when we were together :::yikes::: well I was touching his chest and he like pushed my hand away like crazily. After I got off the phone i was like wth was thay about?? He said i dont want you reaching into my pocket while your on the phone with him. Then many times we meet ill tell him to calm down and quit acting so paranoid, he then tells me that if i complain again he's going to just leave.

 

Did I totally get wrapped up into a weirdo?

 

I don't know him so I can't really say for sure, but I would not like being treated like an object. Be careful, and listen to your gut.

[MissBee]

Romance can be worked on. Your husband seems like a nice guy and that your issues with him can be fixed.

 

Clearly, compliments and attention are not everything, as most crazy/abusive/jerks know how to play this game WELL. But in the end, those cheap compliments do not compare to their other terrible qualities.

 

I get you desiring attention. I absolutely need that as well. But it can become where you crave it so much, you put yourself in bad positions to get it. This man is self-centered and controlling. Don't for a second think it is about love and being special. Too many women love "bad boys" and chase passion and unhealthy "affection" like crazy jealousy, as signs of love, when they absolutely aren't, but any attention is good attention in their minds, then nice men, who are indeed emotionally healthy get tossed to the side because they don't act in these extreme ways.

 

There is nothing here for you with this man. I'd dump him promptly personally and address my issues with my H.

[Lillyfree]

Don't get me wrong I'm a little messed up myself but not my point here..

 

We havnt been together but for a few months, hes also married, a lot older than me and successful. We clicked and everything was mentally stimulating. We met and things were even more perfect. He would always compliment me beyond belief andshowed a small jokingly sensed amount of jealousy. My H is not a very romantic complimentary guy nor has any jealous bone in his body, so of course i ate this attention up. Well, the guy I'm seeing I've noticed is starting to get MORE jealous. He has told me over and over and over x1000 how he doesnt want emotions involved. So I said to him not to long ago that why is he so jealous if he doesn't care. (previous post). He then responded doesnt my jealousy give you an indication of how i feel about you. I simply started wondering if hes crazy. Basically I met him online. Well I joked about how I've gotten several emails from guys in his same profession and how its ironic. Just talking....I'm not the jealous type so i wasnt aware of how this would affect him. Well apparently he is always thinking im emailing these other guys. I told him I had to go run errands and didn't email him for several hours. He then was basically accusing me of going to see someone else. He doesn't ever get mean, he just says whatever go have fun with him then. Cocky like. Well I work for some successful men and when I got home I sent him a message being cute and telling him im horny. Well he then says who do I think about when i do stuff...these other men right? I of course say him...and he gets really cocky and says like it better be,.or good. Like I said before he was always so complimentary,....Now so many things I say are "crazy sounding" to him or like a little "psycho" and he constantly tells me "watch it" or "your going to push me away". We text a LOT back and forth, well sometimes he wont respond for several hours, even though I know damn well he has time. But then if i dont respond for hours he texts like what are you doing. When we meet hes very controlling but in weird ways..I got a phone call from my H when we were together :::yikes::: well I was touching his chest and he like pushed my hand away like crazily. After I got off the phone i was like wth was thay about?? He said i dont want you reaching into my pocket while your on the phone with him. Then many times we meet ill tell him to calm down and quit acting so paranoid, he then tells me that if i complain again he's going to just leave.

 

Did I totally get wrapped up into a weirdo?

 

short answer? yes.

reading your post made my skin crawl. why would you allow anyone to speak to you that way?!

 

you are obviously a plaything for him. something to be possessed, not a person to cherish.

 

again, why do you put up with it?

[ThatJustHappened]

He sounds like a future murderer to me. He knows you're married..he has no right to get jealous of your husband. Are you sure you're not secretly enjoying his jealousy because you feel ignored by your husband?

 

Why not address the issues with your husband instead of looking outside of your marriage for attention?

[Lillyfree]

He sounds like a future murderer to me. He knows you're married..he has no right to get jealous of your husband. Are you sure you're not secretly enjoying his jealousy because you feel ignored by your husband?

 

Why not address the issues with your husband instead of looking outside of your marriage for attention?

 

i'm getting a similar vibe - this guy is overstepping the line regarding your husband, not to mention the way he's treating you is something that would make me turn around and run screaming, not rub his chest

 

you need to understand that there is something wrong with you OP, if this sort of behaviour makes you want to hang around. personally, i wouldn't let anyone speak that way to me, affair or not.

[2sure]

The affair is to feed his ego. He doesn't want you attached to him but available only to him. Men who have it all like these terms.

 

As to his comments and threats that he will leave if you don't adhere...

He won't.

 

But "watch it" as a statement, doesn't fly with me.

[ThatJustHappened]

The affair is to feed his ego. He doesn't want you attached to him but available only to him. Men who have it all like these terms.

 

As to his comments and threats that he will leave if you don't adhere...

He won't.

 

But "watch it" as a statement, doesn't fly with me.

 

No, he probably won't leave because he's getting a massive ego boost from the OP. But he might start getting physical. The description of this man gives me goose bumps. Something is very off.

 

A friend of a friend had an affair. The OM was similar..constantly threatening her that he would leave..etc. He eventually began having extremely rough sex with her so that he would leave bruises, hickeys, and scratches on her, and essentially 'mark his territory' so that she couldn't have sex with her husband. Because it was within the context of consensual sex, he didn't consider it physical abuse..but it most definitely was.

[whichwayisup]

Ask yourself this. If you were single and he was single, would you put up with that kind of behaviour? There's your answer. Why should it be any different just because you are having an affair?

 

This dynamic is unhealthy and it's only going to get worse. He has control and jealously issues, he's acting strangely, going on the defensive and his actions/words tell you he doesn't trust you (other men and also your husband).

 

What are you getting out of this? Is all this drama worth it?

 

Maybe take some time and figure out who and what it is you want. Him or your husband? divorce and to be alone and on your own? Continue on having the A and stay married?

 

Just know that this guy could very easily get jealous enough if pushed past his own emotional limit (and who knows what could set him off), and tell your husband about your affair with him.

[whichwayisup]

The affair is to feed his ego. He doesn't want you attached to him but available only to him. Men who have it all like these terms.

 

As to his comments and threats that he will leave if you don't adhere...

He won't.

 

But "watch it" as a statement, doesn't fly with me.

 

Me too. This is threatening and him showing you who's boss. The guy is controlling and this will get worse as time goes on. BE weary and please, re think this. Men like this (not saying he's a narcissist, but he certainly has some strong traits) can really do a bad number on a woman.

[Ihaveaheadache]

I appreciate everyones insight. I know deep down your all correct. I guess for some reason i have hung on to this as a security blanket almost. He's someone to talk to and we have mutually weird strong sexual chemistry (or so my stupid head keeps telling me). So i have tried so hard to cling to this "just because". I know I need to end to this because in NO WAY shape or form could I ever marry a guy like this, id be just as, if not far more unhappy. I never wanted to leave my H, just basically and selfishly have a "toy". I've made.mistakes such as.boosting his ego beyond belief, said most things I dont even nearly think about him, just as part of the fantasy. Which scares me looking back. What's more frightening is that if I end this, I'm actually moving down the street from where he lives in a couple years, meaning our kids will go to a small school together. Ironic huh. So, I've been trying to kind of make him think I'm crazy the past week so that maybe he will be like eeeeekkk and back off, but, doing this all in a very manipulated way. As much as want to tell him what a crazy psycho controlling dickhead weirdo he is and how no matter how much money he thinks he has he is worthless as a human being. I'm trying to be the bigger person and make him think these things about me. I gave him big time crazies yesterday, then apologized (like an idiot). But he hasn't contacted me since 6 yesterday...sooooo, maybe its working. But even thoigh he is an idiot. Why do I feel bad, why do I feel hurt and angry, why am I so hung up on such a waste of a human being? wth is wrong with me!?

[ThatJustHappened]

Have you considered therapy?

[twosadthings]

you've selfishly introduced crazy into your family's life and you're worried about how you're hung up? Much worse, you're now trying to out crazy a crazy person.

 

Let your husband know what you did. Forget the why for the time being because he should be alerted to the possible serious consequences of your actions.

 

Good luck to your family, but maybe not to you,

 

Twosadthings

[lynn1954]

you've selfishly introduced crazy into your family's life and you're worried about how you're hung up? Much worse, you're now trying to out crazy a crazy person.

 

Yes, exactly.

 

Stop doing it.

 

Pull yourself together and accept any good advice that was offered above.

[2sunny]

Yes, he may be crazy - but you may be crazier for allowing it.

 

Look in the mirror and tell yourself what evidence you have:

 

 

"I'm a cheater...and I'm willing to also allow another man to control and manipulate me."

 

Now - ask yourself what parts of those statements are kind and loving to yourself and others.

[Ihaveaheadache]

First off, yes I am a little crazy, i admitted that.

I was simply trying to get other peoples perspective of this.

Don't post or comment in the OW/OM affair catagories to preach about how its wrong. You DO NOT know everyones situation or life to judge what other people do.

[2sunny]

Yes, he may be crazy - but you may be crazier for allowing it.

 

Look in the mirror and tell yourself what evidence you have:

 

 

"I'm a cheater...and I'm willing to also allow another man to control and manipulate me."

 

Now - ask yourself what parts of those statements are kind and loving to yourself and others.

 

You asked a question :" did I totally get wrapped up into a weirdo?"

 

When folks ask a question they usually know the answer.

 

 

Then folks here take their time and energy to point you in a healthier direction - yet you criticize them? I don't get hat!

 

You asked - we answered.

 

You're having an affair - consider the field you CHOSE to play on - if you don't like the game - get off the field!

Edited April 26, 2013 by 2sunny

[2sunny]

Here's your recent post on another thread.

 

I know. I find myself disturbing sometimes. I get sexual and mental enjoyment messing with his head in a not to great way. I make him feel like he is everything to me, make his ego big, all knowing i dont mean a damn thing I say.

 

You need help...to grow a conscience.

[Lillyfree]

You asked a question :" did I totally get wrapped up into a weirdo?"

 

When folks ask a question they usually know the answer.

 

 

Then folks here take their time and energy to point you in a healthier direction - yet you criticize them? I don't get hat!

 

You asked - we answered.

 

You're having an affair - consider the field you CHOSE to play on - if you don't like the game - get off the field!

 

 

some people need to hit the ground with both butt cheeks before their brain starts working.

 

it's a shame she's not just exposing herself to harm...

[2sure]

First off, yes I am a little crazy, i admitted that.

I was simply trying to get other peoples perspective of this.

Don't post or comment in the OW/OM affair catagories to preach about how its wrong. You DO NOT know everyones situation or life to judge what other people do.

 

I'm actually very dicey. Still, I understand that someone who takes the time to post when someone has asked for different perspectives, is being supportive not judgmental.

 

Judgemental might be accusing someone of posting only to lash out at anyone with common sense. That wouldn't be helpful.

 

You asked if your situation was crazy. Crazy as in impossible ? No. Crazy as in dangerous? Likely. Crazy as in disingenuous ? Yes.

[aPoppySeedcares]

Wow, you are getting jumped. I feel for you. You are in the 'affair bubble.' and it is thick, 'the fog.' I believe since you are here questioning, that you do have a heart, and while being in the bubble nothing makes sense, and the more you try to understand, the crazier you feel. You are holding back that you care, because how can you 'really' care for someone who is not worthy of respecting. These men will say 'just,' about everything or anything to keep the affair in their side of the tennis court, their rules, their ifs and buts. I would also take into consideration that maybe he showcases jealousy because he is doing what he is accusing you of. Take care of you. The fog takes a whole hell of alot out of you, many baby steps to get out of. Wish you well. It sounds like even though he says he has only had a previous ONS, be weary, he sounds experienced. They lie well.