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Coping for 7 months

Yeahme

By Yeahme,
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Yeahme

Yeahme

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I've been lurking for... believe it or not, over 6 months now. Less and less each day. Gonna share my feelings, just let it out. Remember, this is all personal - I'm not trying to say that you're gonna feel like me. It's just me. And i felt/feel like this.

 

For 5 years, i loved her very much. Never thought its possible. I'm 30 now, she's 4 years younger.

 

How am I coping? Pretty well, actually. The first 3 months were an absolute horror. Couldn't eat, couldn't sleep...

 

She left me because i wasn't earning enough. Yeah, that's what she told me. But the real reason was... as almost always... another guy.

She left me like... a murderer would leave a dead body in a dumpster. I'm not overreacting. For a nice girl like like she WAS... I just can't comprehend it. It seemed like a textbook BPD breakup. I'm not saying she was borderline, just that the breakup looked like it. There's a difference.

 

Now a days, I'm working my at dream job. Earning (literally) 8 times more than i was earning before. All my previous ****ty jobs were just an interlude for this one. And I'm happy.

 

I'm not a supermodel but i can turn some female heads when i walk by. The other guy is... well... dunno. Physically inferior, mentally far behind. And he yells at her. And he cheats on her. Dunno. That's what I've heard. Maybe it's the contrast - I'm a good guy and well... he ain't.

 

7 months later and I'm a lot better. Did the usual - gym, work, better education, my buddies and all. And I've never heard anything from her.

 

This is how it goes... You start feeling as ****. Then you get a little better. You don't stop thinking about them, but you can "see the light". Then you get into yourself, become self sufficient. Get in a better shape, have several moments of clarity. Then you start meeting girls. Then, you start losing that "OMG she left me for another dude, he must be better than me" feeling. You can understand that it has nothing to do with you (if you weren't a complete ******* of course). It's them, they have changed. And you start feeling better. And you keep working on yourself, keep pursuing whatever you wanted to pursue before her. And then, gradually, you start thinking about her - let's say - very rarely. And even then, you just don't care. Just some memories. Sad memories, but just memories.

 

You meet a girl. All of a sudden. And you start to like her, she's really good for you. And you almost forgot about your Ex... Almost, but not entirely.

 

But then, out of the blue, THE EX contacts you. Crying and all. Regretting. Looking like a train wreck. A shell of her former self.

 

At first, you don't know what to think. She wants to meet again. You are not sure. You are hesitating...

 

But then you think to yourself... WHY would i go and meet someone that discarded me like a piece of ****? And why would i insult the girl i am together with, and she was nothing but good to me? Why would I?

 

Well you don't. You don't go and and you do not meet the Ex. You don't even respond.

 

And you go on with your life. Eventually, it all comes to it's place. It's how it's meant to be. You may not find the love of your life right away, but you will learn a valuable lesson. EVERYTHING HAPPENS FOR A REASON.

 

That's all i wanted to say. Keep your chin up, it gets better.

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cavalier99

cavalier99

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Posted (edited)

Loved your post! Man your expetience closely parallels mine except my ex hasnt reached out except for one email in december. Almost 7 months NC met new girl and am over it.

 

Seems like 6 to 7 months is the magic number for many of us. Cav

Edited by cavalier99
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Yeahme

Yeahme

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Thanks everyone. :) It's just what happened. My intention wasn't to write a motivational post, but to write something that will show those who were in the same boat as me... this too will pass. Just hang on in there and remember... sometimes when they leave, it's for the best. :)

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Yeahme

Yeahme

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By the way, i just went out with the new girl... I think I'm falling for her. I thought my ex was just perfect for me. 5 years? Guess I was delusional. I CAN DO BETTER. When you build a strong self, anything is possible. Go and live life, screw the ones that left you in the dust! Show them you can be happy! All the best to you, guys! :)

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Waz

Waz

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Now that's a splendid post. Congratulations mate, i'm happy for you. I could say i am in the same page with you (7 months), but i never stopped caring of myself, because if i won't do this, then who will? :p

But i can say that the whole thing reminded my way of coping, absolutely.

It's so amazing feeling that you know you can do something more than fine, on your own :D

 

I'm not a supermodel but i can turn some female heads when i walk by.

 

I don't agree completely to this :p I'm sure, you can turn more than "some" female heads and in my opinion, the factor which can do this, is the attitude of your self. Beauty matters yes, but charm.. that's something "godlike" mode :p

 

Keep rocking bro, best wishes.

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cavalier99

cavalier99

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By the way, i just went out with the new girl... I think I'm falling for her. I thought my ex was just perfect for me. 5 years? Guess I was delusional. I CAN DO BETTER. When you build a strong self, anything is possible. Go and live life, screw the ones that left you in the dust! Show them you can be happy! All the best to you, guys! :)

 

Haha good for you man! I went dancing with my new girl last night. Im falling for her too. Its only a few weeks into dating her but there is crazy chemistry. She also blows my ex out of the water,...young, hotter, great personality, and most imortantly is crazy about me!

 

Im not perfect but she seems to think i am! Rock on! Cav

Edited by cavalier99
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GI_Joy

GI_Joy

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This post is so full of AWESOME. I can't wait til I get to your point. Such great motivation :)

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  • 4 weeks later...
cdt76

cdt76

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And I know Tara will say that I am just wanting to get kicked in the balls, repeatedly, but I'd love for mine to call me. And I'd take her back too. So go ahead and kick me...a lot!

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ihateher83

ihateher83

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awesome read ... great story and glad you found someone else ... def. awesome

 

i'm coming out of a 4 year relationship .... BU was 7 months ago ... NC 3 times ... i won't lie it's just been hard ....

sent a text 2 weeks ago... it was light and friendly ... she told me "you need to stop"

didn't respond ... and have been in NC ... she has a bf ( which is a ex from years ago ) been together since beg of April

 

any tips or adivce :/

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  • 3 months later...
TrblinMN

TrblinMN

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Awesome post. I've had breakups in the past and they've ended the same as this post. In mycurrent breakup, it seems to be following the same path so it is good to see that I am having the same thoughts and experience as others. Thanks for the reminder!

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Saber_Tooth

Saber_Tooth

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Thank you, thank you, thank you. So many of us are behind you. I'm coming up on three months out from a situation very similar to yours, and am still stuck in all the doubt and missing and all that stuff you mention. One of the main reasons I come to LS is to read posts like yours. They give me hope when I can't quite manage to give it to myself.

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squeezy

squeezy

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I love this thread. That's always how it happens, isn't it though? As soon as you legitimately start moving on, there they are, back again as if on purpose to F with your head.

 

My own ex has had this tendency to do this, even for the 10 years before we dated and were just friends who kinda liked one another but lived too far away. (Going to write a thread about it, it's somewhat juicy) For me though, I just want to fast forward to the point where I'm blissfully indifferent. The meantime is hell. Best to everyone.

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Emma1234

Emma1234

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This thread is so inspirational. I've been searching for stories like this one that gives me hope there is a better future after the ex. I'm nearly at the 4 month stage and although I've passed the initial unbearable grief stage I still hurt over who he was before he changed and the memories.

 

Thank you for sharing your story! One last thing, was it after 4 months that you refused your ex as I'm worried that at this point if he came back I wouldn't know what to do. I'd love to be at the point where I could completely say I'd never take him back.

 

Emma.

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robbysurfs

robbysurfs

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Thanks Bro,

 

I recently replied to a post similar and this kid said "I hate to be the one to tell a 37 yr old guy it gets better yadda yadda"...Here is the truth when its happening, and Ive been with a lot of women and had my share of good and bad relationships it feels like it is never gonna end and the pain sucks no matter how many times you go through it. It always feels good to know your not alone and there is a light that will eventually shine when your traveling down that dark road by yourself my point behind all this is might happen again or might not but its all for you "life" it makes your skin tougher...so to the 22 yr old kid who broke my chops welcome to manhood and to you brother my hats off well said and thanks...

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