I think I'm done

[ballycastle]

I'm not miserable at all. I'm frustrated with my dating life but I'm still a happy person. I'm pretty good at compartmenatalizing it but sometimes it does get me down overall.

 

 

 

Wow you can sumize this from one thread? When I started to try to date again at 29 and asked those women I met at work for numbers that was the first time in my life I asked a stranger for a phone number so do you think that was easy? If that's not stepping out of your comfort zone what is? I'd say that was doing something about being singe in being more proactive.

 

 

 

I make a conscious effort to be objective. Sure I've said some sterotypical things in shallowness threads and OLD threads but I don't paint the entire opposite sex as bad nor do I tear them down to lift me up. It's not in my nature to knock someone down to boost me. I constantly beat home that my take is not gender specific and that people in general are selfsih. Anyone here who knows my posting history knows I don't side with one gender and I've never been called bitte or a woman hater here. I read the thread, give my opinion and call it how I see it. If the guys a jerk I say so if the woman's a B I say so. I get quite a few likes from female posters on my opinions feel free to look at them.

 

 

 

 

I'm a very self aware person and I know what my shortcommings and issues are. I've made threads about some of them. I know what you mean about self fulfilling prophecys and have thought about that too. TBS I'm not going to go through life with blinders on and I see what the real world is like and you act like we live in so fairy tale world where good natured people are every where.

 

Yes there are happy couples out there and it's not torture for me. When I do see them I wish I could find something like that.

 

I'm not perfect and am the first to admit it. I can take tactful criticism but saying I want to be miserable and that seeing happy couples is like torture for me is downright insulting!!!

 

 

Jumping on the bandwagon a few days after the last thread, I read this with interest. I am a lot older than you and one thing I have learnt from visiting this site that you have to LIKE yourself. If you don't then you will ATTRACT the wrong sorts of women. Being split from my EX just over a year and on my second douse of NC ( on 3rd month) I have realised that I do have a lot of friends but a lot of lousy ex boyfriends. Why? Because I chose the ones I believed were on my level. Because I thought less of myself, I went for those who would, like you say, be players, losers, heartbreakers, timewasters, the list is endless.

 

Like the others have said, you don't go out to look for a partner. You go out and enjoy life so that you are attractive to a would-be partner, rather than being 'on the pull.'

 

LS has been a life saver for me. If I hadn't read and taken the advice/experience from other members, I would still be desperately holding onto the pathetic crumbs fed to me by an ex who wasn't right for me but because I thought he was all I was worth I clung on in the hope he would come back/want me/love me. And the worst thing was, I would still be unhappy instead of every day getting me back and being happy in myself. Something I don't think I have been for a very long time.

 

How unattractive is that?

 

Being away from toxic people makes you look at the good things in life. I have a lot of friends so that tells me I am attractive. When I was with him, getting over him, trying to get him back, you would think I was as attractive as an ogre, that no-one liked/loved/wanted to be with me.

 

So, don't go out looking, just be you and maybe you will get what you want.

 

Oh, and another thing....might I suggest therapy??

[hppr]

Gah another post where they blame the OP.

 

Nothing wrong with SJC. There are alot of ****ty people in this world and narcissism is the new social style. Its easy to have bad luck nowadays.

 

Ignore all these people SJC

 

THIS.

 

I was just like the OP, hadn't dated for 2-3 years and I was 29 too, and let me tell you it was ROUGH. Eventually it got better but it took about 40 weird dates, missed meetings, and dealing with women who were spiteful/hateful before I met a girl who was actually decent. Yes, it really was that hard.

 

So I guess it depends on how bad SJC wants this. I wanted it BAD so I kept my nose to the grindstone but it was literally a year of HELL. But that was just me, if SJC likes being single then it is probably not worth his time.

[soccerrprp]

I hate to be so cyinnical but I'm done. I blame most of it on OLD but women I met IRL plaeyed games too so mabye OLD is a better sample of the real world than I thought.

 

I'm just tired of every single aspect of it, starting with the first call to making a move. I hate everything about how you're supposed to "act" in a relationship. I just want to be myself and be happy. I don't want or need the drama if anpower struggle to show a woman I'll walk away. I don't want to be tested or have to check my woman to remind her just because I'm nice doesn't mean I'm a pushover. I don't want to have to pry out of you what's wrong, YOU need to tell me.

 

I think I'm damaged beyond repair. I don't think I'll ever be able to let my guard down to let a woman it. The funny thing is that a woman has never tried to get to know me beyond the surface. There is no intimacy in relationships nowdays. The divorce rate is horrible, people gig and cheat. I'm starting to think mabye I don't want to get into this shytty night club!

 

Yes, all of these things happen. Just take a reasonable break from it all. Treat yourself to some badly needed R&R and try not to worry about the complexities of dating. Get involved in some social groups to better yourself, meet new friends and establish healthy, positive platonic relationships.

 

Take as long as you need until you're ready to try it again. A good break is good for the soul, mind and body.

 

Sorry. We all go through some downs.