long distance friend moving back soon.. Sex?

[BriannaAnn]

Im 23 and a single parent of a 4 year-old and I work full time.. I was in a relationship with my child's father up until last year. Our relationship was very up and down, he even was incarcerated a few times (selling drugs), he cheated and was at times very disrespectful/ hurtful..

I finally ended it for good and I'm very happy and content with being alone..and when things get too tough I talk to my best friend john, actually he helped me through it all, he let me cry yell and feel sorry foe myself and when it got bad he'd pick me up! John was extremly supportive, helpful.

 

Ive known john since I was 15. We used to flirt and kiss and all that jazz, but we were young and I wasn't ready for sex plus we were very different..well we email amd talk about 3 times a week. He lives in a different state. . About to years ago after telling him about a tough break up with my childs father. We Had Sex once it was nice and he called me on my way home and calmed me down and weve been super tight every since... he is the best friend i have, has NEVER been dishonest to me .

He hasnt been in a relationship since before our sex session.. he knows im terrified of commitment and he's always cheated on his girlfriends.

 

However I never knew any of them. He told me he was a cheater. .he's admitted that he has strong feelings for me but he's agreed to keep it as friends because of his cheating past. he's never let me down. But I do know ppl change. We love eachother (friends) and were considering having sex when he moves back here in a month, we already have a vacation scheduled for just days after he gets back and we're going with all close friend his guys my girls and we're sharing a room.

We both agreed to tell one another if MORE feelings become envolved. . Should I go through with the sex? Should I trust him knowing he's cheated on women that he's loved? I feel there's no guarantee he won't just change and be cold hearted towards me. Am I thinking smart?

 

Im not the usual 23 year old. My child is always first and financially im set. The sex part is tempting because I haven't had sex in a year. i just lack the enthusiasm to date. i consider myself attractive and I get compliments and hit on often.. im just not interested. . John says im bitter.

I'm not interested in a relationship any time soon. Im content by myself.. but I know things change I could start to like him. Its just tempting to be able to have someone that knows me and already respects me and hell it'd be nice to have a man's presence every once and awhile and his cheating ways were sickening however I never knew any of the women.

 

He told me he was a cheater. And helped me piece together my crazy situation. If he was a woman he'd make a awesome best friend but because of our past sexual tension is there. Should I take the plunge and have sex? When we had sex I was a sad mess.. in the past year ive obtained this great strength but with it I lost alot of my optimism

Edited April 24, 2013 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[Roadkill007]

sounds like if this situation fell apart, you'd be in pretty bad shape since you'd lose your best friend as well as your sexual relief. It'd put you in the same position he helped pull you out of, except now there'd be no "John" to help you out. I'm not saying it's guaranteed to go wrong, but honestly the risk seems a bit too high to be betting your sanity on. If you think you can try this, lose him, and not be destroyed, maybe you might want to take a chance on letting someone into your life again. However, if you think you would be devastated if things went south... it'd be wiser to keep things as they are.

[BriannaAnn]

Thanks! I'm not a very emotional person these days. Im kinda a "hard-ass".. when he talks about feelings its like ehhh but im very attracted and I trust no guy more than him. But it'd suck to lose a friend. If I was a little interested in any mem this would be alot easier but I just dont have it in me to date... I dont wamna lead anyone on or pretend to wanna get to know them lol! Im taking your advice into consideration thanx again!

[HoneyBadgerDontCare]

Your first bf was in jail. This guy cheats on multiple women.

 

Have you considered meeting guys that are nice people?

[BriannaAnn]

I don't believe in "nice ppl".. my first boyfriend was definitely not a nice guy in the end.. but that was my high school sweetheart.. I get a free dummy pass for that one. Lol. But cheating doesn't make a person good or bad.. trust me! He had no reason to tell me who's he cheated on. I know things his ex's still dont know.. but im focused on sex. Lol! I dont want a relationship.. but regardless of his past he's the best friend I ever had. And I didn't exactly meet him last week lol. And to his credit he hasnt been in a relationship in 2 years and I know old habits die hard though. I just wanna know about the sex. He's an amazing friend. And he would never pressure me to have sex. We both want to but he's the one who bought up all these technicalities lol! Our friendship is guaranteed if we dont. Things can get super awesome or grossly sticky if we do. :-(

[outsidethebox]

It sounds like he's moving back near you, it sounds like you want a FWB with him. It also sounds like you consider him devoted to you for last two years and not entirely worried about what he does if he's an FWB.

 

There is the standard FWB never works out stuff people post, but yes, this is what your heart desires. That's assuming a real FWB where there is no such thing as cheating so nothing to complain about later about that. You know what you're getting into.

[BriannaAnn]

Sounds like you're letting your genitals do your thinking for you, since you're so damned focused on having sex. I'm also confused as to why you keep stressing that "you didn't know the girls he cheated on" - like that fact somehow makes him less of a lying scumbag. It doesn't.

 

You act as though this guy is the ONLY one on planet earth that you can have sex with. He's not. Sex ALWAYS complicates things and eventually ruins friendships. It ain't rocket science.

 

I kept stressing I didnt know the women to make the point he doesn't/ hasn't lied to me. Even before he moved.. now when we were 15-16 yeah.. but point is. He doesn't lie to me.. now after sex he may start I guess. But as of now. 0 lies. We're crazy close, like hey I seen this hot guy/girl, like hey im cramping, or hey I hate that shirt you wore.. hell he helped me figure out when I ovulate-and complained ofcourse lol. And I know it sounds juvenile but, I cant just have sex with a person I don't know its not very safe. if anything I'll just not have sex at all, but having sex with someone and sending them on their merry way. Not a option and again, I have a kid. I do not tell men where I live, I do not have men at my home. So even if I had a change in heart and trusted a stranger with my body, I still have to find a sitter before each time and I know this is tmi, but I'd want intercourse 4-5 times weekly, add that to someone I wont let in my home, lol. Alot of work.. again, his character isn't really the issue. before we left and when he's in town we hang out at his mom's and his family.. you'd think I was a tom boy if I didn't wear heels-only. But thanks. This is a very important friendship.. but youre right...bad things could happen.