Passionless marriage

[STEVE0158]

I will start by saying, i'm not the perfect husband. However, i am not the worst either. I'm not out in bars watching sports, i really don't like sports, i'm not ever out w/ my friends, my biggest vice is hitting the gym, i try to go 4-5 days a week. I try to help around the house, wash dishes, laundry, yardwork etc. I take my Wife shopping every weekend and really try to be there for my Wife. I'm not a bad looking fella either a little chubby but in decent shape overall, especially at 39yrs of age. She's 36, 5'9 and i think she's very sexy.

 

My wife and I are married about 1 1/2 yrs, we've been together a total of 5yrs. I think my Wife is an awesome wife in every single aspect of being a Wife (and this is my 2nd marriage, so i know) except in the bedroom, she is a dead lay. She's never (or very rarely) horny. When we do have sex, it's okay but there is never any of that ripping the clothes off, cant wait to get naked passion. Shes super conservative, so in public if i try to sneak a kiss or squeeze her butt, she gets annoyed and embarrassed that someone may see. in the beginning of our relationship she would only have sex w/ me on top and even then she wouldn't allow me to get into it, if i spread her legs too far or go too hard, she would get annoyed. in addition, i always go down on her until she orgasms, ALWAYS (she loves it and i'm good at it, lol) so when it comes time for penetration, shes wet, yet she always insists on lube, then she'll put so much lube, she'll ask, "is it in?"

 

We've since moved beyond missionary position and she usually gets on top, still uses the lube and still complains if i grab her hips and try to get a little rough, she says it hurts. We did doggy style a few times and she kept moving away from me and said she felt like she was being raped, so we no longer do that. We've even tried anal, which didn't work out well. she'll perform oral on me and she's pretty damn good at it.

 

The problem is SHE never initiates sex, EVER!!! And she's never into it, she'll do whatever i ask for the most part but she's not into it. She acts like she is, but it's an act, she's trying to get me off as a good wife, but i want that passion, bite my lips and scratch my back, maybe a little dirty talk, but nothing. if i send her an erotic text, the most i'll get out of her is "tonight baby", i got her the other day to send me some pics of her boobs and stuff, which was hot, then when i spoke to her at night she said she felt dirty doing that. When she sent me the pics she again told me "tonight baby", when we went to bed i refused to initiate, i wanted to see what she would do, i tried kissing her a few times only to have her move away, then she said "You want me to suck it?" WOW, isn't that erotic? i said "NO!"

 

Sometimes when we're fooling around, she'll giggle like a 12yr old (which is a turn off) and if she ever talks about sex, she won't say "dick", she'll say "it" and that goes for everything.

 

The problem is i'm going to the gym now 6 weeks straight, i'm dieting and the old shape is starting to come back, i'm 6'3 and i'm starting to look good again. Women in the gym are noticing and becoming more talkative. I don't want to cheat but if the bait is hung in front of my face long enough i'm scared i may slip.

 

I've talked w/ her countless times about this, she usually apologizes and will give me sex (same old boring sex) that night and then it reverts right back to where we started. I'm tired of talking about it, nothing gets done anyway. I've even told her we should see a therapist, she says "ok" but then we never do it.

 

i really don't know what else to do, i think she's just not a horny person. One time we were away on vacation in Dom Rep, we have no kids but i had my 8yr old from my first marriage w/ us. My Wife was like a lunatic, telling me she wants sex, we need to have sex. Finally my daughter fell asleep, she comes to my side of the bed and she was soaked, it was the best day ever, it never happened again after that.

[dichotomy]

Well as a twice married man, who also has read alot of posts by other married men - let me point out a few positives - that is things other married men would be appreciative of - and you should too. I say the following with a bit of humor.

 

1) "She likes oral, is damn good at it, and gives it". No oral is #1 on the married mans complaint list - and you got no issues here. Be thankful man.

 

2) "She is not really in the mood, wont initiate, but she will have sex with me mostly when I ask". #2 on the married mans complaint list - wife will not do it unless she is in the mood. Yours will. Be thankful man.

 

3) "She tired anal with me for a while". Holly cow man ! You even got to experience this once or twice in a marriage?!!. She tired it with you?! I could promises my wife a new BMW and not it anal get once.

 

4) "She sexted me pictures of her boobs..... but felt a little dirty about it". She sent you what? Most of us MM just get a "pickup milk on the way home" text. Now I am getting jealous ! I would be dancing around the office if my wife sent me pictures of her boobs.

 

 

Now some of your other common married man complains like 5) She lays on her back mostly 6) Will not get wild and crazy and creative

 

 

Well 4 out 6 ain't bad!

Edited April 24, 2013 by dichotomy

[TigerCub]

A common criticism of women is that they marry men hoping to change them.

 

I think you're doing the same thing here.

She was like that before you married her, so expecting her to change isn't really realistic. You chose to marry someone like that - (not good in bed and not fulfilling to you in that way) - so I think you kind of have no one to blame but yourself here.. Sorry.

 

That whole line about "the girls at the gym notice me and if there's bait dangled in front of me for so long, I'm afraid to slip" [paraphrased]

that's complete bull****.

So you may one day cheat on her and then turn around and blame her for being the frigid boring in the sack drag.

Please - own your actions and your choices.

 

Honest question:

- Did you really think her sexual habits or hangups would change?

- If so, why?

[ForeverHopeful1]

Why did you marry someone you were so sexually incompatible with?

[STEVE0158]

dichotomy - you are 100% correct, i feel i am sure i am way better off than many men, it's just that it gets to a point where i feel like she's doing and would rather be doing something else. for example w/ the anal, she was annoyed throughout the whole process, it was uncomfortable to her (obviously) but she still did it. Shes also very easily distracted during sex, if the dog barks or she hears something outside, everything gets put on hold. Every other relationship i've ever had, had that fire where there can be a man w/ a gun in front of us and we're going to finish doing what we are doing before we stop.

 

TigerCub, as i typed my initial post i knew knew knew someone would ask if i was looking to change her. The answer is "NO!", the reason i married her is first that i love her to death. As far as sex goes, she always progressed w/ time. Missionary to doggy, condom to none, never allowed me to finish a BJ in her mouth, now she does. There was progressions always. The problem like i said isn't so much the acts, its the passion she has while doing it.

As far as the girls in the gym go, right now it's a fantasy in my mind, it's gone no further, i'm not blaming anyone, i would be 100% at fault, i'm simply stating if i was getting it at home, i wouldn't go looking for it.

[CarrieT]

i'm simply stating if i was getting it at home, i wouldn't go looking for it.

But you ARE getting it at home - it isn't just the way you want it to be...

 

And your wife needs to know you are thinking this way. You are primed to stray and I'm willing to bet you would take up an offer for a one-night stand just to get that thrill.

 

I'm curious if you are in counseling at all, because even with long-term marriages, that adrenaline-rush thrill doesn't necessarily continue. I know you said you have talked to your wife about this, but it sounds like you want her to be someone she is not. Have you discussed the vacation you were on and how much of a turn-on that was to you? This is all about her knowing what is going on in your head and not assuming she will figure it out.

[STEVE0158]

Yes Carrie, i am getting it at home and correct it's not the way i want it. You think i should tell me wife i'm having thoughts of infidelity? I don't think that's the answer, why does it have to come to that? I've talked to her at least 6 times about this topic, saying i'm having these thoughts will only make her paranoid IMHO.

 

We are not in counseling, although i've requested it on each of our discussions, it never seems to happen.

[TigerCub]

dichotomy - you are 100% correct, i feel i am sure i am way better off than many men, it's just that it gets to a point where i feel like she's doing and would rather be doing something else. for example w/ the anal, she was annoyed throughout the whole process, it was uncomfortable to her (obviously) but she still did it. Shes also very easily distracted during sex, if the dog barks or she hears something outside, everything gets put on hold. Every other relationship i've ever had, had that fire where there can be a man w/ a gun in front of us and we're going to finish doing what we are doing before we stop.

 

TigerCub, as i typed my initial post i knew knew knew someone would ask if i was looking to change her. The answer is "NO!", the reason i married her is first that i love her to death. As far as sex goes, she always progressed w/ time. Missionary to doggy, condom to none, never allowed me to finish a BJ in her mouth, now she does. There was progressions always. The problem like i said isn't so much the acts, its the passion she has while doing it.

As far as the girls in the gym go, right now it's a fantasy in my mind, it's gone no further, i'm not blaming anyone, i would be 100% at fault, i'm simply stating if i was getting it at home, i wouldn't go looking for it.

 

But you are getting it at home.

You just described how she's come a long way.

 

As far as passion - not everyone has passion and I think it also depends on the person one is with. Not everyone brings out passion in someone.

 

You're talking about that fire that passion that gotta have you lust. If it's not there it's not there.

 

That most likely will not change.

[CarrieT]

You think i should tell me wife i'm having thoughts of infidelity?

Yes, in this case I do believe you should be very open and honest with her.

 

I don't think that's the answer, why does it have to come to that?

Because you said this: "I've talked to her at least 6 times about this topic."

 

We are not in counseling, although i've requested it on each of our discussions, it never seems to happen.

Push for it. Have you researched any potential counselors? Or, start going on your own and ask your wife to join you.

 

 

The true success of any marriage is complete and total honesty. Instead of begging, cajoling, or pleading for something, you need to explain to your wife what YOU feel you are missing in your marriage.

 

You have already said that she has come a long way so it may not be that difficult to get her to come a little further along. But you have to communicate that to her. A dialogue is two-way - not just asking her, but listening to her needs and wants as well. Do you honestly say you know how she feels about the sex you do have? Or are you making assumptions on what she has been willing to do?

[STEVE0158]

Well like i said, i love her to death, she's so beautiful and classy, intelligent, she's awesome, she means the world to me, she loves my daughter like crazy, has a great job, maintains the house, she's sweet as pie. If i ask her to wear something sexy, she will. Like i said, she'll try most acts that i ask of her.

 

#1 - never does she say she's in the mood, it almost makes me feel like i'm undesirable to her.

 

#2 - the acts that she performs are acts, not feelings, passion is a feeling that needs to be felt, it cant be manufactured. I have given her sensual massages that i learned on youtube, i often ask what she wants, what drives her crazy, she get embarrassed to talk about it. i've even tried having a few drinks yet she never seems to loosen up...

 

shes a bit too self conscious to tell her i'm thinking of looking outside the marriage, i think it may hurt more than help, despite her being sexy, she's threatened by the little chubby 5ft woman down the block that is a bit overly nice to me.

[CarrieT]

shes a bit too self conscious to tell her i'm thinking of looking outside the marriage, i think it may hurt more than help, despite her being sexy, she's threatened by the little chubby 5ft woman down the block that is a bit overly nice to me.

I seriously think she needs to know this.

[CarrieT]

I will add that if she feels threatened by a chubby 5-footer, there are some major issues there that need to be dealt with.

 

Sounds like both of you need counseling.

 

The long-term answer IS counseling because you can't see yourself living this way for the rest of your life, do you? And to change it, you will need to take some drastic steps - hopefully ones that won't involve affairs and one-night stands.

[STEVE0158]

you've made some good points Carrie and honestly i feel like i don't have it as bad as i thought.

i will talk w/ my Wife and see where we wind up. Although i have thoughts of an outside relations I can't imagine me ever doing that to her. Infidelity on the part of my Ex was the reason for my previous marriage failing.

[MEJ76]

I seriously think she needs to know this.

 

I was in the same position last year. I didn't tell my husband how close to the cheating precipice I was. Cut to a few months later and I was confessing my infidelity to him, trying to reconcile my destructive madness, and ending the very unhealthy relationship with my affair partner. I permanently altered our marital history, and I can never ever take that back. Please choose better than I did. That slope gets very slippery very fast.

 

Best wishes to you.

[STEVE0158]

I was in the same position last year. I didn't tell my husband how close to the cheating precipice I was. Cut to a few months later and I was confessing my infidelity to him, trying to reconcile my destructive madness, and ending the very unhealthy relationship with my affair partner. I permanently altered our marital history, and I can never ever take that back. Please choose better than I did. That slope gets very slippery very fast.

 

Best wishes to you.

 

wow that really puts things in perspective. i have never cheated on my Wife, even prior to being married, i really do not want to. All i want is that fire. That sloppy, fire filled love making that i've never had w/ her.

[MEJ76]

wow that really puts things in perspective. i have never cheated on my Wife, even prior to being married, i really do not want to. All i want is that fire. That sloppy, fire filled love making that i've never had w/ her.

 

I completely understand, Steve. I had never cheated before either, on my husband or on previous boyfriends. Boundaries get blurred, the blurriness (word?!) becomes easy to justify. The attention becomes like an addiction. Tell her what you have shared here about needing that fire and wanting to share it with her. Be honest about your temptations to look outside of your marriage.

[Quiet Storm]

I think some women just don't have a strong drive for it. I have friends like this. They could take it or leave it.

 

Since she is not craving it, nothing is prompting her to initiate. She likely doesn't even think about it until you mention it.

 

The fact that she is willing to do it whenever you ask, shows that she does care about meeting your needs.

 

It sounds like you have mismatched drives. You are more passionate, you want to explore, you want it to be an adventure. She is indifferent. She'll do it to meet your needs but looks at it more like a "wifely duty" instead of a way to connect, explore, or show love.

 

I don't think you want her to be phony or acting for your benefit. You genuinely want her to want you (reminds me of that old Cheap Trick song).

 

She may just not have it in her to be that way. And that would make you incompatible.

 

Many marriages compromise on issues such as these. Most men do want the enthusiasm and passion that you describe, but some have women that aren't even willing to try. Your wife is willing to meet your needs. It may not be done with phony enthusiasm, but she does care about you.

 

Does she happen to be on the pill? The pill can kill a woman's sex drive because it stops you from ovulating, which is often the time of month when a woman wants it the most.

[Mycatsnuggles]

Ouiet storm mentioned that your wife doesn't have much of a sex drive as evidenced by her lack of response. I believed this about myself for more then 20 years of marriage. H was my first and only, I felt self conscious about sex with him but I always complied because I wanted to make him happy. We went along this way for a very long time, I often had urges sexually but sex with H never satisfied those. I kept assuming it was me, or this was the best it could be. There were times, especially if I had been drinking it could be good but they were few and far between.

 

I couldn't help but wonder if there could be more. Until one day someone began to notice me. I began an affair with him because the sexual tension was out of this world. Why is it good with him but not H? I really don't know, I wish I could make these feelings transfer to H.

 

I ignored the fact that H and I were not sexually compatible, I didn't recognize that this would contribute to us growing apart. Don't ignore your wifes lack of response. Its not that she isn't sexual. Explore what the problem is or those urges your already experiencing will create even more problems in the future. Best of luck.

[STEVE0158]

yes she is on the pill, she's been on the pill since we've been together.

 

So let me tell you about last night's situation, she gets home from work about 6:30pm, at about 5:30 i leave to go have dinner w/ my daughter and my Mom which is about an hour away.

 

I get home a little before 9:00, we sit and bs a little about our day's topics. we have a nice conversation. About 9:45 she says "what do you want for dinner tomorrow?", pretending i didn't hear her i said "What, you want anal?" she smirked and said "I know baby i haven't been taking care of you lately." at which i just tilted my head as if to say "yeah". She then says "i'm going to bed, you coming?" Now understand something in my house, she usually goes to bed ahead of me and i stay up and watch TV. So now i'm thinking i'll be getting a little action right? She's in bed checking her phone, i lay next to her, she puts her hand on my chest and continues fk'n Facebook, after a couple minutes my blood begins to boil and i say "is this what you asked me to come to bed for?", her response "Well this is the only time i get to check facebook" ARE YOU FK'N KIDDING ME???? I GOT UP AND SAID "What about the only time to spend w/ your husband?" she said what's the dif if i was laying in bed reading a book or magazine, "no problem, i'll be on the couch watching TV" she continued to tel me i was "ridiculous" and "you're always on your phone", 95% of my phone usage is work, but to her if you're on the phone, you're on the phone.

When i got home yesterday after the help from you great people i actually felt better about my situation and realized it's not that bad, after last night, i'm not so sure.... i'm really aggravated!!!

[LeGenDary_Man]

yes she is on the pill, she's been on the pill since we've been together.

 

So let me tell you about last night's situation, she gets home from work about 6:30pm, at about 5:30 i leave to go have dinner w/ my daughter and my Mom which is about an hour away.

 

I get home a little before 9:00, we sit and bs a little about our day's topics. we have a nice conversation. About 9:45 she says "what do you want for dinner tomorrow?", pretending i didn't hear her i said "What, you want anal?" she smirked and said "I know baby i haven't been taking care of you lately." at which i just tilted my head as if to say "yeah". She then says "i'm going to bed, you coming?" Now understand something in my house, she usually goes to bed ahead of me and i stay up and watch TV. So now i'm thinking i'll be getting a little action right? She's in bed checking her phone, i lay next to her, she puts her hand on my chest and continues fk'n Facebook, after a couple minutes my blood begins to boil and i say "is this what you asked me to come to bed for?", her response "Well this is the only time i get to check facebook" ARE YOU FK'N KIDDING ME???? I GOT UP AND SAID "What about the only time to spend w/ your husband?" she said what's the dif if i was laying in bed reading a book or magazine, "no problem, i'll be on the couch watching TV" she continued to tel me i was "ridiculous" and "you're always on your phone", 95% of my phone usage is work, but to her if you're on the phone, you're on the phone.

When i got home yesterday after the help from you great people i actually felt better about my situation and realized it's not that bad, after last night, i'm not so sure.... i'm really aggravated!!!

Seriously? Is this your "romantic" skill?

 

Your wife is correct; you are "ridiculous."

 

She is a working lady and work-stress on top of usage of pills can significantly lower a woman's sex drive.

 

Also, you shouldn't "shame" a woman in to being intimate with you. If your wife does not initiates, so damn what? You initiate it.

 

Their is hell of a difference between real-life romance and what you seen in PORN. The latter is acting; the former requires hard work and patience.

 

In addition, their are lot of tips in the web for spicing-up "romance" in marriage. Focus on them or consult a Sex Therapist.

 

You better apologize to your wife and be more supportive and sympathetic to her.

 

Some people have ridiculous expectations from their spouses these days. Yes, you fall in this category.

Edited April 25, 2013 by LeGenDary_Man

[waterwoman]

I get home a little before 9:00, we sit and bs a little about our day's topics. we have a nice conversation. About 9:45 she says "what do you want for dinner tomorrow?", pretending i didn't hear her i said "What, you want anal?" she smirked and said "I know baby i haven't been taking care of you lately." at which i just tilted my head as if to say "yeah". She then says "i'm going to bed, you coming?" Now understand something in my house, she usually goes to bed ahead of me and i stay up and watch TV. So now i'm thinking i'll be getting a little action right? She's in bed checking her phone, i lay next to her, she puts her hand on my chest and continues fk'n Facebook, after a couple minutes my blood begins to boil and i say "is this what you asked me to come to bed for?", her response "Well this is the only time i get to check facebook" ARE YOU FK'N KIDDING ME???? I GOT UP AND SAID "What about the only time to spend w/ your husband?" she said what's the dif if i was laying in bed reading a book or magazine, "no problem, i'll be on the couch watching TV" she continued to tel me i was "ridiculous" and "you're always on your phone", 95% of my phone usage is work, but to her if you're on the phone, you're on the phone.

When i got home yesterday after the help from you great people i actually felt better about my situation and realized it's not that bad, after last night, i'm not so sure.... i'm really aggravated!!!

 

So what this tells me (and your wife) is that you aren't prepared to simply BE with her unless she's shagging you. Your needs come first. She doesn't matter. Perhaps she wanted to BE with you - just be there with you.

 

Also agree with just-a-poster - being a working woman with a husband who 'tries' to help with the housework is a pretty bum deal. And yes, sex does become a further chore because you resent the person you are having sex with.

 

She's having sex with you whether she wants to or not. Be grateful that she loves you enough to do so. Perhaps if you 'tried' a little more around the house and took some of the burden off her she might actually want to have sex. Hey, you never know, give it a go!

 

THis was my H's main beef with me. It was the main way he expressed his love for me - my fault I never realised that. But d'you know what? if he had got off his arse and actually helped me around the house, I mean REALLY helped me, or better yet took charge, I might have stopped feeling like a skivvy and started feeling more like a lover. I used to feel like a worn out dishrag when I got to bed - not sexy in the slightest. And I constantly asked him for help. For many years until the asking became more effort than doing it myself.

 

"When i got home yesterday after the help from you great people i actually felt better about my situation and realized it's not that bad, after last night, i'm not so sure.... i'm really aggravated!!!" Hmmmm .....

[xxoo]

yes she is on the pill, she's been on the pill since we've been together.

 

So let me tell you about last night's situation, she gets home from work about 6:30pm, at about 5:30 i leave to go have dinner w/ my daughter and my Mom which is about an hour away.

 

I get home a little before 9:00, we sit and bs a little about our day's topics. we have a nice conversation. About 9:45 she says "what do you want for dinner tomorrow?", pretending i didn't hear her i said "What, you want anal?" she smirked and said "I know baby i haven't been taking care of you lately." at which i just tilted my head as if to say "yeah". She then says "i'm going to bed, you coming?" Now understand something in my house, she usually goes to bed ahead of me and i stay up and watch TV. So now i'm thinking i'll be getting a little action right? She's in bed checking her phone, i lay next to her, she puts her hand on my chest and continues fk'n Facebook, after a couple minutes my blood begins to boil and i say "is this what you asked me to come to bed for?", her response "Well this is the only time i get to check facebook" ARE YOU FK'N KIDDING ME???? I GOT UP AND SAID "What about the only time to spend w/ your husband?" she said what's the dif if i was laying in bed reading a book or magazine, "no problem, i'll be on the couch watching TV" she continued to tel me i was "ridiculous" and "you're always on your phone", 95% of my phone usage is work, but to her if you're on the phone, you're on the phone.

When i got home yesterday after the help from you great people i actually felt better about my situation and realized it's not that bad, after last night, i'm not so sure.... i'm really aggravated!!!

 

What I see here is you making a loaded comment, and her taking it well, being gracious, and even leaving the door open for sex.

 

And then once in bed, when she wasn't sexually initiating within minutes, you lost it on her, and left her there.

 

Consider that you came to bed horny, and she came to bed willing to get horny. It can be difficult for some women to shift from daytime responsibilities to nighttime pleasures. It is difficult for me, and I LOVE sex! A smart man will help her make that shift, without having a hissy fit because she isn't jumping your bones as soon as you get in bed.

 

I hope you do apologize, and promise to "make it up to her" (some innuendo there is fine). That behavior was unsexy. You want her to see you in a stronger, more seductive light.

[Mint Sauce]

the elephant in the room is that she said "I haven't been taking care of you lately."

 

She sees sex as a wifely duty, as said before. While Steve wants a woman who desires him, like most men do.

 

Is it inhibition, or a true lack of sexual desire for him?

 

Why did SHE marry him if she doesn't desire him? What is the probability of HER cheating when she comes across a man that gets her juices flowing (what exactly happened on the Dom Rep? Who was she thinking off when she came on to you? Ask her (but in a less nasty way than I phrase it here)!)

 

Steve, I recognize your frustration, and there's a lot of blaming going on around here. BUT: you expressed to her what you want. Can she tell you what she wants? Did she tell you she doesn't desire you (anymore) because you don't do your part in the household? She owes it to you, her H, to try to understand why she doesn't initiate half of the time.

[STEVE0158]

HOLY MOLY, Wow did i just get my ass handed to me.

 

In response, i'm up for work 4:40am, out of house by 5:20am usually home and done w/ work by 4:30pm, at that point I do laundry (if need be), do dishes, sweep the floor, set dinner table, feed and walk the dogs. Then i go to the gym for an hour, after the gym i come home and start dinner. I'm no slouch as a husband when it comes to domestic duties. I pull my weight, the ONLY reason she does more than I is because certain duties like making the bed, folding clothes etc. she likes done "her way". Weekends, i am mowing lawn, vacuuming pool and maintaining the outside of the home as needed.

 

In regards to the gym comment, anyone that has knowledge of weight lifting will know that lifting increases testosterone levels, which increase sex drive. Hence my reasoning for wanting sex more often.

 

You will all call BS, but honestly i masturbated yesterday afternoon, i had not much interest in sex last night anyway, i simply wanted to lay and have a chat w/ my Wife. Especially when we go to bed separately usually, she could have put down facebook so we could've shared some time together.

 

The comment about the "real life romance in comparison to porn" is BS, EVERY SINGLE GIRL I have been with, from the most inhibited girl to the loosest, offered that hot passion when the mood struck. Going out for a dinner and a few drinks and making out in the car at a red light, not being able to wait to get home.

 

Lastly, I am not trying to change her, i'm looking for her to grow sexually w/ her husband, period. I'm coming off as a selfish dick on these posts and i'm not that guy. I love my Wife, she is a great woman, sexy as hell, i am basically looking to strangers for help on feelings i am having only to turn around and get bashed. At the end of the day regardless of the actions being performed, it's disheartening when you don't feel wanted by your Wife. I've been married before so i know the mistakes i've made and make every effort to NOT repeat them. Her best interests are always put first whether int he bedroom or elsewhere. Do you know how many times i've brought her to orgasm orally only to have her turn around and leave me laying there w/ a stiffy bc she didn't feel like having sex???? Yeah, w/ a sticky face i'd go to the bathroom and whack off. Thank God that hasn't happened in a long time.

[STEVE0158]

the elephant in the room is that she said "I haven't been taking care of you lately."

 

She sees sex as a wifely duty, as said before. While Steve wants a woman who desires him, like most men do.

 

Is it inhibition, or a true lack of sexual desire for him?

 

Why did SHE marry him if she doesn't desire him? What is the probability of HER cheating when she comes across a man that gets her juices flowing (what exactly happened on the Dom Rep? Who was she thinking off when she came on to you? Ask her (but in a less nasty way than I phrase it here)!)

 

Steve, I recognize your frustration, and there's a lot of blaming going on around here. BUT: you expressed to her what you want. Can she tell you what she wants? Did she tell you she doesn't desire you (anymore) because you don't do your part in the household? She owes it to you, her H, to try to understand why she doesn't initiate half of the time.

 

It's def inhibition, i know there is some level of desire, it's just not the animal desire i'm wishing for. I also know she truly loves me, i would bet my life that she's not cheating. It's not her personality, she's very family oriented and super inhibited, like i said in an earlier post, before me she never did any other position aside from missionary, she's grown a lot w/ me. She hasn't been w/ many men and i met her when she was 30. I ALWAYS ask her what she wants, what gets her juices flowing. I thought maybe she may have some freaky desire deep down. I told her she can do whatever she wants to me. She replied i love when you kiss my boobs and go down on me.