Why dont men hold themselves to the standards they feel they should receive?

[pbjbear]

This is honestly something that baffles me.

 

I see so many men post threads about how their girlfriend did this or that and they admit they do the same thing. They dont even stop to think that if they do something and feel theres nothing wrong with it, its stupid to expect a girl you are dating to NOT do that or to get mad when she does it.

 

Examples Ive seen: talking to exes (I talk to my ex girlfriends but my girlfriend talks to her ex, should I trust her?) a recent one on talking to male friends (I tell my female friends I miss them but my girlfriend said that to her male friend, is that cool?), my girlfriend has stopped doing stuff for me and doesnt give me as much attention (but Ive been too busy to do much for her...should I dump her?) Facebook stuff (my girlfriend comments on her male friends photos and Im pissed, even though I do the same thing except with sexy pics)

 

Is it lack of self awareness, superiority complex, just stupidity? Educate me. Perhaps Im one of the few people that exist that genuinely tries to follow the Golden Rule.

Edited April 24, 2013 by pbjbear

[normal person]

 

Is it lack of self awareness, superiority complex, just stupidity? Educate me. Perhaps Im one of the few people that exist that genuinely tries to follow the Golden Rule.

 

I think it's a combination of all those things, but I also think a big contributing factor is a girl's inherent desire to please, she won't be as vocal when complaining about this stuff and she'll just accept the double standard as part of the male/female paradigm we've got. Since she doesn't complain as much, guys can get away with this stuff and get used to doing so. So naturally when she finally reaches a breaking point, it's kind of a shock to a guy. So yeah, it seems as if there's a lot of "taking advantage" going on, whether it's conscious or not.

 

Just my thought, but I actually do agree with you. A lot of guys' behavior in that regard is, for the most part, pretty hard to justify. I personally like girls with assertiveness who can call guys out on crap like that. It's much healthier.

[Treasa]

This is honestly something that baffles me.

 

I see so many men post threads about how their girlfriend did this or that and they admit they do the same thing. They dont even stop to think that if they do something and feel theres nothing wrong with it, its stupid to expect a girl you are dating to NOT do that or to get mad when she does it.

 

Examples Ive seen: talking to exes (I talk to my ex girlfriends but my girlfriend talks to her ex, should I trust her?) a recent one on talking to male friends (I tell my female friends I miss them but my girlfriend said that to her male friend, is that cool?), my girlfriend has stopped doing stuff for me and doesnt give me as much attention (but Ive been too busy to do much for her...should I dump her?) Facebook stuff (my girlfriend comments on her male friends photos and Im pissed, even though I do the same thing except with sexy pics)

 

Is it lack of self awareness, superiority complex, just stupidity? Educate me. Perhaps Im one of the few people that exist that genuinely tries to follow the Golden Rule.

 

I see similar posts made by women.

[pbjbear]

I see similar posts made by women.

 

Really? Where? Ive seen very few, though Im sure women do this in real life too.

 

I am not trying to bash the male gender, but I do observe this behavior more often in males than females. And I think its because females do tend to be less vocal and assertive like normalperson said...(though Teresa I know you arent like that!)

 

Tara- this isnt my personal dating. I ditch guys that act this way. Im very assertive in real life- actually alot of guys dont like that. I said I observed this behavior on this forum from males, which I do all the time.

[ChessPieceFace]

This is honestly something that baffles me.

 

I see so many men post threads about how their girlfriend did this or that and they admit they do the same thing.

 

Funny, I just responded to a thread where a woman complained about her guy "liking" girls' skimpy clothing pics on facebook. When asked whether she looked at similar pics of guys, she said she "liked" them only in her head, wink wink.

 

The difference between women and men -- men are more honest, and women are more hypocritical.

[Treasa]

Yeah. It seems to depend on the sub-forum you're in, but I've seen it. Or I might see threads by guys saying that they did something wrong, but that their girlfriends also do it.

 

If two people can't treat each other with compassion and respect, it'd be better if they weren't together.

[pbjbear]

Funny, I just responded to a thread where a woman complained about her guy "liking" girls' skimpy clothing pics on facebook. When asked whether she looked at similar pics of guys, she said she "liked" them only in her head, wink wink.

 

The difference between women and men -- men are more honest, and women are more hypocritical.

 

 

At least she respects her boyfriend enough to not follow through on the thought. Cant say that of her boyfriend. So no, not the same.

 

I always enjoy how you twist everything around though. You should get medals for your mental gymnastics.

[TheBigQuestion]

I'm not saying this doesn't happen in real life, but I don't remember that many threads that are examples of what you're talking about, and I tend to read this forum quite frequently.

[SensitiveTJ]

To answer succinctly:

 

1) Some do, in fact, hold themselves to the same standard as they expect of wonen. U would say the majority of me are in this category.

 

2) Some men support or condone various double standards, but justify them by contending for the existence of innate differences between the sexes. A smaller portion are in this category.

 

3) A very small subsection of men are disinterested in applying logic, equity, or empathy to human relationships. They are going to judge people as they want regardless of any argument, and are primarily focused on satisfying their own needs, above all else. These men tend towards narcissism and megalomania.

[pbjbear]

I'm not saying this doesn't happen in real life, but I don't remember that many threads that are examples of what you're talking about, and I tend to read this forum quite frequently.

 

The Cheating and Flirting section is rampant with them. Ive stopped bringing it up because then they say they are biologically wired to be so hypocritical

 

Id prefer answers that actually answer my question by the way. Im genuinely curious

[Keenly]

Another example of a woman dating a douche , and using him to represent all men. There are men out there who will love you, who want to love you, and who want to make you happy. You women don't ever want these men since they are constantly getting rejected.

 

 

Its the cycle of dating. Girl gets heart broken by *******, girl says all men are the same , nice guy comes along, girl rejects him , ass hole comes along, girl accepts ass hole, ass hole breaks her heart, repeat.

[Divasu]

When someone has idealistic expectations of how another person should act or behave, but he/she is unable to do the same, it is a failure on their part to act fairly.

 

So, try not to think of it in terms of 'blanket unfairness' but more so, the individual's inability to apply and live by those same set of standards for himself/herself. What you deem as a high standard for yourself, the other person may not.

 

Mismatch...

[TheBigQuestion]

 

The Cheating and Flirting section is rampant with them. Ive stopped bringing it up because then they say they are biologically wired to be so hypocritical

 

Id prefer answers that actually answer my question by the way. Im genuinely curious

 

The fact that you're most often finding examples of this behavior in the "Cheating and Flirting" subforum should answer your question for you.

[pbjbear]

When someone has idealistic expectations of how another person should act or behave, but he/she is unable to do the same, it is a failure on their part to act fairly.

 

So, try not to think of it in terms of 'blanket unfairness' but more so, the individual's inability to apply and live by those same set of standards for himself/herself. What you deem as a high standard for yourself, the other person may not.

 

Mismatch...

 

Id go gay for Divasu.

[Mme. Chaucer]

Id prefer answers that actually answer my question by the way. Im genuinely curious

 

You'd prefer it because, by answering your question, people are implicitly agreeing with your assertion in your thread title that "MEN" do not hold themselves to the same standards, etc.

 

I think that's fallacious and a ridiculous waste of time. If YOU have such a man in your life - and I'm not arguing, they do exist, and I certainly see the posts here on LS - get the jerk OUT of your life.

 

Same thing for a man who is troubled by asinine behavior by a woman.

 

Conjecture about why an entire gender is this way or that way is not worth discussion.

[pbjbear]

You'd prefer it because, by answering your question, people are implicitly agreeing with your assertion in your thread title that "MEN" do not hold themselves to the same standards, etc.

 

I think that's fallacious and a ridiculous waste of time. If YOU have such a man in your life - and I'm not arguing, they do exist, and I certainly see the posts here on LS - get the jerk OUT of your life.

 

Same thing for a man who is troubled by asinine behavior by a woman.

 

Conjecture about why an entire gender is this way or that way is not worth discussion.

 

I dont care if women are brought into it. As long as people answer why people act this way I dont care.

 

You are always very quick to label people a certain way. If Im hateful and fallacious, you are as well. I notice you do the same thing with other posters too.

 

Ive already stated several times Im not dating and I ditch any man who acts this way (and I have) so this isnt out of my personal experience. I post stuff when Im bored at work, it doesnt always = my personal experience.

Edited April 24, 2013 by pbjbear

[Mme. Chaucer]

I dont care if women are brought into it. As long as people answer why people act this way I dont care.

 

You are always very quick to label people a certain way. If Im hateful and fallacious, you are as well. I notice you do the same thing with other posters too.

 

I hope you notice that I did not say, or mean, that YOU are "hateful and fallacious" (don't even know where the "hateful" came from.)

 

I said that asking a question that starts with "why don't men" etc. is fallacious. To respond to your question implies that one also believes that "men" are the way you claim. You appear to be looking for affirmation in your prejudices and IMO you'd be better off if you don't receive any.

 

And, I do agree with you on one thing. No matter what poster does that, I respond the same way!

[SteveC80]

You say this is not to bash the male gender yet thats what most of your posts/threads are cenetered around

 

PEOPLE do what you said its not specific to gender women are not immune i know plenty of women who do things like this.

 

I cant count how many women i know who are in relationships and "playfully" flirt with other men yet if their partner did it to a women theyd flip the f out.

[pbjbear]

You say this is not to bash the male gender yet thats what most of your posts/threads are cenetered around

 

PEOPLE do what you said its not specific to gender women are not immune i know plenty of women who do things like this.

 

I cant count how many women i know who are in relationships and "playfully" flirt with other men yet if their partner did it to a women theyd flip the f out.

 

 

Well if thats true, then most of the men on here are woman haters.

Yes, my threads are asking about men, because shocker, I am a female. When I turn lesbian Ill let you know about the women. I wouldnt say most of my posts arent centered around that, perhaps you should look at my history? You prob just remember the ones where I said something you didnt like.

 

I get called a hater on here because Im blunt and honest and alot of men when you say something they dont like they automatically label you as a hater. There are several men on here the same way but I dont hate on them..example many state women are less honest, more passive aggressive and more catty and while it doesnt make me feel good for them to say that about my gender...I agree with them somewhat/see their viewpoint or why they think that...thus I dont really see them as a hater.

 

Yes, PEOPLE do what I stated. But more men than women do on this forum. Or at least admit to it.

Edited April 24, 2013 by pbjbear

[Treasa]

Yes, she does pbjbear. When someone is not happy with themselves, they do and say all that they can to put other people down.

 

When people are unhappy with themselves, they often take a lot of things as people trying to put them down. When you are happy with yourself, you are much more likely to take things in either the best possible way, or the way in which it was intended.

 

Either way, the problem is with the person interpreting.

[Poppy fields]

It's a lot! There is no such thing as a fabled alot!

[Poppy fields]

I think there are hypocrites on both sides of the equation.

Edited April 24, 2013 by Poppy fields

[Woggle]

This goes both ways. In my first marriage she would flip out if we were watching a movie or tv show and an attractive woman came on. She would also flip out if I had one drink but it was okay for her to snort coke because coke was classy while beer is blue collar crap.

[pbjbear]

This goes both ways. In my first marriage she would flip out if we were watching a movie or tv show and an attractive woman came on. She would also flip out if I had one drink but it was okay for her to snort coke because coke was classy while beer is blue collar crap.

 

Woggle from everything youve said about your ex she seems crazy. Come to my happy place with me.

[TheFinalWord]

This is honestly something that baffles me.

 

I see so many men post threads about how their girlfriend did this or that and they admit they do the same thing. They dont even stop to think that if they do something and feel theres nothing wrong with it, its stupid to expect a girl you are dating to NOT do that or to get mad when she does it.

 

Examples Ive seen: talking to exes (I talk to my ex girlfriends but my girlfriend talks to her ex, should I trust her?) a recent one on talking to male friends (I tell my female friends I miss them but my girlfriend said that to her male friend, is that cool?), my girlfriend has stopped doing stuff for me and doesnt give me as much attention (but Ive been too busy to do much for her...should I dump her?) Facebook stuff (my girlfriend comments on her male friends photos and Im pissed, even though I do the same thing except with sexy pics)

 

Is it lack of self awareness, superiority complex, just stupidity? Educate me. Perhaps Im one of the few people that exist that genuinely tries to follow the Golden Rule.

 

The main reason is that there is a lack of communication or they are mismatched. Most of the time, if someone has to ask "should I stay with him/her", the answer is no. If one is in a happy, fulfilling relationship, with open and effective communication there would be no need to ask "should I dump him/her". Typically, they post as a way to validate their decision.

 

Another issue, is ego/pride. Few people often take time to reflect on their own actions and recognize their own hypocrisy "I hold this person to standard X, yet I myself violate my own self-made rules regularly". There are a lot of reasons for this, but many people that are spiritually immature do not like to be alone with their own thoughts. Facing one's demons is difficult, but necessary to improve oneself. Meta-cognition and introspection are lost arts. Disciplines like solitude, meditation, etc. are rarely practiced...especially by the demographic you are likely describing, early to mid 20s.

 

Folks in 30s and 40s are less likely to be the way you are describing. Not necessarily b/c they spend a lot of time in introspection, but life experience has forced them to recognize their relationship patterns.

 

Two ways to learn things: Accept wisdom from others (requires self-reflection and application; most importantly, humility), or learn from experience. Experience is a more painful teacher but the one most people embrace.

Edited April 24, 2013 by TheFinalWord