Why dont men hold themselves to the standards they feel they should receive?

[Treasa]

I spent a majority of my life angry and sad because people didn't behave as I thought they "should" have behaved. Should is a really ugly word.

 

Am I always happy when someone behaves in a way I don't like? No. Can I still be happy and live with it? Yes. As I am constantly preaching, I can't control what others do or how they feel. But I can and do control how I react to it.

 

I used to get SO angry about everything. I wanted a neat world where everyone behaved as I wanted or expected them to.

 

Real happiness didn't come to me until I realized I was completely powerless against it, but that I could still control my life.

[Treasa]

To further clarify: I've occasionally had people here telling me to leave their threads, because my very well-meaning advice hurt their feelings. I wasn't even trying to hurt their feelings, nor was I being negative. But THEY made themselves upset. They insisted upon feeling attacked. It's kind of crazy to think that I can affect a stranger that strongly.

 

That's why I don't take anything too seriously anymore. It's not worth it for most things. I'd rather be happy than try to manipulate people and life to treat me perfectly.

[pbjbear]

I think alot of the people that come here are unhappy with dating. I just come to this site to read peoples stories, pass the time when I get stuck with a slow shift at work. This is a site my work doesnt block from the Internet.

 

I havent had overall good experiences with dating but its not on my priority list at all. I havent dated at all in the past 7 or so months by choice. Im not really angry about my past- most girls my age havent had overwhelmingly positive experiences either. It is what it is.

 

I do however, enjoy reading psychology, human behavior and stuff. Forums like this fascinate me. I have learned quite a bit about how men think from this site. I have visited male forums (didnt respond to anything there) alot too. Its interesting. Its prob bad in some ways...promotes overanalyzing but I find it interesting to read

 

Its really not possible to start a rational discussion on how things happen on this site. Prob because everyone assumes you are hateful and blah blah blah. I already said 100 times "I have noticed on this site men more than women" and its just an observation. Everyone jumps down my throat and doesnt answer the question.

 

Nah, I couldnt give 2 ****s about the people here saying Im a manhater or Im unhappy. I have had so many family members and friends tell me they admire how strong and assertive I am, how I dont tolerate a guy's bull**** and how I dont need a man to make me happy, thus Im less likely to settle. Just because I start a thread noting an observation doesnt make me a manhater.

[Treasa]

Don't worry about it. You can't make people feel anything they don't want too. If they can't handle the truth, advice, input or your criticism... They can choose to ignore you or use the ignore feature of LS.

 

I for one, enjoy and agree with almost everything you have to say. I like how you are honest and share with the various posters that you made similar mistakes as them, what you learned from it, how you overcame it, etc.

 

You learned the hard way and probably explains why you actually get "it".

 

You are a sweetheart!!

 

And yeah, I do hammer it to death, don't I? I just want SOMEONE to not have to wait until 38 before they "get it", you know?

[pbjbear]

Dear Pbjbear,

 

I would like to ask you to go to your original post and copy the text, then paste it in a word document and change every time the word men for women.

After that, re read the post again and tell me with full honesty how would you feel (with all the passion you always defend women rights) if a male would have posted that same post?

 

No one hates you here but please try to think twice before posting something like your original post... it does feel offensive when you are a man to read such a post.. I hope you can understand that!

 

If a male had posted what I wrote, Id say females that get mad at their boyfriend for something they do on a constant basis are not cognizant and thoughtful in their actions and perhaps expect a man that will kiss her ass.

[pbjbear]

If you say so... I doubt it!

 

My last post. Goodbye.

[grkBoy]

This is honestly something that baffles me.

 

I see so many men post threads about how their girlfriend did this or that and they admit they do the same thing. They dont even stop to think that if they do something and feel theres nothing wrong with it, its stupid to expect a girl you are dating to NOT do that or to get mad when she does it.

 

Examples Ive seen: talking to exes (I talk to my ex girlfriends but my girlfriend talks to her ex, should I trust her?) a recent one on talking to male friends (I tell my female friends I miss them but my girlfriend said that to her male friend, is that cool?), my girlfriend has stopped doing stuff for me and doesnt give me as much attention (but Ive been too busy to do much for her...should I dump her?) Facebook stuff (my girlfriend comments on her male friends photos and Im pissed, even though I do the same thing except with sexy pics)

 

Is it lack of self awareness, superiority complex, just stupidity? Educate me. Perhaps Im one of the few people that exist that genuinely tries to follow the Golden Rule.

 

They're hypocrites. Plain and simple. SOME women are this way too, but I'll also see that as a few bad apples in a bunch of good ones.

 

When I see a hypocrite male or female complain on this forum, I ignore them or call them out on their BS. I won't believe they represent all their gender, and I usually see those individuals as their own obstacles to finding happiness.

[hppr]

I love how her examples are all of men; apparently women never apply double standards, ever. Fact is everyone does this, nobody likes to be held to account for their own actions.

[Woggle]

I think alot of the people that come here are unhappy with dating. I just come to this site to read peoples stories, pass the time when I get stuck with a slow shift at work. This is a site my work doesnt block from the Internet.

 

I havent had overall good experiences with dating but its not on my priority list at all. I havent dated at all in the past 7 or so months by choice. Im not really angry about my past- most girls my age havent had overwhelmingly positive experiences either. It is what it is.

 

I do however, enjoy reading psychology, human behavior and stuff. Forums like this fascinate me. I have learned quite a bit about how men think from this site. I have visited male forums (didnt respond to anything there) alot too. Its interesting. Its prob bad in some ways...promotes overanalyzing but I find it interesting to read

 

Its really not possible to start a rational discussion on how things happen on this site. Prob because everyone assumes you are hateful and blah blah blah. I already said 100 times "I have noticed on this site men more than women" and its just an observation. Everyone jumps down my throat and doesnt answer the question.

 

Nah, I couldnt give 2 ****s about the people here saying Im a manhater or Im unhappy. I have had so many family members and friends tell me they admire how strong and assertive I am, how I dont tolerate a guy's bull**** and how I dont need a man to make me happy, thus Im less likely to settle. Just because I start a thread noting an observation doesnt make me a manhater.

 

I used to be just like you. I would search the internet looking for ammo to fuel my hatred. I am much happier now that I stopped.

[Roadkill007]

[Mme. Chaucer] are always very quick to label people a certain way. If Im hateful and fallacious, you are as well. I notice you do the same thing with other posters too.

 

At the risk of sounding like a white knight here (I'm sure Mme. Chaucer can defend herself easily), I just want to state how wrong I feel this statement is. Many of these posts from her are simply critical of the nature of the way people often present (or misrepresent) their argument. And this one is true in the sense that the thread's title is a leading question. It's like asking a witness "did you hear the gunshot", when you don't "know" it was a gunshot. It was just a loud exploding type noise.

 

While she does often come off as being a bit snobby, she's simply doubtful of people's intents and sincerity, and expresses said doubt in a logical fashion that points out fallacies in others' arguments or presentations of said arguments. She's kind of like how Socrates described himself : "just as a gadfly constantly agitates a horse, preventing it from becoming sluggish and going to sleep so too Socates, by (moving through the City) stirring up conversations in the marketplace, prevents the City from becoming sulggish and careless and intolerant".

 

Honestly, I feel you're a bit obsessed with this whole thing, and I'd definitely advise just not bothering to date (men at least) for awhile. Either you are the most unlucky woman on Earth, or clearly there's something festering on your end of things.

Edited April 24, 2013 by Roadkill007

[Keenly]

She starts a man bashing post basically calling all men hypocrites and then she bails.

[Treasa]

I didn't even jump down her throat. I'm just trying to show her that there's another, happier way of looking at things. I get the feeling she's been hurt a LOT.

[SJC2008]

Yes, my threads are asking about men, because shocker, I am a female.

 

I get called a hater on here because Im blunt and honest and alot of men when you say something they dont like they automatically label you as a hater. There are several men on here the same way but I dont hate on them..example many state women are less honest, more passive aggressive and more catty and while it doesnt make me feel good for them to say that about my gender...I agree with them somewhat/see their viewpoint or why they think that...thus I dont really see them as a hater.

 

Yes, PEOPLE do what I stated. But more men than women do on this forum. Or at least admit to it.

 

If PJ bear was a man hater she woudn't of stood up for me in my last thread (I'm a man). Like I stated in my last thread, other than a some sterotypical things I've said in OLD threads and shallowness threads, I tell it like it is regardless of whether the "wrong" party has a taco or a sausage!

 

It think we should be able to say things about the opposite sex that we don't like without being pegged a man/woman hater. Yes, I do think many women are passive and/or controlling, but I don't think they're evil or hate them. It just means I'm going to have to try harder to meet a woman who I feel compliments me. Just as she's going to have to try harder to find a man who compliments her.

[SJC2008]

I didn't even jump down her throat.

 

You're leaving yourself open for an innuendo Treasa! I'm wondering if I should be a "nice guy" and not say anything lol!

[ltjg45]

I personally don't understand why men do these things. If I'm willing to do these things, I don't see why I can't allow the female to do the same thing.

 

Fair is fair.

 

Regardless of how I post here on this forum, I do hold myself to the same standards as I would hold my potential partner. This is why I'm not currently dating. At this very moment, I can't offer a woman that I want the same things that she expects from me. Until I get there, there is no point to dating anyone. That's just makes me look foolish at the end.

[TheGuard13]

This is honestly something that baffles me.

 

I see so many men post threads about how their girlfriend did this or that and they admit they do the same thing. They dont even stop to think that if they do something and feel theres nothing wrong with it, its stupid to expect a girl you are dating to NOT do that or to get mad when she does it.

 

Examples Ive seen: talking to exes (I talk to my ex girlfriends but my girlfriend talks to her ex, should I trust her?) a recent one on talking to male friends (I tell my female friends I miss them but my girlfriend said that to her male friend, is that cool?), my girlfriend has stopped doing stuff for me and doesnt give me as much attention (but Ive been too busy to do much for her...should I dump her?) Facebook stuff (my girlfriend comments on her male friends photos and Im pissed, even though I do the same thing except with sexy pics)

 

Is it lack of self awareness, superiority complex, just stupidity? Educate me. Perhaps Im one of the few people that exist that genuinely tries to follow the Golden Rule.

 

You're essentially asking why hypocrisy exists among human beings. Because human beings are flawed, and weak, and because not everyone thinks as much as they "should" before they act/respond to things.

 

While there are certainly some *******s out there who are just arrogant, entitled people, male and female alike, most of the time, it's not really usually any of these things, I don't think.

 

Most of the time, it seems to be born from the root of most evil in relationships...insecurity. A lot of the imbalance you see in a lot of relationships including a lot of the hypocrisy boils down to this: Insecurity. People can dish it but they can't take it.

[Woggle]

Woggle from everything youve said about your ex she seems crazy. Come to my happy place with me.

 

I wish you would come to my happy place with me. You remind me of me two years ago. Let the bitterness go like I did.

[Mme. Chaucer]

I didn't even jump down her throat. I'm just trying to show her that there's another, happier way of looking at things. I get the feeling she's been hurt a LOT.

 

I don't think any jumping-down-throats has occurred at all in this thread.

 

Gender bashing by applying the negative characteristics of some to the whole group is offensive to many people and frankly, I am happy to see that. I would be happy if it became as universally unacceptable as racist comments. I think it should be.

 

Now, if this thread was entitled, "Why don't people hold themselves to the standards they feel they should receive," I would think it might invite an interesting discussion.

[Treasa]

I don't think any jumping-down-throats has occurred at all in this thread.

 

Gender bashing by applying the negative characteristics of some to the whole group is offensive to many people and frankly, I am happy to see that. I would be happy if it became as universally unacceptable as racist comments. I think it should be.

 

Now, if this thread was entitled, "Why don't people hold themselves to the standards they feel they should receive," I would think it might invite an interesting discussion.

 

Oh, no, I totally agree with you. I was trying to say I don't even get it because I didn't jump down her throat. I think people who are insecure get really defensive when others don't agree with them. I also agree about the gender bashing.

[carhill]

Why dont men hold themselves to the standards they feel they should receive?

 

To the extent of the impacts of their socialization inhibiting them have not occurred or failed, men, like most normal humans, are selfish, self-involved animals which exist to propagate means and ends which benefit them, whether to the detriment of others or not. Observing any child being socialized exemplifies this. Secondarily, there are genetic differences in brain construction and organization and chemistry, not only between the genders (men vs women) but also between individuals (men vs men) which impact behavior and psychology.

 

If anyone has ever heard the time-honored rationalization of a subset of parents responding to a child who asks 'why did you tell me not to do this but you do it?' with 'do as I say, not as I do', one can gain some insight into the psychology of rationalization. Effective role-modeling includes actions and words which are consistent and 'set an example'. How this works out in adults varies and is generally unknown to any particular two strangers meeting. IMO, this is why FOO observation is or should be an important part of 'getting to know'.

[ChessPieceFace]

At least she respects her boyfriend enough to not follow through on the thought. Cant say that of her boyfriend. So no, not the same.

 

I always enjoy how you twist everything around though. You should get medals for your mental gymnastics.

 

"Mental gymnastics" are what you just did, ignoring a clear and obvious case of double-standards against men and hypocrisy of women. You can't see the evils of your gender and you don't care to fix your own hypocrisy.