I hate my parents

[turnera]

I do feel like I should have left years ago and have wasted my adulthood in this house.

 

Hon, you've just dipped your TOES in adulthood, lol. Your 30s are going to be your best years, as you finally shed the childhood BS and can afford to live like an adult. And when you're 40, your 40s are going to be your best years, cos you have the wisdom and experience not to make mistakes and you're more settled and can go out and have all the fun you want. And then your 50s...

 

Just promise me this one thing, and it's important. When you finally do move out, make sure you continue to put at least $50/month (if not more, a LOT more) into a savings account. The #1 thing you need is a safety cushion so you never have to go back and ask them for help.

[Nyla]

Turnera is right. My husband wishes he saved more of his money when he was younger, instead of wasting it going to bars and clubs.

 

My teens were isolated and boring. My twenties were dramatic and my thirties have lovely so far.

[sadgal88]

It's funny you guys dont even know me and have offered me way more support than my own family or people that I know. Yesterday I had one of my customers that I have known for awhile, I don't remember what brought up the conversation but she was complaining on how all her money goes to bills bills and I told her about me wanting to move out of my parents house soon because they are too demanding and controlling and I need to be independent. The audacity of her she told me "don't go anywhere stay with them those are your parents and I bet you will be just like them when you have your own kids" . I wanted to smack the day light out of her for such a stupid comment!!

 

Any who I have been saving between $200-300 every 2 weeks and plus have 401k set up with my employer . I have been cutting back on spending money on stupid unnecessary things.

[pteromom]

I told her about me wanting to move out of my parents house soon because they are too demanding and controlling and I need to be independent. The audacity of her she told me "don't go anywhere stay with them those are your parents and I bet you will be just like them when you have your own kids" . I wanted to smack the day light out of her for such a stupid comment!!

 

You have to remember that everyone offers feedback based on their own life experiences. If she lost her mother early or something like that, she is going to look at your situation through HER eyes, not yours. So it is best not to let those kinds of comments get to you.

[Nyla]

You have to remember that everyone offers feedback based on their own life experiences. If she lost her mother early or something like that, she is going to look at your situation through HER eyes, not yours. So it is best not to let those kinds of comments get to you.

 

My mom justifies her intrusive and controlling nature with "A lot of girls would be glad to have a mother interfere in their lives." My mom lost her own mother when she was only 13 and while I feel deep sympathy for La Mere, it doesn't mean she is allowed to manipulate me with her childhood trauma.

 

I think most women don't mind their mothers offering respectful opinions or advice, but I know any woman who is independent doesn't want her mother butting and trying to run her life. There is a difference.

[pteromom]

My mom justifies her intrusive and controlling nature with "A lot of girls would be glad to have a mother interfere in their lives." My mom lost her own mother when she was only 13 and while I feel deep sympathy for La Mere, it doesn't mean she is allowed to manipulate me with her childhood trauma.

 

I think most women don't mind their mothers offering respectful opinions or advice, but I know any woman who is independent doesn't want her mother butting and trying to run her life. There is a difference.

 

Very true. I think the way OP's mom is treating her is horrible.

 

But I was talking about the comment from one of her customers.

[Nyla]

Very true. I think the way OP's mom is treating her is horrible.

 

But I was talking about the comment from one of her customers.

 

Yes and you mentioned that if the customer lost her mom, that may be why she responded the way that she did to the OP. I was relating my post to what you said. Sorry that I wasn't clearer.

[sadgal88]

The customer still has her mom. I felt like the way she said it indicated that she was probably the kind of parent that wanted to control her own kids. She told me "if you stay you live rent free you can keep all the money you own why would you want to be independent stay home"

[sumanrox]

But you should not hate your parents. After-all they are your original relative.

[Nyla]

The customer still has her mom. I felt like the way she said it indicated that she was probably the kind of parent that wanted to control her own kids. She told me "if you stay you live rent free you can keep all the money you own why would you want to be independent stay home"

 

Parents hold a respected position in most societies. Unfortunately, this leads to the assumption that parents can treat their children like dogs and the kids just have to put up with it.

 

My parents always discouraged their four adult kids from moving out, saying that we should all stay home until we can buy homes. We all needed our independence and our space away from my meddling and verbally abusive mother. Living at home as an adult requires parents who are respectful of their adult children's autonomy and freedom. You will NOT get this from your mother and she will not change, so you need to leave.

 

Your mother may change as she gets older and hopefully becomes more mellow. She may also learn to let go and respect your boundaries the longer you are away from home. Expect a lot of fake sweetness to lure you back into the house.

 

My mother has learned to stop trying to control my life, as well as how to be less insulting and rude. I taught her this by staying away from my La Mere when she behaves in unacceptable ways and calmly stating my boundaries. I realize my mother needs to feel needed by her children, especially her only daughter. Sometimes I call her for cooking advice and she loves that because La Mere likes telling people what to do. :laugh:We're both stubborn and mouthy so that is why we butt heads. I think La Mere is secretly proud that I am not scared of her like my brothers and my dad are.