Her Ex Boyfriend

[JAG]

Hey everybody I just want some feed back as I need some conformation that my thoughts are clear on this.

 

I have a problem with my partner's relationship with her ex-boyfriend.

 

We have been together now two years & although we have had our many ups & downs ( including a drug abuse problem which we kicked together ) we seem to grow more in love everyday..she is infact the only women I have ever been romantically in love with.

 

But there is one major problem ..she seems unwilling to let go of her ex of 8 years, they where already separated for over 1yr when we meet but they where still hanging out together..infact when he moved out he moved to a few blocks away. & was still a part owner of the flat that she stayed in.

 

From the beginning I was uncomfortable about this as I have always been a believer in letting ex's get on with there lifes, so you can move on with yours.

 

She told me at the beginning of our relationship if it was a problem to tell her, I was honest & said I wasnt entirely comfortable with it. But if it was important to her to maintain a friendship with him I would like to meet him like any of her other friends so I could get to know him..

 

She explains him as been her family as her real family was abusive ( mental & physical )..she moved in with him within two weeks of knowing him & claims that she did love him but had numerous affairs during there relationship because he had next to no sex drive..& was a non-passionate/ non-energetic person..

 

For many months ( +8 ) I never meet him even though we where living together & he was welcome & invited to come over when ever..she seemed to prefer to go to his house & I was never really invited. Or he would come over when I wasn't there..I kept pointing this out but I was made to feel juveniles for finding it first of all offencive that he was coming into my residence with out acknowledging me & secondly slightly suspicious that I seemed never to be involved.

 

He does not have a new partner & is continually sighting the lack of my girls traits in other women which stop him from liking them, I dont believe that he has moved on with his life & sees her continuing friendship with him as a sign she is just on the rebound. he has even told her this in the past.

 

We have fought a number of times when I have tried to point out how uncomfortable his continuing presents in OUR life is...I dont have a problem with him but I have to ask do you think these things are healthy?

 

1/ She mentions his name nearly everyday..either something they did together or a conversation she has had with him recently.

 

2/She sees him pretty much once a week or more.

 

3/They talk about everything including if he is having sex & who with..he constantly bags any girl he seeing to her & she gets involved in it.

 

4/She defends her relationship with him all the time to the point of getting furious when I question its relevance to her life. One time we where having spa together & she started telling me what a great guy he is...when I tried to tell her it was inappropriate she got mad & we argued.

 

5/Every time we have a major argument she goes to his house & stays there...one day she did this for two days & I had to suffer the humiliation of going there & asking her to come out to speak with me.

 

When he concluded that her & I where serious he forced her to sell the flat..yet she still insist he is good guy???

 

There is many more things I could write here but I dont want to get boaring..

 

I am not threated by this guy I am 10 years younger & a lot better looking..With a world more to offer.

 

But I am annoyed that his name keeps popping up at the most inappropriate times. Its starting to bug me so much & she is so unwilling to yeld I am begging to feel I have to leave this relationship as it works against my love & pride in whats important to me..

 

I am basicly starting to feel disrespected & maybe not as important as I should be. I dont want to have to lay down an ultamatium as this is not what I am about...I discontinued any freindship with my ex as I know it made her feel uncomfortable, I guess I just thought I would get a similar courtesy..

 

Now we are involved in starting our own business, & he has somehow becoming involved in this by offering to invest money..I have been struggling with this & today decided I dont want to accept his help as this is my DREAM & I dont want to create an opportunity to have him incorporated in making it a reality...Thats all I would need is to hear about how great he is for helping me out!..

 

Opinions please

 

JAG

[cj]

Hey everybody I just want some feed back as I need some conformation that my thoughts are clear on this. I have a problem with my partner’s relationship with her ex-boyfriend. We have been together now two years & although we have had our many ups & downs ( including a drug abuse problem which we kicked together ) we seem to grow more in love everyday..she is infact the only women I have ever been romantically in love with. But there is one major problem ..she seems unwilling to let go of her ex of 8 years, they where already separated for over 1yr when we meet but they where still hanging out together..infact when he moved out he moved to a few blocks away. & was still a part owner of the flat that she stayed in. From the beginning I was uncomfortable about this as I have always been a believer in letting ex's get on with there lifes, so you can move on with yours. She told me at the beginning of our relationship if it was a problem to tell her, I was honest & said I wasnt entirely comfortable with it. But if it was important to her to maintain a friendship with him I would like to meet him like any of her other friends so I could get to know him..

 

She explains him as been her family as her real family was abusive ( mental & physical )..she moved in with him within two weeks of knowing him & claims that she did love him but had numerous affairs during there relationship because he had next to no sex drive..& was a non-passionate/ non-energetic person.. For many months ( +8 ) I never meet him even though we where living together & he was welcome & invited to come over when ever..she seemed to prefer to go to his house & I was never really invited. Or he would come over when I wasn’t there..I kept pointing this out but I was made to feel juveniles for finding it first of all offencive that he was coming into my residence with out acknowledging me & secondly slightly suspicious that I seemed never to be involved.

 

He does not have a new partner & is continually sighting the lack of my girls traits in other women which stop him from liking them, I dont believe that he has moved on with his life & sees her continuing friendship with him as a sign she is just on the rebound. he has even told her this in the past. We have fought a number of times when I have tried to point out how uncomfortable his continuing presents in OUR life is...I dont have a problem with him but I have to ask do you think these things are healthy? 1/ She mentions his name nearly everyday..either something they did together or a conversation she has had with him recently. 2/She sees him pretty much once a week or more. 3/They talk about everything including if he is having sex & who with..he constantly bags any girl he seeing to her & she gets involved in it. 4/She defends her relationship with him all the time to the point of getting furious when I question its relevance to her life. One time we where having spa together & she started telling me what a great guy he is...when I tried to tell her it was inappropriate she got mad & we argued. 5/Every time we have a major argument she goes to his house & stays there...one day she did this for two days & I had to suffer the humiliation of going there & asking her to come out to speak with me. When he concluded that her & I where serious he forced her to sell the flat..yet she still insist he is good guy??? There is many more things I could write here but I dont want to get boaring.. I am not threated by this guy I am 10 years younger & a lot better looking..With a world more to offer. But I am annoyed that his name keeps popping up at the most inappropriate times. Its starting to bug me so much & she is so unwilling to yeld I am begging to feel I have to leave this relationship as it works against my love & pride in whats important to me.. I am basicly starting to feel disrespected & maybe not as important as I should be. I dont want to have to lay down an ultamatium as this is not what I am about...I discontinued any freindship with my ex as I know it made her feel uncomfortable, I guess I just thought I would get a similar courtesy.. Now we are involved in starting our own business, & he has somehow becoming involved in this by offering to invest money..I have been struggling with this & today decided I dont want to accept his help as this is my DREAM & I dont want to create an opportunity to have him incorporated in making it a reality...Thats all I would need is to hear about how great he is for helping me out!.. Opinions please JAG

GREAT,you have made a good desition to leave her

 

if she loves you she will come running back to you

 

but make it clear it is her fault and they belong

 

with each other .now then enjoy the rest of you life i am shure you find a nice girl who will treat you right one more thing do it before the weekend then enjoy the single life style for a short while

[Tony T]

I'm completely with you on this one. Your girlfriend has been totally disrespectful of you here.

 

I think you have to put your foot down on this one. Either you meet this guy and make him part of the family or tell her to take a hike. If she really wants to remain friends with her ex so bad, you can't take that away from her. But you can take yourself away from her.

 

It is extremely wrong for her to have a guy at your place when you are not there, particularly if the guy is her ex. This situation smells like the devil. I wouldn't put up with it for a minute.

 

Don't get pissed at your girlfriend. Just tell her like it is. If she can't treat her current relationship with you with more consideration and respect, then she is free to move on. Simple as that.

[sparkle]

This girl is MAJORLY disrespecting you, especially mentioning what a great guy he is while you two are in the spa!!!

 

I would tell her one more time that it bothered me, and that if she wants to keep talking to her ex, then you don't want to be with her anymore. If she doesn't stop, I would kick her to the curb.

 

You have put up with wayyyyy too much of her crap! Many girls out there will never ever do this to you. It's disrespectful, rude, inconsiderate, and all the other synonyms of those words.

 

She's supposed to be LOYAL, COMMITTED, DEVOTED to you!

 

You have every right to be upset. You are much better off without her--and her ex.

[Deejette]

I think it sounds fishy that they meet without you and that you don't get to see this guy. It could be that she is even lying about him not being passionate in bed just to keep you off guard.

 

I know that if a guy kept talking to an old girlfriend and mentioned her to me every day, I would say, "Hit the road, Jack. You have made your choice!"

This girl is MAJORLY disrespecting you, especially mentioning what a great guy he is while you two are in the spa!!! I would tell her one more time that it bothered me, and that if she wants to keep talking to her ex, then you don't want to be with her anymore. If she doesn't stop, I would kick her to the curb.

 

You have put up with wayyyyy too much of her crap! Many girls out there will never ever do this to you. It's disrespectful, rude, inconsiderate, and all the other synonyms of those words. She's supposed to be LOYAL, COMMITTED, DEVOTED to you! You have every right to be upset. You are much better off without her--and her ex.