What is the best way to combat sexual temptation?

[Lobouspo]

I have been in situations recently where I have compromised my beliefs and morals in this area. How do you deal with these situations?

[M30USA]

It can't be done. There are no quick tips. Prayer is the only way. And reading the Bible daily helps.

[Eve]

Depends what you mean by sexual temptation. I think having sexual thoughts is fine to a point - as long as the person does not become consumed by it.

 

Personally I would take very strong sexual thoughts as an indication that I was horny and no doubt H would be too, lol. Odd sexual thoughts or thoughts about other men - I would look seriously at my M and possibly tell my H. I have done this before during a period of serious temptation.

 

It goes without saying that I speak about all things in prayer to Jesus so would go to Him first. Especially as I spoke with Him indepth about my sexuality when I was seeking my marital partner.

 

Overall I can deal with temptations far better now and even stop them from developing, mainly by focusing on respecting the other person and praying that I be an appropriate person in their lives.

 

I think this can also help if the temptation is porn - try to see the person as a real person with a life, even though they have chosen to earn money in that manner. OP, not saying that porn is your issue but I just wanted to say that I watched a documentary about famous sex workers in the porn industry and gosh, the lives some of them have had! It was so insightful. I think it is really important to have a baseline respect for others, regardless of whether they respect themselves.

 

So, basically keep things real and honestly look at where the feeling are coming from as they could be a sign of a real need or a potential temptation.

 

Take care,

Eve x

[BetheButterfly]

I have been in situations recently where I have compromised my beliefs and morals in this area. How do you deal with these situations?

 

I have too but thank God that He is Merciful and Forgiving!!!

 

How I dealt with them was asking God for forgiveness and accepting His forgiveness through Jesus.

 

Before meeting my husband, I also made a list of what my goals in life are. The brain is like a computer. We have to program it according to what we want to achieve in life. So, it's a good idea to consider what you want your life to be.

 

When I wrote down my goals in life, I noted that having sex with men who didn't care about me but were just using my body was NOT in line with my life's goals. (Now, my husband and I had sex before getting married, but we asked God for forgiveness and repented, then eagerly waited for the wedding!) My life's goals include the following: (Please note that they are continual/daily goals.)

 

1. Be a daughter after my Heavenly Father's own heart. (This includes obeying His commands to love.)

 

2. Be a wonderful wife to my husband.

 

3. Be a wonderful mom to my kids (though I don't have kids yet).

 

4. Be a wonderful daughter to my parents, a wonderful sister to my sisters, and a wonderful aunt to my nephews and niece.

 

5. Be a wonderful friend to my friends.

 

6. Be good at my job and a good student - always learning and growing.

 

7. Be a productive member of society.

 

Now, the sexual aspect of life does not have anything really to do with any of the above EXCEPT for 1. and 2. The reason why sexual thoughts/activities have something to do with God is because I believe that God created sex (and me) and created guidelines for it (and me). So, that is why it's important for me to program my brain to respect those guidelines.

 

It is so easy to just go the "way of the world" but it takes practice in self-discipline to work out spiritual muscles and refuse to give in to temptation!

 

As for 2. - this is the only goal where sexuality fits. My relationship with my husband is the only relationship in which sex is a part. It's a crucial part! Since both my husband and I love sex and making love together, this helps us in not giving in to temptation elsewhere.

 

However, it's extremely possible (and many people have fallen) in traps of temptation even when happily married. That's why it's so important to always strive to keep in mind the goals of one's life.

 

To me, a part of being a wonderful wife is being faithful to my husband. My desire and daily focus on being faithful to him, as well as my desire to obey my Heavenly Father's purpose for me (I do believe I'm a princess of the King in that sense) helps me to not compromise my beliefs and morals.

 

So, I think that maybe if you wrote a list of your goals, and then always keep that list in your mind, maybe that will help you flex your spiritual muscles and help you pull yourself up from temptations? With God's help, Love, and forgiveness, one can truly move mountains (of lust or any other temptation)!

Edited April 24, 2013 by BetheButterfly

[wheream_i]

I have been in situations recently where I have compromised my beliefs and morals in this area. How do you deal with these situations?

 

Great question!

[TheFinalWord]

I have been in situations recently where I have compromised my beliefs and morals in this area. How do you deal with these situations?

 

Not easy bro.

 

Do you mean when you are not dating anyone or in a relationship?

 

In terms of relationship,

 

1) Do not enter a relationship unless you have the same convictions about sexual purity. If both are not in agreement, I highly doubt purity will remain in tact. This is the first covenant agreement a couple can make, i.e. to remain pure. Both have to agree about the benefits and decision. Reason is that at times, one may be weaker than the other, and vice versa. If both agree, then there is a stronger chance one can be strong when the other is weak.

 

2) Even in equally yoked relationships, do not spend hours making out/alone. Once you start down the path of pushing the boundaries, it is only a matter of time IMHO.

[pie2]

What is the best way to combat sexual temptation?

 

Get married!

 

[elplague]

Give in to them. We're social creatures. The religious dogma attached to many faiths always seems to focus on sexuality as a specific area of repression.

 

 

Religion's war on sex is contrived and petty.

Edited April 25, 2013 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
Off-topic content

[Emilia]

Religion's war on sex is contrived and petty.

 

It is indeed. The only purpose it serves is control. It is a shame that so many - who otherwise display so much intelligence and wisdom here - are blind to it.

 

I have a question for those that posted in this thread: why do you follow something so dogmatic blindly? Why don't you question the need for suppressing something that is natural?

[TaxAHCruel]

I have been in situations recently where I have compromised my beliefs and morals in this area. How do you deal with these situations?

 

Generally, though it has exception (doesn't everything?) if the motivation to resist is greater than the temptation then you do not HAVE to put effort into resisting. It takes care of itself.

 

As such I am not sure how to give a general answer to your question. Perhaps explore the reasons why you are resisting and question why those reasons are not enough.

 

For example if you are resisting simply masturbating because a catholic priest told you it was a sin - yet you find yourself doing it anyway - then perhaps you are not entirely convinced by what the priest told you.

 

Another example - if I were to find myself cheating on a partner then I would have to question if my feelings for her were as strong as I thought, or if I really am happy with her, or if there is something else amiss or wrong in my life or relationship. My dedication to her _should_ be strong enough to over come any temptation to cheat on her - and if it is not then this questions that dedication.

 

It really depends on specifics though. I am trying to give general answers to an even more general question and it is difficult.

 

I do however recommend mindfulness meditation - like vipassana - as a great way to mediate and moderate temptation. I "teach" a class in it (if it can be called teaching) free once a week to students mostly but I also get people who have anger management issues, addiction issues like alcohol, and more and they all report, with few exceptions, how helpful mindfulness is in dealing with their temptation issues.

[Eve]

It is indeed. The only purpose it serves is control. It is a shame that so many - who otherwise display so much intelligence and wisdom here - are blind to it.

 

I have a question for those that posted in this thread: why do you follow something so dogmatic blindly? Why don't you question the need for suppressing something that is natural?

 

The OP asked about sexual temptation. If you do not believe in such a thing then tell him so. See what he says.

 

Not sure where you have the idea from my post that I am sexually suppressed and blindly dogmatic. As far as I am concerned my faith has been proved to the one person whom it matters to - which is me foremostly. Also to my H, children, family, extended family, friends, professional connections and charitable endeavours.

 

My primary interest in this thread is that I am interested in those on the cusp of faith or who have a living faith and believe strongly that people should have access and support out off scenarios that people of no faith consider ok. For example, I have supported programmes to help prostitutes leave prostitution. I would not bother focusing on those who want to stay - that is their choice. Hope that example clears up any idea of my trying to bring faith to you as this is probably what you are reacting to - the idea of changes to your own life.

 

Maybe you have had a dominant experience where you have seen people of faith be dogmatic and sexually repressed? I know I have seen this but I still take people as individuals and see there is right side which is respectful to my core self and to others. Anyhow lol, I grew up watching Scooby Doo, so find it pretty obvious which people and side to choose. I really do you know. It is patronising for you to even suggest otherwise.

 

I mean, are you stating that you have something better going on, which I should be trying? We are round about the same age. Maybe your life could be unappealing to me? Why assume that you are somehow more enlightened or have something I even want? This type of attitude still astonishes me - but I have long since concluded that it is based on a theme of false dominance created by key historical events, slavery being a primary one.

 

So, express why you have a bias and please do not call me to answer with a scornful approach again. I would not do this you so don't do it again please.

 

Take care,

Eve x

[BetheButterfly]

Get married!

 

 

This helps! But, it is not the cure for temptation. There are sadly married people who give in to temptation and affairs or visit prostitutes or molest children.

 

Marriage between 2 people who love each other and love having sex together however does greatly help because they enjoy sex together instead of looking elsewhere.

[BetheButterfly]

Give in to them. We're social creatures.

 

God established boundaries to protect people. Now, everyone who's been a long-time member knows you don't believe in God, and that's fine. However, do you believe in sports and in boundaries/rules for sports? In sports, there are rules. Should you then encourage an athlete to give in to the temptation of breaking the rules of that sport?

 

About sex, sex is AWESOME in guidelines. God created sex to be in the guideline of union between a man and woman that is more than just physical, but is also spiritual and emotional! This particular union He made special and beautiful and pleasurable with sex. He didn't have to make humans be sexual creatures, but He did.

 

Now, you can of course not believe in God but why do you feel the need to bash other peoples' beliefs? I don't feel the need to bash Atheists' beliefs or lack of beliefs. Rather, I respect the reasons why Atheists don't believe in God and would appreciate it if you and other Atheists would have the same courtesy and tolerance for others.

 

The religious dogma attached to many faiths always seems to focus on sexuality as a specific area of repression.

Sex is a very important part of life. For people who believe in God, we believe that just as sports have rules, so God gives rules for sex, not to be mean but for our spiritual, emotional, and physical well-being.

 

I have experienced both following God's guidelines for sex and not following them, and I personally prefer following them. The reason is because it makes sex more beautiful and special to me, as well as shows me how important the person with whom I have sex is.

 

 

Religion's war on sex is contrived and petty.

Atheists' war on what other people believe is intolerant and bigoted. Edited April 25, 2013 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
Response to edited post

[carhill]

I have been in situations recently where I have compromised my beliefs and morals in this area. How do you deal with these situations?

So far, it's been pretty easy. As 'sex' (aka lovemaking) is an intrinsically complex process for myself, it's easy to derail it at any point where/when things don't match up. The guys who simply dip their wick into any willing candle in the 'heat of the moment' have far more difficulties 'resisting temptation'. This is one area where being relationship-centric has kept me out of trouble and probably also from becoming an unwitting daddy. YMMV.

[William]

"What is the best way to combat sexual temptation?", posted in the 'Spirituality and Religious Beliefs" forum.

 

Thanks in advance for continuing to discuss this topic with those two parameters in mind.

[BetheButterfly]

Depends what you mean by sexual temptation. I think having sexual thoughts is fine to a point - as long as the person does not become consumed by it.

 

Agreed

Personally I would take very strong sexual thoughts as an indication that I was horny and no doubt H would be too, lol.

Yep!!!

Odd sexual thoughts or thoughts about other men - I would look seriously at my M and possibly tell my H. I have done this before during a period of serious temptation.

Yeah it's important to note that marriage doesn't mean that temptation elsewhere goes away. It's good to be honest with one's partner and also to work on controlling one's own mind and programming one's own mind to not give in to temptation, whether one is married or not.

 

It goes without saying that I speak about all things in prayer to Jesus so would go to Him first. Especially as I spoke with Him indepth about my sexuality when I was seeking my marital partner.

100% agreed!

 

Overall I can deal with temptations far better now and even stop them from developing, mainly by focusing on respecting the other person and praying that I be an appropriate person in their lives.

That's awesome!

 

I think this can also help if the temptation is porn - try to see the person as a real person with a life, even though they have chosen to earn money in that manner. OP, not saying that porn is your issue but I just wanted to say that I watched a documentary about famous sex workers in the porn industry and gosh, the lives some of them have had! It was so insightful. I think it is really important to have a baseline respect for others, regardless of whether they respect themselves. So, basically keep things real and honestly look at where the feeling are coming from as they could be a sign of a real need or a potential temptation.

 

Take care,

Eve x

 

Great advice!

[BetheButterfly]

Generally, though it has exception (doesn't everything?) if the motivation to resist is greater than the temptation then you do not HAVE to put effort into resisting. It takes care of itself.

 

As such I am not sure how to give a general answer to your question. Perhaps explore the reasons why you are resisting and question why those reasons are not enough.

 

For example if you are resisting simply masturbating because a catholic priest told you it was a sin - yet you find yourself doing it anyway - then perhaps you are not entirely convinced by what the priest told you.

 

Very good points.

 

Another example - if I were to find myself cheating on a partner then I would have to question if my feelings for her were as strong as I thought, or if I really am happy with her, or if there is something else amiss or wrong in my life or relationship. My dedication to her _should_ be strong enough to over come any temptation to cheat on her - and if it is not then this questions that dedication.

100% agree!!! So important!!!

 

It really depends on specifics though. I am trying to give general answers to an even more general question and it is difficult.

 

I do however recommend mindfulness meditation - like vipassana - as a great way to mediate and moderate temptation. I "teach" a class in it (if it can be called teaching) free once a week to students mostly but I also get people who have anger management issues, addiction issues like alcohol, and more and they all report, with few exceptions, how helpful mindfulness is in dealing with their temptation issues.

I have never heard of vipassana before. I need to google it.

Ahh, it is a part of Buddhism? http://www.dhamma.org/en/vipassana.shtml

 

I have heard that meditation is important in Buddhism, but I didn't know it was called vipassana.

 

This is cool: "

This non-sectarian technique aims for the total eradication of mental impurities and the resultant highest happiness of full liberation. Healing, not merely the curing of diseases, but the essential healing of human suffering, is its purpose.

Vipassana is a way of self-transformation through self-observation. It focuses on the deep interconnection between mind and body, which can be experienced directly by disciplined attention to the physical sensations that form the life of the body, and that continuously interconnect and condition the life of the mind. It is this observation-based, self-exploratory journey to the common root of mind and body that dissolves mental impurity, resulting in a balanced mind full of love and compassion."

Edited April 25, 2013 by BetheButterfly

[Eve]

Generally, though it has exception (doesn't everything?) if the motivation to resist is greater than the temptation then you do not HAVE to put effort into resisting. It takes care of itself.

 

As such I am not sure how to give a general answer to your question. Perhaps explore the reasons why you are resisting and question why those reasons are not enough.

 

For example if you are resisting simply masturbating because a catholic priest told you it was a sin - yet you find yourself doing it anyway - then perhaps you are not entirely convinced by what the priest told you.

 

Another example - if I were to find myself cheating on a partner then I would have to question if my feelings for her were as strong as I thought, or if I really am happy with her, or if there is something else amiss or wrong in my life or relationship. My dedication to her _should_ be strong enough to over come any temptation to cheat on her - and if it is not then this questions that dedication.

 

It really depends on specifics though. I am trying to give general answers to an even more general question and it is difficult.

 

I do however recommend mindfulness meditation - like vipassana - as a great way to mediate and moderate temptation. I "teach" a class in it (if it can be called teaching) free once a week to students mostly but I also get people who have anger management issues, addiction issues like alcohol, and more and they all report, with few exceptions, how helpful mindfulness is in dealing with their temptation issues.

 

 

Mindfulness.. yes, great suggestion. Do you have any points which could be helpful to the OP?

 

Take care,

Eve x

[angel.eyes]

I have been in situations recently where I have compromised my beliefs and morals in this area. How do you deal with these situations?

 

Beg for God's forgiveness and grace, and ask him to provide you with the strength to resist temptation. This is true whether you are talking about sexual issues or some other excess that is sinful.

 

Part of being successful is also removing temptation from your life. For example, it's easier for me to maintain a healthy lifestyle if I have healthy options rather than junk food piled up in the pantry. The same is true of other temptations, including those that are sexual in nature.

 

It's also important to have support in place. Being with others who share your faith make it much easier to stay true to what we are called to do. For example, it is far easier to date a fellow believer who shares the same level of commitment to faith that I do than it is to date someone else. When I waver, he is strong. When he wavers, I am strong. It's much harder if the other person doesn't believe and doesn't respect my views and boundaries. Then the person can actually be part of the problem by actively tempting me and challenging my resolve.

 

I struggled most in high school and college. It's not that my drive has changed. It remains very high, but I am now better equipped to handle temptations I face than I was as an adolescent. Yes, it gets easier with time and prayer. It also gets easier when you share your struggle with other loving, supportive believers who can provide advice and understanding.

 

Nothing to be embarrassed about. We all struggle with similar issues, and it can bring tremendous relief to discuss it with others in the same boat. Also a great way to learn about different tips and ways of dealing with such challenges.

[TaxAHCruel]

I have heard that meditation is important in Buddhism, but I didn't know it was called vipassana.

 

They are not the same thing really but there are going to be SOME overlaps of course. "Meditation" is one of those "catch all" phrases that refers to so many things that on it's own the word is useless.

 

"Mindfulness Meditation" such as vipassana is more of a methodology of training your moment to moment attention. It has been divested of most of the spiritual woo and nonsense that alas permeates most peoples impressions of what "meditation" is.

 

This link here explains some of it a little better than I can too.

 

Do you have any points which could be helpful to the OP?

 

I was under the impression that I had populated my entire post with ideas and points relevant and helpful to the OP.

[Eve]

They are not the same thing really but there are going to be SOME overlaps of course. "Meditation" is one of those "catch all" phrases that refers to so many things that on it's own the word is useless.

 

"Mindfulness Meditation" such as vipassana is more of a methodology of training your moment to moment attention. It has been divested of most of the spiritual woo and nonsense that alas permeates most peoples impressions of what "meditation" is.

 

This link here explains some of it a little better than I can too.

 

 

 

I was under the impression that I had populated my entire post with ideas and points relevant and helpful to the OP.

 

Sometimes there are specific routines to aid the process of mediatation and mindfulness which people find useful. I was thinking on those lines. The name of a very specific authour on the discipline escapes me at the moment but when it returns I will post links.

 

Take care,

Eve x

[TaxAHCruel]

Sometimes there are specific routines to aid the process of mediatation and mindfulness which people find useful. I was thinking on those lines. The name of a very specific authour on the discipline escapes me at the moment but when it returns I will post links.

 

Ah I understand now. You meant points relevant to Vipassana that are relevant to the OP That is clearer.

 

I read it as you were replying to my post and asking was there anything I wanted to say that was relevant to the OP - When in fact my whole post was I was somewhat confused.

 

The author you refer to is likely Jon Kabat-Zinn. He has the most well known book on the subject called "Wherever You Go, There You Are". Bhante Gunaratana and Joseph Goldstein also seem to come highly recommended.

 

Really however hints and tips are hard to come by. It is something you need to practice yourself and find your own niche in it. You can read what works or worked for other people of course and try it yourself - but you have to be the final arbiter as to what works.

 

I "teach" a class in it free once a week in my home. But by "teach" I really only barely hold peoples hand in the process and suggest trying things they might not have tried yet. Most of my "class" are students from the local college - but I have a few addicts and people with violence issues. I also have not only a trainee priest from the seminary local to me - but a full actual priest from a near by parish too. So a real mixed bag of atendees.

[pie2]

I have a question for those that posted in this thread: why do you follow something so dogmatic blindly?

 

Nothing "blind" about following God's instruction on my part. If I do anything, it most likely because I already learned (the hard way) that my own ways, or "mainstream society's" ways don't work that well. I was raised in an extremely liberal environment, so, in my past, the skeptical questioning was more about God's laws than anything.

 

Why don't you question the need for suppressing something that is natural?

 

God isn't really about suppressing sex, as long as it's done within the parameters that are the most healthy and beneficial for us (within marriage).

 

Emilia, it seems that you're saying that any suppression of sexual desire is a bad thing? Do you advocate for open-relationships, and a "free-love" kind of society?

[todreaminblue]

I have been in situations recently where I have compromised my beliefs and morals in this area. How do you deal with these situations?

 

 

One thing that help sme when i am sexually tempted....is avoiding putting myself in situations where i might have sex.....i tell guys who are sexually suggestive to back off i am celibate until i marry....they shrivel up and run away......so all is good.......i would date in a fairly public place.......oen thing that puts em off dating is the fact not many men are going to expect me to be celibate.......or remain that way...so finding someone to date who has similar beliefs and values is ideal......i pray a.....lot.....and i am strong enough not to act on sexual desire.........deb

[pie2]

....they shrivel up and run away.....