4 years down the drain

[zendon73]

Ask her family as to why were you treated this way?

 

She cannot just do her own thing, when and how she likes it, actions like these are the effects of todays modern thoughts "Do what you like, care only for what you want"

 

I think, you are saved from a divorce. If she contacts you again, ask her, Why didnt you think of everything before saying yes to marry me? Do you understand the repercussions of your actions. ?

 

Think long and hard as to do you really want her back.. And yes please stop rationalizing this behaviour due to depression etc etc.

 

I think you have every right to know what just happened but dont obsess ovver it (easier said than done). Be strong and be brave.

 

Thank you and I asked her all of the things you mentioned and all I got back was a cold " I am just not happy" I proceeded to ask why and she just kept saying that. If you ask me what makes me unhappy I can give you 5,000 reasons but from her I couldn't get one?

 

I find no need to ask her family anything because they are all her family and I would still be in the same position I am now. My only saving grace is that I went out with class . I wished her good luck and didn't stalk or berate her and the text I got from her family only enforces that.

 

I have a right to know all of these things but I am dealing with a sick person who won't know how to go about expressing these things to me unfortunately. I dodged a bullet but it sure doesn't make it hurt any less.

 

over a week with no contact and haven't seen my pets in a month. Who does these things?

[zendon73]

quick question.... As I have described previously my fiancé just dumped me and moved out of our house when I wasn't there . I have a number of her things here still and I don't want to see them at all.

 

Do I put everything in a box with no note or anything and just mail it to her mothers house? Or should I just burn it? lol

[Sunshine87]

I'm fairly positive that there might be someone else in the picture....an interest of some sort.

 

Don't contact her mum. Throw it away.

[zendon73]

I'm fairly positive that there might be someone else in the picture....an interest of some sort.

 

Don't contact her mum. Throw it away.

 

Thank you and you are probably right but I wont be contacting anyone. Just sending it to her house . Maybe you are right and I should trash it.

[Sunshine87]

I'm about to tell you a story.....

[zendon73]

I'm about to tell you a story.....

 

? go for it I need all the help I can get

[Sunshine87]

I was in a serious relationship with a guy for over three years. We had plans to get married even though he hadnt officially proposed.

 

To cut the long story short, he broke up with me and I heard he was engaged to another girl. He was cheating on me with this girl for sometime and proposed to her before officially breaking up with me. Sure, we had been going through some issues and we were on some kind of implied break but we hadn't broken up...and when I decided that I wanted us to give our relationship another real shot, he was already engaged to someone. I was making plans for my birthday etc. Imagine that.

 

Anyway, I dug out some information about this girl he proposed to because it seemed so abrupt. I could not get my head round it. Heck, we hadn't even broken up officially yet he was engaged to someone else? I found out tha thie girl he was engaged to, broke off HER engagement to her boyfriend of five years.

 

This girl was actually newly engaged. She was was engaged for about three months to her boyfriend of five years. They had commenced with the wedding plans. Man, it was so horrible. At that point I realised that my situation wasnt as bad as the ex-fiancé of this girl. She hurt the guy real bad. I mean, everyone knew about the wedding. The families, the friends....it was crazy. But she threw that all away for my ex ....a man she barely knows ( as they live in different countries). Her ex-fiancé kept saying " why did she accept the proposal when she had this other guy in the background"? He just did not understand!

 

So the affair between this girl (who broke off her engagement to her boyfriend of five years) and my ex ( who dumped me for her) started online. He then flew to see her and I guess "consummate" the relationship. During that period, I.e after the consummation, she dumped her fiancé.....and my ex bf dumped me after he got back from the trip.

 

I was crushed but im okay now and don't want to dwell on it because this is about you!

Anyway, it's very rare for women to abandon a secure relationship out of the whim, unless she actually didn't love the guy. (which I find hard to believe

because you dated for for years and she was thrilled about the proposal etc).

 

Now I'm not 100percent certain that she has someone I strongly suspect that she does. Very few people wake up and decide to cancel a wedding, dump a long term boyfriend and trash all the presents and sentimental gifts/tokens he gave her just to be alone. There has to be a reason. Either she doesn't love you and had been forcing herself to stay or she has another interest which might not necessarily have manifested or progressed to a full blown relationship yet. Im more likely to go with the latter.

 

I'm really sorry you're hurting but damn, she is cold as ice.

[Sunshine87]

Thank you and you are probably right but I wont be contacting anyone. Just sending it to her house . Maybe you are right and I should trash it.

 

Are the items her belongings? Or what?

[zendon73]

I was in a serious relationship with a guy for over three years. We had plans to get married even though he hadnt officially proposed.

 

To cut the long story short, he broke up with me and I heard he was engaged to another girl. He was cheating on me with this girl for sometime and proposed to her before officially breaking up with me. Sure, we had been going through some issues and we were on some kind of implied break but we hadn't broken up...and when I decided that I wanted us to give our relationship another real shot, he was already engaged to someone. I was making plans for my birthday etc. Imagine that.

 

Anyway, I dug out some information about this girl he proposed to because it seemed so abrupt. I could not get my head round it. Heck, we hadn't even broken up officially yet he was engaged to someone else? I found out tha thie girl he was engaged to, broke off HER engagement to her boyfriend of five years.

 

This girl was actually newly engaged. She was was engaged for about three months to her boyfriend of five years. They had commenced with the wedding plans. Man, it was so horrible. At that point I realised that my situation wasnt as bad as the ex-fiancé of this girl. She hurt the guy real bad. I mean, everyone knew about the wedding. The families, the friends....it was crazy. But she threw that all away for my ex ....a man she barely knows ( as they live in different countries). Her ex-fiancé kept saying " why did she accept the proposal when she had this other guy in the background"? He just did not understand!

 

So the affair between this girl (who broke off her engagement to her boyfriend of five years) and my ex ( who dumped me for her) started online. He then flew to see her and I guess "consummate" the relationship. During that period, I.e after the consummation, she dumped her fiancé.....and my ex bf dumped me after he got back from the trip.

 

I was crushed but im okay now and don't want to dwell on it because this is about you!

Anyway, it's very rare for women to abandon a secure relationship out of the whim, unless she actually didn't love the guy. (which I find hard to believe

because you dated for for years and she was thrilled about the proposal etc).

 

Now I'm not 100percent certain that she has someone I strongly suspect that she does. Very few people wake up and decide to cancel a wedding, dump a long term boyfriend and trash all the presents and sentimental gifts/tokens he gave her just to be alone. There has to be a reason. Either she doesn't love you and had been forcing herself to stay or she has another interest which might not necessarily have manifested or progressed to a full blown relationship yet. Im more likely to go with the latter.

 

I'm really sorry you're hurting but damn, she is cold as ice.

 

Thank you and sorry to hear about your hurt as well. I honestly suspect it was the first thing because I was financially carrying us and I get the feeling that she only stayed with me out of comfort and because she thought she wouldn't be able to make it on her own.

 

When we got engaged she took a second job which was supposed to aid in paying for the wedding but I suspect it was to save up enough money to leave. It could very well have been a separate interest but I found out 2 days ago from a 3rd party that she was single ( doesn't mean she isn't sleeping with someone) but at least she isn't in a new relationship.

 

I have no transitioned to total shock as in I can't believe I spent 4 years with someone and they could just act like this with no warning. My last contact was a text over a week ago which said please mail my keys or drop them off to our house. I have heard nothing from her which means if she doesn't want to drop them off im not even worth a stamp anymore.

 

Thank you for your post and I am sure things will be better but it's mind blowing to think that his happened. I am going to send the stuff to her moms and If I receive a thank you text from her I am not going to respond. It is what it is.

[carhill]

4 years down the drain

On the other hand, you have four years of relationship experience which can benefit you in the future, not only in your selection process, but also in being in an intimate relationship.

 

Work less. Long work periods are marriage killers, presuming this experience is indicative of your desire to be married and have a family. If long days are the norm, then schedule long days off too. Work is a choice. So is marriage. Choose well.

 

Oh, my read is this one is done. My advice on that aspect would be to reduce analysis and focus on healing and moving forward. People do what they do and the future is unknown.

 

Good luck.

[zendon73]

On the other hand, you have four years of relationship experience which can benefit you in the future, not only in your selection process, but also in being in an intimate relationship.

 

Work less. Long work periods are marriage killers, presuming this experience is indicative of your desire to be married and have a family. If long days are the norm, then schedule long days off too. Work is a choice. So is marriage. Choose well.

 

Oh, my read is this one is done. My advice on that aspect would be to reduce analysis and focus on healing and moving forward. People do what they do and the future is unknown.

 

Good luck.

 

Thank you and it is most certainly done in my mind but the quick exit and the signs of nothing ever being wrong along with gutting my house and taking my animals is a tough pill to swallow.

 

The analyzing comes from the disbelief that someone on this earth could be so cold. I never asked or deserved any of this and when you get hounded to get married from her and her family and then 2 months later your sitting in a empty house one starts having the mind shift into overdrive.

 

Maybe some of you can share what you think she is thinking or not thinking for that matter.

[zendon73]

Please help everyone. I just got the " how are you doing and I understand if you hate me " text. How do I respond ???

[zendon73]

Please help everyone. I just got the " how are you doing and I understand if you hate me " text. How do I respond ???

 

Anyone? I honestly don't know to respond if at all

[carhill]

Easing her guilt.

[zendon73]

Easing her guilt.

 

Couldn't agree with you more Clearing her conscience . For the record I text her simply everything is fine

[Sunshine87]

Don't respond to her texts. You are easing her guilt.

[Sunshine87]

Couldn't agree with you more Clearing her conscience . For the record I text her simply everything is fine

 

Actually your response was fine.

[zendon73]

Actually your response was fine.

 

Thank you. I actually responded " everything is fine. You? ". And I received a text back saying simply " I'm good". Wtf??? I swear people this has actually made me stronger. If you are going to text me make it be about something. I honestly do not have time for idle chatter at this point.

 

After she text me that I refuse to respond ( I mean I haven't heard from the girl in weeks what the heck was I supposed to say to " I'm good)?

 

That was a few hours ago and now I just got a text saying. " "

There is a $ 70 balance in the Paypal account. I'll send you a check for it unless u have any other solution let me know"

 

Ummm what is this chicks deal people??

[bluecrabroll]

Wow. Totally business. I'd say no contact or just stick to the business. Don't let your anger or emotions come through to her just yet. Girls and their damn mind games.

[zendon73]

Wow. Totally business. I'd say no contact or just stick to the business. Don't let your anger or emotions come through to her just yet. Girls and their damn mind games.

 

I responded to that text of I'll send you a check with. " you know where I live".

I thought it was appropriate. I got the ok text back.

 

No contact begins again!!

[zendon73]

Don't respond to her texts. You are easing her guilt.

 

So is everybody in consensus that the texts from last night were nothing more than her easing her guilt?

[aisuru]

Yup. She probably expected you to go off on her. Good for you in not.

 

What she did was a terrible thing, but marrying you if she knew it was no longer the right relationship for her would have been worse. I can't recount how many people I've spoken with over the years who stated they knew on their wedding day that they shouldn't marry that person. Some have divorced, some have remained in less than ideal marriages, and others have made it happily work.

 

She may not have anybody. She just didn't have the guts to stop the wedding machine rolling along and facing you as she broke your heart.

 

Almost 5 years ago, I ended a 5 year cohabitation relationship when I came home one day and stated, "Our lease ends on the last day of the month. I'm moving into my own place and you should move in with your brother." I said this to a man I thought I was going to marry and have children with some day.

 

If somebody heard that story without all the relationship background, I'm sure people would think I had somebody in the wings. I didn't. I just hit a day where I realized it wasn't going to work. And it was the best and fastest way to end it by getting my own place as I was beyond the point of talking about it.

 

Believe it or not, we're casual friends now. But it was a couple years before we spoke again.

 

I hope you find your peace and your healing. She may have thought this was all for the best. Go no contact as you find your new center of gravity.

[zendon73]

Yup. She probably expected you to go off on her. Good for you in not.

 

What she did was a terrible thing, but marrying you if she knew it was no longer the right relationship for her would have been worse. I can't recount how many people I've spoken with over the years who stated they knew on their wedding day that they shouldn't marry that person. Some have divorced, some have remained in less than ideal marriages, and others have made it happily work.

 

She may not have anybody. She just didn't have the guts to stop the wedding machine rolling along and facing you as she broke your heart.

 

Almost 5 years ago, I ended a 5 year cohabitation relationship when I came home one day and stated, "Our lease ends on the last day of the month. I'm moving into my own place and you should move in with your brother." I said this to a man I thought I was going to marry and have children with some day.

 

If somebody heard that story without all the relationship background, I'm sure people would think I had somebody in the wings. I didn't. I just hit a day where I realized it wasn't going to work. And it was the best and fastest way to end it by getting my own place as I was beyond the point of talking about it.

 

Believe it or not, we're casual friends now. But it was a couple years before we spoke again.

 

I hope you find your peace and your healing. She may have thought this was all for the best. Go no contact as you find your new center of gravity.

 

Thank you for the reply and I agree with you about her not wanting to face me after she broke my heart. As I have said countless times on here... I am ok with her not loving me/marrying me. I just wish it didn't come with the big show of the everyday affection and the wedding planning etc..

 

I thought maybe last night was an attempt to reach out to me but I have got no text today so I'll have to chalk it up to her just clearing guilt. Back to no contact . Thank again.

[aisuru]

I totally understand. Maybe I'll post my most recent breakup story that I'm still processing. How people breakup with somebody can say a lot about the person that's for sure.

[zendon73]

I totally understand. Maybe I'll post my most recent breakup story that I'm still processing. How people breakup with somebody can say a lot about the person that's for sure.

 

please do.. today I am more confused than ever