4 years down the drain

[zendon73]

My ex did the same s.hit to me. Granted we weren't engaged, but he had spoke of it, and moving in together, and all this crap about being in it for the "long haul."

 

He met a chick at his new job and it was like the 3 years we spent together meant nothing. He went from, "you're my best friend, I love you so much" sobbing, to "lose my number, have a nice life!"

 

I'm like... are you kidding me?

 

I honestly feel like the people that do these things, were never truly IN LOVE to begin with. You can't just switch feelings like that so abruptly and so coldly and cruelly.

 

I don't believe my ex truly ever loved me. I think I was a crutch for him. I think he was lonely, scared to be alone, insecure, and he just stayed with me. He faked the entire relationship. When he thought he found something better, he just left me and never looked back. It's what he does.

 

I think that's what your ex did, the fact that she said she loved the feeling of being engaged and wanting to be married, but was more in love with the idea of it, not necessarily in love with YOU. That's why it was so easy for her to be like, "Oh I met someone who makes me feel the way you never made me feel, bye!"

 

And now she's with him.

 

These people are sick. They're users. They're self absorbed, they're selfish. They don't care about anyone or anything. All they care about is themselves, and getting what they want or need out of other people. If you no longer serve a purpose for her, you're gone.

 

It's scary to know these people are out there, and honestly the trust I have in relationships is kind of shattered, because my ex put on a damn good show.

 

I can definitely identify with you and it's even sicker in my case that e actually planned a wedding . I got the courtesy " im really sorry" text after but seriously I just spent 4 years with you and you took everything including the pets and you are now saying im not even worth a face to face talk?

 

I am positive she doesn't want to see me because she doesn't wnt to deal with the " talk" but the only way to show her that things aren't ever going to be suffocating again is to never answer her texts or emails again.

[BC1980]

Sounds like she doesn't want to own up to how wrong she was. She didn't even give you a proper good bye or act sorry. That is awful. She is trying to rationalize it anyway she can. At least my ex was sorry and said it was nothing do with me; I'm still hurt, but at least he had some class to give me a reason and not just ice me out.

 

Don't get me wrong. He did some things that were not cool, but this girl sounds downright cold. Just no call for what she did.

 

You will never understand WHY. Don't even give her the power over your emotions to have you analyzing the situation.

[KatZee]

I can definitely identify with you and it's even sicker in my case that e actually planned a wedding . I got the courtesy " im really sorry" text after but seriously I just spent 4 years with you and you took everything including the pets and you are now saying im not even worth a face to face talk?

 

I am positive she doesn't want to see me because she doesn't wnt to deal with the " talk" but the only way to show her that things aren't ever going to be suffocating again is to never answer her texts or emails again.

 

My ex didn't want to see me either. I knew he was pulling away the last week or so we were together. He was just completely disrespectful to me, avoiding me, ignoring me, treating me like crap. And then he finally texted me and was like, "We haven't spoken in a few days and honestly I'm not devastated."

 

He was a complete and utter prick.

 

He was saying how he didn't want to throw 3 years away, and I was like, you know what, forget it. I'm going to make it real easy for you. And he started crying on the phone. It was all BS to me. So then the next day he ignores me, as usual, and then the day after that I get a text when I'm eating my lunch and it was, "We have to talk later."

 

And I wrote back, "?"

 

And he was like, "this is it. the relationship is over." and whatever else he said, I don't even remember but I do remember after he wrote that, I responded with, "HAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAH you tell me this in a text message?! how big a coward are you!!???!?!?"

 

And he was like "I didn't want to do it through text but you asked." I was like, I sent a damn question mark, I didn't say dump me via text you dumb jerkoff.

 

He didn't even have the decency to think to meet me in a legit location to exchange our crap. It was raining out and he's like, "so do you want to meet in the parking lot between our houses?" I was like ARE YOU KIDDING ME?! you want to do this in the damn rain? what the hell did I ever mean to you?! I told him that I would be coming to his house and that I wasn't ashamed of anything.

 

So I packed all his crap up in a huge black garbage bag and pretty much threw it at him when I walked in his house. He then sat there and cried his stupid a.ss crocodile tears. I sat there just staring at him. By this point I had nothing left for him. He had pulled this emotional manipulation and emotional abuse for a while before he ended it, and I was just DONE.

 

So he said his piece, how I was so special, and what we had was so amazing, and he didn't want to say this was it forever, that he just needed to get his head on straight, and be single, and figure himself out, and that he loved me so much, and this was so hard to do and blah blah blah.

 

I walked out of his house and he never contacted me again. I found out 5 weeks later he was messing with this girl at his new job. I knew he met her when we were still dating, because that's what he does. He's a sneak, he's a liar, he has absolutely no character, no morals, no integrity. He's a cheater, selfish, absorbed... pretty much every negative adjective you can think of, that's him.

 

After I found that out, he sent me a text message that said, "Hi, hope you're doing well. Just wanted to let you know that you can go ahead and sell all the jewelry I ever bought you. There is no us. I don't want to give you the wrong impression, that's my fault."

 

I was like... WE HAVEN'T SPOKEN IN ALMOST 2 MONTHS. Who the hell are you?!?!? And then he proceeds to tell me to lose his number, and have a nice life.

 

Biggest douchebag I've ever met in my entire life.

 

And whatever though. He thought he found a better girl, too bad they didn't even last 30 days. I hope karma kicks his a.ss all the way back down to hell, honestly.

[zendon73]

Sounds like she doesn't want to own up to how wrong she was. She didn't even give you a proper good bye or act sorry. That is awful. She is trying to rationalize it anyway she can. At least my ex was sorry and said it was nothing do with me; I'm still hurt, but at least he had some class to give me a reason and not just ice me out.

 

Don't get me wrong. He did some things that were not cool, but this girl sounds downright cold. Just no call for what she did.

 

You will never understand WHY. Don't even give her the power over your emotions to have you analyzing the situation.

 

This is why when I tried contacting her she said things like " I pushed her way" she was just saying anything to rationalize her behavior.

 

I don't regret many things but I do regret contacting her a number of times since she left. It always turned into an emotional pleading thing and truthfully he didn't deserve a second of it.

 

I can't make her love me but the way I went out made me look like a chump who was grasping at straws and I lost respect for myself.

 

This is why I will do the NC thing because even if I don't answer her it is better than how I acted since the breakup.

[Gatzby]

Wow... I am really sorry to hear of your situation - that is complete BS... I too was recently "switched off" by a similar chameleon.

 

About 8 months ago I had found out she had cheated on me from her new guys girlfriend... I confronted her about the guys girl reaching out to me and she broke down and admitted that it had happened - but for two months looked me in the face and was never planning on telling me - hell... even remained friends with the guy up to that point because she wanted to "pretend it never happened". She said she wanted to work things out a few days later... but then changed her mind and said she wanted to see how things played out with the other guy.

 

I was devastated - after giving her another chance and everything she threw it in my face she wanted to explore the "spark" with some other guy. Mind you I had been suspicious the entire time of their "friendship" and she made me feel like I was a crazy jealous person - pulling the whole "so I am not allowed to have guy friends?" bit... thats what hurt the most... that I ignored that inner voice... NEVER AGAIN.

 

Went NC for a week and she called. I had been doing some serious soul searching and had come to terms with things and felt as though I was moving towards peace - so I ignored. She proceeded to text me that we needed to talk... my phone kept buzzing and I finally relented and texted her that there was nothing to talk about. She BEGGED AND BEGGED and I finally took her call. She explained what a HUGE mistake she'd made and that she never wanted to see the guy again and hated him for "manipulating" her into what transpired.

 

For whatever reason (I think I was/am scared to be alone so I settled) I agreed to work on things and we moved forward. She was never happier and would speak of marriage and how "she couldn't wait to see my face as she walked down the isle"... yadda yadda yadda...

 

Flash forward (things had been great for a few months, then became somewhat dismal) to a few weeks ago - she had come to visit (we attend different grad schools despite meeting while living in the same place 2.5 years ago) things felt off the first few days, but then things balanced out and we had a great time.

 

She broke down the night before she left stating that she thought our personalities were too different and that it scared her for the future. Since I had felt the distance for a few days I posited the idea of us ending the relationship instead of just running it into the ground and resenting each other. She assured me she wanted to be with me and that she wanted to continue the relationship - HUGE sense of false security.

 

The next morning we said tearful goodbyes and spoke of the next time we'd see each other and we waived until we could no longer see each other. We began texting per normal about how much we missed one another and that the distance was hard, etc etc.

 

I called her about 3 hours later to tell her how much I missed her and she brought up the same issues she had the night prior - almost the same conversation. Then said she was not sure if she was happy - if that she was sorry... then said again she could not imagine a future without me but just didnt know if she was %100 happy.

 

I told her to let me know when she made it home, which she did via text and we have had NC since - which was 9 days ago.

 

I remembered back to one night when we were making dinner together - her phone buzzed as she had received a text. She was in the other room and her phone was on the counter - so I called to her "you have a text from (whatever the area code was)" I found it strange the number was not associated with a name as she is an EXTREMELY organized individual. I asked who it was since I wasnt familiar with the area code and she said "Im not concerned about it" I asked why and she replied "I am with you right now"... it peaked my curiosity and I asked why she wasnt curious at all as to who it was... she just danced around it.

 

At this point, I figure it was probably the same guy - who knows if they ever ended it for real.

 

I just want you to know that I can relate - I never wanted to believe someone who seemed so sweet and innocent could behave in such a manner - but hell - look at Jodi Arias!

There are some CRAZY chameleons out there and NEVER ignore that tiny voice inside - it is RARELY wrong.

 

The NC is really hard right now as it is still really fresh - but we must realize HOW MUCH better off we are without them - let someone else deal with it and then have to suffer the fallout from when it happens again.

Hell, the guy she cheated with cheated before on his then girlfriend when she was going through chemotherapy - pretty sure there's a special place in hell for people like that... they can have one another!

 

You must KNOW with certainty that you are better off; we all are when we arent with an emotional chameleon...

 

I accept my part in this situation... I accept that I should have left her a long time ago and should have never answered her call when she wanted to get back together. I accept that I ignored that little voice - and bet your a$s I won't again. I accept that I stayed with someone because I was afraid to be alone - won't happen again.

 

I am proud of myself for not looking at that text as suspicious as it was - because I NEVER lost my integrity and did nothing wrong in trying to genuinely trust someone again.

 

 

Just know that there are more of us out there man - we are all in this together!

Here's to 10 days NC tomorrow for me!

And I hope she does contact me again - so I can end it my way.

[BC1980]

I don't blame you for contacting her and wanting answers. You were together 4 years and engaged, living together. Most people would have done the same thing.

[Chi townD]

Sorry dude, but I told you in about 2 or 3 posts that there was someone else and I'm also sorry to say that I hate being right sometimes. However, hopefully now you'll start listening.

 

Is NC hard? YEP! And it gets harder before it starts getting better. But, you stick to NC and you heal from this. BUT! You need to make positive changes in your life along with NC and it will help you heal faster. I told you to completely change around your house and make it yours. Have you done that yet? You need to change your hairstyle, get new clothes and dress sharp!

 

You need to pick up new hobbies and get yourself out of the house and doing things! KEEP BUSY! Join a running club or a cycling club or a mens soccer league, or Rugby team. Go to the gym and get into the best shape of your life! Get plenty of sleep and eat healthy!

 

And if anyone asks you what happened in the future, BE HONEST!!! " Yeah, the bitch left me for someone else a month before our wedding." Why lie or dance around the truth? It's what happened isn't it? Remember what I posted in April? She's trying to hide this guy from everyone and slowly introduce him to everyone AFTER the dust settles. Don't make this easy for her. Don't let people be accepting of their relationship. Let people know what exactly happened and why. And people won't warm up to them anytime soon and they're going to let her know exactly how wrong her behavior is.

 

Now, if word gets back to her that you told the truth. She going to text you rather LOUDLY. If the phone rings and it's her number, DROP THE FRICKIN PHONE OUT OF YOUR HANDS!!!! And let it go to voicemail. Remember, you're in NC.

[dabesdiabetic]

Zenden,

 

In my opinion it is one of the worst feelings in the world that you are going through, the feeling that someone so important has died but is yet still alive is awful. I went through a similar experience to you and know exactly how you feel.

 

I won't go into many details about my story right now but know this: YOU WILL EAT YOURSELF ALIVE trying to change things that you can't. Talking to people about it, digging on facebook, instagram, etc etc. It may not be now, tomorrow, or even this month. But, you will wake up one day and say to yourself that you cannot do this anymore. When that day comes, get rid of everything. Get rid of pictures, texts, her number, emails, block her on all social media, block her friends, block her friends friends, heck even block her enemies. Move out of that house as soon as possible. And most importantly, don't ever expect to hear from her or get disclosure on/for anything she has ever said or done. None of that means anything anymore. When this time comes you have officially began to get better.

 

Reading your story brings me exactly back to mine, thinking when will she contact me. Has she been lying for years, about who she was, what she thought, and so on. Those things will most likely never be answered and as hard as it is you should try and put it behind you. Have you thought about buying a new pet? Getting in shape? Move to a different town?

[zendon73]

Sorry dude, but I told you in about 2 or 3 posts that there was someone else and I'm also sorry to say that I hate being right sometimes. However, hopefully now you'll start listening.

 

Is NC hard? YEP! And it gets harder before it starts getting better. But, you stick to NC and you heal from this. BUT! You need to make positive changes in your life along with NC and it will help you heal faster. I told you to completely change around your house and make it yours. Have you done that yet? You need to change your hairstyle, get new clothes and dress sharp!

 

You need to pick up new hobbies and get yourself out of the house and doing things! KEEP BUSY! Join a running club or a cycling club or a mens soccer league, or Rugby team. Go to the gym and get into the best shape of your life! Get plenty of sleep and eat healthy!

 

And if anyone asks you what happened in the future, BE HONEST!!! " Yeah, the bitch left me for someone else a month before our wedding." Why lie or dance around the truth? It's what happened isn't it? Remember what I posted in April? She's trying to hide this guy from everyone and slowly introduce him to everyone AFTER the dust settles. Don't make this easy for her. Don't let people be accepting of their relationship. Let people know what exactly happened and why. And people won't warm up to them anytime soon and they're going to let her know exactly how wrong her behavior is.

 

Now, if word gets back to her that you told the truth. She going to text you rather LOUDLY. If the phone rings and it's her number, DROP THE FRICKIN PHONE OUT OF YOUR HANDS!!!! And let it go to voicemail. Remember, you're in NC.

 

Regardless of whether she left me for this guy or if he was the rebound or the shoulder to cry on it makes no difference. Bottom line is still the same for me.

 

I will never contact her again and won't make like difficult for her because its a sign that I care .. And even though I do she doesn't deserve to know that anymore.

 

I have expressed how I felt to her countless times via text and the fact that she doesn't have the stones to meet me face to face is all I need to know .

 

I will retain NC and have no good feelings for the way she treated me. I wouldn't wish what she did to me on my worst enemy and karma will come knocking her way soon enough.

[Chi townD]

Regardless of whether she left me for this guy or if he was the rebound or the shoulder to cry on it makes no difference. Bottom line is still the same for me.

 

I will never contact her again and won't make like difficult for her because its a sign that I care .. And even though I do she doesn't deserve to know that anymore.

 

I have expressed how I felt to her countless times via text and the fact that she doesn't have the stones to meet me face to face is all I need to know .

 

I will retain NC and have no good feelings for the way she treated me. I wouldn't wish what she did to me on my worst enemy and karma will come knocking her way soon enough.

 

I'm not saying go out of your way to tell people. I'm just saying if people ask you about it, just be honest.

[SuperGeek]

Prepare yourself when she tries to come back later as it will likely happen at some point. My ex tried to come back a year later and it caused a lot of emotional trauma for me. My ex got dumped by the guy she left me for and thought that I would just welcome her back with open arms (lol yeah she's that crazy). After a week I came to my senses and told her to get lost. I'm glad I had the strength to do this, because now I realize it would have been a disaster. The relationship ended when she walked out the door to be with someone else. It needs to stay that way. I won't be 'friends' with her either as that would just cramp my style at this point -- I have no desire to be her friend at all.

 

Be prepared is all I'm saying. Really question why she has shown up all of a sudden if that happens. I'm almost positive it won't be 'about you', but rather just to fill a short-term void in her life until she gets over the most recent ex. I deserve more than than that. She can go get another deadbeat from plenty of fish.

 

SuperGeek

 

I will retain NC and have no good feelings for the way she treated me. I wouldn't wish what she did to me on my worst enemy and karma will come knocking her way soon enough.

[zendon73]

Prepare yourself when she tries to come back later as it will likely happen at some point. My ex tried to come back a year later and it caused a lot of emotional trauma for me. My ex got dumped by the guy she left me for and thought that I would just welcome her back with open arms (lol yeah she's that crazy). After a week I came to my senses and told her to get lost. I'm glad I had the strength to do this, because now I realize it would have been a disaster. The relationship ended when she walked out the door to be with someone else. It needs to stay that way. I won't be 'friends' with her either as that would just cramp my style at this point -- I have no desire to be her friend at all.

 

Be prepared is all I'm saying. Really question why she has shown up all of a sudden if that happens. I'm almost positive it won't be 'about you', but rather just to fill a short-term void in her life until she gets over the most recent ex. I deserve more than than that. She can go get another deadbeat from plenty of fish.

 

SuperGeek

 

I have already thought about the reaction if what you said ever happened and i have come to the conclusion that it won't ever happen.

 

Reading my story and seeing how this girl avoids responsibility and confrontation like the plague... do you honestly believe this girl has it in her character to ever give me what is deserved or even right?

 

Not me.. some people just are just sick in the head.. unfortunately i didn't realize this until it was to late.

[BC1980]

You always think it won't be you. I thought I had such a great relationship. Now, it's just sad and embarrassing.

[zendon73]

You always think it won't be you. I thought I had such a great relationship. Now, it's just sad and embarrassing.

 

Don't be sad and embarrassed.. If you didn't do anything wrong then hold your head up high. During my breakup everyone in both my life and my ex's life have been wonderful ( too bad the one person who I want to be wonderful is a ghost)

 

I couldn't deal with all of this without this forums support and I understand the sad part but the embarrassed part stems from each and everyone's ego.

 

I'm on a week NC and it honestly feels better.. I still talk to myself and shake my head everyday when I come home to a empty house... but it certainly beats the alternative of trying to make something out of nothing.

 

It will pass and better she wonder what I am doing ( or not even care) but silence is deadly in all cases.

[BC1980]

I agree. NC s the way to go. At first, I too was try to make it work, asking why. But my ex wasn't interested, so what's the point? At least I know that I tried to salvage it even if he threw it away over reasons that I thought were petty. It's his loss really.

[zendon73]

Still doing the NC thing over a week now and today i have to admit i am super depressed.

 

Today is the landmark day where Memorial day weekend is coming up and everyone is so happy telling me there plans and you turn on the radio and hear about all of these things going on this weekend and you start to think about all the things you have done with your ex on this weekend.

 

Am i the only one who gets this way? I sincerely am not happy for anyone or anything today and i went so far as to actually hope for crappy weather this weekend. Pretty sad and i will continue NC for whatever sanity i have left.

 

I hung out with a girl last night to try and see if i was capable and it was an absolute disaster. I nitpicked and compared and finally just excused myself.

 

Hope this gets better.

[BC1980]

Our situations are similar, but mine did not involve cheating. He was the one who wanted to get a ring. He was putting up a front until the end. Planted me a rose bush in his yard the weekend before. It's really sick stuff. Texting me he loves me the day of the break up. My parents had already made plans for the family vacation this summer. I mean, the list goes on.

 

I'm supposed to go out of town this weekend with my sister. She planned this trip to make me feel better, but I honestly don't even want to go. Normal things just don't feel fun right now. It did help when I started to think about the positives I have everyday that are not related to him. But yeah, I feel like crap. No desire to do much because it all seems tainted now. I also started talking to another guy, but it honestly felt worse.

[zendon73]

Over a week with NC and it has been a roller coaster of emotions but at least I don't have to worry about what to say if I get he text etc..

 

Last night my friend dragged me out to a bar/club thingy and I honestly hate these places but it was a revelation to me as two gorgeous sisters came up to my friend and me and started dancing.. Of course I was out to have a nice time so I obliged. This girl was 10 years younger than me and completely out of my league but I honestly stayed with her the whole night and we start talking and she tells me she is engaged ( face palm) but would love to hang out and gives me her number.

 

As someone who was just engaged it almost made me sick to know this girl was doing this .. but I took her number and wont call her .

 

Either way it was a great distraction and was one of those " still got it " moments that I needed NC continues!!!

[zendon73]

over a month no contact and 3 months broken up and I was doing great dating etc.. then last night she posts on twitter " things you love become things you hate became things you miss " then proceeds to post the lyrics to yes I do from Racal flats ( which we listened to all the time)

 

I was going to respond with our other song.. but then I realized.. what's the point after everthing she put me through I have to read about this on social media? Apparently we still follow each other because I never go on there.

 

Any insight to what his is all about? I mean I am still doing NC but it was tough to see. Thanks everyone

[zendon73]

Anyone? im doing my best to remain NC and I have the great people of this site to thank.. just want some positive affirmation

[bluegreen]

Struggling but doing it how long well it seems to long but its month or less including once broken NC

[jabbzy64]

Women definitely love you until they don't

 

3 days prior to my girl leaving me... she told me she loved me and said we could get through anything.

 

Then she blocked me from everything 3 days later and hasn't spoken to me since.

 

trust me... in the end... they did us a favour.. who wants to divorce?

 

They laugh until they cry back for you.

[bluegreen]

Women definitely love you until they don't

 

3 days prior to my girl leaving me... she told me she loved me and said we could get through anything.

 

Then she blocked me from everything 3 days later and hasn't spoken to me since.

 

trust me... in the end... they did us a favour.. who wants to divorce?

 

They laugh until they cry back for you.

 

 

some of them must be sick

[writergal]

Anyone? im doing my best to remain NC and I have the great people of this site to thank.. just want some positive affirmation

 

The poster Carhill gave you some great advice. He suggested that you invest your energy into starting the healing process on yourself. Going out to clubs to dance and flirt isn't really helping you, esp. since you said yourself that you don't really like that environment. But distraction is a great way to cope with grief and pain too. Just be sure it's a healthy distraction and not one that will just make you feel worse about yourself. You're still in a vulnerable place emotionally if it's only been 3 months. You need to give yourself time to grieve and heal.

 

She may continue to text you to assuage her guilt and this is truly selfish behavior on her part, because she's already shown you that she doesn't respect you as a person based on her actions. I think you deserve better and in the future, this experience will help you when you're ready to seriously date again. The right woman is still out there for you. Clearly your ex-fiance is not "the one."

 

What she did to you was brutal. She threw away 4 years of memories and momentos from her life with you into garbage bags at the end of your driveway to be with another man. What do you do now?

 

Well, what you do now is what you are continuing to do: get on with living your life the best way you can, surrounded by loving, caring friends who are there for you as a support system. Your situation reminded me of that John Mayer song,

Just remember that you will get through this. It will take time, but you will get through this. Edited June 10, 2013 by writergal

[ariawuu]

You deserve better Zendon. You seem like a really good man, someone out there can appreciate you.

 

Hope you are recovering from this..

Edited June 10, 2013 by ariawuu