4 years down the drain

[zendon73]

zendon, time is not helping because not enough time has passed for you...

 

Your story is similar to mine, except I was married. However, what your ex put you through wasn't quite as bad as what mine did. Mine was just the classic "walk away wife," for all intents and purposes.

 

My "usefulness" to her was no longer, and it is just like that light switch with some people... I swear borderline psychopathic in ability to act one way, but emotionally remove themselves from anything.

 

Just keep reminding yourself about her flaws, 'cause I know there were probably a few. Remember the woman that left you was far from perfect herself. The dumpee will quite often focus only on the good qualities of their ex, neglecting to remember the whole picture of whom they really were...

 

Thank you for the kind words and i am sorry to hear you went through that.

 

Is it my ego talking that doesn't want her to " get away " with this?

everyone is giving me kind words on how to get over her.. but truthfully at this point i want Karma to run it's course.

[Diamondawg]

Maybe she just was not in love with you anymore! its really that simple. Better her do it now than a few years down the line, perhaps with children involved. I know its hard for you to get your head round this right now, but obsessing over it and even investigating it is very unhealthy. Just give her some space and time to miss you!! She cant miss you if your always there, or if your always contacting her. Begging and pleading will drive her further away. Trying to reason with her wont work either, you cannot use logic to reason with emotion.

 

She needs to re evaluate her life and she needs to do this alone. Respect her feelings and realize your relationship with her is now over. You may well get the chance of a new one, but only if you giver some space.

 

Do not automatically assume she must be entangled with another guy!!! There is absolutely no proof of this. Rather than have a look at yourself to see where you may have gone wrong, its all to easy to blame it on something else. Use this time you have on your own to wisely. Did you suffocate her, were you too clingy, when you really think about it and be honest with yourself, did you see this coming but chose to bury it? Sort out your issues while she sorts hers out, and then when she does contact you, she will see a confident man who is living his life to the fullest, and just maybe.....good luck

[Salvatore85]

Maybe she just was not in love with you anymore! its really that simple. Better her do it now than a few years down the line, perhaps with children involved. I know its hard for you to get your head round this right now, but obsessing over it and even investigating it is very unhealthy. Just give her some space and time to miss you!! She cant miss you if your always there, or if your always contacting her. Begging and pleading will drive her further away. Trying to reason with her wont work either, you cannot use logic to reason with emotion.

 

She needs to re evaluate her life and she needs to do this alone. Respect her feelings and realize your relationship with her is now over. You may well get the chance of a new one, but only if you giver some space.

 

Do not automatically assume she must be entangled with another guy!!! There is absolutely no proof of this. Rather than have a look at yourself to see where you may have gone wrong, its all to easy to blame it on something else. Use this time you have on your own to wisely. Did you suffocate her, were you too clingy, when you really think about it and be honest with yourself, did you see this coming but chose to bury it? Sort out your issues while she sorts hers out, and then when she does contact you, she will see a confident man who is living his life to the fullest, and just maybe.....good luck

 

Dude she's pregnant. He has ample proof there's someone else.

[Salvatore85]

Zendon-

 

I was with my ex for five years and we lived together as well, albeit we are both in our twenties and that may be a little different but she dumped me out of the blue and three weeks later was sleeping with someone she met through me who I considered a friend. Just like your story the guy was much older than both of us and was married and had two kids yet he did nothing but drink and party. I went no contact and never looked back. I deleted her number and the times she contacted me I was very "business-like" with her. I went on acting like she didn't exist and while I still think about her (broken up for 6 months) I honestly feel as though he did me a favor now. Had I married her she would've done this exact same thing only we would most likely be married with children. What I'm trying to say is I know it hurts, it hurts bad but you're still alive and kicking. You're obviously one tough SOB because you haven't given up on yourself and you shouldn't. There are millions and millions of beautiful single women roaming the earth and I guarantee you there is at least one out there looking for a guy just like you. Don't give in or give up, you've got great character and you seem like a very well-rounded person. Keep your head up buddy, in the end you will look back at this and laugh when you and your new significant other are enjoying life together.

[zendon73]

Dude she's pregnant. He has ample proof there's someone else.

 

Thank you. I didn't want to mention it because I value anyone who chimes in.. But yea it's all true.

 

You know what I realized and I'm sure others have realized as well... For everyone who uses ( I'm guilty) the phrases. " her friends and family loved me" means zero as they will always love her more because I'm sure she has portrayed herself in the finest light.

 

Her family and friends who I loved and spent countless holidays and hours with are now friends with her new man after 3 months. It means nothing y'all

[Midnight_Princess]

Iv read this whole thread today and im very sorry this happened to you. I wish you the best of luck at moving on with your life and getting happy again(and you will )

[Roflsaurus]

My ex did everything yours did, same 4 years etc, even down to the conversations... haha this reoccurring trend is definitely gigs. I haven't heard from mine in 3 or so months. I think I have come along way than most the other dumpees on here since I immediately used NC and focused on myself and just being happy on my own. Work out, eat right explore new genera's of music, pick up an instrument, watch movies, go for walks, talk to people. I started volunteering at an old folks home and I have met some of the greatest people I would never have even considered meeting with my ex. When it boiled down to it she was a bad person and I became a bad person by being with her so I can tell you IT DOES GET BETTER! It just takes a while to realize it because you put them on a pedestal but they really deserve the dirt that they walk on.

[Inviv_girl]

Dude I'm sorry, it must be very tough and hurt. I am hurting too of what my ex- did to me. He always and always talks about married, children we will have together, and those promises all woman wants to hear. I was already dreaming about wedding, children with him, happy life together until he broke up with me and caused me a lot of pain. Close to one year now and I am still hurting. Trust me this is not easy for me.

 

Please forget about how close and good her family is to you, she is with the new man now and the family is no longer have thought of you as you are just an ex- surely they have this new connection with her new guy and the baby they will have together in the next few months I suppose. It is not easy but please move on, find the joy for yourself and leave her and everything about her, her family etc.. behind! You and her are not meant to be together, she can have baby with someone else so quickly, was it planned or not we never know and it is not your concern to find out, in fact whatever she do it is not for you to find out. She is a b!t$$$ and accept that and move on. Life goes on.. we all hurting but our life must go on no matter what! Takes time but eventually we will get there.

[zendon73]

I need some help people... What are some of the things you do to avoid snooping and trying to find out about your EX?

 

I find myself always looking and it has to stop.. It's never a picture of a banner saying I want you back lol... so why do I look? Can facebook and other sites be blocked on your PC and cellphone? because I would probably be better off not looking.. Am I the only one who feels this way??

[Misfortune]

Thank you. I didn't want to mention it because I value anyone who chimes in.. But yea it's all true.

 

You know what I realized and I'm sure others have realized as well... For everyone who uses ( I'm guilty) the phrases. " her friends and family loved me" means zero as they will always love her more because I'm sure she has portrayed herself in the finest light.

 

Her family and friends who I loved and spent countless holidays and hours with are now friends with her new man after 3 months. It means nothing y'all

 

At the end of the day that other family you inherited while with your mate, wasn't yours originally. You may love them and them you but at the end of the day, they have to stand by their family member. They make take your side and agree that things didn't go well or w/e but that's life. The same way you were accepted into the family is the same way they will probably be with next person.

 

I still talk/hangout/spend nights at my ex in laws. They love me and I them but we all understand that even though they may love me more than their daughter's next person, they still have to support her decision. That's what family is about IMO.

[zendon73]

Please help me everyone.. I have a problem and unfortunately im just don't know how to solve it technology wise lol

 

I have been officially erased within 4 months with my ex being pregnant with this older guy and everyone of my ex's family and friends are now friends with this guy on facebook...

 

I can't stop looking at it and i want to delete it from my viewing but don't know how... I know the obvious answer is just " move on and don't look"... but i can't .. After everything i have went through im still a zombie and can't fathom how i have been reduced to nothing in the blink of an eye with no warning.

 

Question is ...Is there a way to block Facebook, instagram etc from your browser on internet explorer? I know i will never find anything good by looking.. but i can't stop people.. it's sick please help thank you

[unexpectedlyhere]

I *think* you can block URLs so you just don't go to visit them, but I don't know how you do that.

[JDPT]

As previously stated, you dodged a bullet and that's for sure. Take the good from the bad, I understand emotion are so erratic at this point, remain calm and in control, focus on yourself as you are all that matters at this point. Embark in your recovery process. This is your time now, you will have tons of unanswered questions and this is where you find closure by yourself. I read this statement a while back which certainly resonates with most of us, it says: "you don't have to understand everything that occurred during and after the relationship." There are just certain things that you need to take with a grain of salt learn from them and move on. Find forgiveness, forgive her for her actions and forgive yourself as well, don't dwell on thoughts that may be irrelevant at this point yet we tend to give them so much credit. As cliché as this may sound, be glad you found out the type of person she is now than down the road when things may have been more tangled up. I wish you the best in your new journey making healthy and wise decisions, we are all here for you.

[Chi townD]

Time is not helping people- After all the horrible things my ex has done and now to be pregnant and full out with her new BF only 4 months after have left me with thoughts of revenge every second of every day.

 

 

 

Then you get your revenge!!!!!

 

The best revenge that you can get is to lead a DAMN good life! You need to make positive changes in you life.

 

You wrote that it's driving you nuts that you can't help but look at her social media. That you're finding it way too hard not to look. You know what that sounds like to me? Like a guy that has WAY TOO MUCH TIME ON HIS HANDS!!!!!!!

 

You need to keep busy!!!!

 

You can't check her media because you're busy playing on a men's soccer league that you joined. You can't check her social media because you and your friends are whitewater rafting in West Virginia. You can't check her social media because you and some buddies are deep sea fishing in Key West. You can't check her stuff when you're scuba diving in Hawaii. You can't check her stuff when you're skiing in Colorado. You can' check her stuff when you're backpacking in Europe! Have adventures and KEEP BUSY!!!

 

And just like you find out stuff from mutual friends who volunteer information about her to you. They're doing the same thing to her. And wouldn't it be awesome if she's hearing about all this fun stuff you're doing and she says to herself, "DAMN! He's out there having a blast and doing some amazing stuff and I'm stuck here changing the diaper on a baby that wasn't planned with a guy I barely know. I can't go out and do the things I want to do anymore...FML!"

 

THAT'S how you get your revenge. So, walk away from the computer, tablet and shut off your phone. Walk out the door and GO DO SOMETHING!!!

[zendon73]

Then you get your revenge!!!!!

 

The best revenge that you can get is to lead a DAMN good life! You need to make positive changes in you life.

 

You wrote that it's driving you nuts that you can't help but look at her social media. That you're finding it way too hard not to look. You know what that sounds like to me? Like a guy that has WAY TOO MUCH TIME ON HIS HANDS!!!!!!!

 

You need to keep busy!!!!

 

You can't check her media because you're busy playing on a men's soccer league that you joined. You can't check her social media because you and your friends are whitewater rafting in West Virginia. You can't check her social media because you and some buddies are deep sea fishing in Key West. You can't check her stuff when you're scuba diving in Hawaii. You can't check her stuff when you're skiing in Colorado. You can' check her stuff when you're backpacking in Europe! Have adventures and KEEP BUSY!!!

 

And just like you find out stuff from mutual friends who volunteer information about her to you. They're doing the same thing to her. And wouldn't it be awesome if she's hearing about all this fun stuff you're doing and she says to herself, "DAMN! He's out there having a blast and doing some amazing stuff and I'm stuck here changing the diaper on a baby that wasn't planned with a guy I barely know. I can't go out and do the things I want to do anymore...FML!"

 

THAT'S how you get your revenge. So, walk away from the computer, tablet and shut off your phone. Walk out the door and GO DO SOMETHING!!!

 

Thank you man as you are always the voice of reason.. i'm trying to keep busy and after it's done and i head home i go back to checking things and thinking about her... Its bad and that's why i asked if there was a way to block these sites for an added edge.

 

She wouldn't care if i was leading a damn good life or not and i know i shouldn't be concerned about her... fact of the matter is however that i do unfortunately.. Pretty sad

[Chi townD]

Thank you man as you are always the voice of reason.. i'm trying to keep busy and after it's done and i head home i go back to checking things and thinking about her... Its bad and that's why i asked if there was a way to block these sites for an added edge.

 

She wouldn't care if i was leading a damn good life or not and i know i shouldn't be concerned about her... fact of the matter is however that i do unfortunately.. Pretty sad

 

Dude, that's what YOU think. To be honest? When people here make positive changes in their lives, their Ex's usually do hear about it and they DO get jealous.

 

I love it when success stories come back on here and they tell us all the amazing things that they have going on in their lives and the places that they've traveled to....some do say that their Ex's contacted them and one of the first out of their mouths is, "Why couldn't you have done all of this stuff while we were together!"

 

Problem is a lot of people (when they were in a relationship) make their Ex's their world. We need to realize that our lives are our own and we chose who we share it with. Our Ex's aren't our entire world. The world is outside your door. GO SEE IT!

 

Yeah, you're going to have down time and the temptation is going to be there. So, you need to stop yourself. Take a deep breath and before you key stroke anything! Think about something cool to do. " You know what? Dog sledding would be cool, I wonder if I could do that." Then, google it!

 

"Yep! They have a Dog Sledding package in Minnesota! Lets look at the cost and lodging." BAM! You'll find yourself planning your next adventure and not scoping her crap out.

 

It has to become habit for you. You have to break the temptation.

[Chi townD]

The thing is, I don't know if my Ex ever found out how my life turned out. Don't really care if she did or not. That's how I feel about it now.

 

BUT! If she ever got curious, she could walk through my house and see all the things I've collected during my travels. Then, she could see my albums and see pictures of me standing in front of the Eiffel Tower in Paris. Or climbing the Pyrenees Mountains in France. Or me standing in front of the Cathedral in Santiago, Spain, or standing by the massive statue (Christ the Redeemer) in Rio de Janeiro, or me standing in the Goby Desert in China. Or climbing Mount Fuji in Japan, or having a beer in Germany, or the coliseum in Rome.... She would know that I'm living life to the fullest...

 

I dedicated my life to seeing what's out there. And it's not only the locations that keep you awestruck. It's the people you meet along the way. The different cultures and different adventures. It really did help me in the beginning, but then it became about me and wanting to get out there. I know the acronym, YOLO is tired and stupid. But, it definitely has it's place!

[zendon73]

Quick question to all.. as i am still dealing with the emotional aspect of my break up.

 

What is the proper thing to do or say when you see mutual friends or family members in a social situation?

 

I went to an engagement party this weekend ( yea that was fun no!) and had several people come up to me and ask how i was doing with this. I simply replied " i'm ok" and kept moving.. Subconsiously i was saying to myself... do i act happy? Do i act like it doesn't bother me? or do i simply be honest and say " im not doing well it sucks and i hope my battlecat of an ex chokes on a cheerio " lol

 

It won't be the last time i see anyone and wanted to know how you all would handle these situations?

[Chi townD]

Best thing you can do is when they ask you, you respectfully tell them that you would rather not talk about her and what happened. That you're trying to move forward and that you've closed that chapter of your life.

 

If their your friends, they'll respect your wishes. Plus, your friends will talk and inform each other not to bring it up with you.

 

I hope that you've started making positive changes in your life?

[zendon73]

Best thing you can do is when they ask you, you respectfully tell them that you would rather not talk about her and what happened. That you're trying to move forward and that you've closed that chapter of your life.

 

If their your friends, they'll respect your wishes. Plus, your friends will talk and inform each other not to bring it up with you.

 

I hope that you've started making positive changes in your life?

 

Thank you as always.. I have come to the conclusion that i should just ignore her friends and family if they reach out to me to say hi.. or Happy birthday etc.. Nothing positive will come of answering.

 

I am going to the gym and keeping busy and it does help but im still in a state of shock after 5 months.. Therapy is helping as well and even my therapist thinks that this is just awful.. Knowing that someone just disapeared with my pets from my life and is still alive is worse then if they had died.. In any case im living man.. thanks for the advice.

[zendon73]

On 3 months NC and wanted to share a book that has really changed my mood and also the way I think about my situation.

 

It's called " he's scared she's scared" and it was like reading about my situation exactly and why it is happening and the thought process behind why dumpees and dumpers react the way they do...

 

Highly recommend it for those who have not read it... little by little im getting there and now my hurdle is to stop making excuses to go out with certain girls " she lives to far" " she doesn't like football" etc.. im getting there

[zendon73]

Hi all- it's now been 6 months and i have been no contact for 3 .. except i made the mistake of looking at the social media thing like a dope and she posted her sonogram picture - Why i did this i have no clue and it completely set me back.

 

I completely hate this girl at this point and my sadness has really been replaced with the burning desire for revenge. It's pretty sad that anything i do whether it be contact her or send her a nasty letter etc.. would be looked upon as me being crazy . I just have a really bad problem with letting things slide and always have. To me this girl did the most hideous thing in the world to me, took my pets and left me sitting in a empty apartment while 6 months later she is pregnant and happy. It just doesn't seem right and to top it off this is a guy who is 15 years older than her and i have met. I can't and wouldn't do anything to him because it would be a insane thing to do and i don't think jail would suit me very well lol .. but i seriously want to choke this guy .

 

This revenge dilemma is one that has been running through my mind for months and it's a terrible feeling... Everyone im sure will say " the best revenge is to be happy" or " ignoring her is your best revenge"... unfortunately it's just not that simple for me to let someone spit in my face and just say " thanks for doing that" because thats how i feel .

 

Anyone else ever feel like this?

[BC1980]

I've been wondering how you were doing. Yours is one of the first stories I read on LS, and it stuck with me. I'm so sorry. Someone on another thread recommended a book called "Mars and Venus Starting Over" and said it helped them.

 

I haven't felt the need for revenge on my ex, but I have been very angry at times. In the beginning, I felt like someone just pulled the rug out from under my life and all that I knew. My future was suddenly a blank slate. All these plans and dreams had to be altered. I can it's gotten better in the past 5 months, but I'm still very sad. Your feelings are normal; you just need to find something to channel them into.

 

I know you want revenge because you want them to hurt as badly as you do. The advice I would give you is to possibly move to a different town. Didn't you say your family lives elsewhere, and you were only living there for her? Maybe you can find some sort of hobby/goal to throw everything into. It has helped me tremendously to get into hiking more after my breakup. I have been setting goals, ect. It's been a lifesaver truly.

[hurts2death]

we all do;);)

[NGC1300]

I said it before and I will say it again women can throw the switch at any moment. They love you until they don't.

 

It's amazing isn't it?

 

In the span of 12 HOURS I had a girl claim she missed me, text a bunch of smile faces, make plans for the weekend, and later that night got dumped by text message.

 

Once they throw that switch it's like everything before that never even existed.