What Matters Most in Dating for Women: Intelligence or Looks?

[Woggle]

Still, nobody has picked looks yet. And Woggle, youre my internet husband.

 

I already have a real life wife. Nobody has picked looks in this thread but there are posters who very much make it clear it is about looks.

[carhill]

Looks matters most getting the date. Generally, if a woman doesn't find a man to be good-looking for her, he'll never be considered as a potential dating partner. Intelligence, including emotional intelligence, matters most in dating. Since the thread topic states 'in dating', 'intelligence' matters the most, IME. The looks hurdle was long since passed. This is part/most of the reason why men that women don't find to be good-looking get relegated to 'friends' and 'brothers', if not dismissed completely, and remain in that category, no matter how intelligent/socially aware/witty, etc they demonstrate themselves to be. They simply don't pass the first hurdle of attraction; looks. Perhaps someday I'll encounter an exception but so far personal experience and observation is batting 1000.

[Woggle]

Yes, you are my "internet" husband. Im being the aggressor here

 

 

They are prob too scared to answer now!

 

Maybe so. Nobody likes to be outnumbered. I promise you there are guys our there who value intelligence and kindness in women. There might not be many that post on this forum but they do exist.

[Avulare]

I fully believe the women in this thread but I have seen enough real life examples to know that you can't say an entire gender is a certain way.

Sampling bias... I'd bet a pretty penny there's a significant difference between the responses of women who post in online dating forums and the general public.

[AMusing]

Haha, I know where you got that from. I've quoted it myself on another thread.

 

You can keep all the drop dead gorgeous men, I'd take a Rory Williams any day!

 

It's a great quote isn't it? And I totally agree, especially if he's wearing that centurion uniform.

[aussietigerwolf]

intelligence... if I can't talk to the guy then I don't want to know him

[Weezy1973]

And I wonder...If a man was extremely intelligent, but NOT driven career wise, would he still be attractive?

[somedude81]

At what point does intelligence start to become a factor and how is it shown?

 

I believe that a guy who is slightly above average in looks with average intelligence would have more success then a guy who is average in looks and slightly above average intelligence.

 

If a guy is really good looking, he will have women throwing themselves at him. As long as he isn't dumb as rocks, he should be able to keep them too.

[NGC1300]

And I wonder...If a man was extremely intelligent, but NOT driven career wise, would he still be attractive?

 

No.

 

When women say intelligence they really mean personality and status.

[JuneJulySeptember]

I believe that looks matter WAY more than intelligence.

 

(For the record, I believe confidence and personality completely destroy both of these.....so let's leave that out).

 

Coming from a guy who has been called smart by more women he has been rejected by than he can count...

 

Looks!

[Radu]

Looks matters most getting the date. Generally, if a woman doesn't find a man to be good-looking for her, he'll never be considered as a potential dating partner. Intelligence, including emotional intelligence, matters most in dating. Since the thread topic states 'in dating', 'intelligence' matters the most, IME. The looks hurdle was long since passed. This is part/most of the reason why men that women don't find to be good-looking get relegated to 'friends' and 'brothers', if not dismissed completely, and remain in that category, no matter how intelligent/socially aware/witty, etc they demonstrate themselves to be. They simply don't pass the first hurdle of attraction; looks. Perhaps someday I'll encounter an exception but so far personal experience and observation is batting 1000.

 

Unfortunately this has been some of my experience as well.

 

We kinda forget that LS is many times a biased source of information.

 

I've been delegated to 'brother' so many times. I kept thinking it's something about me, and it might just be something there ... but i often remember seeing her blushing and clinging to the arm of a very attractive guy.

 

The first time i realised this was when i made a pass in college on this girl with similar interests [she had a thing for aviation and so did i], with whom i clicked on many many things.

She said she didn't want to date anyone then.

A few weeks later i visit one of my classmates in the dorms and find her naked in his bed.

1yr later she left school for her true love, a guy who's dad bought him a villa next to a lake.

Edited April 25, 2013 by Radu

[Woggle]

Neither, its all about values for me.

 

If a guy is good looking but mean, what good does that do me?

If a guy is intelligent but a narcissistic jerk, what good does that do me?

 

With all the mean crap people do from cheating, stealing money, refusing to work, being neglectful, abusive, sucking with kids, blah etc all I care about this point is someone with an honest well intentioned moral heart. I don't care if he looks like a freak (attraction grows over time) or if he's dumb as a rock (I can help educate him). What matters is he gonna keep it in his pants? Is he gonna be nice to my kids? Is he going to have compassion? Pull his own weight?

 

Ethics become VASTLY important as you age and realize what sh*t bags people can be.

 

Very true. A truly moral person is a rare gem these days.

[man_in_the_box]

Personally I just want her intelligence and looks more the less match mine. And you are spot on with the confidence and personality OP!

 

Wait a second - this isn't about men right...? Sorry to bother!

Edited April 25, 2013 by man_in_the_box

[Eve]

A nice blend off both aspects, with emotional intelligence coming tops - not into cold hearted people.

 

Tak care,

Eve x

[runningfar]

I believe that looks matter WAY more than intelligence.

 

(For the record, I believe confidence and personality completely destroy both of these.....so let's leave that out).

 

Intelligence and sense of humor are hugely important to me.

 

I have a MENSA level IQ.. (I list that because the different scales give confusion to the number) . My boyfriend now is just a few points lower than me , although he is far more successful and much with more formal education... And has more life sense in one pinky than I have demonstrated ever. My ex husband was high on the genius scale. My first boyfriend was likewise of similar intellect to me.

 

I wouldn't want to be with someone no matter how smart without a good sense of humor though.

 

 

So my reply is just like for the men. It depends on the person.

[runningfar]

Oh, and I have to clarify: He doesn't have to have a PhD. He just has to get what the hell I'm talking about, or what's on the news, etc.

 

Yeah. I don't think degrees indicates intelligence. I know people with advanced degrees who don't really understand anything. They cannot make reasonable connections to the big picture. They can work really hard and memorize facts. It's not natural to them.

 

I have no degree and I am intelligent. I am constantly learning. Just not to get myself something. I do it for the sake of knowledge alone.

[man_in_the_box]

I better postpone my graduation then

[Star Gazer]

Intelligence.

 

And I wonder...If a man was extremely intelligent, but NOT driven career wise, would he still be attractive?

 

No.

[Treasa]

I want to revise my answer again. I prefer a guy who has high EMOTIONAL intelligence. That will always come before looks or anything else.

[MissBee]

I believe that looks matter WAY more than intelligence.

 

(For the record, I believe confidence and personality completely destroy both of these.....so let's leave that out).

 

I have a myriad of looks I can be attracted to.

 

Attraction is what matters to me...not looks. There are men who look good but to whom I am not attracted.

 

Intelligence though...many of my crushes were founded upon that basis, that makes me want to take my clothes off for you lol. It's not intelligence only though...but point is: I am not gonna chase or necessarily be attracted to a good looking man, who is good looking but isn't intelligent. It's easier for me to want and also consider a man who isn't that physically good looking, attractive, if he is intelligent. And on the opposite, it's easy for me to lose attraction for a good looking man who I find out isn't very intelligent.

[AD1980]

Looks matters most getting the date. Generally, if a woman doesn't find a man to be good-looking for her, he'll never be considered as a potential dating partner. Intelligence, including emotional intelligence, matters most in dating. Since the thread topic states 'in dating', 'intelligence' matters the most, IME. The looks hurdle was long since passed. This is part/most of the reason why men that women don't find to be good-looking get relegated to 'friends' and 'brothers', if not dismissed completely, and remain in that category, no matter how intelligent/socially aware/witty, etc they demonstrate themselves to be. They simply don't pass the first hurdle of attraction; looks. Perhaps someday I'll encounter an exception but so far personal experience and observation is batting 1000.

 

100% dead on..Women i know love me say what a gentleman i am great guy etc yet i cant attract women at all my friend who they all call arrogant and full of himself has women all over him becasue hes good looking..

 

It's mostly about lust to get your foot in the door..

[tuxedo cat]

Some kinds of intelligence are sexier than others. Verbal smarts will usually take you farther with women than math smarts. I've been seduced by a witty jerk more times than I'd care to admit. Dry intelligence does less for me; it's not something I can take pleasure from in our conversations.

 

Depth is underrated. There are lots of people who are book smart and regurgitate whatever they read but have no interest in reflecting on anything.

Edited April 25, 2013 by tuxedo cat

[Archgirl]

They both sound kinda boring. Like that's the only options?

I want naughty and funny and cheeky and a bit arrogant who will give as good as he gets then rush me off to the bedroom but also run me a bath and pat my hair when I'm sad. Who can do more shots than me and think that it's cute that I sing along to the radio into an imaginary hand microphone. Who like to do things instead of just talk about them. Who will think I'm awesome but not need my approval. Who knows how to fix stuff and will get rid of spiders. Who will tell me when im being a bit silly and think its cool that I know some things he doesnt. If that's all there then intelligence is sorta meh. An I'm assuming I've found all that stuff out about him because I've initially found him attractive. So that is also a bit meh.

[tuxedo cat]

They both sound kinda boring. Like that's the only options?

I want naughty and funny and cheeky and a bit arrogant who will give as good as he gets then rush me off to the bedroom but also run me a bath and pat my hair when I'm sad. Who can do more shots than me and think that it's cute that I sing along to the radio into an imaginary hand microphone. Who like to do things instead of just talk about them. Who will think I'm awesome but not need my approval. Who knows how to fix stuff and will get rid of spiders. Who will tell me when im being a bit silly and think its cool that I know some things he doesnt. If that's all there then intelligence is sorta meh. An I'm assuming I've found all that stuff out about him because I've initially found him attractive. So that is also a bit meh.

 

Haha, I know a guy who lives here who you'd LOVE. Too bad you don't live in the US.

[Esoteric Elf]

So many answers, so much fun.

 

I find many women report intelligence as "intimidating". Perhaps my "intelligence" has been far above the people I have been around, but "intimidating" is the most frequented term attributed to whatever is in my noggin.

 

As to popular generalties, we see people fawning over The Beibs, Taylor Lautner, Robert Pattinson, etc., etc. not because of their intelligence. Just an minor observation.