Sharing my story

[andre84]

I figured I would share my story to help me cope with my breakup:

 

(Just a few facts... I'm 28 yo and this was my first serious relationship. she is 25 and she had more relationship experience but this was also her most serious)

 

My ex just ended our relationship of almost 3 years. We were roommates and great friends prior to dating so we have known each other for 4-5 years. We went to school in Texas and thats where we started dating and somewhat quickly moved in together (We had already been roommates so I think that’s what pushed us)... Things were great for the most part but I do have to say that initially we broke up after about 2-3 months of dating and I eventually won her back (Our relationship had started out of a spring break and we were still living together so we had a bad start) but after a month or so apart she gave us another chance. At that point we were both out of college getting our adult life’s started and had many great times. Her family had left Texas years ago so she never had family close by... This was a big issue for her so we decided to move to Seattle, WA where we would be closer to her Dad and his family (they live in Portland). At this point I kinda knew I was not ready for such a big move but I somehow convinced myself to do it (I ended up getting a very good job/promotion that made the decision seem easy).

From the get go (the roadtrip there) I was very negative about the move and sadly became depressed about the life I had left behind in Texas (I had a big social circle/family). It wasn’t all bad last year but definitely a rollercoaster where we had many fights and instances where I almost was the one to walk away. I felt numb and I disconnected myself from the relationship and we are both very logical people so many times we talked about what this could mean and how we might not completely love each other as much as we thought. She definitely put up with a lot from me during the bad times, as I know that I resented her for the move. Obviously we did have good days and some good memories but the bad ones started driving us apart. Once 2013 hit (We moved March 2012) I started to feel better about everything.. By Valentines day It felt like I had woken up from a nightmare and I felt truly in love for the first time in a long time. The change was noticeable to her and our new friends in Seattle. At this point I could tell she had grown apart so I tried to make up for it. Sadly at this point we had already come to the conclusion of moving to our own separate apartments to get some space, which at first I was good with, but by the time moving came I didn’t want to but she still did.

 

Right before moving out everything felt fine and we were still spending all our time together, but once I moved out she pushed me away and I took it badly and overreacted many times about her not wanting to see me. In retrospective I just didn’t know how much space she really needed and I didn’t want any so it made her angry. This led to us taking a 2 week break which eventually led to a breakup but I was able to get her to agree to see each other a month after to reassess things. So at first I was heartbroken for a few days but I quickly got better and was able to function again and I also took a trip down to Texas to see Family and old friends. The whole time there I joked with the Idea of moving back because I felt that this breakup was probably permanent... deep down I think I was always hopeful that we were going to work it out but I didn’t tell many people that. Once I got back to Seattle and the day came for us to meet, we saw each other and spent the first few hours catching up with what we had done over the last month... It felt just like before... We have always had an ease with each other and could talk for hours and hours. Once I saw her it was when all my feelings came rushing back and at first I thought we were going to get back together. But once she brought up the subject of us, and I expressed those feelings... she quickly turned and made it known that she still felt the same way and she just didn’t see it working out. We went back to her apartment to talk further (btw we had just moved separately but we moved a block from each other so I always go by her apartment on my way to work or anywhere...definitely not the smartest thing to do) Once there I basically got desperate and tried/said everything I could to get another chance. I explained how I felt that I'm not the person that had all those issues the year before... But at this point she said she just didn’t see it working out and did not want to give me hope by going out on a date with me or hanging out. After hours and hours of just talking and trying to get that second chance, I could tell it wasn’t going to help. So I told her that I needed to say that she didn’t love me in order for me to heal properly because otherwise I would always have hope. She was very hesitant to say that but eventually she did and it was probably the most pain that I have ever felt. Even writing this right now it makes me cry. After that and some more back and forth and asking her questions about how she knew that and when did it become clear for her... she eventually got me to leave (I did not want to). I tried going out to a bar with a couple of guys that night but I couldn’t be in public so I left the bar after one beer. This was 4 days ago and I have been crying on/off everyday since (cried nonstop the first couple days) I have spent hours upon hours on the phone with family/friends... the fact that I moved 2000miles away from my support group has been even harder on me. The guys that I know here have sympathy but just don’t know me well enough to really help.

 

My worst enemy at this point is myself as I catch myself replaying conversations in my head and even having new ones where I explain why everything went wrong. I am a very logical person and I know that eventually I’ll feel “better” but sadly I also feel that because of my issues over the last year I drove away the love of my life. In that last conversation with her she said things about how I deserved to be with someone that loved me equally (I actually do believe that in our good days I always loved her more than she did me) and that eventually I would find someone better for me. Obviously this is not what I wanted to hear… Right now I feel that while I realistically know that I will eventually find someone else and care for them, it will just not be the same and because of our connection that started as best friends I will always love her. One of my biggest pains is knowing that years from know when she is married or in love with someone else I will still love her even if I myself I’m with someone else. It also hurts to know that we are both great people and a “catch” in terms of relationship potential… she is smart/nice person/beautiful but somehow I couldn’t see it last year. There is very little for me to hold on to in terms of anger or blaming her for something. I guess the only thing would be her lack of feelings for me, but due to the events of last years all I can do is blame myself for driving her away.

 

I definitely feel at a huge disadvantage in terms of how to heal… I am 2000 miles from my family/friends, I lost her, our two dogs we got together, and her family which became like my extended family while we were here together and she lives with her brother a block from my place so I will run into her at some point. Everything reminds me of her (I already put away pictures) but I cannot stop reliving our good moments/conversations in my head. Part of me is trying to hang on to hope that somehow we will still end up together down the road, but realistically I know this is not true because of who she is and how “easy” it is for her to move on.

 

At this point I am trying to not make any life changing decisions but it’s hard due to all the pain. I feel that I need to go back to Texas so I can get the separation necessary, but due to my lease (4 months left) and a good paying job I have here it will be a hard thing to do. I am definitely going to seek professional help to help me cope with my feelings and maybe a support group. (I feel that if I was in Texas it wouldn’t be necessary but I feel completely alone after spending the last 3 years with someone so special to me)

 

 

I read a lot of posts about how it can help to get everything on paper, which is why I wrote this whole thing out. There are other small details here and there that I didn’t mention… (I was a little insecure here and there… but not overly) But anyways any input would be great and at the very least I just wanted to share my story with people that might be going through similar scenarios.

 

I will post more thoughts if I think of something. I just want to get everyone out of my head.

 

 

Thanks for reading.

Edited April 25, 2013 by andre84

[andre84]

I have been spending a lot of time reading posts on this site and somehow It gets my mind off my own situation and I start feeling a bit better even if just for a minute. Does anyone have any experience getting over a breakup and using this type of site as a support system? I just want to make sure that by me being on this site often I'm not actually hurting myself.

 

Also I decided to use my post as a log sort of speak. I will probably update often early on then less and less.

 

While I have technically been broken up for a month and change, it was 5 days ago that I had contact with my ex and basically relapsed, so I feel that the real breakup started just some days ago.

[OwlSoul]

I have been spending a lot of time reading posts on this site and somehow It gets my mind off my own situation and I start feeling a bit better even if just for a minute.

Oh man, you need to start saying words of support to the locals. THAT helps so much.

first of all, you repeat over and over again how to move on. And your mind starts to believe it, you feel it is easier to actually follow the advises you give it to others. Learn by teaching.

 

 

using this type of site as a support system?

Didn't hurt me either (2 months?). When I've been reading the site I kind of was replaying other people's situation in my mind, learning other's experience and realize that my situation is not the end of the world. Ofc, it's not only the forum helping me [i'm currently in the getting back with my ex process. Would spoil it long ago if would not analyze other people's stories and basic patterns of break-ups].

[Chi townD]

You say that you don't have a support network. Well, actually you do. You found this forum where a lot of us have being right where you are right now. And there are folks here that understand what you're going through. And their are people that are here that are in the middle of their healing process that need support and to be talked out of doing some stupid crap like contacting their Ex's and stuff.

 

Yeah, I know what you're going through and it sucks. Sucks really bad to give your heart away only to have it returned torn and shredded. But, here's the hard facts. She doesn't want to be with you anymore. She's done. So, with that knowledge, why would you want to be around someone that doesn't want you?

 

So, time to walk away with some dignity. You need to start NC. No Contact. Don't text her, call her or email her. This is your time to heal. If you get a call or text OR email from her. Don't respond. Post here instead. People will be here to walk you through the hard times. Remember, she wanted you out of her life. So, you give her exactly what she asked for. She either gets 100% of you or nothing at all.

[andre84]

Chi Town - Thanks for the tough but much needed words. You are right and I know that deep down, but oviously it doesn't make it any easier in terms of moving on right now. And yes this forum has already helped me a bit and I will use it as my support group.

 

I do intend to follow through with NC... Last saturday when we saw eachother I texted her after our whole day together and tried calling her but she didnt pick up. I was not in a good place so I was weak. We are still friends on FB and while I have made it so that she doesn't pop on my newsfeed, we have some 200+ mutual friends (we went to the same college) and I have some 1200 pictures with her lol... so yeah deleting her won't do much. (I did make it so I cant see if she gets on chat) But last night I caught myself looking at her page and she posted a picture with one of our dogs and that hurt pretty bad. I feel that deleting won't help because I will still look her up or see her stuff through our mutual friends. I just need to find the strenght to not look at her page anymore.

[Chi townD]

See, now you're giving me excuses on why you won't block her on Facebook. You really need to block her and remove the temptation. Right now, she's moved on. So, sooner or later, she's not going to give a rats ass what she puts up on her page. Because you are not at the fore front of her thoughts. If she posts a pic of her and her new boyfriend, she's not going to stop herself and ask, "Gee, maybe I shouldn't do this because of how it might affect Andre...." NOPE! She's going to post it proudly because she's excited.

 

I don't think that it matters if you have like 200+ mutual friends. If you block her, anything that the 200+ friends respond to of hers, you're not going to see.

 

So, no more excuses.

[Cogee]

Block her and be done with it. Each time I have done that it has been a lot easier to move on because you know that you won't see anything at all. It also lets you use FB again as normal and to get support from your friends, which is important.

[andre84]

haha, as I wrote my response I thought that too. I was just making excuses... I'm very glad I found this site because I need some perspective from other people to be stronger. I'm going to delete her and her family tonight when I get home from work.. (I'm still in her dad's profile picture) I guess deep down even knowing everything that I should be doing I just want to hang on to whatever I can.

 

I did want to get perspective on another thing - Near the end she had started talking to one of her "exes" who she has always been close with even when not together but who recently had moved from the east coast to Cali. I didn't like it and found out she actually talked to this guy about our RS and our issues. She basically said that he was just going through what we went through in terms of a big move accross country and understood why I was upset about her talking about our RS and said she wasnt going to do that anymore. (That was definitely a big red flag) Now she is the type of person that will be friends with everyone even after breakups so part of me understood her talking to him. Now I feel that she used him to maybe separate herself emotionally from me and it made it easier for her to checkout early before I even knew. If they somehow end up together I guess I will know that she was "cheating" at least emotionally on me. (I need to stop thinking about this)

 

But this brings me to my healing... Is it ok for me to start casually dating to help forget? Or should I only do it once I'm completely over the whole thing. (I do not mean get in anything serious)

[Chi townD]

Don't start dating until you're completely healed from this. If you start dating someone (even casually) and you're still carrying a torch for your Ex then, you're not being fair to yourself and certainly not to the girl that you would date. It's okay to be alone right now. This is YOUR time. Time to make positive changes in your life. NC and positive changes will make your healing process move along smoothly.

 

So, making positive changes. Get some new clothes, a new wardrobe. If you're a jeans, t-shirt, gym shoes and truckers hat kind of guy. Change to designer jeans, button down shirt, belt and casual dress shoes kind of guy. TOTAL GQ all the time. And then get a new hairstyle. Something different that people will notice and like. When people start saying to you, "DAMN! You're looking sharp!" That's going to help your self esteem.

 

Get to the gym. Run your ass off on the treadmill and push weight. Eat healthy and clean, drink plent of water and get plenty of sleep. Working out will help you burn off all of the stresses and frustrations that you're having. PLUS! You're working towards that rock hard bod with a six pack that won't quit. That's going to also help with your self esteem and the girls are definitely notice as well too!

 

Then, go back to school and get a masters or PhD. Stay busy in the classroom and focused on your school work and not with what she's doing. Plus, usually a stronger degree usually means a stronger paycheck!

 

Then, find new hobbies. Find something you're interested in and get moving. Usually, there are clubs in your area that involve your hobby. Get up and get out there and join these. Meet new people and be in new surroundings. So, join a cycling club, running club, scuba diving lessons....whatever! JUST STAY BUSY!!

 

And finally, TRAVEL! Go see something new and exciting! Traveling is very theraputic! Pick a place that YOU'VE always wanted to see. Make a plan, save and then.....GO!!! Have an adventure! You'll discover that the world is a big and wonderful place and that YOUR EX WAS NOT YOUR ENTIRE WORLD! She'll seem so small in comparison.

 

So, start making some of these positive changes. GET MOTIVATED!!!! DO THEM!!! Trust me, it will definitely help your healing process along.

[Standard-Fare]

That sounds tough, Andre. I think if you've made up your mind that you're going back to Texas you shouldn't prolong that process. Being in Seattle – where you moved to be with this girl, still live a block away from her, and don't have a proper support network – that can't be good for you.

 

Start applying for jobs in Texas now, including temporary work that could just get you down there. Maybe you should look into how you can get out of your lease earlier, i.e. getting a subletter.

 

I think four months would be a long time to remain in this type of situation, particularly since (if my math is correct based on your lease) you two haven't even been living together for over eight months. This has already been a drawn-out, painful process and you should do everything you can to find real closure.

[andre84]

Chi Town - I am going to try and force myself back in the gym and like you said try to start "fresh" and reinvent me.

 

Standard-Fare - I do think that I need to go back to Texas... But Its hard for me to give up the job I have right now. (It wont be easy to match my pay or get close to it in Texas) But I did apply to some jobs already.

 

We were actually living together until March 1st... I got a 6 months lease (thank god!) because I thought we would get back together sooner rather than later and we would just move back in together. But yes I think as soon as I can find a decent job (even if I take a paycut) I will do whats best for my mental health. It sucks because I'm very career driven and I would hate to go back to making much less. But yes 4 months left... is a very long time and sadly they do not let me sublease at the place I'm at. If I was able to secure a job in Texas I could stay at my parents rent free and at just keep paying this place here so that's about my only option now... just that its not easy getting a job 2000miles away. (I was very lucky when I moved here with a job already secured)

[andre84]

Well today is day 6 from last time we had contact.

 

Yesterday started pretty rough... I did spend most of my day on this site reading old post and all sorts of things to help me understand other people issues and found so many similar stories to mine. Somehow by the end of the day I started feeling somewhat positive and filled with energy about the future. I think part of me secretly hopes that somehow my ex and I can eventually work things out even if its years down the road (this is something I keep trying to stop thinking about because I feel hanging on to any hope will never really let me fully heal) but then I also think about new possibilities and getting in the best shape of my life and eventually meeting someone new. I ended up my night watching forgetting sarah marshall which is the first movie I've been able to actually sit down and watch. (I've seen it many times) But it was still fun to watch and gave me so much hope for a bright future.

 

This morning was rough again though... It seems like mornings are the hardest part of my day. I wake up and remember the pain and feel so empty inside and feel super lonely. (I used to wake up to a wonderful beautil girl 2 dogs and a cat...) Now Its just me in a studio apartment. I have again caught myself having conversations with her where we somehow work things out.

 

After doing a lot of thinking and analyzing I started thinking that during our really bad year last year (This was mostly on me due to my depression)... She now resents me. Even though last time we talked she was friendly, I can now see there were comments she made about last year with anger and felt upset. I feel this is the reason to why she couldn't give us a second chance. I feel that one day she will be able to get over that and see me for who I really am (who she knew and fell in love with)... Of course at that point I might be already in a much better place. I wanted to be honest with my feelings and thoughts and not hide anything... Because I know that the paragraph I just wrote just sets me up for a bigger heartbreak down the line and what I need is to get over it completely now. If it's meant to be, it will be... But I cannot sit around waiting for it.

[Chi townD]

Well, you're starting to have a better attitude, which is great. You're talking the talk, but now it's time to walk the walk.

 

Get off the couch and start moving. Get to that gym. Go back to school. STAY BUSY!!! Make those positive changes. Start now. Not tomorrow.

 

You're going on a ride and it's called the rollercoaster of emotions. One day you'll be happy, the next day you'll be sad. One day you'll be laughing, the next you'll be crying. One day you'll be angry as hell, the next you'll be totally indifferent. THIS IS COMPLETELY NORMAL! And it's probably going to happen.

 

You just got to ride it out.

[andre84]

Day 7 - Well it’s been a week since I last saw/talked to her.

 

I have felt all sorts of different feelings throughout the week. The most recent was anger (which is good). I talked on the phone to one of my best buds for 4 hours last night and it just helped get through more of what’s inside of me that I never really let myself think or comprehended.

While part of me still feels guilt for not being a better bf last year, I was able to finally start to place some blame on her side. I went through some very rough times last year making a move and change in my life that I was not quite ready for. Thinking back, while I wish I had handled things differently… I remember how it always felt that she wanted me to “fix” myself… I never felt like we were a “team” and I was basically alone trying to deal with feelings of depression that I had never gone through in my whole life.

 

I think this all goes back to the fact that I believe that I always loved her more even during the good times, and that I did more in terms of the relationship. I know that she would argue that in terms of last year because she felt that I wasn’t doing the little things and helping around the house. (This is true due to how depressed I was) But in terms of the overall relationship I made sacrifices that I don’t think she would’ve made for me. Including leaving a life/family behind, and always fighting for us to be together when things would get tough. I feel that she “loved” me as long as it was convenient.

Also thinking back about how she would talk to her exes (on facebook) about our issues should have been a big red flag and even though I brought this up, she disregarded it because they were now her friends. Now it makes me angry because I never did that and I feel that it’s basically emotionally cheating on someone. But I know the way her mind works, and she convinced herself that it was harmless and they were just friends helping her out.

 

One new point that I was able to come clean with myself while talking to my buddy last night, was the fact that I was always insecure in the RS. When she and I started dating she had been following one of my best friends around (had a crush on) but he was not interested… then she briefly dated another friend who ended things after a month (they were never a serious couple or anything) and then her and I started something while we were roommates. This confused her and we only lasted for like 2 months. This was all in College so I also cannot take it very seriously. But I think the fact that we started our RS like this and her closeness to other exes always scared me and made me feel that I was basically 3rd best or not good enough. Now I realize that this was truly what I believed for much of our RS… I never told her this, but sometimes I would have dreams where she would leave me for one of my friends (not just those that she followed around) or one of her exes. This was definitely an issue I should have seek help with but I was just too inexperienced and thought it meant nothing. Right now it also makes me feel that maybe I just always knew that she never fell head over heels for me like she should’ve.

 

All in all, I have been slowly starting to take her off the pedestal that she was on. I think the reason to why so many of us are on these boards is because of that exact thing. We think that our exes were flawless and we were to blame for everything. While I take responsibility for my actions, I also have to be honest and let myself know that she is not perfect and she manipulated me in some ways. One of the hardest parts is knowing that what she did doesn’t make her a bad person (I know for a fact that is a very loving and great person)… but instead it makes her human. Sadly for me, she was never crazy in love with me like I was with her. And at the end of the day… that was her biggest flaw.

[Standard-Fare]

You're in a phase where you're analyzing every little thing about the relationship, and going up and down on a rollercoaster of emotions about how you feel about her.

 

That's normal ... but please don't let yourself wallow in this phase for the next four months. I'll repeat my initial advice that you need to keep yourself focused on moving back to Texas. You may need to take some dramatic steps you're not completely comfortable with (i.e. departing your job in Seattle without an equivalent option down there, leaving your apartment earlier than the lease allows) in order to do that.

 

If you have any options whatsoever for work in Texas, I'd jump on that if I were you. Living with your parents might suck but at least you'd have a change of scene and friends/family around you.

[andre84]

Standard - Yes I believe you are right and I'm starting to figure out a game plan to on how I'm going to do that. To be honest, I feel that part of me wants to prolong going back because I know that when I do, It will basically be the day that I KNOW we will never work. (Even though that should be true right now anyways)

--

 

I was able to keep myself distracted most of the weekend.. But then Sunday while I was driving back from the grocery store I drove by a car in front of her place that I'm like 70% sure it was her (the sun was shinning down so I couldn't see the driver)... But this made my heart stop and feelings came rushing back. Once again this brought me to a sad place and I just started thinking about all the good times. I have been trying to place blame and get angry but last night I just couldnt find any... All I felt was the love I had for this person. I just keep wishing I could back in time to redo some of the fights we had last year, or change how I said things when we were going through a really bad time.

 

Part of me is scared for the future... Because of my lack of experience with serious RS, I let someone completely in and let myself be very vulnerable. Now I just don't know if i'll be able to let someone completely in ever again. The pain I feel right now is too great and I don't ever want to feel like this again.

 

All I could think this morning was how much I missed her and the life we had started together. It kills me to think how she is completely fine (she has a lot of family around so I think that helps her so much)...

[Chi townD]

Okay, you're writting like someone that has WAY TOO much time on his hands to think about this stuff.

 

Tell me about the positive changes that you've started for yourself.

[andre84]

Yea...yea... I did start working out again so that's one!... I'm also looking to pick up playing guitar because its something I always wanted to do but never did.

 

I can definitely see how hard it is to move on, because my natural instinc is to crawl into a ball and never leave my bed lol. Its like we crave to be depressed. But I know that the right thing to do is to get out there and live life again.

Edited April 29, 2013 by andre84

[andre84]

Well lets see... Today is day 10 from the last contact I had with my ex:

 

 

After the last talk I had with her, I started looking at jobs in Texas and I found one through my old company. I had e-mailed/talked to them on the phone about it and they want me back but they felt that they were not going to be able to get close to my current salary... Well they called me back today and said that they are opening up a new position and would like me to come down and interview with them. (Next week...) They did not mention salary so I hope that its negotiable.

 

While this is "great" news... I immediately started feeling anxious. I think its because somehow in my head me moving back is the point where everything is real and there's no hope of "magically" getting back together. I had a friend talk me into the fact that its over already (I know this, but its hard to let go) and that she is moving on just fine... Once again I could barely eat my lunch.

 

Somehow in my head, it feels like I'm coming "home" defeated. Like I went to war and lost and now I have to go reinsert back into my old life which she was still a part of, but she won't be there. Right now I feel that because my ex lives just a block down the street, there is still a connection there... but moving back will put 2000+ miles in between. I guess that's exactly what I need, but I'm having trouble coming to terms with it.

 

One question I had is, if I do get this job and end up moving... should I try to meet with her one last time to say good bye? She is a nice person and while she doesn't have those feelings for me anymore, we were best friends before dating. I know that it would be harder on me but somewhere deep down I feel like I owe it to what we had.

[andre84]

Anyone have any input on my last question whether I should try to meet up with her before I leave?

[andre84]

Well just wanted to update my own thread:

 

 

I ended up breaking NC (a few times sadly)... the first time was to e-mail my ex letting her know that I was moving back to Texas. I used the e-mail as a good bye/thank you e-mail where I told her that I was not in a place where I could say good bye in person, but I did want to let her know that I do not regret the things we went through together and I will always remember the great times we had. I told her that I understood she had moved on and I hoped to do the same but I needed more time. (I asked her not to reply or respond to my e-mail) All in all it was hard to write but I do feel that it gave me closure even though it brought some sad feelings back.

 

Then yesterday, she butt dialed me by accident and I answered... I could hear her talking to her brother while driving and it made me slightly sad because they were just having a fun casual conversation. (The type of convo we used to have)... I hung up and I texted her to let her know what happened. She was nice and texted me back telling me she had just gotten off the phone with their dad so it was an accident. (I did not text back after that)

 

All in all, I can definitely see why NC is so important. Those incidents have brought back memories that sting pretty badly. (Dreams are becoming a bit of an issue too... I wake up at my lowest when I dream of our life together, or fabricate new realities in my dreams)

 

This week won't be too bad since I fly out Thursday to go interview down in Texas. Hopefully everything goes well and I can have something to celebrate Friday night with my old friends. I intend to restart NC and stick to it. I feel that the e-mail I sent was necessary so that I could end things on a "positive" note.

 

Anyways, even with some setbacks... I can finally start to see a little bit of light at the end of the tunnel. I think moving back and putting a lot of distance between us will be the best for me. I just hope to start feeling better soon, so that I can start meeting new girls and find the right person for me.

[Chi townD]

Well, maybe the butt dial thing was probably the best thing for you. You can now see that she's getting along fine without you. Her life is moving forward and you're probably not on her radar AT ALL!

 

So, best thing to do is to just remain NC and start fresh. I KNOW you're going to be tempted to text her one last time when you leave for Texas permanently. DON'T DO IT!!! Just leave... She knows you're going and just remember the butt dial, it really wouldn't matter ro her one way or the other.

[KPChick000]

I understand why you sent the email. Sometimes you need to get the final words out before you can start healing. Good that you didn't ask her or expect her to respond!

 

Keep having that positive attitude that you wrote about in your last paragraph. Understand that there will be setbacks, but there will be fewer and fewer as time goes on. We will be okay eventually.

[andre84]

ChiTown - Yes I feel like hearing her go about her life was somewhat of a wake up call. Specially because I was thinking of her at that exact moment and it made me realize that she was not. Painful but very eye opening... And yes I do not intend to text or call her before I leave. I already said my good bye in the e-mail and I plan to stick to it.

 

KPChick - Yes I think the e-mail was the best thing for me to do. It obviously set me back a bit, but overall I feel great about what I said. She is a great person in her own way (in no way perfect..) and while I wish that things would have worked out for us, I do want the best for the two of us even if that means ending up with different people.

 

Once I move back to Texas, I know that I will start healing faster because I have a very big network of friends and family. But I am so thankful for having found this site... It has been the support group I needed to start healing while I'm far away from everyone else.

[andre84]

I just wanted to update my thread with the latest:

 

I flew down to Dallas last week for my interview, and I got the job. Sadly I am taking a pay cut so I'm not super happy about it... But at least the job looks like it could have potential to help me grow and maybe even lead to a better job down the road. (Also Dallas has a lower cost of living than Seattle)

 

All in all I have started feeling better through out the day. Mornings are still a little rough... specially when I dream about her/us. Obviously the fact that we lived together for a couple years means that I have a million memories in my head that get triggered at random times.

 

Being in Dallas for a few days was really good for me, and it definitely reassured me that even if I make less money that I will be happier there. I got to hang out with all my friends and my family. Also I have to say that I find women more attractive down south than up here... So once I'm ready, I know that's the place where I would want to find my next SO.

 

I can feel that I'm getting close to the acceptance stage. I can sometimes feel a peace inside of me when I think about what we had... Right now it comes and goes, but I hope eventually that'll just be how I always feel.

 

NC is definitely the key to my healing. If it wasn't for it, I would still be driving myself crazy by over analyzing a text or e-mail. Deleting her from FB was also key, so now I'm not as tempted to stalk her page. (I do get the urge from time to time, but it helps to know that I can't really see much)

 

Anyways this thread has helped me so much by allowing me to put my feelings into words and get it all out.