jerryinva Posted September 20, 2004 Share Posted September 20, 2004 Well...she popped up online this morning right before 11 a.m., to tell me she was sorry that she didn't my messages, but she was getting ready for a meeting. I replied with that's ok.. She then asked if I was going to online a while, and I said I can for a few minutes, but I need to get to work, the boss wants to interview about this other position. She told me she would rather I call, anyway. SO, I call her. She then proceeds to tell me that she never wants to talk to me again, that she never wants to see me again, and as far as she was concerned the friendship was over. Spending the weekend with some other friends made her realize what a friendship should be... She told me to mail her cell phone to her...and she would deposit the rest of the money in my account that she owes me... I begged and pleaded and cried, as I tried to get her to change her mind. But she wouldn't. And she said my reluctance to let her off the phone was a further lack of respect for her. I asked her if she might change her mind in the future, and she said no, never. And your current behavior is just insuring that. In the middle of this, my boss walks out to the parking lot...and wants to know if I can come in and talk to him early. I called her back on the way to class (which I skipped because I couldn't stop crying), she said she was worried about me driving upset... is there anyone I could call and talk to, I wanted to say hey you B***H...how about you? You ask me to call you, so you can nail me with that earlier, and then have the nerve to chastize me for keeping you on the phone...when you have work to do...it was your idea for me to call. On the way home, I hit the curb, and scratched up the wheel covers on my car...which made me even more unhappy. I called her cell a little while ago...to tell her she could come get her cell phone now if she wanted it. She called me back about a half hour later,..and asked is that all I wanted, because we had agreed I was going to mail it... I told her it felt like she had died...there are so many reminders of her here in my room that I rent, and out there in the wide world... Bottom line is, I don't think she will change her mind...I think our friendship is done for good. I just want to die. Link to post Share on other sites
SadAndLonely Posted September 20, 2004 Share Posted September 20, 2004 I've been reading this saga for a while now, and while I'm in a similar position of wanting my ex back, I'm handling it far differently. I hate to say this, but you really pushed her away. You made her the center of your universe and then wouldn't leave her alone, even when she asked you to. When she asked what you needed, you said, "you" which is sort of stalkerish and would scare almost anyone away. People have repeatedly told you not to make contact, but you can't stop for more than a couple of days. If you had given her a month of no contact, and tried to focus on your own life, things would probably be very different. While I think she's a headcase, your begging her, constantly calling her, constantly obsessing about her, etc. is NOT healthy. She asked you to call her, but when she told you what she needed to say, you pleaded and tried to keep her on the phone, which is manipulative. Please, for both your sakes, leave this poor woman alone and focus on your own life. I know it hurts, but she's made her decision, and you need to respect it. If she someday wants to have contact again she'll make it, but until then, stop making her the center of your life. It's not healthy for anyone involved. Link to post Share on other sites
prevch Posted September 20, 2004 Share Posted September 20, 2004 dude she sounds like a biotch better off without her Link to post Share on other sites
j_nelson Posted September 20, 2004 Share Posted September 20, 2004 go get some professional help...if you can't afford it, take out a loan...you are in a bad place right now....this is all that will help. Link to post Share on other sites
wasitheone Posted September 20, 2004 Share Posted September 20, 2004 Jerry, It does get better although when I went through it I didn't believe it could. I got so close that even the trained counsellor started to look worried (and their job is to keep level headed!!!). This is probably the worst it will get but you will hit rock bottom and bounce back. It is not an easy ride but just hang on and watch what happens. At first I couldn't go more than a day without breaking down totally so I had to stop working for a month. Just listen to that little voice in your head screaming get up Jerry - fight it. It is there and it will get louder and louder - listen to it. So please trust me, trust everyone here, it will get better. You WILL be stronger. You WILL discover the true you (S**T man I realized I could write poems - never saw that coming) Link to post Share on other sites
SoleMate Posted September 20, 2004 Share Posted September 20, 2004 she said my reluctance to let her off the phone was a further lack of respect for her I agree with her. Where is your personal strength and self-respect? I wanted to say hey you B***H Odd how your undying love just seemed to turn to hate. Was it ever really LOVE at all? Or were you just using her as some kind of emotional life preserver? Link to post Share on other sites
moimeme Posted September 21, 2004 Share Posted September 21, 2004 Please do go get help. Link to post Share on other sites
Author jerryinva Posted September 21, 2004 Author Share Posted September 21, 2004 I know there are millions of people who are suffering through worse pain than mine right now. I think I falsely took her "lack of chill" in her voice yesterday as a hopeful sign. Wasted effort. I woke up this morning feeling very isolated..and lonely...and depressed, and I miss my best friend. Link to post Share on other sites
Papillon Posted September 21, 2004 Share Posted September 21, 2004 Dude.....really. She is NOT your best friend. Best friends don't tell the other that he/she never wants to see aor talk to the other again. This girl is immature, and being hurtful to you is how she stays in control of the situation. Don't give her that power. You have to bury the relationship. It's dead. Kaput. A rotting carcass. Dig a hole, a six footer, and kick its sorry ass in. Cover it up. Plant a daisy. One day you WILL look back on this and shake your head in amazement over how you broke yourself up about this chick. Trust me on this - you WILL move on. That's the way the universe works. It feeds on short-term f*ck-ups. But even the soggiest, sappiest, sorry story ever, will be sucked dry quickly. Just give it up. The earth sucks, so let it. Link to post Share on other sites
Author jerryinva Posted September 21, 2004 Author Share Posted September 21, 2004 I messed up... I just called her...she got irritated... I told her I missed her...she how could you, you just talked to me yesterday. I said, well we usually talk several times a day. She said why are you calling me? I thanked her for not being rude when I called her last night. She asked me, in any of these people you have talked to, has any of them told you this is the right thing to do? I said no..they have told me that if I ever want a chance of her calling me again, I need to respect her wishes. And she said, and is your way working, or is it being disrespectful? I said you are right... I said, I am afraid you are going to forget me....and she replied..I hope so. I told her that was cruel..and she asked if she could go now. I asked her if there was a chance she would call me again,..and she replied..well if I say I may call next Thursday...and I don't, I don't want you calling me... So the answer is no...so I don't commit to anything... She then said, this is the third workday you have harrassed me at work... will you please stop. I said ok...and she said, I am forwarding my work phone to my voicemail, so don't bother calling me back.. I hung up, called her work #...she had already forwarded it, I called her cell..no answer..so I waited a few minutes...called her work #, and it rang....and then went to voicemail...and I left a message apologizing for disrespecting her and calling her. Do you thnk she will really forget me? Or that she will call me? Link to post Share on other sites
Kizzyfur Posted September 21, 2004 Share Posted September 21, 2004 I think, if she has any sense, she'll get a restraining order against you and have you arrested for harassment. Just keep it up. How many times does she have to ask you not to call her, especially at work?? You could get her fired for that sh*t. Quit being an a$$h*le and MOVE ON. Get a help EMEDIATELY. Link to post Share on other sites
LuvHurtsme Posted September 21, 2004 Share Posted September 21, 2004 Jerry Get help ASAP. I know how you feel man, I think that the majority of us here do (that's why were here right?). You can't center your life around this girl. She doesn't wanna talk to you anymore? You know what I say to that? **** her. Do you know how dumb you sound telling us all this and then asking for our advice? STOP CALLING HER. END OF STORY. In my personal opinion you're both better off without each other. You look crazy man, I know you don't wanna hear it, but you do. Go do something for yourself, delete all her numbers from your phone and go hang out with the guys tonight. I have your best intrest at heart...really. LUVHURTSME Link to post Share on other sites
ntovrhmyt Posted September 21, 2004 Share Posted September 21, 2004 Jerry, Get help. You are beginning to sound like a masochist, and I am not saying that to be mean. Get help ASAP Link to post Share on other sites
findinmyway Posted September 21, 2004 Share Posted September 21, 2004 YOU HAVE TO STOP THIS *shaking you by the shoulder furiously* C'mon already. Are you for real? That was sarcasm BTW. I think you are really in a lot of pain and in the beginning, most of us could sympathize with your story. But, there comes a point - and you have by far passed it - that you have to act like an adult (sane one) and just quit it. I do not always agree with counseling, but I do think you would benefit from it. If you cannot afford it, try to seek some place locally that will offer emergency counseling. Really, Jerry, PLEASE do not call her again. You are seriously on the verge of legal action. You don't need that on top of your instability. GO TO A COUNSELOR NOW. DO NOT WAIT Link to post Share on other sites
Taken_Angel Posted September 21, 2004 Share Posted September 21, 2004 I think, if she has any sense, she'll get a restraining order against you and have you arrested for harassment. Just keep it up. How many times does she have to ask you not to call her, especially at work?? You could get her fired for that sh*t. Quit being an a$$h*le and MOVE ON. Get a help EMEDIATELY. Look you need to re-read what YOU wrote...(not what I quoted but the whole post) Seriously you are STALKING this girl. SHE HAS MADE IT CLEAR SHE DOES NOT WANT TO BE BOTHERED BY YOU! It is not fair that she has to be bothered time and time again by someone who can not get it through their head...she is probably worried that you'll show up and start stalking her, following her, ect. YOU NEED TO STOP! If you can't then get help! LEAVE HER ALONE! EVERYONE has told you that and you don't seem to be able to understand! YOU ARE A LITTLE BIT SICK IN THE HEAD that you can NOT leave someone alone who does not want anything to do with you! My ex did the same to me and I almost had him arrested but he learned his lesson and left me alone! Coming from someone who's been in this girl's place it isn't fun and it's scary that someone is so fixated on you that they won't leave you alone even when asked to.. On another note you better be careful she could be taping or recording each and everyone of your calls where she has TOLD YOU TO STOP CONTACTING HER and you continue to do so! MAN GROW UP AND LEAVE HER ALONE LEAVE HER ALONE LEAVE HER ALONE SHE IS NOT GOING TO CHANGE HER MIND LEAVE HER ALONE!(maybe you'll get a clue) Link to post Share on other sites
savethedrama4allama Posted September 21, 2004 Share Posted September 21, 2004 All I can say is DON'T DROP THE SOAP because you're heading toward jail. Link to post Share on other sites
InLimbo2 Posted September 21, 2004 Share Posted September 21, 2004 Let me tell ya Jerry - I've expressed opinions before and you haven't heeded them. My daughter had a boyfriend like you last year and it did get to the point that I had to get a restraining order against him. The judge told him he could have no contact for 6 months - not at her home, her email, her school, nothing. When the judge asked him if he had anything to say - he said "Well, I'd really like to see her". He just didn't 'get it'. You don't either. What took me so long to get the RO was gathering evidence the court couldn't ignore - and my RO was granted immediately and for the maximum length of time - and it could be renewed. He broke the RO a number of times before I got him to stop - I did see the State's Attorney about charging him. I did have some concerns about sending a young man to jail - but I'd have done it if it was necessary. My daughter was pissed for awhile, now she sees him as the obsessive compulsive inpulsive sociopath that he really is. I've said that someday we'll see him on the news - she agrees. Stop now Link to post Share on other sites
Author jerryinva Posted September 22, 2004 Author Share Posted September 22, 2004 Ok. Link to post Share on other sites
Hurt Posted September 22, 2004 Share Posted September 22, 2004 I just went thru this, you are now dealing with the law!!!!!! stop it now!!! she is done!! suffer, cry, stop the contact YOU ARE HEADED FOR A NIGHTMARE, THE HECK WITH HER, SHE DOES NOT LOVE YOU SHE WANTS YOU TO STOP!! NOW!!! Link to post Share on other sites
johan Posted September 22, 2004 Share Posted September 22, 2004 Jerry, the one thing you've done right is posting all this here. I hope you keep doing that. You clearly have lost perspective on yourself and your actions and on her. The best chance you have for getting into the right frame of mind is to keep getting people's feedback here. Hopefully some of it will sink in and you'll start to understand and make some changes. Hang in there. Let her go. Take some time to recover and move on. You are making WAY too big a deal out of the childhood fantasy. It's time to come to let it go, or else face the consequences of your very destructive behavior. You can be happy without her. Just have faith. Link to post Share on other sites
Author jerryinva Posted September 22, 2004 Author Share Posted September 22, 2004 Folks, Believe me...I have been read the riot act today by family and friends, to the point I have felt like I am the worst person in the world! A former fellow church member, my stepmother and one of my friends slammed me tonight, all for various reasons, but all related to my behavior the last few days over my ex-girlfriend. I will have to look at it almost like a death, for if she is really not going to speak to me ever again...that is how it will feel. I think I have been foolishly thinking I could make her want to talk to me. Leaving her alone...and abiding by her wishes is the only way that will happen. I believe she got tired of me taking "pot-shots" at her relationship with the co-worker, and wanting a clear head for her upcoming getaway...decided to eliminate my negative feedback. And everyone is right, I had no right to be critical of her. As her friend, I should be supportive and happy for her. It was the "ex" part that fueled the negative opinion. It wouldn't have mattered if the guy was 54, 24, or 45...or had green hair, the ex in me didn't want her to be with anybody, but me. So, now is the time for me to be the friend, and give her what she asks for...to leave her alone...whether it be for a day, a month or a lifetime. I will miss her terribly...even though I just talked to her today, I haven't talked to her because "she" wanted to talk since Friday around lunch-time. Already, I am having panic/anxiety attacks as I look at something, or think of someplace or some activity we did together. I now see I could still have had those things if a long, long, long time ago I let her be her own person. The more I tried to make her mine, the more I lost her, even as a friend. Did she make some mistakes along the way? Yes...but that is pointless now. She has asked for peace, and I, as a person who loves her more than her, or anyone in the world will ever know...must give it to her. She had done so much for me...I can't even begin to list all the ways she has helped me...she has truly been the best friend I have ever had. She always gave so much to me, and I feel like I gave so little. I will miss my friend... Goodbye, old friend. Your friend always, Jerry Link to post Share on other sites
Hurt Posted September 22, 2004 Share Posted September 22, 2004 I know your pain, I am living in it, I read your post and I hurt for you! Listen, you have to understand in your head that it is over, no past, no present, no future, it is you now, you are your own best friend, trust in your ability, trust that you have given all your pain you can handle, live for yor well bieng now, she is not reading all of your pain, she is in her moment, live yours! all you have is you and only you can get thru this now, the pain will go away. ther will be another time for you and only you can make yourself understand that. Talk to your friends tell them how you feel, it will get better, I am you I have gone thru the pain, I still do, I just learned to tell myself that I am a good person and ther will be a time for me, there will be amother moment with another! she is just a pewrson, she cannot control how you feel, only you can. do not contact her anymore, respect her as a person, respect your self! You are in a life changiong mpment and god is there, there is a reason for this and you will see it later. Man be carefull, do not cross lines with her, let her be, and let yourself be at peace that one day this will only be the past! Link to post Share on other sites
Author jerryinva Posted September 22, 2004 Author Share Posted September 22, 2004 It is 3:26 a.m....and I can't sleep. I am used to her being on the phone at night... Link to post Share on other sites
Papillon Posted September 22, 2004 Share Posted September 22, 2004 Oh brother...... Lemme tell you, if a girl was like with me, the way you're acting now, I'd run. I'd run my ass off. I know you're hurting, but you have to stop demanding what YOU want. If you really love this girl the way you say you do, you'd leave her to pursue her happiness and not interfere and mess it up with your own weakness. Link to post Share on other sites
Author jerryinva Posted September 22, 2004 Author Share Posted September 22, 2004 Oddly...this morning at 7:11, my phone rings. I have it set to have different rings for different people. I recognzed the ring as the one for her... So, I jumped up, and answered it... because I knew a call from her at 7:11 was not a social call given our current situation. I stood there, looking at the phone, stupified that I saw her cell number on there, and then answered it. She said, "OK, that answers that." And I asked her what she meant." She repiled," I had two calls while I was in the shower, on my phone that showed no number, so I thought maybe you had to work the overnight and your car broke down, or you had an accident, and were trying to reach me." I replied that I was at home, everything was ok. She then said ok, I'll let you go back to sleep... I said, I appreciate you calling to check to see if I was ok... and that was it. I made NO attempt to try to talk to her any more than about the issue at hand...no pleading, or trying to strike up a conversation. And, I am sure she expected me to call right back..to try to talk to her...but I didn't! So...there is an interesting wrinkle in the story. Feeling kind of down and sad this morning...the phone company woke me up again because I have been having phone problems... and I was sitting...and missing her... BUT I HAVE NOT CALLED HER TODAY! Link to post Share on other sites
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