Petty but important

[JMar]

I have been through alot of turmoil and pain in my 28 years, alot of it due to my relationships with men. About two years ago, I decided to be on my own and learn how to accept myself and love myself. I am very happy with the woman I have become. About two months ago, I started dating someone. I feel we are at the beginning stages of what could possibly a long-term relationship. I have always been very honest and open about myself, I am divorced and have never had problems answering any questions he had about my ex and myself. When I was set up with him, I was told he had been dating someone for a while but they broke up. I asked about this girl and we talked about it and I felt secure and comfortable there was nothing there between them anymore. Come to find out recently, from the person who set us up, there was another woman that he deeply cared about and was not quite over when he met me. They had been broken up two years. I understand he has a past, as well as I do, but I found out he still has contact with this woman quite frequently through a recreational activity. My problem is, why didn't he mention the fact he still sees her? He had briefly mentioned her once and how he made a mistake with her and she broke up with him, but one, I never knew he still harped feelings for her and two, I didn't know he still had contact with her. I am not the most verbal person and I do not want to talk with him about this, because I feel it is petty. But due to past pains, I can't help feel hurt about him not being honest. As I have been alway. Please let me know your opinion. Thank you.

[Tony T]

Sometimes, people just don't want to let go totally of the past. This girl represents something to him, maybe memories, maybe a safety net in case things with you don't work out, maybe a friendship that he enjoys and doesn't feel you would understand or tolerate.

 

In any case, since you don't want to confront him with this, you may never know. However, I do not consider it petty to bring it up in a nice way and just tell him you know about this lady and he should feel very free to discuss her with you whenever he wants. That's all you need to say.

 

Oh, yes, and you could also suggest she get a date and go out with the two of you to dinner sometime.

[Deejette]

I think it might be too soon to confront him about this (since you have been dating for only 2 months. It might be better to observe what his behavior is like and make your decision after a while.

 

I know you already have a sense that you might not trust him to be completely truthful with you. That is not a good foundation for a solid relationship. But give him the benefit of the doubt, since you are both new to each other.

Sometimes, people just don't want to let go totally of the past. This girl represents something to him, maybe memories, maybe a safety net in case things with you don't work out, maybe a friendship that he enjoys and doesn't feel you would understand or tolerate. In any case, since you don't want to confront him with this, you may never know. However, I do not consider it petty to bring it up in a nice way and just tell him you know about this lady and he should feel very free to discuss her with you whenever he wants. That's all you need to say. Oh, yes, and you could also suggest she get a date and go out with the two of you to dinner sometime.