TheFriend Posted April 27, 2013 Share Posted April 27, 2013 Mcgriff, Thanks for that last post. I am not able to connect either and have not been able to put it in to words. You hit the feeling spot on! I have an extremely sexy,fun, and understanding girl I am dating. I hope I don't make a mistake and regret it later with this one. Link to post Share on other sites
HuffmanMontana Posted April 27, 2013 Share Posted April 27, 2013 You really are a schmuck if you believe that ****. Sounds like your ex loves to keep her exes on a short leash. She has codependency issues and is probably an emotional nightmare. You are eating out of her hand. So much infact, you're unable to form a meaningful relationship with someone else. You need to go no contact. Playing this game with your ex is doing nothing good for you. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author McGriff Posted April 28, 2013 Author Share Posted April 28, 2013 Huffman---NC is all I can do. I think you are right about her issues. Link to post Share on other sites
Am4Real Posted April 28, 2013 Share Posted April 28, 2013 Good to see you coming around. How are you this morning? Progress or do we need to slap you around again? Huffman---NC is all I can do. I think you are right about her issues. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Chi townD Posted April 29, 2013 Share Posted April 29, 2013 Yeah, her "Ex boyfriend" wouldn't have had a clue how to contact you unless he was with her. Don't buy that crap for a second. Nothing happened my ass. Something did happen, she was around him. That should be red flags all over the place for you. She's in damage control mode. Expect a lot more texts coming. Link to post Share on other sites
mutant Posted April 29, 2013 Share Posted April 29, 2013 McGriff I did ask you what your plans for the new girl were without response but I now see you have come to the realization that you aren't ready for a new relationship. Like you said, this whole situation is spiraling into a soap opera and I'ts time you hit that reset button. So far, you have handled yourself quite maturely and I think you have good control of this situation. It's also commendable that you can see through the lies and excuses that your ex keeps coming up with. I wonder why you haven't gone NC on her. Are you comfortable having her sleep with other exes while still pulling you on her leash? I think it's time you sit down, reflect on your life, and decide on the direction to follow. If I were you I would bow out of the new relationship, which is quite easy because you aren't yet invested in it and the girl understands the situation. After the BU, I found myself in a somewhat similar situation that involved a couple of girls (not the ex though). I had to pull out after things got a bit complicated because I realized it wasn't the kind of life I wanted to live. Interestingly, I immediately started missing the ex and I still do think of her daily. It sucks but I am ready to see this through to the end. In a way, I can relate to your situation and I believe you will make the right decision at the end. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author McGriff Posted April 29, 2013 Author Share Posted April 29, 2013 Mutant---yes, I have backed off from the new girl, because I just realized after our date, that I am completely emotionally unavailable at this point. It's good, because she is going out of town on business for a couple weeks this Wednesday, and then I am on holiday next week, so that will get me away from all this drama, and believe me, it couldn't come at a better time. As for the ex, I am in no contact after she started making excuses and haven't heard from her since Saturday morning---I never answered back. I think the next time she contacts me, I'm gonna pretty much end any and all contact with her. I've been working on what I'm gonna say. Do you think this is a good idea? If I don't hear from her before my trip, I think I'll send a letter the day before I leave, and I will be out of the country for a week, so I won't be available to anyone. I'm starting to feel relief at this point, as my family and friends are ready to have me back to the old person I was before I met her. So that's what I mean about reset. As for the new girl, we'll see what happens when we both get back in a couple weeks. I appreciate the words... Link to post Share on other sites
Chi townD Posted April 29, 2013 Share Posted April 29, 2013 I wouldn't even take the time to write her. She had a chance, a window of opportunity and she blew it. I mean, if the shoe was on the other foot, and she recieved a text from the girl that you left her for, do you think that she would be sooo understanding? Doubt it. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Simon Phoenix Posted April 29, 2013 Share Posted April 29, 2013 Mutant---yes, I have backed off from the new girl, because I just realized after our date, that I am completely emotionally unavailable at this point. It's good, because she is going out of town on business for a couple weeks this Wednesday, and then I am on holiday next week, so that will get me away from all this drama, and believe me, it couldn't come at a better time. As for the ex, I am in no contact after she started making excuses and haven't heard from her since Saturday morning---I never answered back. I think the next time she contacts me, I'm gonna pretty much end any and all contact with her. I've been working on what I'm gonna say. Do you think this is a good idea? If I don't hear from her before my trip, I think I'll send a letter the day before I leave, and I will be out of the country for a week, so I won't be available to anyone. I'm starting to feel relief at this point, as my family and friends are ready to have me back to the old person I was before I met her. So that's what I mean about reset. As for the new girl, we'll see what happens when we both get back in a couple weeks. I appreciate the words... Honestly, I wouldn't say anything at all to the ex. There's nothing to say. Just fade to black, hell, block her number so she can't text you and to give you one less reason to give into temptation (To be honest, I'm not sure why you didn't block her before, but whatever, nothing can be done about that now). Go into your three weeks away with as clear of mind as possible and re-evaluate the new girl when you get back. Link to post Share on other sites
Author McGriff Posted April 29, 2013 Author Share Posted April 29, 2013 Chitown---yeah, I know what you're saying, and you're right. BUT, she is not me. I have so much I wanna say, but I haven't decided if I'm gonna do it yet. I'm pretty analytical, and I've got a lot of thinking to do on this. There is certainly an argument for just "dissappearing" at this point. Maybe I'll draft something and post it on here for opinions. Link to post Share on other sites
Chi townD Posted April 29, 2013 Share Posted April 29, 2013 Well, you're going to do what you think is best for you. But, in my opinion, I think your just asking for more communication if you write her a letter. I have a feeling that she's kinda stubborn and needs to get the last word in most of the time. Link to post Share on other sites
Author McGriff Posted April 29, 2013 Author Share Posted April 29, 2013 Funny you say that...I'm an attorney and I ALWAYS WANT TO GET THE LAST WORD IN. It's engrained in me. Anyway, I value opinions on here, so maybe I won't. Plus I've been doing research, and I'm starting to believe she's a classic BPD, so saying anything to her may be useless anyway. Link to post Share on other sites
youngnlove89 Posted April 29, 2013 Share Posted April 29, 2013 Funny you say that...I'm an attorney and I ALWAYS WANT TO GET THE LAST WORD IN. It's engrained in me. Anyway, I value opinions on here, so maybe I won't. Plus I've been doing research, and I'm starting to believe she's a classic BPD, so saying anything to her may be useless anyway. oh gosh, everybody's ex has BPD. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author McGriff Posted April 29, 2013 Author Share Posted April 29, 2013 Youngnlove Not saying she does, I'm no psychiatrist, but I can't argue with the symptoms Link to post Share on other sites
Minneloa Posted April 29, 2013 Share Posted April 29, 2013 Funny you say that...I'm an attorney and I ALWAYS WANT TO GET THE LAST WORD IN. It's engrained in me. Anyway, I value opinions on here, so maybe I won't. Plus I've been doing research, and I'm starting to believe she's a classic BPD, so saying anything to her may be useless anyway. From what you have posted, the bolded part is spot on. BPD or no. Another vote for disappearing. The more you engage with her, the more this painful mess will continue. Silence is your best strategy and protection here, imo. Link to post Share on other sites
mutant Posted April 30, 2013 Share Posted April 30, 2013 NC is a life saver for dumpees who cannot sustain communication with their exes without suffering major emotional setbacks. This doesn't apply to your case since you've got a firm grip on the situation. I feel we are similar in many ways..I am quite analytical, very careful with my words and always want to say the last weighted words whenever I am in these kind of situations. The last words I said to the ex will always linger in her head whenever she thinks of me- if she ever does . I don't think you should send her a letter, or email, no need to try and initiate communication with her right now. just wait till she does so and let her know you wont carry on with this anymore. This could possibly turn tables and have her chasing you around for a while. many here will say the b**** doesn't deserve any of your attention-which is true- but I think before you disappear you need to let her know she cant tickle you anymore--It wont hurt anyway and I bet it will make you feel awesome!! For the other girl I think you should cut her loose man. a weeks of separation is not enough to turn around your feelings for her. Not after you referred to her as the other plan in the back pocket. I know you may miss her after that week but those feelings may not be adequate to sustain a meaningful long-term relationship. Of-course she may want to remain your friend but that's another topic. You seem an attractive guy who doesn't have any problem getting girls ....just wait till you are ready for a relationship. Get to concentrate on other things that you deem more important in your life for now. Keep us updated. Rock On! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author McGriff Posted April 30, 2013 Author Share Posted April 30, 2013 Mutant You are dead on, and exactly what I was thinking. I will not initiate anything, and will only send that letter after she contacts me. If she never does, then she won't get the letter. I haven't heard from her since Saturday, so maybe I won't, I don't know. She knows I'm going out of town next week, so we'll see. I'm a smart guy, but this damn woman seems always a step ahead of me! Haha. Anyways, thanks for the advice and comments. Link to post Share on other sites
HuffmanMontana Posted April 30, 2013 Share Posted April 30, 2013 Mutant You are dead on, and exactly what I was thinking. I will not initiate anything, and will only send that letter after she contacts me. If she never does, then she won't get the letter. I haven't heard from her since Saturday, so maybe I won't, I don't know. She knows I'm going out of town next week, so we'll see. I'm a smart guy, but this damn woman seems always a step ahead of me! Haha. Anyways, thanks for the advice and comments. You're just not getting it. You're not being honest with yourself. Send the letter or don't. The fact you're waiting on her actions to decide your move speaks volumes about how much control she has over you. Sinking in yet? Link to post Share on other sites
Author McGriff Posted April 30, 2013 Author Share Posted April 30, 2013 Huffman This woman has an INCREDIBLE amount of power over me. That's the problem. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
HuffmanMontana Posted April 30, 2013 Share Posted April 30, 2013 Huffman This woman has an INCREDIBLE amount of power over me. That's the problem. She only has what you give her. Stop being a victim and man up. Link to post Share on other sites
AlexDP Posted April 30, 2013 Share Posted April 30, 2013 She only has what you give her. Stop being a victim and man up. You live in Helena, Huffman? Link to post Share on other sites
Simon Phoenix Posted April 30, 2013 Share Posted April 30, 2013 Huffman This woman has an INCREDIBLE amount of power over me. That's the problem. Oh come on. This is a copout. You are giving her this power. Once you realize that this is almost entirely about you and has very little, or anything, to do with her the better you'll be. Though I'd rather you be honest like this than the faux cockiness you were displaying earlier in the thread. That's a step in the right direction. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author McGriff Posted April 30, 2013 Author Share Posted April 30, 2013 Simon It's why we're all here isn't it? If it were that easy, these forums wouldn't exist. I am working through it and learning. I will be ok. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Simon Phoenix Posted April 30, 2013 Share Posted April 30, 2013 Simon It's why we're all here isn't it? If it were that easy, these forums wouldn't exist. I am working through it and learning. I will be ok. The point of these forums is to talk about these things with people who have already been there and listen to them, because it's hard being out there on your own. It's that listening part that you seem to struggle with. I mean, we all make mistakes. That's part of life. It's one thing to make a mistake when you don't have any alternative solutions presented to you. It's another to take those alternate solutions, ignore them, and just go about it stubbornly in your own way and then wonder why it's so difficult. I think it's your tendency to do the latter, then try to spin it, which frustrates people on this forum. Then again, you said you were a lawyer, so that explains the spin and the stubborness. And why you keep insisting that you are a "smart" guy. I'm sure you are, but sometimes, the "smartest" move is to realize that the simplest solutions (in this case, blocking) are often the best. It's "smart" to realize that your intelligence in the classroom/courtroom doesn't amount to crap when it comes to love. It's "smart" to realize that maybe you don't have all the answers. None of us do, but when we put our minds together, we can do all right. I mean, you just put your hand in the fire recently and got burned. Your ex is playing you like a fiddle. So take away the instrument. That would be the "smart" play. Giving her studio time, like you have been doing, is not. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author McGriff Posted April 30, 2013 Author Share Posted April 30, 2013 Simon You're right about everything. I am just in the roller coaster of emotions, but I know I'm gonna be alright. This too shall pass. And you're right, my legal knowledge has nothing that helps me in love---I filed a Motion to Suppress Feelings and a Motion to Reopen Case and both were summarily denied. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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