Simon Phoenix Posted April 30, 2013 Share Posted April 30, 2013 Simon You're right about everything. I am just in the roller coaster of emotions, but I know I'm gonna be alright. This too shall pass. And you're right, my legal knowledge has nothing that helps me in love---I filed a Motion to Suppress Feelings and a Motion to Reopen Case and both were summarily denied. I hear ya man. This s--t ain't easy and I know I come off as a know it all. But I certainly didn't come up with all that crap on my own -- accumulated it through a lot of reading and soulsearching and comparing it to mistakes I made in the past before I knew sites like this existed. It's hard. But I'm sure going through law school and passing the bar was hard too and you did it. So you can do this too. Link to post Share on other sites
mutant Posted April 30, 2013 Share Posted April 30, 2013 Simon You're right about everything. I am just in the roller coaster of emotions, but I know I'm gonna be alright. This too shall pass. And you're right, my legal knowledge has nothing that helps me in love---I filed a Motion to Suppress Feelings and a Motion to Reopen Case and both were summarily denied. i really like your attitude McGriff,you seem to have a strong will to get over this. It won't be long before you do it. Link to post Share on other sites
Author McGriff Posted April 30, 2013 Author Share Posted April 30, 2013 Simon, I don't see you as a know-it-all...I quite enjoy your frank posts because they are obviously backed by solid reasoning and experience. It's funny because I thought I was so lucky (and maybe I was), when I got my divorce last year, I dated a few people before I met my ex. And at first I wasn't really into her, but she grew on me really fast with her pursuit, her personality, and the awesome times we had. I remember thinking to myself "is it really this easy to meet someone new and better?" But the reality is, it really isn't. I don't know why I'm so stuck on her, and at times I really get this air of confidence that rushes over me and I feel fine with everything. But then something will happen---like yesterday I was at the grocery store and I just walked down a freaking aisle and saw the wine that me and her used to get on our movie nights. Great memories seem to birth longing for her. I think getting away for a week is REALLY gonna help me clear my head. Link to post Share on other sites
Author McGriff Posted April 30, 2013 Author Share Posted April 30, 2013 Mutant Thanks man. I really am ready to move on. Can't wait for the day I can look back at all this nonsense and laugh. Link to post Share on other sites
Am4Real Posted April 30, 2013 Share Posted April 30, 2013 The EX before the last one..(damn that has a lousy sound to it, eh?) LOL, had one of those favorte wines on date nights as well. It was a South American import from Chile so not too common, one had to look for it in a place specializing in wine. You get the idea, right? Anyway for months and months I was like you, I would see the wine and everything would hit me. It got to the point I would either stay away from the wine store or ask someone in the store to bring me what I wanted to avoid the sight of that particular brand. I kid you not; it was a real trigger. She (EX) was one that had hit me hard like no one before her. I just read your post and frigg'in burst out laughing; I mean a hard laugh; I'm still grinning as I type. Why? I can't remember the name of the damn wine...no kidding. Guess I'll Google it.... Regardless, it might make me grin one more time today; I know it's not going to make me tear up like it used to. Hope this inspires you; reading your post reinforced many things this afternoon. Simon, I don't see you as a know-it-all...I quite enjoy your frank posts because they are obviously backed by solid reasoning and experience. It's funny because I thought I was so lucky (and maybe I was), when I got my divorce last year, I dated a few people before I met my ex. And at first I wasn't really into her, but she grew on me really fast with her pursuit, her personality, and the awesome times we had. I remember thinking to myself "is it really this easy to meet someone new and better?" But the reality is, it really isn't. I don't know why I'm so stuck on her, and at times I really get this air of confidence that rushes over me and I feel fine with everything. But then something will happen---like yesterday I was at the grocery store and I just walked down a freaking aisle and saw the wine that me and her used to get on our movie nights. Great memories seem to birth longing for her. I think getting away for a week is REALLY gonna help me clear my head. Link to post Share on other sites
Am4Real Posted April 30, 2013 Share Posted April 30, 2013 Whoohoo!! Oh come on. This is a copout. You are giving her this power. Once you realize that this is almost entirely about you and has very little, or anything, to do with her the better you'll be. Though I'd rather you be honest like this than the faux cockiness you were displaying earlier in the thread. That's a step in the right direction. Link to post Share on other sites
Simon Phoenix Posted April 30, 2013 Share Posted April 30, 2013 We all have triggers. Hell, each of the three exes that I had a hard time moving forward from have a trigger song that I still place memories of them to this day. The latest one's is "Call Me, Maybe". I don't know why, but she loves that damn song and loved to go on my computer and show me videos of random groups (sports teams and students from random universities, stuff like that) doing the Call Me, Maybe dance. At first hearing the song would piss me off, but now it's just like "oh yeah". No Doubt's "Don't Speak" still reminds me of my girlfriend my freshman year of college (I'm in my 30s now). But eventually that stuff will go from starting an avalanche of wanting to just the "oh yeah, her". Link to post Share on other sites
Author McGriff Posted April 30, 2013 Author Share Posted April 30, 2013 Am4real Thinking about you laughing started me laughing. Those triggers are a b*tch man. And I hear you about your ex "hitting you hard". This woman hit me harder than my ex wife who birthed my beautiful children! Explain that sh*t! And you know what I find funny? I love the woman's NAME. Yes, her name---I'm stuck on it, like, it's my favorite female name. How idiotic is that?! Link to post Share on other sites
Author McGriff Posted April 30, 2013 Author Share Posted April 30, 2013 Simon Call me, maybe?! Haha---that's crazy! Thats my ex's son's favorite song---we used to have to play it in the car all the time so he could sing it---he would hum all the verses and then sing out loud the chorus. Definitely a trigger for me, thank god i don't hear it often. Wow, small world. Link to post Share on other sites
cmoney Posted May 2, 2013 Share Posted May 2, 2013 I should probably read your earlier posts to get a better sense of your ex so forgive me if I am off base. From the limited imformation itmdoes not sound like your ex has BPD. People are often misdiagnosed with BPD when they have problems maintaining stable relationships. However, the diagnosis of BPD is somewhat more complex and would take too long to get into. As far as being stuck on your ex, we (humans) tend to want what we cannot have. So your reaction to your ex is normal. I would also like to commend you on having enough insight into realizing you are not emotiomally available at this point. I would caution you to be careful and be absolutely sure before you possibly let this new girl get away. Is it possible that some of your issues with your ex involve your ego? Did she start seeing this new guy while the two of you were still together (supposedly)? Just food for thought. Thats the psychologist coming out, lol! Link to post Share on other sites
hinatticus Posted May 2, 2013 Share Posted May 2, 2013 Am4real Thinking about you laughing started me laughing. Those triggers are a b*tch man. And I hear you about your ex "hitting you hard". This woman hit me harder than my ex wife who birthed my beautiful children! Explain that sh*t! And you know what I find funny? I love the woman's NAME. Yes, her name---I'm stuck on it, like, it's my favorite female name. How idiotic is that?! What's her name if you don't mind me asking? I used to have a thing for names. I especially used to like the name Katie or Katy or Kate. Link to post Share on other sites
hinatticus Posted May 2, 2013 Share Posted May 2, 2013 ....And you know what I find funny? I love the woman's NAME. Yes, her name---I'm stuck on it, like, it's my favorite female name. How idiotic is that?! What's her name if you don't mind me asking? I used to have a thing for names. I especially used to like the name Katie or Katy or Kate. Link to post Share on other sites
hinatticus Posted May 2, 2013 Share Posted May 2, 2013 Oops. Double whammy post. Damn phone... Link to post Share on other sites
Author McGriff Posted May 2, 2013 Author Share Posted May 2, 2013 I would prefer not to say, and really it's not important. Just know that I love that particular name. Link to post Share on other sites
mutant Posted May 2, 2013 Share Posted May 2, 2013 I didn't expect you to. Btw how is the situation coming along? Link to post Share on other sites
Author McGriff Posted May 2, 2013 Author Share Posted May 2, 2013 Nothing to report. All's been quiet on the home front. Haven't heard from her since Saturday morning. Of course I'm not gonna contact her. I've actually had a busy week at work, so that's been a nice distraction from this mess. I don't know, I may never hear from her again, although I have a feeling she will wish me to have a good trip sometime before I leave. She knows when I'm leaving. It's funny because I see people on here posting about wanting breadcrumbs (my ex had been the QUEEN of breadcrumbs), and I've had both worlds. Breadcrumbs honestly keep you stagnant and confused. It's nice to know they are thinking of you, but that's a given anyway. Link to post Share on other sites
mutant Posted May 2, 2013 Share Posted May 2, 2013 I didn't think she would last this long but I know she will contact you sometimes in future. Anyway it shouldn't matter now. Was more interested in knowing how things are going with the new girl. Link to post Share on other sites
Author McGriff Posted May 2, 2013 Author Share Posted May 2, 2013 The new girl just texted me 10 min ago. She is leaving for California tomorrow and wanted to go have a drink tonight, so I agreed, since it's gonna be almost two weeks til we are both back from vacay. I still like her, and she's SO freaking nice. I'm just still in relationship purgatory mentally. Link to post Share on other sites
cavalier99 Posted May 2, 2013 Share Posted May 2, 2013 The new girl just texted me 10 min ago. She is leaving for California tomorrow and wanted to go have a drink tonight, so I agreed, since it's gonna be almost two weeks til we are both back from vacay. I still like her, and she's SO freaking nice. I'm just still in relationship purgatory mentally. Bummer that you cant be emotionally available to new girl. Maybe right girl just bad timing. Cav 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author McGriff Posted May 2, 2013 Author Share Posted May 2, 2013 (edited) Cav, Yeah, it's like the lawn mower won't start. I keep pulling the cord and it just sputters and then dies. That's how my feelings are towards the new girl right now. And it's a NICE lawn mower! Damn thing just won't start. But the old one in the garage? I love the way that old thing runs, even though it sucks gas and blows a lot of smoke. Is this a good analogy? Haha Edited May 2, 2013 by McGriff 2 Link to post Share on other sites
mutant Posted May 2, 2013 Share Posted May 2, 2013 I can totally relate to that feeling. Just go out there and enjoy yourself I bet you need a drink too. Furthermore you've got two more weeks to ponder over things. Link to post Share on other sites
Chi townD Posted May 2, 2013 Share Posted May 2, 2013 Dude, That's your BIGGEST FRICKIN PROBLEM!!! You're viewing the new girl AS a new relationship! Stop doing that and embrace it for what it is. Just two people going out an having a good time. Nothing more and nothing less! The only promise you should be making to yourself AND to her is the promise of a good time. No boyfriend and girlfriend. This isn't a marriage, this isn't an engagement. Just a hip, blood sucking attorney (OPPS!...did I write that? ) and a hot Blonde enjoying a night out. Laughing, dancing, talking....just having fun! And who knows! Maybe, after some time, you'll be pulling and you'll find that the mower started and is purring like a kitten. But, until the time that if and when it happens, just enjoy the ride! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author McGriff Posted May 2, 2013 Author Share Posted May 2, 2013 Chitown Haha--my best friend told me almost the exact same thing a little while ago. Seriously! He said "Dude, quit trying to be in a relationship---just go with the flow! You're always worried about what everything means, worried about the ex, worried about hurting the new girl---just f*cking go out and have a good time!! Damn". So yeah, I hear you guys. Sometimes I feel like such a damn heel. Link to post Share on other sites
Chi townD Posted May 2, 2013 Share Posted May 2, 2013 Chitown Haha--my best friend told me almost the exact same thing a little while ago. Seriously! He said "Dude, quit trying to be in a relationship---just go with the flow! You're always worried about what everything means, worried about the ex, worried about hurting the new girl---just f*cking go out and have a good time!! Damn". So yeah, I hear you guys. Sometimes I feel like such a damn heel. HAHA! Great minds think alike!! Then, LISTEN!!! And RELAX!!! And enjoy her and her company. I think I have a pretty spot on assessment of when an evening out with the new girl ends. You feel 50lbs lighter and you have a stupid sh*t eating grin on your face and you feel no stress. If I'm right (and I always am!) why would you want to curb a good thing?!?! Just remember, JUST HAVE FUN! Nothing more, nothing less should be your new ethos. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author McGriff Posted May 2, 2013 Author Share Posted May 2, 2013 You ARE always right. Link to post Share on other sites
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