Dinner with the ex tonight.

[ChazzB]

that is ironic and makes me wonder, if i really miss the person or just the fact of being in a relationship

 

glad you have an option to, at least, have a good time

[Am4Real]

Love it!!!

 

 

HAHA! Great minds think alike!!

 

Then, LISTEN!!! And RELAX!!! And enjoy her and her company. I think I have a pretty spot on assessment of when an evening out with the new girl ends. You feel 50lbs lighter and you have a stupid sh*t eating grin on your face and you feel no stress. If I'm right (and I always am!) why would you want to curb a good thing?!?!

 

Just remember, JUST HAVE FUN! Nothing more, nothing less should be your new ethos.

[fancy feast]

Use the vacation as a chance to completely clear your head. When you get back, go with the advice above and just chill with the new girl.

[McGriff]

Use the vacation as a chance to completely clear your head. When you get back, go with the advice above and just chill with the new girl.

 

That's the plan!

[McGriff]

Just an update on my situation...I like to post, because it's like an online journal for me and I can back through and analyze.

 

On Thursday, went out with the new girl...had fun as usual, she met my father as he came in to the bar we were at, and i felt like she was being unusually aggressive with affection, I guess because she was leaving for a week and a half. A funny, bizarre side note...there's a bartender at this place, (I've been going there a year now a couple times a week) and she's REALLY attractive, but married. We've had quite a few deep discussions about life and relationships and our jobs etc. Well, I think she's taken a liking to me, and this was confirmed by my dad, whom she told that she would date me if she wasn't married. Now I would never date a married woman, ever, but when me and the new girl were there, she was bartending that night and was clearly jealous. Not a big deal, but worth noting.

 

So yesterday the new girl goes on her trip. Enter the ex...hadn't heard from her since last Saturday. She texts me last night. "What are you doing tonight? When are you leaving?...I'm going to the racetrack for ¢.59 beers, open invite to you". I didn't answer. That was the only text she sent but she called me about 10 min later and i didn't answer and she left like a 10 second voicemail. It was good to hear her voice, I won't deny. Obviously I didn't go meet her or return the phonecall. I won't lie, it was HARD TO RESIST. But I've gotten a lot of strength from some of the stories on here. So I thank you all for that. I'm still not over her, and I think about her all the time, so resisting her breadcrumbs is soooo hard, but somewhat empowering. My mind has entered vacation mode about 4 days early, so I've strung together a few days in a row of feeling pretty good about things. Hopefully I'm not making a huge mistake in all this, but I'm convinced these are just breadcrumbs and she has no intentions of reconciling or anything, she's probably just lonely. What do you guys think?

[Am4Real]

I think you are no longer a sl$$zy lawyer (sorry couldn't resist) and we are finally and I mean FINALLY meeting the real James Bond.

 

See...doesn't it feel good now to be clear, clean, open and honest about how you feel. Wow, you're doing great McGriff. Stay the course, go slow...live and enjoy your new peace!

 

 

 

 

Just an update on my situation...I like to post, because it's like an online journal for me and I can back through and analyze.

 

On Thursday, went out with the new girl...had fun as usual, she met my father as he came in to the bar we were at, and i felt like she was being unusually aggressive with affection, I guess because she was leaving for a week and a half. A funny, bizarre side note...there's a bartender at this place, (I've been going there a year now a couple times a week) and she's REALLY attractive, but married. We've had quite a few deep discussions about life and relationships and our jobs etc. Well, I think she's taken a liking to me, and this was confirmed by my dad, whom she told that she would date me if she wasn't married. Now I would never date a married woman, ever, but when me and the new girl were there, she was bartending that night and was clearly jealous. Not a big deal, but worth noting.

 

So yesterday the new girl goes on her trip. Enter the ex...hadn't heard from her since last Saturday. She texts me last night. "What are you doing tonight? When are you leaving?...I'm going to the racetrack for ¢.59 beers, open invite to you". I didn't answer. That was the only text she sent but she called me about 10 min later and i didn't answer and she left like a 10 second voicemail. It was good to hear her voice, I won't deny. Obviously I didn't go meet her or return the phonecall. I won't lie, it was HARD TO RESIST. But I've gotten a lot of strength from some of the stories on here. So I thank you all for that. I'm still not over her, and I think about her all the time, so resisting her breadcrumbs is soooo hard, but somewhat empowering. My mind has entered vacation mode about 4 days early, so I've strung together a few days in a row of feeling pretty good about things. Hopefully I'm not making a huge mistake in all this, but I'm convinced these are just breadcrumbs and she has no intentions of reconciling or anything, she's probably just lonely. What do you guys think?

[KPChick000]

Wow. Totally impressed that you resisted and did not respond at all. I obviously have no clue why she is texting you or even inviting you to things, but damn! I commend you for being so strong. My ex and I are in NC mode, but I know I wouldn't have been as strong in your shoes.

[Am4Real]

Ypou need to take in the entire thread and read McGriff's history to comprehend the magnitude of the contact issues he has been dealing with, otherwise your post is not relevant.

 

 

Wow. Totally impressed that you resisted and did not respond at all. I obviously have no clue why she is texting you or even inviting you to things, but damn! I commend you for being so strong. My ex and I are in NC mode, but I know I wouldn't have been as strong in your shoes.

[McGriff]

Am4real

 

Thanks! Any comparison with James Bond is a compliment! He IS the man, even if only fictional. As for being real---I always have been. What I post is what's in my head at the time. How I feel. I've been through a roller coaster of emotions pretty much day to day.

 

Kp

 

Thank you for the kind words. It was REALLY HARD. And self doubt racks me because I'm really still in love with her, and ignoring her is 100% counterintuitive for me. Credit to this website, because otherwise there is no way I would have. Don't get me wrong, I still have hope. I still would love for her to send me "the text" or "the voicemail". But I wait. And do everything I can to resist and continue to live life as fully as possible. True happiness still eludes me. I have my moments, especially when I spend time with my kids. But that hole she left is still there, and no one has been able to fill it. Even the new girl. BUT I know it's filling in, slowly but surely. I've listened to that voicemail probably 20 times since last night...

Edited May 4, 2013 by McGriff

[Am4Real]

Are you sure you're a lawyer then? :laugh:

 

 

Am4real

 

As for being real---I always have been. What I post is what's in my head at the time.

[McGriff]

Are you sure you're a lawyer then? :laugh:

 

Haha! Yessir! I'm a different person in the courtroom. It's all about advocacy then.

[cavalier99]

Erase that voice mail. Then block her. She is going to break down your resolve and might even turn up the pressure now that you arnt responding.

 

She doesnt want you, she just wants to know your still available to her for her emotional support ecetera. They dont like being ignored but that us exactly what you should do.

 

Dont prop up her ego at your expense.

 

It all means nothing and she will f*ck you over again if you respond. BLOCK HER! Cav,

Edited May 4, 2013 by cavalier99

[McGriff]

Update on my now crazy life...

 

Haven't been here for a few days and I'll explain why in a moment. Sooooo, I didn't hear from the ex all day Saturday, but she texted me on Sunday (Cinco de Mayo, which is really big here in Texas) inviting me out to a bar with her and her sister. Well, I couldn't resist the offer and ended up meeting them there. Well my ex was sick all weekend with the flu, and she looked really tired, and left an hour after we got there. I played it cool and gave her a hug and told her to get better, and she left. I stayed there with her sister (I know what y'all are thinking, but get your minds out of the gutter) and eventually her boyfriend showed up and we all started drinking...ALOT. Her sister was telling me how much the ex loved me and that she got "scared" and broke up with me, but that she always talks about me and she thinks that I should remain in the picture. I just kinda downplayed it, but I did admit to her sister that I was still in love with her, but alot has happened, so we'll see. So we drink shots, and more shots, and more shots...until I pretty much black out. It's really out of character for me to drink that much, but we were having a great time and I just didnt stop. I ended up getting a DWI that night, and went to jail. Now I have never been in trouble my whole life, so this was a terrifying experience for me. Jail was absolutely the worst thing I could imagine, and I spent 18 hours there til I got bonded out.

 

While I was in jail, my ex knew that me and her sister and her boyfriend were still there late into the night, and when I got out of jail, she had left like 40 text messages on my phone worrying about me and begging me to call her and let her know I was ok and numerous phone calls worried if I was alright. Well obviously I wasn't, and when I got out I called her and she was relieved that I was alright and annoyed that I had stayed and had waaaaaay more drinks than I should have. She's been really friendly today, but still hasn't said anything about us. I am leaving on vacation tomorrow, so I will just leave it for the time being. Calling her when I got out of jail was the first time I've initiated contact in 2 months. She has done all the initiating. So that's where things stand as of now. This was a big time wake-up call for me, and believe me, I will never do that again. Hopefully everyone is doing well...

[Simon Phoenix]

Next time call a taxi dude.

[McGriff]

Simon, I had sooooo many options, but I chose the wrong one. It happens, and I have no excuse. Can't blame anyone but myself. But yeah, a taxi was one of MANY options I had to choose from. Dumb dumb dumb.

[Simon Phoenix]

Simon, I had sooooo many options, but I chose the wrong one. It happens, and I have no excuse. Can't blame anyone but myself. But yeah, a taxi was one of MANY options I had to choose from. Dumb dumb dumb.

 

Yep, you'll be paying out the nose for a while. Those things aren't cheap. My roommate a few years back got one and it was a pain in the ass.

 

As for your ex, this is what happens when you keep venturing down the rabbit hole. What the sister said has potential promise, but I wouldn't start counting your chickens just yet. Your ex still likes you in some way, but until she stops the gameplaying, it's really not going to help your life much at all.

 

I also am friends with my ex's sister (she's my best friend's wife) so I know how complicated that whole thing can be. My ex's sister doesn't live in the same town I do, but I basically go out of my way to avoid all conversation about my ex with her (partially because she's very protective of her younger sister, partially due to my friend's request, partially because it's just an awkward f--king thing to discuss). I generally think it's bad news to get the family involved because it makes it look like you're doing recon or trying to get dirt, but I'm guessing the sister initiated the conversation.

 

If that's the case, it's not that awful of an idea, though it's not the best route to take IMO. In my situation, I've used my friend as a sounding board, the ex uses her sister and the couple discusses and filters what info trickles down (though I never ask what my ex is thinking at all). But I'm rambling at this point. In general, if your ex's sister starts discussing this with you, just tell her that it's up to the ex to stop playing games. But I'd probably leave out the family as much as possible.

 

But yeah, I still think you approach is adding a degree of difficulty to the proceedings and I still think you should give the new girl a real try instead of trying to play your ex's games. But you'll be on vacation, which might clear your head and give you a better perspective on which way to go.

[mtnbiker3000]

Not sure about Texas, but in Cali, A DUI/DWI is a pain in the ass!!! Hardly the end of the world, though. Just don't get another one and you will be fine. I am at 9+ years since mine and it comes off my record at 10 years. Ironically, my DUI aniv. and the last day I saw my ex is the same date - St. Paddy's

[mtnbiker3000]

Had you stuck to NC, you would have avoided a DUI, spending 18 hours in jail, your bond, lawyer fees, the ticket, DUI classes, increase in insurance and all the fines you will have to pay.

 

You forgot towing and storage...

[SalientPoint]

Simon, I had sooooo many options, but I chose the wrong one. It happens, and I have no excuse. Can't blame anyone but myself. But yeah, a taxi was one of MANY options I had to choose from. Dumb dumb dumb.

 

Hey McGriff, I had a simliar post gigantic awful depressing breakup DUI two weeks before I graduated with my degree in legal studies, and the ADA I was interning for tried to make me feel better with " s*it every lawyer I know has had a DUI" which, working for a mid sized law firm now in a major city, yeah, we're a lot of criminals. Yes, it absolutely sucks, and cause I was just starting out it pretty much destroyed my career, but now you're just a member of the club

[McGriff]

I killed Cupid,

 

Yes, I'm pretty sure my ex had sex with someone, and while it's not a pleasant thought, we are not together, and god knows I've done it too. I don't own her. She lives her life, I live mine. I'm not in a corner sucking my thumb worrying about it (anymore ). It's part of life. Fact is, I still love her and her rare qualities that I haven't found elsewhere. Sooo, I will continue this dance until a.) I meet someone who replaces her, or b.) she does. The sex stuff doesn't bother me anymore, because like I said, we are not together and you better believe I'm out there and available.

 

Simon,

 

Yeah the sister thing. I really didnt want to bring it up to her because I KNOW I may as well be talking into a tape recorder. Her sister insisted everything, and all I was thinking to myself is "just let her know I love her and would do anything for her". No details, no deep conversation about it (at least from my end). She rambled on forever talking about it, and it's clear her sister wants us to be together. I didn't get the whole "scared" thing, but whatever. As for the new girl, she's out in California and has texted me a couple times since she left. She gets back the same night I do next week, and I will deal with that when it comes. She's a nice girl, but I can't help feeling something's missing. I'm certainly not gonna play these games forever with the ex. I mean, I'm a 100 times better than I was two months ago.

 

As for the DWI, I actually haven't spent a penny yet. My truck wasnt towed, because my father was nearby and retrieved my truck for me (i got arrested two blocks from my house). I got a PR bond and have dozens of lawyer friends who will represent me free of charge (well, probably have to buy them dinner or a few beers). I know every criminal court judge in Harris county, so we'll see how it plays out. Not saying it's not a pain in the ass though.

[Simon Phoenix]

I killed Cupid,

 

Yes, I'm pretty sure my ex had sex with someone, and while it's not a pleasant thought, we are not together, and god knows I've done it too. I don't own her. She lives her life, I live mine. I'm not in a corner sucking my thumb worrying about it (anymore ). It's part of life. Fact is, I still love her and her rare qualities that I haven't found elsewhere. Sooo, I will continue this dance until a.) I meet someone who replaces her, or b.) she does. The sex stuff doesn't bother me anymore, because like I said, we are not together and you better believe I'm out there and available.

 

Simon,

 

Yeah the sister thing. I really didnt want to bring it up to her because I KNOW I may as well be talking into a tape recorder. Her sister insisted everything, and all I was thinking to myself is "just let her know I love her and would do anything for her". No details, no deep conversation about it (at least from my end). She rambled on forever talking about it, and it's clear her sister wants us to be together. I didn't get the whole "scared" thing, but whatever. As for the new girl, she's out in California and has texted me a couple times since she left. She gets back the same night I do next week, and I will deal with that when it comes. She's a nice girl, but I can't help feeling something's missing. I'm certainly not gonna play these games forever with the ex. I mean, I'm a 100 times better than I was two months ago.

 

As for the DWI, I actually haven't spent a penny yet. My truck wasnt towed, because my father was nearby and retrieved my truck for me (i got arrested two blocks from my house). I got a PR bond and have dozens of lawyer friends who will represent me free of charge (well, probably have to buy them dinner or a few beers). I know every criminal court judge in Harris county, so we'll see how it plays out. Not saying it's not a pain in the ass though.

 

You shouldn't be playing games at all. And you hit on something -- her sister very well might be coming at you from her perspective (she thinks you are good for your ex and is letting that influence what she tells you), so that is something you should consider. While it's good to have the sister in your corner, I wouldn't expect the sister to lobby on your behalf to the ex. And honestly, telling the sister to tell the ex that you love her wasn't a very good move at all. Your ex knows this information and uses it against you in the games. I would have said "she knows how I feel and it's up to her to stop messing around if she wants that chance" or something to that effect. Nothing you can do about it now though.

 

But yeah, games are lame. You are an adult in your 40s, not a college kid. Your ex needs to s--t or get off the pot and you really shouldn't indulge her until she does.

[McGriff]

Simon,

 

Excellent points. Thank you. I know my ex's sister may lobby or whatever, but I also know my ex and she's about as stubborn as they come, so whatever she hears from her sister is in one ear out the other. I don't know what's gonna happen, but I do know she obviously cares for me, and that makes me feel good. I may have lost her, but if I were to go away now, I know she loves me, and there's something comforting there. Right now, my mind is 100% vacation mode, and my friends are calling me and texting me tonight all excited about the trip and wanting to hear the DWI story. I will be on the open ocean, so my phone is useless and will be packed away until I return, so that will be good. I wish you all a great week, and hopefully your situations will turn for the better, whatever that may be. Take care people, and thanks for the insights, they are all appreciated.

[Simon Phoenix]

Simon,

 

Excellent points. Thank you. I know my ex's sister may lobby or whatever, but I also know my ex and she's about as stubborn as they come, so whatever she hears from her sister is in one ear out the other. I don't know what's gonna happen, but I do know she obviously cares for me, and that makes me feel good. I may have lost her, but if I were to go away now, I know she loves me, and there's something comforting there. Right now, my mind is 100% vacation mode, and my friends are calling me and texting me tonight all excited about the trip and wanting to hear the DWI story. I will be on the open ocean, so my phone is useless and will be packed away until I return, so that will be good. I wish you all a great week, and hopefully your situations will turn for the better, whatever that may be. Take care people, and thanks for the insights, they are all appreciated.

 

Have fun on the vacation. But remember, actions >>>> words. She says she "loves" you, but she needs to show it for it to matter. And she could "love you but not be in love with you", which sucks ass. But yeah, being away from all of it will be good for you.

[McGriff]

Update.

 

I'm back from vacation! Had a GREAT time!! Met alot of cool people and just really maximized the relaxation and fun. It was great to get away from all this craziness for a few days (for a different kind of craziness), as my phone was turned off for 5 days.

 

The ex called and texted me telling me she loved me all the way up til the time I turned off my phone. She is definitely the queen of breadcrumbs!! Anyway, I get back yesterday afternoon, and turn on the phone. The texts start showing up almost immediately asking how it was blah blah blah. Then she asks me to come over this Sunday because she wants to tan and swim in my pool. I really didnt know what to say. I mean, part of me is like "hell yeah, come over in your bikini, and see what happens" and the other part of me is like "this would be the ultimate tease if she is just stringing me along". Ultimately, I just told her "we'll see, I may have plans" and left it at that. Haven't heard from the new girl since I left, but she will be home tonight, so we'll see what happens with that.

 

I've gotten great advice and insight from this website, and I think the biggest thing I'm gonna stick to is "actions speak louder than words". The vacation was a great respite for me, because not only am I living life, my she was really out of my head for a few days and that hasn't happened for a couple months. (I did see a woman on the ship who looked alot like her, so that was kind of funny). Anyway, it's great to be back!

[Am4Real]

Sounds awesome!!