HuffmanMontana Posted May 14, 2013 Share Posted May 14, 2013 Update. I'm back from vacation! Had a GREAT time!! Met alot of cool people and just really maximized the relaxation and fun. It was great to get away from all this craziness for a few days (for a different kind of craziness), as my phone was turned off for 5 days. The ex called and texted me telling me she loved me all the way up til the time I turned off my phone. She is definitely the queen of breadcrumbs!! Anyway, I get back yesterday afternoon, and turn on the phone. The texts start showing up almost immediately asking how it was blah blah blah. Then she asks me to come over this Sunday because she wants to tan and swim in my pool. I really didnt know what to say. I mean, part of me is like "hell yeah, come over in your bikini, and see what happens" and the other part of me is like "this would be the ultimate tease if she is just stringing me along". Ultimately, I just told her "we'll see, I may have plans" and left it at that. Haven't heard from the new girl since I left, but she will be home tonight, so we'll see what happens with that. I've gotten great advice and insight from this website, and I think the biggest thing I'm gonna stick to is "actions speak louder than words". The vacation was a great respite for me, because not only am I living life, my she was really out of my head for a few days and that hasn't happened for a couple months. (I did see a woman on the ship who looked alot like her, so that was kind of funny). Anyway, it's great to be back! How long can you play the "I don't care" and might be "too busy" card? Trust me, I've tried it. As soon as you think there's a chance she will have chosen her next boyfriend. You really need to either. A. Stop fielding her calls/texts B. Tell her to stop contacting you unless it's to reconcile and then implement A. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author McGriff Posted May 14, 2013 Author Share Posted May 14, 2013 Huffman, I know you are right, but I feel like she is right there for the taking. I just find it hard to believe that she is doing this without feelings for me. It's like she wants to get back and work on things, but can't bring herself to say it or something. Maybe she's scared I might reject her or something? I guess going strict NC could be the thing that pushes her one way or another to get out of this little pitty pat text/calling game she is playing. Link to post Share on other sites
HuffmanMontana Posted May 14, 2013 Share Posted May 14, 2013 Huffman, I know you are right, but I feel like she is right there for the taking. I just find it hard to believe that she is doing this without feelings for me. It's like she wants to get back and work on things, but can't bring herself to say it or something. Maybe she's scared I might reject her or something? I guess going strict NC could be the thing that pushes her one way or another to get out of this little pitty pat text/calling game she is playing. Your mind is playing tricks on you. If you need closure then step off the ledge and ask her straight up. Your ex is probably similar to mine. She doesn't want you but doesn't want you to move on. All her contact is just to fill the emotional void and get her through until she falls head over heels for someone else. She is using you and you are letting her. Link to post Share on other sites
Author McGriff Posted May 14, 2013 Author Share Posted May 14, 2013 Grrrr...I would like to think you are incorrect, but probably are right. If so, the endgame is near. I'm thinking by this weekend, I will pull out of her what I need to know and then move on from there. It's just hard to believe she would be doing this in bad faith. (Like thinking to herself that she is gonna use me to make herself feel better) I would like to think that if it is the case, then it's just a natural thing for people to do? I mean, contacting me constantly and telling me she loves and misses me in bad faith would just be...disappointing, to say the least. Link to post Share on other sites
mtnbiker3000 Posted May 14, 2013 Share Posted May 14, 2013 Ain't it crazy?? Link to post Share on other sites
IS IT Better late Posted May 14, 2013 Share Posted May 14, 2013 McGriff, I'm in a similar game as you with my ex. Lots of breadcrumbs, when I go NC for a while that's when they come in. Sounds like you've met up with her a few times since your BU so you're even further caught up in the BS than I am. But my friend put it best to me. And I wish I could take his advice. Maybe you should to. "This chick is not healthy for you" He knows all the pain this chick has caused me and I still allow her to give me the run around. She gives me enough hope to hang on to her but doesn't give me much else. I'm headed back to NC. Link to post Share on other sites
Author McGriff Posted May 14, 2013 Author Share Posted May 14, 2013 McGriff, I'm in a similar game as you with my ex. Lots of breadcrumbs, when I go NC for a while that's when they come in. Sounds like you've met up with her a few times since your BU so you're even further caught up in the BS than I am. But my friend put it best to me. And I wish I could take his advice. Maybe you should to. "This chick is not healthy for you" He knows all the pain this chick has caused me and I still allow her to give me the run around. She gives me enough hope to hang on to her but doesn't give me much else. I'm headed back to NC. IIBL, It's funny, I've read your story and I completely understand what you're going through, and it's definitely similar behavior. If I do even 1 day NC, she will blow up my phone. Example---last week I was at work, and she called me. I ignored it and then she called me back 5 min later and I ignored it again, and then she proceeded to leave me this suggestive voicemail and told me she would call back 300 times til I answered the phone. She didnt, BUT it was the flirtation and insinuation that keeps me "on the hook" if you will. Two weeks ago, as I posted earlier in this thread she was wanting me to cuddle with her blah blah blah. I mean it goes on and on. Now I know what people are thinking---these are the ultimate in breadcrumbs, it all means nothing in the big picture because we are not back together or anything, and they're right. I'm just the unlucky bastard who fell in love with a master game player or something. I don't know. But it's HARD for me to ignore 100% of the things she uses to contact me. And I can't change my phone number, because I've had it for 8 years and use it as my business number. Plus, honestly---I kinda like feeling "chased" by her. And I mean she initiates everything, so it lets me know that I'm still on her mind constantly, and (selfishly) that feels good. The only thing I can say is...I'm not a basketcase anymore. I mean, I'm out living my life and doing things (even dating) irregardless of our situation. Somehow, I think it's attractive to her that I am doing my own thing. I guess it's just a big game to her (she likes to chase) but once she feels like I'm all hers, she's ready to bolt. Like I said, this HAS to end at some point. Link to post Share on other sites
mtnbiker3000 Posted May 14, 2013 Share Posted May 14, 2013 Man, you are on a slippery slope. Best of luck!!! Link to post Share on other sites
BC1980 Posted May 14, 2013 Share Posted May 14, 2013 You are in a really hard situation. You really should just tell her to stop contacting you unless she wants an actual relationship. Easier said than done right? I get your situation. I'm in a similar one. It's really a mind game, and it's unhealthy at the end of the day. Of course, I should take my own advice, but here I am doing almost what you are doing. In the end, someone has to end it. I know this to for my situation, but that lingering hope just won't let go. Link to post Share on other sites
Simon Phoenix Posted May 14, 2013 Share Posted May 14, 2013 IIBL, It's funny, I've read your story and I completely understand what you're going through, and it's definitely similar behavior. If I do even 1 day NC, she will blow up my phone. Example---last week I was at work, and she called me. I ignored it and then she called me back 5 min later and I ignored it again, and then she proceeded to leave me this suggestive voicemail and told me she would call back 300 times til I answered the phone. She didnt, BUT it was the flirtation and insinuation that keeps me "on the hook" if you will. Two weeks ago, as I posted earlier in this thread she was wanting me to cuddle with her blah blah blah. I mean it goes on and on. Now I know what people are thinking---these are the ultimate in breadcrumbs, it all means nothing in the big picture because we are not back together or anything, and they're right. I'm just the unlucky bastard who fell in love with a master game player or something. I don't know. But it's HARD for me to ignore 100% of the things she uses to contact me. And I can't change my phone number, because I've had it for 8 years and use it as my business number. Plus, honestly---I kinda like feeling "chased" by her. And I mean she initiates everything, so it lets me know that I'm still on her mind constantly, and (selfishly) that feels good. The only thing I can say is...I'm not a basketcase anymore. I mean, I'm out living my life and doing things (even dating) irregardless of our situation. Somehow, I think it's attractive to her that I am doing my own thing. I guess it's just a big game to her (she likes to chase) but once she feels like I'm all hers, she's ready to bolt. Like I said, this HAS to end at some point. And you have to be the one to end it. Because she enjoys toying with you and knows that you don't have the self-control to resist it. I mean, dude, either you have to make her s--t or get off the pot. If you continue to play these games she's going to massacre you. Link to post Share on other sites
happydate Posted May 14, 2013 Share Posted May 14, 2013 You can always call on her bluff by insisting that you want a F.W.B relationship. More than 90% of a time, your trouble will cease to exist because she will realize she can not friendzoned you like her other stooges. Case solved. If she promised sex after dinner and did not deliver, then you know she's full of it. She's probably having sex with her new man. If she does want to have sex with you, you can then either do it or refuse but you know there is a chance of making up. Percentage wise? 0.1% U got me? Link to post Share on other sites
Author McGriff Posted May 14, 2013 Author Share Posted May 14, 2013 So you're saying there's a chance?? Link to post Share on other sites
happydate Posted May 14, 2013 Share Posted May 14, 2013 So you're saying there's a chance?? You have 0.1% chance. Link to post Share on other sites
cavalier99 Posted May 14, 2013 Share Posted May 14, 2013 So you're saying there's a chance?? You might be able to pull off the friends with benefit thing. But do you want to? Sounds like torture. Link to post Share on other sites
Simon Phoenix Posted May 15, 2013 Share Posted May 15, 2013 Yeah, you are better off picking up some 20-something in a bar than playing that game McGriff. You are going to get destroyed in any game you play with her right now. It's going to be brutal. Link to post Share on other sites
siankat Posted May 15, 2013 Share Posted May 15, 2013 (edited) So you're saying there's a chance?? LOOL that is my favourite line from Dumb and dumber For anyone who hasn't seen it! Edited May 15, 2013 by siankat 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author McGriff Posted May 15, 2013 Author Share Posted May 15, 2013 LOOL that is my favourite line from Dumb and dumber For anyone who hasn't seen it! I was waiting for someone to catch that Link to post Share on other sites
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