Risking it all for AP

[jlola]

I have read a few posters MM / MW who seemed to have held a torch for the AP long after the affair was over. In some cases I will say they may have left their BS if the OW/OM had wanted to pursue the relationship.

 

For those who have been the WS did your spouse know how you felt about AP? That you were willing to risk all for them? For those BS's who were told spouse was "in love " with AP and may even have left the relationship for awhile and come back AFTER AP dumped them, how can you forgive?

 

I found out a few years back while I was in HS my father had moved back to our home country to pursue another "love of his life". But he pretended he had a new business opportunity,so my mother stayed in the U.S. with us while he went back and forth, .

 

My mother later found out the truth. She still speaks about it years later with bitterness. I wonder though how she could have taken him back after such disrespect. He in fact did not hide it from family or people in our town back home. So she had to accept the public humiliation also.

 

What is too much to accept?

[Praying4Peace]

I have read a few posters MM / MW who seemed to have held a torch for the AP long after the affair was over. In some cases I will say they may have left their BS if the OW/OM had wanted to pursue the relationship.

 

For those who have been the WS did your spouse know how you felt about AP? That you were willing to risk all for them? For those BS's who were told spouse was "in love " with AP and may even have left the relationship for awhile and come back AFTER AP dumped them, how can you forgive?

 

I found out a few years back while I was in HS my father had moved back to our home country to pursue another "love of his life". But he pretended he had a new business opportunity,so my mother stayed in the U.S. with us while he went back and forth, .

 

My mother later found out the truth. She still speaks about it years later with bitterness. I wonder though how she could have taken him back after such disrespect. He in fact did not hide it from family or people in our town back home. So she had to accept the public humiliation also.

 

What is too much to accept?

 

Halfway through my affair I just told my H that I was in love with him. It was really hard to do. I am just not a born cake eater. I had no clue about anything having to do with affairs AT ALL. I wish I had found LS before... He didn't take it well. I felt like I should let him go so he could find someone who would feel about him the way I felt about ex-MM. At this point my H already knew the EA was a PA. I felt it was unfair to keep denying things were going on and seeing MM behind his back. We separated.

 

MM had told me from Day 1 that he wanted to be with me permanently. The affair was just temporary. I lost count of how many Ddays there were. It just became mental torture for all parties involved but cake eating MM. He was living it up in EgoVille. Finally I told him I was going to end it and to never talk to me unless it was legit. He said fine and that he was going to work on his marriage bc she wanted to after everything he'd done and he had to try for his kids at least. I couldn't disagree...after all if he fixes it with her he has everything, right? I still am getting a D.

 

I had a choice to pick one man and I picked the one that didn't care for me enough to stay. But you know what, I left the man that deserved better and so its okay that I'm alone.

 

Not everyone is trying to play games and just make sure they have a warm body next to them at night (though that sounds soooo nice....)

[sunshine63]

My husband had a two, probably three year if the truth were told, affair with another women. I know he loved her. No doubt in my mind.

 

I divorced him. They are still seeing each other years later and I know he is happier with her than he ever was with me.

[lilmisscantbewrong]

I was (am) deeply in love with my xMM. Yes, I would have and really DID risk everything for him. And he turned tail and ran.

 

My husband at first didn't believe that my xMM loved me - he kept telling me I didn't understand how men think and that it was just about sex. This was until my middle daughter actually met with xMM four months after D-day. She needed to know the truth. xMM told her he loved me deeply (actually told her I would always be first in his heart - which now he denies) and when my husband found out through my daughter how xMM really felt he texted his BS and said "do you know how deep these feelings run? If he doesn't let go of her, I will never have a chance to get her back". And she responded and said "Yes, I do. That's what this is all so hard".

 

I am trying to reconcile with my husband (who had his own affair later), but xMM is still in a pocket in my heart.

[Goodbye]

Halfway through my affair I just told my H that I was in love with him. It was really hard to do. I am just not a born cake eater. I had no clue about anything having to do with affairs AT ALL. I wish I had found LS before... He didn't take it well. I felt like I should let him go so he could find someone who would feel about him the way I felt about ex-MM. At this point my H already knew the EA was a PA. I felt it was unfair to keep denying things were going on and seeing MM behind his back. We separated.

 

MM had told me from Day 1 that he wanted to be with me permanently. The affair was just temporary. I lost count of how many Ddays there were. It just became mental torture for all parties involved but cake eating MM. He was living it up in EgoVille. Finally I told him I was going to end it and to never talk to me unless it was legit. He said fine and that he was going to work on his marriage bc she wanted to after everything he'd done and he had to try for his kids at least. I couldn't disagree...after all if he fixes it with her he has everything, right? I still am getting a D.

 

I had a choice to pick one man and I picked the one that didn't care for me enough to stay. But you know what, I left the man that deserved better and so its okay that I'm alone.

 

Not everyone is trying to play games and just make sure they have a warm body next to them at night (though that sounds soooo nice....)

 

I didn't realize your divorce was due to the affair and that your cake eating MM continues on in his marriage. I give you a lot of credit. You've handled this emotional mine field with dignity...at least from what I can see here. Hang in there. Yes, being alone isn't the worst thing (I'm alone too...cats are better than MM).

[lilmisscantbewrong]

I don't mean to sound snarky, but is i possible that maybe, at the point your husband cheated, he may have felt he had nothing to lose?

 

Yes - highly likely. I may never know for sure. I don't think I'm getting the complete truth honestly. I knew he was probably in an affair for about 6 months before I confronted him because of the texts I saw, but I wanted to be sure. And honestly I was still reeling from my own situation - I was numb. When I confronted him and asked when it became physical, he said "just recently" but when I pressed him it had been for at least 9 months but he couldn't remember exactly. He thinks it was probably a revenge affair, but yet they told each other they loved each other.

 

I have never completely verified it - I never spoke with her about it. She left the business (she worked for him for over 10 years) as I let her leave quietly over two months. I did not want him to suffer publicly like I did.

 

But there is a part of me that wonders if it had been going on PRIOR to my affair. Let me tell you, if I ever find out that he had his affair first and he allowed me to go through the public humiliation I did, that will be a deal breaker for me. Time will tell.