bulldoggirl Posted September 21, 2004 Share Posted September 21, 2004 I want people's honest opinion on this one....why do you have kids? Is it because it's "the thing to do" after you're married? Because everyone else has kids? Because your family expected it? I live in a small town and it's pretty much expected of every couple that is married....I'm really struggling with it because I'm unsure wheter or not I want to have kids. So why did you have them, and is it really all it's cracked up to be? Thanks Link to post Share on other sites
UCFKevin Posted September 21, 2004 Share Posted September 21, 2004 Because they want to? Link to post Share on other sites
Tony Posted September 21, 2004 Senior Moderators Share Posted September 21, 2004 I think it's so a lot of us will wonder all of our lives why we were had. Link to post Share on other sites
moimeme Posted September 21, 2004 Share Posted September 21, 2004 I think it's so a lot of us will wonder all of our lives why we were had. Relax. Let go. It is not your mystery. You do not have to solve anything. What is, is. Your job: Be quiet. Your mission: Be still. there is such a thing as perfection...and our purpose for living is to find that perfection and show it forth....Each of us is in truth an unlimited idea of freedom. Everything that limits us we have to put aside R. Bach Link to post Share on other sites
brashgal Posted September 21, 2004 Share Posted September 21, 2004 I have great memories of being a child and I guess I wanted to perpetuate the experience by having my own. I have to say, if you aren't sure, don't just "do it" - it's a lifetime commitment and I do believe some people were not meant to have children. I admire those who recognized that in themselves although I sometimes feel sad for them as I think there are heartfelt experiences that they will miss. On the other hand, I'm sure there are things I missed by being a parent - careerwise, etc. I definitely would have been more mobile as I love to relocate every couple of years, but creating a new support system each time and helping my kids readjust each move was tough since they don't share my wanderlust. Link to post Share on other sites
lexnmike4enomore Posted September 21, 2004 Share Posted September 21, 2004 I dont think it should be "the thing to do" after you get married. If you want kids then have them. Mainsteam society should not make you feel like a bad person if you dont want any. My husband's family is very traditional. Get married, have kids and die. They make me feel like im a pod person b/c i dont want kids. Its my decision. My husband doesnt want any either. But hes to scared to have his family think of him anything other than perfect. Bull...if you dont want kids than good for you. Im not saying that you wouldnt take care of it and lov it and care for it. Butif you really dont want any....dont make the mistake of having any. I stand by you 100% Bull. If we dont want kids....WHO CARES!!!!! Link to post Share on other sites
Moose Posted September 21, 2004 Share Posted September 21, 2004 Ummmm, hmmmmm, cause I got 3 acres to mow and weed eat? To carry on my name, to complete the circle of life......to have something to love and play with. To have something that'll cause me to mature and grow up some. For someone to take care of me when I'm old and feeble.....someone to carry on our traditions, record our history, make the world a better place.....I could think of more.....but my Son needs a time out for beating up his Sister....gotta go!!! Link to post Share on other sites
Karlise13 Posted September 21, 2004 Share Posted September 21, 2004 and I think I recommended this book to you in another thread BUT...it's so great and I think you should read it! "I'm OK, You're a Brat" by Susan Jeffers also read "The Mask of Motherhood" by Susan Maushart. They really give you a lot of insight into why people make choices (or not!) to be parents. Here are the reasons my friends have had kids: My friend Mary really really wanted to be a mother her whole life. She couldn't imagine being anything else. She has two kids and she loves it! My friend Mell had two kids because 'that's what you did'. She didn't enjoy parenting very much and often wished she had made other choices. Nevertheless, she did the best she could and DOES love her children. She was just relieved when they got older so she could pursue a career. My friend Anne had a child because she hated working and didn't know what else to do with her life. She found staying at home with a baby so difficult that she ended up returning to work part-time, just to be around adults again! She loves her daughter but says "one is definitely enough!" My friend Leigh has four children, and wants more! She couldn't wait to have children and loves being a mom because she finds it satisfying and enriching. My friend Joe from work has two daughters from two different marriages and complains that parenthood 'isn't what it's cracked up to be' but says he'd feel like a 'failure' if he didn't have kids. He doesn't like to spend a lot of time with them though....isn't that messed up? My friend Eve from work has one son who is in jail. She says she really messed up by having him too young when she was really wild. She got pregnant with a boyfriend and decided to keep the baby so that the boyfriend would stay in her life. Well, the boyfriend didn't. So she ended up with a baby she could barely care for. The baby grew up into a troubled young man who is now doing time. I talk to lots of people about why they had kids. Try doing that with the people in your life. Unfortunately, a lot of people aren't very honest about what parenthood is REALLY like so read books and read websites too! Visit some parenting sites and talk to people there. Good luck. It's a big decision. Don't take it lightly. Link to post Share on other sites
Fayebelle Posted September 21, 2004 Share Posted September 21, 2004 I can't wait to have a child (OK I can wait b/c I'm not married yet) I would love to create a life that is part me and part the man I love. I want to cherish that child and give them every opportunity to be the best that they can be. I also want to foster/adopt- society doesn't mandate that- I'm just the Mommy type I guess. I want to help provide a bright future for as many people as possible. Who knows what great things those kids will go on to do? Link to post Share on other sites
Pookette Posted September 21, 2004 Share Posted September 21, 2004 I would *love* to have a kid or two. My husband and I have been trying for two years with no success. Everytime I see a newborn I get an pang in my heart knowing that I don't have one. I think I would be a great mother and would like to teach my children everything I know. I would like them to grow up like I did, with supportive parents, two dogs, an insatiable curiosity and a pesky kid sibling. Besides, I need someone to pass all my sci-fi books and comic books to. Link to post Share on other sites
VivianLee Posted September 21, 2004 Share Posted September 21, 2004 It's God's way of giving us a "pay back" for what we did to our parent's!! I can't wait till my daughter has a little girl just like her, I relish when she deals with the ages of 12-17 (so far)...... Truthfully, having my daughter will always be one of the best things that ever happened to me. I've realized what true love is since being a Mama...... Link to post Share on other sites
ShareHer Posted September 21, 2004 Share Posted September 21, 2004 Originally posted by Fayebelle ... I would love to create a life that is part me and part the man I love. I want to cherish that child and give them every opportunity to be the best that they can be. ... I want to help provide a bright future for as many people as possible. Who knows what great things those kids will go on to do? Well said Fayebelle. When you have a child, unlike a bad relationship, you'd never walk away from a child that is part of you. When you have a child you become more responsible, less selfish, more loving and more understanding. A baby brings so much enjoyment. I should know, I have two... a 16 year old daughter and a 4 month old son. I loved raising my daughter so much that I was willing to have another baby, even at my age (47), when the right woman came along. Puppies and kittens are cute but there's no substitute for having your own baby. There's nothing more wonderful than seeing your baby smile at you for the first time. It's unbelievable watching how many new things your baby will learn from one day to the next. You'll never meet another person in your lifetime that needs you or loves you as much as that little baby. Sure, they are a TON of work but what else do you have going on in your life that's more important than giving comfort to a little person that is 1/2 you? What could be more heartwarming than spending your whole life going by your given name and then all of a sudden hear a little voice calling you mommy or daddy? It is just indescribably awesome. Yep, my 16 year old daughter thinks she knows it all and thinks her dad doesn't know anything. Yep, there are times I feel like I could wring her neck for constantly challenging me. There are times I wonder where that little girl went that loved her daddy and thought he could do no wrong. Just when I think I've lost her for good, she'll walk up to me, hug me and tell me she loves me. There aren't many, if any people in this world you'd take that abuse from only to wipe the slate clean again over and over. Puppies and kittens are cute but they aren't nearly the challenge that a child is. I love a good challenge. I love my babies. Ok, ok ... I've gotten myself all emotional again. Enough said. Link to post Share on other sites
HokeyReligions Posted September 21, 2004 Share Posted September 21, 2004 Two reasons: (1) The condom broke (2) What condom? Link to post Share on other sites
ShareHer Posted September 22, 2004 Share Posted September 22, 2004 Originally posted by HokeyReligions Two reasons: (1) The condom broke (2) What condom? Are these the reasons your parents gave? Sheesh. You sure know how to put a damper on an otherwise pleasant thread. Link to post Share on other sites
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