Long but need !

[Dontknowanymore.]

Sorry this is going to be long but since first time on here will tell you straight, I have been with my husband for 13 years married 10 and have 3 children together and I had 2 kids when we met that he has taken on as his own. In our first 6 months together in 2000 I cheated on him not once but twice and we separated these guys were his friends ? we separated and I slept with another friend of his. I had never cheated on a partner before this was totally out of my character, I was remorseful but I guess only on the inside I didn't want to talk about it but I changed my ways when we got back together I never went out partied drank we had our daughter and I was full time mum n wife only. I feel I was so sorry to him I let his take over control of me not allowed out on girl nights not allowed to go to pubs I took this because of my behaviour and what I had done. Although my ways had changed his got worse he partied and drank took party drugs nearly every weekend anything we attended together he drank I didn't I went home he stayed n partied all night. Oh have forgot to add his HUGE gambling addiction he has had that I have stood by him with.

 

In 2008 I fell pregnant with my fifth child, he was still partying had his lazy nephew move into our already over crowed house my stress levels were high and had very emotional pregnancy. Nephew moved out I had our daughter we separated when she was 4 months old he only moved around the corner to his friends house and like on a movie his mobile account came I had never looked over it before and not sure why opened it n had a quick look same number was repeatly coming up in text messages 100s of messages I didn't know the number so called it young girl answers oh they are just friends?!? Ummm no u are a secret who are you ! Went off at him for these messages ok he was never going to contact her again next month I made sure I checked his bill same thing ! N then following month same! I told him it was over called her abused her..

 

I didn't want my marriage to end he begged me for weeks to move back in changed his number blah blah ... He moved back in that was 2009

 

In between I have been accused over and over of having affairs which I have not always bringing me down made a huge since at a forty bday party because I accidentally hit my foot on this guys leg ! I wasn't even talking to him my leg just hit his I didn't even feel it!

 

Fast forward to may 2012 he tells me she contacted him and thought he should tell me, well I had seen where she worked so headed off down there her friend was there had my word n left .. Next day OW messages me in FB she needs to talk to me I call her she dropped the bombshell they had been sleeping together since 08 when I was pregnant she had loved him but she has new boyfriend now she's very happy and wants to love in with her life, hung up ?? Confused sick etc later I call her back when did this finish "oh just Xmas last year 2011" few months before it all came out, she emailed me all her photos and messages they had sent ones where he claimed his love for her but his **** was far from finished and when it is done he will always have baggage she was most funnest person he's ever met ,, you get the picture,,

 

I have asked him why ... At first it was revenge he said ? I said maybe once or twice for revenge but I said you enjoyed it you had a love for her you chased her as well.

 

It's coming up to a year since I have found out he helps in some ways but in others he's pushing me away ,, after it came out I was a full on mess for good three months then up and down for next three he has worked cooked cleaned looked after everything not hardly slept or ate anything that he lost 15kg in first month know his remorse is huge BUT what I am putting up with from him now is doing my head in. His friend sent him a porno type pic the girl in it kinda looked like me ! Well it must be me then ! Then I went out to buy our daughters bday present and came home that he said these porno sites were on his iPad and guess what yep there were photos in there that look like me as well ! No head shots just bodies so they must be me ! I have never taken nude photos if myself let alone ever posted them on Internet so that's when I get cranky no you are the one that took a photo of you erect penis and sent it via message to your slanky slut ( who proudly forwarded to me via email last may ) yesterday's fight am I your best in bed my dick is to small ( which it's not) why am I not into sex at the moment, so jealous of my ex boyfriend goes on n on about him but I haven't seen or spoke to him in over 13 years this ex messaged me on FB in 09 when we were separated I felt so sick to reply to him cause I knew my H wouldn't approve I deleted it little did I know he was acting out his revenge on me every night with a dumb young whore !

 

I do love him but still have a lot of hurt I'm scared if I leave I can't afford too I would get some money but with kids school fees petrol food etc has me worried can I even do it with our him? Where as he is an awesome provider has us booked in n paid for oct hol to Thailand just me n him he is trying but in other ways he is going my head in !

 

Sorry so long thanks for reading if you have gotten to here

[Chi townD]

Well, I have to say that you two are a hot mess. You cheated on him several times with friends of his and he had a revenge affair that went too far.

 

You have to look at your marriage as a house that you two built together. Your first date, you laid down the foundation of this house and over time you've built it up from board by board and brick by brick. Then, you two took a wrecking ball to this house. Now, you two are staring at the wreckage. Most couples would say, "Nope, too much damage." and would walk away. Well, some see pass the wreckage and decide that the foundation is still good and they start to rebuild.

 

So, the question is, do you walk away or do you rebuild? That's a question you won't be able to find here. IF your going to try and save the marriage, then I STRONGLY recommend marriage counseling and the both of you need to do the hard work. Or, you make divorce as easy as possible for the sake of the kids. This relationship is too toxic to try and find the right answers in a advice forum.

 

You two would benefit from professional counseling.

[Dontknowanymore.]

Obviously I do want it to work !! Just can't understand his insecurities, I don't bring "her" up much mainly if he starts on at me about stupid stuff. I still think about her everyday am still hurt can't stop thinking about it hence why I'm here asking for help and support ?