enolive Posted September 21, 2004 Share Posted September 21, 2004 I am completely torn. My wife told me that she has been having an emotional affair with a co-worker. He is also married. She states that they started out by just being friends and when there were a lot of communication problems in our marriage. She tells me that she doesn't know how her feelings for him are. She can't decide whether the feelings are just because of the circumstances or they are real. She says that she needs time to figure this out. I am wondering do I proceed to let her figure it out or do I just accept the loss and make the decision to get a divorce? Link to post Share on other sites
bluechocolate Posted September 21, 2004 Share Posted September 21, 2004 You didn't say how long you two have been married. Regardless, it seems a bit drastic to me to immediately start contemplating divorce. Your wife has been honest with you. Maybe she's firing you a warning shot. Giving the two of you a chance to work things out. You mentioned that you've been having a lot of communication problems in your marriage. Seems to me like that is the reason why she's become emotionally involved with another man. Does she want to try & save your marriage? Do you? You need the answers to those questions & then the two of you should enroll in some marriage counselling. I would try that route before making any decisions about divorce. Link to post Share on other sites
enolive Posted September 23, 2004 Share Posted September 23, 2004 Thanks for the advice. She told me that they ended things today, but now she tells me that she is still in love with him and she thinks the only reason that she ended it is because of his marriage. To answer your question we have only been married for 1 1/2 years but living with each other for 7 years. I admit that I haven't been the greatest husband in the world and I have had some very big issues with myself over the years. She thinks that she is past the point of snapping back and that our marriage might be past the point of return. I am very much ready to work on this marriage and she says that she is willing to go to counselling with me. I don't want to think that divorce is our first alternative. I would like to think that we have a good fighting chance. She says that she thinks this was more than an emotional affair because of all the feelings that she had in this other relationship. I have done a lot of research and it seems to me that the feelings she is having are very normal in most emotional affairs. She also says that they met one time over 6 years ago and he instantly feel in love with her, but did not act on it due to the fact that he was already engaged. I find this hard to believe but who knows. I know I am no expert but I want to believe that there is still a chance for her and I. Do you think that I should let her get past her mourning over this relationship and then examine our standings? I can't help but feel that all is already lost but again I am no expert. Any advice would greatly be appreciated. Link to post Share on other sites
Sucidesurvior Posted September 24, 2004 Share Posted September 24, 2004 enolove, from doing a lot of research about affairs, from what I've read, emotional affairs are often deeper than physical affairs. Your wife needs time to grieve the loss of her other man before she will be able to properly recommit to making your marriage work (imo). You should both be getting individual counselling and once you've explored your feelings sufficiently, should seek marriage counselling. Good luck. Link to post Share on other sites
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