I'm struggling again......

[Lad123]

Hello Everyone.

 

It's been a long while since I was last here asking for advice. I came here originally after the breakup of my relation to my ex-girlfriend in January 2012.

 

I'd be lying if I said I was completely over it. Now it just seems to be another thing that causes me anxiety on a daily basis.

 

I've been trying hard since the breakup to 'better myself' and beat my low self esteem/shyness issues. I've got a promotion at work, started losing weight, and I've just started a 6 month secondment to another country with work - something that not too long ago, I would never have contemplated.

 

But quite recently, I seem to be having a rubbish time holding myself together. There have been times this week when I've been alone, where I've just fallen apart completely.

I feel so completely out of my depth and out of my comfort zone. And to top this, I feel this overwhelming loneliness here. I find it quite hard to meet people in my own country, let alone in other where I can't speak the language!!!(I have no idea why this seemed such a good idea when I agreed to it)

I'm on my day off and it started great. I thought to myself that I need to pick myself up and stop worrying so much.

That lasted until a phone call from my boss telling me about the work required this weekend. And so began the thoughts that I'm just in way over my head!!!

Meanwhile, my colleagues on the opposite shift seem to go about the job without a care in the world!

 

Work aside, I feel completely alone personally. I know i shouldn't think like this, but I find myself thinking more and more about the fact that I haven't been 'intimate' with anyone in nearly 18 months.

 

I have been through times of total determination to beat my issues to times like this when I can't seem to pull myself together. This truly sucks!!!

 

I have been for counselling a few months ago, and they told me is was completely natural to feel what I feel. But somehow I think it's now starting to get the better of me.

I have times where I keep waking up in the middle of the night and can't get back to sleep. And times where my mind is racing away and my heart is trying to keep up!!

 

I have had times where I wish it would just end. I just can't go on thinking like this!!!

 

All I can think of at the moment is counting down the days until I can get back to some form of normality in 6 months time. But I have to check myself, as I know that this experience will ultimately be a good learning experience for me. Professionally and , perhaps, more so personally.

I know I should be counting myself lucky that I am here doing what I do...and for the most part I do. It's just I can't seem to get over what can only be described as crippling fear of the future! I have no other way of putting it.

 

Sorry if this doesn't read to well or indeed if this a little trivial for some. But my heads is a little messy at the moment, so I'm finding it hard to get what I want to say on paper.

 

I would be grateful if anyone has any words of advice if they have experienced similar. Or something that would give me a kick up the arse that I so need and deserve!!

 

Thank you for your time!!

[lynn1954]

You do have some difficult problems on your mind.

 

Because you can't solve some of your problems today, your best alternative is to force your mind to stop thinking about them.

 

How?

 

Tell yourself that you are going to take just a one-hour break from trying to solve your problems. Say "I'll think again about my problems one hour from now, but for the next hour I'll just think about something else".

 

At night: create a picture in your mind that is as close to "nothing" as possible. Example A: when you stand on a beach and look out, all you can see is the water and the sky. Example B: when you stand close to a chalkboard or a white board, all you see is the solid color. Example C: the default Microsoft windows screen that looks like a green grass field and blue sky, nothing else. Now concentrate on viewing the nothingness.

 

In your entire current environment, is there at least one person that you can communicate with about fun stuff? One co-worker, one neighbor, an English-speaking stranger at a local restaurant?

 

In your entire current environment, is ther at least one person who could teach you some words in the local language. It might be fun just learning a few words, laughing about your own mis-pronunciations, etc.

 

Surf the Internet for some happy topics.

 

Does any of this help you?

[pie2]

OK, Lad...I have a challenge for you. For the next three days, I think you should do your very best to wallow in these feelings of self-doubt. Do NOT try to be happy. And when any of those pesky thoughts of accomplishment, peace, or joy come up, make a note of it. What were the circumstances, what brought you happiness, what time of day did it happen?

 

After awhile, take a look at the reality. Do you really spend your entire day in misery? Is there really nothing right about you or your life? Try to find what makes you happy, and expand/focus on that.

 

Personally, I think your feelings are completely natural, and yes...you're going through a learning experience that will make you grow into a more well-rounded person. That's certainly what getting out of my comfort zone has done for me (though the actual experience can be very hard).

[Lad123]

Thank you for your replies pie2 and lynn1954.

 

Admittedly I've had a better day today...I felt a bit stupid after I read what I posted. So it must have had some sort of effect!

 

I have been trying for ages now to put things like this behind me. If I had a pound for every time I said to myself 'enough is enough....I'm not going to let things like this get to me.....' I'd be loaded!

 

I've try daily to clear my mind of this trashy outlook, but somehow it feels odd as it has become a bad habit. I wish I could just switch off and think of nothing for a while!

 

I am making an effort to try and chat to some of the English speaking people in my office, and I'd like to go to a few nights out with people off a Facebook group for foreign workers here.

I'll be honest though....this last plan fills me with dread. I have this idea in my head that I'll go there and it will be already very cliquey and I'll just be stood in the corner of the room, nursing a beer!

 

It sucks being me in my head!!! Arrrrrrrrggg!!

[pie2]

Glad you're feeling a bit better .

 

And I hope you'll go to the get-together. It's definitely possible that the group is already tight. It's less possible that they're stand-offish and mean...so don't assume the worst! Put yourself out there, and if (worst-case-scenario) you have an awful time...no worries. In a few short months you'll be back home, and will never have to see them again.