13 Years gone, 1 month in

[WreckedDan]

Also, I do quite the opposite where it comes to imagination... I imagine the worst possible things going on. I don't make excuses for her because I know she's a heavy drinker and she's high a lot, he decision making is out the window. I also know the bullsh*t she's being fed on a regular basis that's brainwashing her.

 

Dan

[Simpleoldschool]

Dan,

 

i was thinking of you today man. wishing you the best and still praying for you dude.

 

just know you arent alone, ever.

 

hope your day was cool!

[WreckedDan]

So my wife dropped my daughter off with me while she went to her 3 hour a day job (including driving time) we had a fun time cuddling and playing. When my daughter arived she said she felt sick. I checked her temp and she was fine so I asked her what she had for breakfast, she said she didn't have breakfast, I asked her if she had lunch yet, she said no... so I fed her and she felt better. When my wife got back and I was leaving I asked her to feed the dogs when she left. She said "When I leave?" I said yeah, I offered to let you jave our daughter an extra night two days ago, that was the plan.... she said she forgot. Freakin drugs! She said she would see how it went. I gave her our old TV and dvd player so they woud be able to watch TV or movies. She texted me a couple hours later saying that they went to her place for the night. I told her what our daughter said about not eating and feeling sick. She said they had a big breakfast and that it was probably just stress. I sugested we mihht want to consider getting our daughter counceling to which she replied "She seems to be handling everything fine from my perspective" uh.. k

 

Dan

[Simpleoldschool]

well you can add that shes not taking care of your daughter.

 

do you have anything that proves she has or have any emails where she admits to drug use? if not try to get them.

[Simpleoldschool]

dan,

 

can you do me a favor, if you wouldnt mind?

 

can you write everything down that you are feeling right now. no judgement here.

 

i think it will help you get out whatever you want to and feel that people are listening. we are.

 

thanks in advance,

 

ramon

 

P.S. i will listen to whats bothering you.

[WreckedDan]

Hmm.

 

1 Concerned about my daughter's future.

 

2 Concerned about impending court issues. Parenting Plan first and foremost.

 

3 Sad at the loss of the family unit, for myself and my daughter.

 

4 Sad my wife changed from the loving caring woman she was.

 

5 Stressed about changes in my life, added responsibilities etc.

 

6 Looking forward to my wifes things being out of the house.

 

7 Scared of a confrontation with the OM, because I imagine my reaction would be to shed blood.

 

8 Dreading the reoccuring feeling I have every morning.

 

9 Sorta numb... going to meet her brother right now. I'll post more when I get home.

 

Dan

[Simpleoldschool]

Hmm.

 

1 Concerned about my daughter's future.

 

my response: Your daughter will have a great future. she has an amazing father who loves and cares for her. all her dark hours will be turned by way of her fathers love and she will love her father.

 

2 Concerned about impending court issues. Parenting Plan first and foremost.

 

my response: You have all the ability being as smart as i have read in all your posts to be able to do the very best you can in all the ways you know how.

you are honest, caring considerate and carefull. i know you will do great.

 

3 Sad at the loss of the family unit, for myself and my daughter.

 

my response. although it hurts now your daughter is still your family and really you will have a family, sooner i beilieve rather than later, again. you will be single and women will come your way. just dont brush them off. with another women in your life she can help replace all of the great things she needs from a women. you need that she needs that and everything will be great.

 

4 Sad my wife changed from the loving caring woman she was.

 

its sad when people change, but we dont have to change with them. you are important the way you are. dont let someone tell you what you are when you know whats true of yourself. i think your handling this great dan. i really do.

 

5 Stressed about changes in my life, added responsibilities etc.

 

you will come out much stronger and smarter able to take on new challeneges with more knowledge and a greater responsibility and that will take you to high places far away from this pain i beilieve.

 

6 Looking forward to my wifes things being out of the house.

 

good, i cant wait either. get that stuff out.wooo dan! YOUR HOUSE!

 

7 Scared of a confrontation with the OM, because I imagine my reaction would be to shed blood.

 

avoid him. to go to jail is not worth it for either of them. again it will subtract from what you dont see and lead you into a life of consequences they will gain all on their own. its coming his way dan but dont rush it and get yourself caught in a web. you dont need that.

 

8 Dreading the reoccuring feeling I have every morning.

 

start of by saying you love yourself and today is a beautifull morning. force yourself to smile and laugh about it. get out of bed. grab that coffee and really start saying hello to everyone and ask them how their day is. they will most likely ask you about yours and choose if you want to have a conversation. keep your ex out of your mind and see where your conversation gets you. new friend, possible girlfriend possible buddy to hang out with and talk to.

 

9 Sorta numb... going to meet her brother right now. I'll post more when I get home.

 

 

just be carefull.

 

 

i noticed dan, in your posts previous to this one you might be taking a few steps back. do that if you need to just to walk the path you need to go and the direction you really need to head in. dont walk so far back you cant see where your going. i want the best for you dan. i really do.

 

i pray for you man.

 

just take your time.

 

its good you wrote it out. figure out for yourself now that you have wrote these things out what you need to do for yourself by taking on each one at a time when you can. consider this a drafted checklist. mark one off and feel good about accomplishing each one in a positive way. get all your feelings out and then push the negative ones away and fill yourself with positives.

 

you will be ok dan. i hope everythings fine. im hear and so are others if you need.

[WreckedDan]

Last night went well.

 

Her brother and I were able to talk about why we hadn't been connecting and most of it was based off of lies from my wifes side of the family. Some of it was real, but I didn't go there to judge anything. I went there because he and I were friends before and that friendship meant a lot to me, and I would really like to rekindle that friendship. We had a couple drinks, talk it all out, threw some darts shook hands and went home. I'm hoping this can be a renewal of the friendship we had. Sucks it had to wait until his sister and I were going through this, seems like years lost, but that's the good thing about a real friendship I guess. It can stand the test of time...

 

Wife forgot my daughter's backpack last night when she left the texted me to ask if I could bring it to school... I jad recieved an email from her teacher saying there would be no more homework for the rest of the year so I told her she didn't need it today. And promptly went back to sleep.

 

Miss my kid right now,

Dan

[WreckedDan]

Daughter just called to say good night a half hour past bed time. I texted wife at bed time asking for a call...

 

Wife got on the phone after to tell me daughter had a bad night last night but a really good morning today. I suggested we consider coucelling again, to which she said "that's for kids with bad parents" she sees our daughter having a hard time the blows it off because our daughter is strong and starts the day with a positive outlook... she's completely deluded that because she thinks she's in a good place that our daughter will do just fine and couldn't possibly be in pain. Yesterday my daughter told me she was feeling home sick when she was at mommy's.

 

Suddenly stressed and pissed off

Dan

[WreckedDan]

While I spoke with my wife about getting my daughter counceling she said "This is one of thereasons II'm leaving you, you argue about everything and you're so negative..."

 

Because I have and share my opinion, I'm argumentative and because my opinion and hers don't match I'm negative?

 

Arrg pushing my buttons,

Dan

[worldgonewrong]

Ahhh, prepare yourself for this phase with the stbx: anything you say in a contradictory fashion is perceived as completely negative.

If you even point out the sky is blue, she'll respond "You're so controlling."

 

Take deep breaths and recognize it as the insanity it is.

[WreckedDan]

Today sucks, I am feeling so weak. I'm feeling like I need so,eone to pull me out of this hole I'm in, just long enough to catch my breath so I can move again on my own two feet.

 

I hate feeling weak,

Dan

 

PS I think the anti depressants are starting to work, my downs are slightly less sharp and I haven't been thinking of dieing as much, though I'm sure that will creep in again from tine to time.

[dreamingoftigers]

While I spoke with my wife about getting my daughter counceling she said "This is one of thereasons II'm leaving you, you argue about everything and you're so negative..."

 

Because I have and share my opinion, I'm argumentative and because my opinion and hers don't match I'm negative?

 

Arrg pushing my buttons,

Dan

 

I don't say this very often on here, but your wife's reaction to one of the most traumatic events for children AND her reaction to you suggestion for counseling for her: she's an effing idiot. I've seen a lot of dumb spouses and xspouses on here. I have over 7000+ posts myself and honestly, I love my husband, but we are both trainwrecks and he has done some colossally stupid things. Buy really, he's never denied that we or our daughter would need to adjust.

 

I don't like your STBXW Dan. She's off my Christmas card list.

[WreckedDan]

I think she might just be off my list too.. thanks DoT

 

Dan

[WreckedDan]

So I walk in the house tonight after work, wife is on the couch on the phone talking to one of her evil sisters.

 

I said hi, why are all the lights on in the house? (I wasn't negative or anything I was actually in a decent mood for once)

 

She immediately flipped out on me! She started by saying she needed help moving her furniture (which I already agreed to do) and that she needed financial help...

 

I said what? You are the one that decided to move out of here and "make a new life for yourself... Then she started spouting about how she only had $400 to spend each month on herself. I said well that's BS, I know you make at least $800 and you have told me your dad was giving you $500 a month ($700 last month)

 

Then she said "Half of this stuff is mine!" I just reminded her that last week she told me that "none of the things in the house mean as much to me as your feelings" Then I said, well if you really want to go that route, can I get a receipt for all the things you've taken already, I've already packed up everything that was yours and you've taken it including a TV and DVD player that you said Thank you to me for.

 

Then she said, "This is my home" I was like WHAT? Are you out of your mind? YOU left... you have your own place in that life you wanted for yourself. (This house isn't even in our name... we are renting it)

 

Then she said the only reason I left is you aren't a big enough man for me... (okay ouch) but I replied "I'm sorry that I took care of you for all thee years and that wasn't enough" She said "You haven't touched me for 10 years" I was like WTF?! We had a great sex life for about 11 of our years, then she started pushing ME away, after about a year of that I became distant from her, I admit that.

 

I'm baffled, I'm a little concerned she's doing Meth or something,

Could really use some input tonight,

Dan

 

PS I accidentally left my notebook that I'd been using to document everything at home tonight... oops, maybe she's seen it.

 

Also on the way out the door, she said, "Why don't you have a drink, it will make you feel better" I said "I don't have any here" She said "Yeah cause you drank it all" I said "Um yeah my one bottle that lasted me like a month compared to the garbage bag full of vodka bottles on the back porch I found.. not quite the same"

 

Then her final parting words were "I hope you feel better" (snarky voice) I said "I doubt you really feel that way" and she left...

 

I'm so pumped with adrenaline!!!!!

[dreamingoftigers]

Oh boy.

 

I feel for you.

She's going to keep at you and keep at you.

 

If there's a way to keep a VAR on you for such treats, you might want to.

 

That's so nuts she's viewing this whole thing as an open door/open take bash you policy.

 

Can't live that way man. There are so many threads I read through yours a bit ago, (sorry I can't totally remember) but she's filed, right?

 

Because if she's filed she really shouldn't be there.

 

Someone's on a nasty power trip. Do not let her tip your hand. Leave the house overnight if you have to. I get it's your place. But she's nasty and likely the type to scream "abuse" or "withholding assets."

 

So I walk in the house tonight after work, wife is on the couch on the phone talking to one of her evil sisters.

 

I said hi, why are all the lights on in the house? (I wasn't negative or anything I was actually in a decent mood for once)

 

She immediately flipped out on me! She started by saying she needed help moving her furniture (which I already agreed to do) and that she needed financial help...

 

I said what? You are the one that decided to move out of here and "make a new life for yourself... Then she started spouting about how she only had $400 to spend each month on herself. I said well that's BS, I know you make at least $800 and you have told me your dad was giving you $500 a month ($700 last month)

 

Then she said "Half of this stuff is mine!" I just reminded her that last week she told me that "none of the things in the house mean as much to me as your feelings" Then I said, well if you really want to go that route, can I get a receipt for all the things you've taken already, I've already packed up everything that was yours and you've taken it including a TV and DVD player that you said Thank you to me for.

 

Then she said, "This is my home" I was like WHAT? Are you out of your mind? YOU left... you have your own place in that life you wanted for yourself. (This house isn't even in our name... we are renting it)

 

Then she said the only reason I left is you aren't a big enough man for me... (okay ouch) but I replied "I'm sorry that I took care of you for all thee years and that wasn't enough" She said "You haven't touched me for 10 years" I was like WTF?! We had a great sex life for about 11 of our years, then she started pushing ME away, after about a year of that I became distant from her, I admit that.

 

I'm baffled, I'm a little concerned she's doing Meth or something,

Could really use some input tonight,

Dan

 

PS I accidentally left my notebook that I'd been using to document everything at home tonight... oops, maybe she's seen it.

 

Also on the way out the door, she said, "Why don't you have a drink, it will make you feel better" I said "I don't have any here" She said "Yeah cause you drank it all" I said "Um yeah my one bottle that lasted me like a month compared to the garbage bag full of vodka bottles on the back porch I found.. not quite the same"

 

Then her final parting words were "I hope you feel better" (snarky voice) I said "I doubt you really feel that way" and she left...

 

I'm so pumped with adrenaline!!!!!

[WreckedDan]

No one has filed anything yet, I need to file for custody at this point, she's being totally irrational. I texted her asking if she was using hard drugs again, she said she was just alone and she was paying for our daughter's lunches and it was hard to see all the food in the house when she's not eating... she blames her actions on hunger... I don't eat either, that's why there's food here... it's all for our daughter.

[WreckedDan]

I told her hunger doesn't explain why she was verbally abusive to me when I did nothing to deserve that

 

Thanks DoT for the replies, could really use someone to talk to tonight,

Dan

[WreckedDan]

Oh and no, she's gone, she has her own apartment now. She just comes over to watch our daughter a couple days a week while I'm at work.

 

Dan

[Simpleoldschool]

hey dan its been awhile. seems like things are heating up. so you dont get "emotionally dragged in" and suffer more because of her simply ignore everything she is doing make your statements and show no emotion.

 

i would have made her sign an agreement in the very least that her intention was to move. either way dont worry about this, it truly isnt worth it.

 

the whole, half of this stuff is mine is rooted in her understanding that now life is getting difficult without you being there to support her. its the old, i cant live with you but i cant live without - specify here-.

 

dont dignify it. i would simply IGNORE her. shes trying to get you to do things out of emotion.

 

 

dan,

 

if i could have a moment. this statement is sub-diversive.

 

it serves a double purpouse.

 

"She started by saying she needed help moving her furniture."

 

shes probing to see if you will help her. shes trying to pinpoint where you are emotionally at so she can request or demand greater things.

 

also, this was your argument.

 

"I said what? You are the one that decided to move out of here and "make a new life for yourself... Then she started spouting about how she only had $400 to spend each month on herself. I said well that's BS, I know you make at least $800 and you have told me your dad was giving you $500 a month ($700 last month) "

 

this is her switching talking points since that isnt getting her anywhere.

 

"Then she said "Half of this stuff is mine!" I just reminded her that last week she told me that "none of the things in the house mean as much to me as your feelings" Then I said, well if you really want to go that route, can I get a receipt for all the things you've taken already, I've already packed up everything that was yours and you've taken it including a TV and DVD player that you said Thank you to me for."

 

dan,

 

this is a THREAT-DEMAND sequence or DEMAND-THREAT SEQUENCE.

 

what you dont see dan is the "OR ELSE" she isnt saying.

 

then she said this.

 

"Then she said, "This is my home" I was like WHAT? Are you out of your mind? YOU left... you have your own place in that life you wanted for yourself. (This house isn't even in our name... we are renting it) "

 

the reason none of this is making any sense is because she isnt listening to what your saying. shes going straight to the demands and threats, and then demanding more like you didnt say anything. at a certain level of resentment with no fault of your own but her feeling her bad decisions and instead of blaming herself, which selfish people cant do by the way they grow angry with you since you ( or what they beilieve you are doing) is making them angry about themselves and their decisions( which they cognitively disregard and re-assert blame towards you) they attack your person. they have to chop you up before they try to re-mold you to what they want.

 

simply dan shes angry at herself but since she cant swallow that pill, she lies to herself and tells herself this is your fault. so this is what she deserves because of what your doing to her. which you arent, shes really doing to herself.

 

she bassically on an instinctual level feels conflicted that her choice is having so many reprecussions so she now is trying to lighten the blow of her choices by submitting you to help her. this alleviates any guilt she feels while feeling in power of the decisions made and enforces her ego.

 

"Then she said the only reason I left is you aren't a big enough man for me... (okay ouch) but I replied "I'm sorry that I took care of you for all thee years and that wasn't enough" She said "You haven't touched me for 10 years" I was like WTF?! We had a great sex life for about 11 of our years, then she started pushing ME away, after about a year of that I became distant from her, I admit that.

"

 

dan, its all smoke and mirrors. now shes trying again to tell you any other reason then the reason she left to peg guilt on you for something she did.

 

dan you are only in control of yourself not how someone chooses to treat you. how someone chooses to treat you really clarifys how "loving" or able-hearted to love someone, that person is. thats called conditional love which , isnt, love.

 

she said it to hurt and to blame anyone but herself. dan some people cant look in the mirror and that is why they cna never create a healthy balance and be a flexible-giver. in order for someone to give, they have to make choices that are based in reality. in equality. in accountability of themselves towards others. in caring about how what they do effects the relationship. she is so strong-willed about what she needs from a man she isnt willing to give anything to receive it but still expects it. dan this really my friend is ridiculous. shes an adult-child. really.

 

at some point in her life, she emotionally froze and stopped emotionally developing. either because of some sort of temper tantrum or sexual expierience that created a core essence of a certain type of mood ( a constant mood) that started driving her thoughts.

 

the last year dan, you became distant because you werent being loved. its called self-isolation whether or not you realized it. your emotions werent being nurtured so they withdrew inside of you creating a sense for "self-preservation" however being men we usually dont indentify with the feeling. we try still at this point reject what our bodie and mind is telling us while they are rejecting everything your doing. its almost like trying to push against yourself, with the other you pushing harder each time you do until dan, you BREAK. then you start going crazy. your feelings are like a swirling decent and explosion when they reach the bottom. crying spells, delusionary talk, crazy stuff man. not all the time or even it gos unnoticed because although we think were ok we call it a "limbo" because it really is.

 

and her final comment i hope you feel better was a hydrogoneous mixture.

 

first she emotionally overwhelmed you, tried to manipulate you then tried to hurt your feelings and then guilt you emotionally so she gos to her new place laughing wondering what wonderfulll things you will reward her with because of her bad decisions. Dan what you dont see is this is a torture technique. You hurt someone to a level they almost drop, then you start playing with varying levels and degrees of pain. you pretty much tell someone if they dont want it to hurt this is what you do.

 

regularly discipline dan is for something you do wrong. but discipline is not between adult and adult. people who know more and are ADULTS.

 

shes basically turning up the heat to make you sweat then turning it down and making demands and if you dont comply turn up the heat. its about exhausting you until you give in.

 

the

" i hope you feel better" was i want to make you feel bad. like you were in the wrong.

 

shes not crazy dan, shes dark and twisted. she is not DUMB either! shes trying to twist you up and see through what crevace the blood starts spilling.

 

dan, do NOT and i mean do not mistake what she said as wanting to live with you again. she knows your emotions in this while she has none of the same. women either understand how you are emotionally effected by them and take care of that or use it as an advantage for self-fufillment.

 

bud im telling you i would have called the police and told them your wife said she was moving out and then started a ruckuss. you NEED dan to stop being such a nice guy or she is going to steam roll you.

 

You are a good man in a dark web of cloak and dagger. my friend this is a dangerous place to be. she is trying to figure out next and dan you need to do it first how to CUTT YOU DOWN. she doesnt know what shes doing but shes struggling to find out what will hurt the most.

 

dont let her wicked imaginations about what shes going to do turn you into a salad served cold man. im telling you this as a friend. be cautious take action and get her the hell out of your life and your house.

Edited May 25, 2013 by Simpleoldschool

[Simpleoldschool]

Dan,

 

i told you this would happen dan. Someone is coaching her, its until she finds out what to do and how.the true matter of how much time you have left to be the first one to get to the end of the road man, is now limited until she finds out how to get all of your stuff. i told you to take your time but to be READY. PREPARED.

 

TOMMOROW BECAUSE I DONT WANT TO POST THIS AND SCREW THIS UP IM GOING TO SEND YOU SOME LEGAL FORMS. get them DONE FIRST!

 

 

im telling you from expierience when they start making real HOT fire demands dan, thats when they have some little bird in their ear and they get more and more confident with what they know that they didnt. now they are trying to figure out what to do with that knowledge. Dan she gets to the court house first, the race is finished - well not entirely but now its longer.

 

A. she will either figure out what to do to get what she wants

 

and thats usually bad for you

 

B. she wont and then dan, thats when it gets explosively ugly.

 

thats bad for everyone.

 

Dan, i can tell you right now shes trying to figure out how to use your daughter as a paycheck but right now shes more concerned about getting MONEY from you without problems. shes also trying to figure out how to drop an atomic bomb.

 

FIRST DONT GET DISCOURAGE YOU HAVE ME. second dont get overwhelemed.

 

ill be back tommorow.

Edited May 25, 2013 by Simpleoldschool

[Simpleoldschool]

THIS IS WHAT I WANT YOU TO DO ASAP!

 

DAN ASAP!

 

FIRST GET A TAPE RECORDER AND THEN INSTALL CAMERAS. have those cameras rolling because no judge is going to listen to you that after she left she was fine. she was ok. she was well.

 

also after shes moved out she can still claim stuff and guess what you got VIDEO EVIDENCE TO CLAIM THE CONTRARY.

 

DAN this is no longer about the simple stuff bud. shes trying to get all thirteen years out of you.

 

DO THIS.

 

CAMERA. MONITOR WITH CASEETE AND TAPE FOR RECORDING. BUY TAPES FOR WEEKLY USE. LEAVE IT ON EVEN WHEN YOUR NOT IN THE HOUSE.

each time a 24 hr period has ended, change the tape with a new tape. store the other one date and time you wrote the label to account for missing time between tapes.

 

you need to keep a track record of you. also you can prove if you have a camera system if her new boy toy whatever mr joe idiot dumbazz comes back, with video evidence if something happens. if you dont have a firearm get one.

 

24 CYCLE.

 

THEN TAPE RECORDER. SHE WILL BE LESS LIKELY TO SPEAK OR YOU WILL HAVE EVIDENCE.

 

i am telling you dude to avoid so much MOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOORRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE PAIN than you need to know.

Edited May 25, 2013 by Simpleoldschool

[Simpleoldschool]

dan this is not going to get better with time and either way this is headed to court because of the child involved here.

 

im picturing a few different scenarios.

 

First out of many things i can imagine i beilieve i know her next step. let me read over everything carefully and let me get back to you.

 

second dan, dont trust people that know her that know you right now.

 

AT ALL. i dont care how nice they come off. this is for your safety in mind.

[Simpleoldschool]

dan,

 

before i can get started today i need to know your state.

[WreckedDan]

Washington