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What red flags should I be looking for with my friend who I have feelings for?

nh1984

By nh1984,
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nh1984

nh1984

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Well I have known this girl for about 2 years now. We have talked on and off...

 

Anyways...My mom passed away and I honestly have nobody to ask about this stuff so I'm hoping someone here can help me out!

 

I am a sophomore in high school btw

 

Well to start off,

 

It would be fair to say that I really like this girl. My feelings for her seem to come in waves--some days I'm crazy about her, and somedays I'm not so sure if she is a good pick for me.

 

So we met freshman year in algebra, we sat next to each other. Here's my problem...

 

I'm not sure if this is a "wholesome" girl like the one I would want to be in a relationship with. I don't mean to perpetuate any stereotypes but I want a girl who is sweet, caring, classy, wholesome etc...

 

So her friend really liked me and she asked emily(the girl) to get my number for her/ask me about her. Well emily secretly liked me and started texting me daily and finally admitted feelings for me.

 

She really wanted to date me, but then sort of backed off when she found out that I was Catholic. Kind of strange but I guess protestant Christians don't agree with everything Catholics do haha, I just never thought it was a terribly big deal so it surprised me. I think she has gotten over that, but it still made me mad.

 

Is the fact that she "stole" me from one of her closest friends a red flag? Do girls do these kinds of things often? Is it considered classless to ask a guy for his number if you have never talked to him before? I'm afraid she's done this with a lot of other guys too :/ Even though everyone tells me this is not an issue and that I'm the only guy she's ever liked.

 

I just want to make sure I am not making a bad decision, please give me some perspective.

 

One of my other biggest fears is that if I get in a relationship with her that she will turn out to be untrustworthy and sneak around etc... What are some signs that she will do this? I've never really even seen her talk to another guy at school in a flirtatious or even friendly manner haha... but you never know..

 

I am leaving alot out of the story so you guys don't have to read too much, but we have talked A LOT over the past two years in cycles, I probably should have been asking these questions earlier before I developed feelings for her.

 

THANK YOU!!!

 

ALSO: Another problem with her I have is that I honestly don't think she is "the sharpest tool in the shed" if you know what I mean. I feel like I can't talk to her about anything besides gossip or something else completely superficial. Maybe I need to get to know her even better? IDK

 

I guess I'm leaving out all the good stuff about her. Once again, I'm just making this short so you guys don't have to read too much.

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todreaminblue

todreaminblue

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Well I have known this girl for about 2 years now. We have talked on and off...

 

Anyways...My mom passed away and I honestly have nobody to ask about this stuff so I'm hoping someone here can help me out!

 

I am a sophomore in high school btw

 

Well to start off,

 

It would be fair to say that I really like this girl. My feelings for her seem to come in waves--some days I'm crazy about her, and somedays I'm not so sure if she is a good pick for me.

 

So we met freshman year in algebra, we sat next to each other. Here's my problem...

 

I'm not sure if this is a "wholesome" girl like the one I would want to be in a relationship with. I don't mean to perpetuate any stereotypes but I want a girl who is sweet, caring, classy, wholesome etc...

 

So her friend really liked me and she asked emily(the girl) to get my number for her/ask me about her. Well emily secretly liked me and started texting me daily and finally admitted feelings for me.

 

Is the fact that she "stole" me from one of her closest friends a red flag? Do girls do these kinds of things often? Is it considered classless to ask a guy for his number if you have never talked to him before? I'm afraid she's done this with a lot of other guys too :/ Even though everyone tells me this is not an issue and that I'm the only guy she's ever liked.

 

I just want to make sure I am not making a bad decision, please give me some perspective.

 

One of my other biggest fears is that if I get in a relationship with her that she will turn out to be untrustworthy and sneak around etc... What are some signs that she will do this? I've never really even seen her talk to another guy at school in a flirtatious or even friendly manner haha... but you never know..

 

I am leaving alot out of the story so you guys don't have to read too much, but we have talked A LOT over the past two years in cycles, I probably should have been asking these questions earlier before I developed feelings for her.

 

THANK YOU!!!

 

 

ill explain a situation for you....i knew my ex for many eyars before we eventually went out as bf grf....he had not been with anyone for two years prior to us getting together....never really had a serious gf i was his first......he wasnt a virgin ....but i was his first real gf.......he was attentive to em as a friend and compassionate respectful polite wonderful in every way...thats how he got me in the first place.....he was quick to want to spend time with me ...and would often stay home with me rather than party it up.........he turned into a serial cheat.......we are not together anymore i am still his friend...holding grudges is not my style

 

 

you just canrt predict or know what anyone is like......peopel have a habit of changing.......due to circumstance confidence what ever it is people change....you just have to take the risk and have a little faith ....that who they are now is who they are under the skin........if you dont give people a chance ....you just never know....and i have had my heart broken.......and probably will have it break in the future.......but i will always give chances and have faith in people ........to do the right thing...as i try too.....be open and honest ...and have faith it will be reciprocated......best of luck....deb

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nh1984

nh1984

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Thanks Deb!

 

I see what you mean. I've thought about taking this course of action before and I don't think it is a bad idea. I might be worrying too much, but I also might wait a little while longer just to make sure. I have also just considered asking her directly if she is committed to me, would this be a bad idea?

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todreaminblue

todreaminblue

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Thanks Deb!

 

I see what you mean. I've thought about taking this course of action before and I don't think it is a bad idea. I might be worrying too much, but I also might wait a little while longer just to make sure. I have also just considered asking her directly if she is committed to me, would this be a bad idea?

 

 

I dont think it is a bad idea because it is honest.......i feel it is better to be straight up than worry.....therapist have told me it is the best way for me to be......when i worry to much i get sick...but i am schizo affective......i still think everyone should be schizo affective because maybe then all people would have to say how they felt......when they worried about something that they should just open up...

 

 

then things would not stockpile into many worries that cause insecurity ....i am guilty however of not sharing what i want to share....i pay for that ....by getting paranoia...........i find honesty in everything .....and ill put here( if it doesnt hurt anyone or make another uncomfortable).........is the best way to be....in your case it is peace of mind you seek.....so go for it ...be honest and upfront......deb

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nh1984

nh1984

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Thanks for the advice. I agree...I think honesty is good too. Well I'm not sure if now is a good time but I might ask her about this tomorrow.

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todreaminblue

todreaminblue

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Thanks for the advice. I agree...I think honesty is good too. Well I'm not sure if now is a good time but I might ask her about this tomorrow.

 

 

yaaaaaaaaaaaaay....smilin....best wishes from me to you...hope it turns out the way you want it too......deb

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zebracolors

zebracolors

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I'm not trying to say one way or another, just pointing something out to consider. I'd like to touch on your point about where you say she "stole" you from her friend who was definitely interested in you. You ask if that is something girls do a lot. But to me that doesn't sound like something a true friend would do, IMO. BTW, How did that affect their friendship? (of course this might be something you needed to leave out)

 

You're probably right to want to talk with her about it. If you're having doubts, about the quality of her character, then you really can't be too sure if she'll be a good match for more than friendship. But as Deb wisely points out, you know this girl more than any of us here could, so if you think she is worth the risk of , you know what you have to do I hope. Best of luck :)

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nh1984

nh1984

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Thanks for you response. I haven't talked to her about it recently, kind of afraid to idk why. Yeah...I'm really confused about her, I really hope I don't make a bad decision. I think she's worth the risk though

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