Affection issues?

[Stay]

I've been in a long term relationship with my gf/ex(confusing at the moment) about 6 years long. At times I have a difficult time showing my emotions or affection towards her but deep down I love her very much. I just show it differently but I understand that she needs me to show it her way also in order for her to understand the love I give her. Anyways.. we've been "broken" up for about 2-3 months now and we still live together.. Immediately after the break up it was difficult but I stuck with it just living there until our lease is over which is soon. So first we didn't talk at all, this was a very difficult time for me and I wanted to look into myself and see why it went wrong. It's not a huge deal as no one cheated and just more of her wanting more from me. So I began to find my faults and work on myself not specifically for her but just to better myself and understand things.

 

Anyways as weeks gone by I understand things a little bit clearer.. needed a wake up call I guess. Things between us began to feel like we're slowly dating again? We hung out and had good times like before. So of course at the moment it's very confusing and like a rollercoaster ride. At times we get a little serious and talk about things and the other day she told me some days she'll feel really good about things and KNOW what she wants explaining how basically some days she does have those feelings to be back and work on things. Then other days she's scared, scared that she might be hurt by this again.

 

My main concern is am I on the right path and I just have to take it slow as she is very fragile at the moment? If I continue this will she trust me that I will keep my word? I try to flirt with her once in a while and she does give some good feedback some days then other days there's the single word responses that kinda is unsatisfying. When we are away at parents houses or just away from each other I don't even text her at all to try to give her space and when I do it's usually when she texts me first.

 

I should also mention when we do have those serious talks I try to express myself to her instead of keeping it in an assuming she'll know.. because she doesn't. But I'll tell her things just to show how I feel, small things like I like it when you do this or wear this, etc. She'll tell me, "That's what I wanted before, why couldn't you do that before" I did do that before but not as often as I or she would like, I feel like this isn't that big of a situation and is very fixable. If anyone can give any input or advices on my situation it's greatly appreciated!

[fetish1980]

It's funny. Women are one confusing blend of chemicals aren't they? When you show them no affection, they complain, but when you do often, they tend to take it for granted and sometimes lose interest. There has to be a balance.

 

I'm not sure if your girl is wanting more romance or physical affection in general. It shouldn't be that difficult. A woman needs to hear the words, "I love you", or "I enjoy being with you" every once in a while. They need to be held, hugged, or kissed every so often. Men need it too believe it or not. Unfortunately, it's easy to take this for granted when you live together. You're probably so used to being around eachother all the time, putting up with each of your guy's little annoyances, that you forget.

 

I would not consider this a complete breakup since you guys are living together and still dating. Your girl is simply trying to see how serious you really are right now and if you're just putting on an act. She's letting you know that she can go anytime without actually being gone.

 

She's probably looking to be surprised or swept off her feet. Perhaps maybe surprise her with a romantic weekend getaway out of town, nothing too fancy. Just a suggestion. Be creative!

 

Keep us posted.

 

 

fetish1980

[Stay]

Hey fetish,

 

I sure hope everything you say is right.. what you said really put me in a more positive nicer place than I have been lately. I remember at one point I gave too much affection, always wanted to hang out, etc. She didn't show the same back.. I started to back off and man! I couldn't get her off of me!! I thought I had it well off and in the perfect place but little did I know I was enjoying it way too much to keep it at that even balance. That is where she felt like she was giving me more than I gave her. But I did take it a bit for granted and that's where I went wrong.

 

But yes, she wants all that... little things, just a hug, compliments, and just spending quality time with her. It's difficult balancing that and school sometimes and yes I do tend to forget about it because we live together. But the relationship is just as important as school as they are both my life. It's all a big learning process to grow and be better and hopefully this will all work out better in the end.

 

At times I do feel like she's putting on an act also but this is pretty serious I would think, at the moment maybe she's just being careful to not get back into something that she might be hurt from again. We got into a little depressing talk the other time and she mentioned something about maybe getting on the right path again but then that talk we had made her really upset that she doesn't think that'll happen. So YES she has thought about that path.. now I don't know if she thinks about it as much after that.

 

About a romantic getaway.. I tried but that was earlier in our problems around the time where she didn't really feel how she is feeling now. She told me that would be fun but it'll be better if things were better between us so she didn't want to go. I was fine and understood. She didn't seem to dislike the fact that I planned something like that so maybe that shows that she would like that but the time wasn't right.

 

We don't kiss no matter how much I want to. I do give her hugs though as much as I can.. she doesn't push me away or anything so that's at least good. I sneak in some kisses once in a while and we do get intimate sometimes. Although she tells me just enjoy the moment and don't let this affect and skew things in anyway, positive or bad. I guess she doesn't want me to take it the wrong way. But I think she wouldn't do anything like that unless she is allowing things to go in a positive direction.