10 years together, married 8, and a 3y.o. girl - gone.

[IWantTheTruth]

Long story broken down:

 

Years 3-5 of our marriage, I admit I was a jerk to her. Didn't feel like I loved her anymore. I slept with about ten different women during this time. She suspected me, but never had any solid proof. I'm ashamed of this and boy do I regret it now. Yes, I believe in karma. Yes, I feel I deserve what I'm getting. Yes, I will never cheat on someone I love ever again. I learned it really wasn't worth it.

 

Our daughter was born 5 years into the M and I came around. I found out how happy I was with them, and loved them madly. It kills me that my house is empty. No munchkin to wake me up and run around, no wife to fall asleep holding after making love.

 

6 years into the M and with our daughter 1 y.o., I find out she had a long term sexting relationship with someone on the east coast. I'm devastated, forgive her, try to work it out. She says she regrets it, wants to be with me, wants to make it work. For the next two years, things get worse, instead of better. She doesnt show she wants to make it work, she acts like she doesnt love me anymore, she tells me this. She starts going to the gym ALOT with her sister (sister is a whore, ended up banging her personal trainer, repeatedly, and other guys as well. Has two kids, getting divorced too). She starts hanging out with single and promiscuous girl friends, wanting privacy, freedom to come and go as she pleases for "girls nights".

 

Then she says she's not in love with me anymore, wants to just be friends. Doesnt even want to do marriage counseling, and is very secretive with her sister. Her, her sister, and the kids get their own apartment. I know shes been "talking" to other guys, probably sleeping around just like her sister. I feel like i had my heart and a lung ripped out. I tried taking my mind off her with other girls, but I still miss her and my daughter very much.

 

I'm not here for pity, I said I know I deserve all this. But just needed to vent. When I find a girl I love again, I will cherish her, and never cheat on her. We hurt each other a lot, and this is where it's got us now.

Edited April 28, 2013 by IWantTheTruth

[tbf]

Good lord, you have the balls to call her sister a whore for sleeping with a few men? If so, what pejorative should you be called after treating your wife like garbage and cheating on her with ten different women?

[IWantTheTruth]

Good lord, you have the balls to call her sister a whore for sleeping with a few men? If so, what pejorative should you be called after treating your wife like garbage and cheating on her with ten different women?

 

I WAS an *******, womanizer, disrespectful douchebag. What would you suggest?

 

I've changed. I've regretted it ever since. I will never do that ever again.

[tbf]

I WAS an *******, womanizer, disrespectful douchebag. What would you suggest?

 

I've changed. I've regretted it ever since.

Was the sister cheating? If not, she can sleep with who she wants, same as any single male.

[IWantTheTruth]

Was the sister cheating? If not, she can sleep with who she wants, same as any single male.

Yes, she was.

[tbf]

Yes, she was.

Okay, so let me get this clear:

• You treated your wife like dirt and were a serial cheater.
  
• Your sister-in-law was serial cheating on her husband and left him, kids in hand.
  
• Your wife was cheating on you and then left you, daughter in hand.
  

 

Anything else you'd like to add about your brother-in-law?

[carhill]

This was one potential path of many. I hope, for the sake of your daughter, that the divorce and parenting arrangement can be amicable. You stated that you regret your actions and that you 'deserved it'. OK. Take those lessons and pay them forward. Things will settle out in a few years. Good luck.

[2sunny]

Your W has previously sent pictures of her crotch to men. And didn't have many consequences from you.

 

She disrespected you way back then - what made you think anything had changed?

 

She's been acting terrible for a long time. You were willing to put up with her bad behavior.

 

You both have been disrespectful to each other.

 

Sometimes it's best to understand that the M ended long ago.

[IWantTheTruth]

Okay, so let me get this clear:

• You treated your wife like dirt and were a serial cheater.
  
• Your sister-in-law was serial cheating on her husband and left him, kids in hand.
  
• Your wife was cheating on you and then left you, daughter in hand.
  

 

Anything else you'd like to add about your brother-in-law?

Um, no.

This was one potential path of many. I hope, for the sake of your daughter, that the divorce and parenting arrangement can be amicable. You stated that you regret your actions and that you 'deserved it'. OK. Take those lessons and pay them forward. Things will settle out in a few years. Good luck.

Thank you. I'd like to reiterate, my transgressions were committed 3 years ago. I've been working on being a better person ever since. I feel I was a good husband in the end, but it was too little, too late.

[IWantTheTruth]

Your W has previously sent pictures of her crotch to men. And didn't have many consequences from you.

 

She disrespected you way back then - what made you think anything had changed?

 

She's been acting terrible for a long time. You were willing to put up with her bad behavior.

 

You both have been disrespectful to each other.

 

Sometimes it's best to understand that the M ended long ago.

 

Agreed. I loved her to no end, and I felt bad about what I had done. I was willing to let go of what she did if it meant we could work on having a happy family. Unfortunately, it doesn't look like that's ever going to happen.

Edited April 28, 2013 by IWantTheTruth

[Gunny376]

Well its like Steve told Helen ~ "There's just no way of a tellin'"

 

There was a recent case in the papers this last year of a couple who had been divorced for something like forty years. His second wife use to call his first wife for ideas, opinons, suggestions about how to deal with him and put up with him.

 

When the seond wife passed away, he and the first wife got married again (albiet with a lot of 'match making' on the part of their DD!) and they were in their late 70' or 80's!

 

At 56 I'm npt anywhere near the person I was in my teens, my twenties, my thirties nor even my forties.

 

When I was fresh out of high school and in my early twenties? I thought I had all the answers to all of the questions and all of the solutions to all the problems.

 

Only to get in my thirties and find out that I was wrong! So off I go ~ pulling back, re-grouping, re-wiring my head and azz.

 

Got into my forties only to realize that I've still got to quit being a fool and get my azz back into school.

 

Got in my fifties and finally realized? I never had a freaking clue! It wasn't so much that I was wrong? As it was I was never right about so many things. I had to change my whole entire perspective, my point of view, my attitude.

 

In so how you think, is how you believe ~ and thus how you become. I had to re-train my brain.

 

A really, really good book on the subject (Life patterns, evolving of self, self validation, self awarness, etc) is a book titled"Passages" Passages: Predictable Crises of Adult Life - Gail Sheehy - Google Books

 

I would highly recommend it ~ and the younger you are? The better Will give you a lot insight.

 

Another good book I would recommend is "The Self Talk Solution" The Self Talk Solution - Shad Helmstetter - Google Books It was this one book that helped me tremendously in re-directing my own internal defeatest, negative attitude, into a more productive and positive outlook.

 

Life is all about learning and growing. We all live and learn!

 

Unfortunately God gave us men both a brain and penis but only enough blood supply to operate one or the other ~ but NOT always both at the same time!

Edited April 28, 2013 by Gunny376

[2sunny]

Agreed. I loved her to no end, and I felt bad about what I had done. I was willing to let go of what she did if it meant we could work on having a happy family. Unfortunately, it doesn't look like that's ever going to happen.

 

You need professional help...that should never be acceptable in a healthy marriage.

 

Get help with your non existent boundaries.