Baby dad left for another girl.Why ? Will he come back?

[Blessedwith2]

My babydaddy and bf of five years left me and had been trying to break things off with me for awhile i dont know if its because im not as niave as i was when we first met , or if i cut my hair off,or because of having his two kids i gained weight and im not the size 5/6 i once was, whatever the reason he always said things to make me feel little or not up to par. We constantly argued and fought and i always wondered how i could love someone who treats me so bad, he lead me on when i found out about this new girl he was seeing i was giving birth to our second child, his son and he's been seeing this girl ever since he compared me to her saying how shes so different and they have no problems.. we even had a brief love triangle goin on for a minute until i grew tired of feeling alone when he was with her n i started to feel i deserved better so now we aren't speakin at all and he's still seeing this girl he doesn't come around n makes no effort to see his kids but texted me one day and said he hopes i let him see them as if im intentionally keeping them from him, he's never been the greatest dad to the kids anyway so maybe thats why.. Im hurt by the way things turned out for me especially because of becoming a mom at 16 and the father of my kids leaving me for another girl i wreck my brain trying to figure out if its something wrong with me because at times im not the easiest to get along with and i do say things i shouldnt at times but is that enough to leave the mother of your kids high and dry barely making end meet? I confided in this guy and shared with him things my own family doesnt know i gave him my trust i took him back time and time again and like the drop of a dime he's gone..

[almond]

You don't want him back - you deserve better. Your kids also deserve better - they should see their mum happy, and do not need to be in an environment plagued by constant fighting.

 

You feel like you need this man, but you DON'T!

 

By entering into this "love triangle" you compromised your wants and needs just to hold on to this man. You know what you deserve, and lowering those standards to this extent is not good for your self-esteem.

 

To be honest, I genuinely think it would be good for you to get some counselling, as it will allow you to gain more tools in dealing with this break up, parenting and perhaps establishing why you have allowed yourself to remain in such a relationship for so long.

 

Your kids deserve a happy mother - you are the best parent you can be when you can stand on your own two feet. You are young! You don't know what your adult life is like yet! I know it's scary, but be excited! Reach out to your family...lean on them. Just focus on sorting yourself out, and being the best parent you can be. Learn to stand on your own two feet. You are strong and have been faced with a huge challenge - be tough, accept this challenge and do it! Learn to be your own person. Learn to be happy without this man (or any man) in your life - just you, your kids and your family. Once you can do that, I guarantee that your life and any future relationships will be so SO much healthier and more fulfilling.

 

Please get counselling though - it can really help.

 

Be good to yourself, you WILL get through this, and if you take the right steps and focus on becoming healthier in both mind and body, this could potentially be the best thing that has happened to you.

 

Good luck <3

[Blessedwith2]

You don't want him back - you deserve better. Your kids also deserve better - they should see their mum happy, and do not need to be in an environment plagued by constant fighting.

 

You feel like you need this man, but you DON'T!

 

By entering into this "love triangle" you compromised your wants and needs just to hold on to this man. You know what you deserve, and lowering those standards to this extent is not good for your self-esteem.

 

To be honest, I genuinely think it would be good for you to get some counselling, as it will allow you to gain more tools in dealing with this break up, parenting and perhaps establishing why you have allowed yourself to remain in such a relationship for so long.

 

Your kids deserve a happy mother - you are the best parent you can be when you can stand on your own two feet. You are young! You don't know what your adult life is like yet! I know it's scary, but be excited! Reach out to your family...lean on them. Just focus on sorting yourself out, and being the best parent you can be. Learn to stand on your own two feet. You are strong and have been faced with a huge challenge - be tough, accept this challenge and do it! Learn to be your own person. Learn to be happy without this man (or any man) in your life - just you, your kids and your family. Once you can do that, I guarantee that your life and any future relationships will be so SO much healthier and more fulfilling.

 

Please get counselling though - it can really help.

 

Be good to yourself, you WILL get through this, and if you take the right steps and focus on becoming healthier in both mind and body, this could potentially be the best thing that has happened to you.

 

Good luck <3

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Thanks for the advice and im 20 years old now and i have seeked counseling im just so distraught at the fact that instead of loving his family he loves someone else ..

[juicygirl]

Don't beat yourself up too much.

I know how you feel, trust me, my ex left me pregnant with #2 to go running around the world and now as a new perfect girlfriend. My guess is my ex is a lot older than yours at 31, but if he's a bad guy it doesn't matter how old he is he will still be a bad guy.

 

Of course your ex thinks new girlfriend is great as she doesn't know him like you do, you were together 5 years, you've seen the good, the bad and the ugly. Your ex and the new girl are in their honey moon stage. Maybe they'll stay together and maybe they won't, but the fact he feels the need to tell you how great she is to hurt you makes him a douchebag. He sounds like one of those guys who criticize their girlfriend with little comments and digs of why can't you be more like this or more like that etc.

 

I know you probably feel resentful at the moment, but trust me throw yourself in to new things, go out with friends, go to playgroups with the kids or out with other mums. Keep busy so you're not thinking about them, it helps with the pain too.

 

If he wants to see his kids let him, but don't go out of your way or chase him down to see them.

 

It's good that you have reflected on your behaviour in the relationship too, I see many woman placing blame and not taking any responsibility for anything that went wrong. I also know in my past relationship I did things wrong and maybe I pushed him away etc. Reflection is good, hopefully you'll not make the same mistake again or meet someone more suited to you.

 

As for him do you really want him back, honestly?

[Blessedwith2]

He's 25 and u seem to have better understanding of him than me

 

And as far as the kids , i didnt reply to him when he asked of he could see them simply because i thought of it as a ploy to see what im up to and besides he knows where we live he's not once stopped by to see them or has made effort to contact them in three weeks hes not a around all the time parent he's a every now n again dad

 

As for myself I've taken a huge hit to my ego i know a beautiful girl and everyone tells me i get hit on by guys all the time n my family praises me about my good looks but im insecure because I've put on a few pounds n not use to this weight n the new girl is much skinner n baby ish looking i dunno maybe im over thinker the situation too much .. But i do know i loved him whole heartedly n never stepped outside of our relationship once so his betrayal to me has totally ruined me

[BrokenHeartedSavior]

Now HE'S what you call a SKANK. The above poster is so right- you DON't want, or need him back.

 

Matter of fact, your best bet is to set him free with his new perfect honey, AND SUE HIS ASS FOR CHILD SUPPORT! That aught to help him and his sweety get along just fine.

Edited April 28, 2013 by BrokenHeartedSavior
Sp

[PogoStick]

Stop having babies.

Dump this guy and get child support.

Stop worrying about boys. Take a looong break from men, preferably a year.

Focus on being a good mother.

Focus on being a good mother.

Focus on being a good mother.

[juicygirl]

He's 25 and u seem to have better understanding of him than me

 

And as far as the kids , i didnt reply to him when he asked of he could see them simply because i thought of it as a ploy to see what im up to and besides he knows where we live he's not once stopped by to see them or has made effort to contact them in three weeks hes not a around all the time parent he's a every now n again dad

 

As for myself I've taken a huge hit to my ego i know a beautiful girl and everyone tells me i get hit on by guys all the time n my family praises me about my good looks but im insecure because I've put on a few pounds n not use to this weight n the new girl is much skinner n baby ish looking i dunno maybe im over thinker the situation too much .. But i do know i loved him whole heartedly n never stepped outside of our relationship once so his betrayal to me has totally ruined me

 

I know what you mean honey, it will knock you side ways. My ex's new girlfriend is a doctor (well she's training to be) and they're both in to science. At first I felt, "oh no she's better than me", but she's not better just different. I know I have skills and qualities that someone will like and I'm more compatible with.

 

My ex is a sometime daddy, but please play nice when it comes to the children. You don't want them to grow up and blame you for them not having a relationship with their dad because you wanted to be the bitter ex. Maybe he doesn't want to come to your house to see the kids? Just reply to the text, talk only about the kids tho. Find a half way point where you can drop them off and pick them up, that way he can't spy on you.

 

It's hurt but the wounds will heal in time and when you start focusing on your own life and making you happy you'll meet someone nice.

[Blessedwith2]

I dont want to use child support as a way of seeking revenge, im a god fearing woman and i try to use the wwjd approach so i thought just letting him be would be better suited n life's karma would teach him his lesson ..

[TaraMaiden]

ONE: Karma doesn't do that. (Don't make me go into this, please!! ) Karma is not judgemental or retributional.

It doesn't work that way. Thank goodness....

If it worked that way, what would your karma be all about, right now?

 

TWO: Child support isn't revenge.

it's providing a child with its constitutional right to be fed, clothed and nurtured.

 

If two people have sex and produce a child, then they should both face the commitment and responsibility of doing right by that child.

 

Your dickhead ex- needs to face his responsibilities and take care of the child he helped make.

[BrokenHeartedSavior]

I dont want to use child support as a way of seeking revenge, im a god fearing woman and i try to use the wwjd approach so i thought just letting him be would be better suited n life's karma would teach him his lesson ..

 

Wrong. I won't make this a religious argument, but neither of the two beings you mentioned will feed or clothe your children. You have to, and should not have to do that alone wiithout financial help, as he runs around doing whatever he pleases.

 

Revenge? HE IS RESPONSIBLE!