Listening

[MyCoolNickName]

I'm trying to work on being a good listener, and one challenge I've come across is when to proffer advice, and when to just sympathize. I thought it was a pretty clear sign to proffer advice when someone says: "What do you think?"... but then as I start, I sense a lack of interest, and so I'm guessing a simple "I know what you mean, I feel that way too sometimes" is more proper. I think I read in some book that this 'sympathizing' was called validation of feelings or something. But when to validate? and when to try to help? =P Thanks!

[Tony T]

A lot depends on your sex.

 

Females tend more to want to be listened to and validated. Men, on the other hand, seem to actually seek advice.

 

Rule of thumb. If someone doesn't specifically come out and ask for your advice or opinion, just let them know you hear and understand what they are saying and feeling. If you miss a cue and they really want your advice, they'll let you know.

 

The danger in giving advice, especially to those close to you, is that many people who ask for advice are actually looking for validation, as you say. If your advice doesn't match what they feel or want to hear, there could be some hard feelings. Tread softly.

 

But never give unsolicited advice. Sometimes it is very much appreciated and sometimes it can get you into a lot of trouble and you never know which until you've spoken your piece.