Not sure

[Greenjade]

So obviously open relationships are quite private. For me this means I only have my partner to talk to. So I've joined this forum for help and advice because I'm a little lost.

 

So basically my story is that my partner and I had discussed and agreed on an open relationship (just sex, no emotional connections). So it started 6 mths ago with Mr going out with a lady he was kind of friends with. I'm quite nervous and struggled to get things rolling, final did 5 mths after he started and have had only one meet with another guy.

 

Through the duration of Mr meeting his friend I found my self becoming quite jealous and started to really struggle with the whole situation. Always read his msg from her etc started to go a little crazy. Anyway one thing lead to another and he ended up falling in love with her. We said it would all be okay because she was leaving the country for a few yrs and it will all end.

 

So now she has gone, and Mr is broken and confused. He says he loves both of us and doesn't know what to do. They are still very much in contact. He is traveling with her further into the yr for a few weeks. After I found out that he had fallen in love with her we agreed that the sexual relationships had to end after this trip, but they could still remain friends, which he was okay with when we agreed to it. But things have changed since then and the friend is saying if it ends then it ends and she wants to move on with her life if she can't have him. So he doesn't know what option to choose, Me and our kids and never see her again. Or her and leave me and the kids. Obviously we would do what ever we could to keep it as happy and calm for our kids as possible.

 

So that is my story, a little ironic really. I had reservations about an open relationship because of this reason. One of us fallen in love with someone else.

 

He still loves me, but he has changed he is upset and very quite all day doesn't seem to want to be intimate with me (I understand that he is hurting, because it has only been a few days, but I can't help how I feel when he doesn't want to hug, kiss or talk), and as soon as she is available to talk online he chirps up and is a little happier. My heart is breaking, I'm hurting and angry. I cry a lot. We've agreed to keep things the way they were between us, but it is so hard, he is hurting and missing her and doesn't seem to want to connect with me anymore. I'm so scared to say anything because if I upset him or make him hurt more, I'll just be pushing him away from choosing me and into the arms of her. This sucks and I blame myself for being so stupid and not putting my foot down and saying enough is enough when I first found out he was in love with her.

 

What can I do I'm so sad?

[Sweetgirl28]

It sounds to me as if he played the "open relationship" card just to enable an affair with this woman without going through the trouble of hiding it from you.

 

He needs to make a decision before he takes that trip with her. You cannot sit around and wait for him while he is going out with his mistress. Of course, he will be happy when he gets to talk to her. She doesn't have children and is not settled yet. He can have a carefree relationship with her without the responsibilities he has with you.

 

However, how long will it take until she will want to settle down and have children as well? I guess that's something he hasn't thought about...

[sweetheart5381]

So obviously open relationships are quite private. For me this means I only have my partner to talk to. So I've joined this forum for help and advice because I'm a little lost.

 

So basically my story is that my partner and I had discussed and agreed on an open relationship (just sex, no emotional connections). So it started 6 mths ago with Mr going out with a lady he was kind of friends with. I'm quite nervous and struggled to get things rolling, final did 5 mths after he started and have had only one meet with another guy.

 

Through the duration of Mr meeting his friend I found my self becoming quite jealous and started to really struggle with the whole situation. Always read his msg from her etc started to go a little crazy. Anyway one thing lead to another and he ended up falling in love with her. We said it would all be okay because she was leaving the country for a few yrs and it will all end.

 

So now she has gone, and Mr is broken and confused. He says he loves both of us and doesn't know what to do. They are still very much in contact. He is traveling with her further into the yr for a few weeks. After I found out that he had fallen in love with her we agreed that the sexual relationships had to end after this trip, but they could still remain friends, which he was okay with when we agreed to it. But things have changed since then and the friend is saying if it ends then it ends and she wants to move on with her life if she can't have him. So he doesn't know what option to choose, Me and our kids and never see her again. Or her and leave me and the kids. Obviously we would do what ever we could to keep it as happy and calm for our kids as possible.

 

So that is my story, a little ironic really. I had reservations about an open relationship because of this reason. One of us fallen in love with someone else.

 

He still loves me, but he has changed he is upset and very quite all day doesn't seem to want to be intimate with me (I understand that he is hurting, because it has only been a few days, but I can't help how I feel when he doesn't want to hug, kiss or talk), and as soon as she is available to talk online he chirps up and is a little happier. My heart is breaking, I'm hurting and angry. I cry a lot. We've agreed to keep things the way they were between us, but it is so hard, he is hurting and missing her and doesn't seem to want to connect with me anymore. I'm so scared to say anything because if I upset him or make him hurt more, I'll just be pushing him away from choosing me and into the arms of her. This sucks and I blame myself for being so stupid and not putting my foot down and saying enough is enough when I first found out he was in love with her.

 

What can I do I'm so sad?

 

Oh, this one just screams YUCK!!!

 

So sad for you. Men do these things all the time, they want their cake and eat it too... they just hide that fact til after you agree to it, then it will be your fault for agreeing to it in the first place.

 

Kick him to the curb. Useless dirtbags.

[soccerrprp]

Open relationships are undoubtedly destructive. Those who believe that they are helpful in some way are delusional. Emotions are ALWAYS in play and jealousy, anger, mistrust will ALWAYS be involved...

[Greenjade]

She wants a life with him marriage kids etc, but she only wants him, he would have to leave me to be with her.

[imtooconfused]

I'm so scared to say anything because if I upset him or make him hurt more, I'll just be pushing him away from choosing me and into the arms of her. This sucks and I blame myself for being so stupid and not putting my foot down and saying enough is enough when I first found out he was in love with her.

 

What can I do I'm so sad?

 

You have to be ready for the consequences, but it's never too late to put your foot down.

 

You played by the rules and didn't like the game. He changed the rules of the game (fell in love) and it's hurting you. I am sorry to say that this person is not good for you in the long term, but you have to come to that conclusion on your own.

 

For now you should feel empowered to put your foot down and have him make a decision regarding to whom he is going to give his heart. He is capable of only giving that to one person. If you force him to make a choice, though, be ready for him to choose the other woman. But be assured that if he makes that choice, it will have nothing to do with your actions in making him choose. He would make the same choice now or later and getting that out in the open may minimize your pain.