picking up hobbies as an overworked student

[ana0pera]

I am trying to break out of this habit I have of working hard and not having fun as I realize I am not meeting new people and when I do fun things, I truly enjoy it.

 

Problem is most of my hobbies are expensive or solitary.

 

Take art, for example. It is super expensive to fund painting, sculpting, and printmaking. I know this because I studied art for nearly half of my life and much of my mom's income after bills went to funding my art studies (the supplies, as I went to public art schools growing up). I have some nice materials on the other side of the country that don't make sense to ship. I've taken some craft classes which are super fun but expensive. I want to do bookmaking next but it's at least $500 for an intro class plus I have to pay a lot for transport to each session. I am willing to fork over the money as I love bookmaking (I've done it in the past and want more formal training) but so far the times don't work out with my schedule (It's a one hour commute each way and oftentimes during the weekdays).

 

I love cooking and I've never taken a formal class...I am completely self-taught and not to toot my own horn I am really good. A cooking class would be a waste of money for me, but would be a chance for me to meet people who like food. It'd probably be more enjoyable for me to host a cooking class among some of my friends who can't cook. I am thinking about marketing a product I make and all my friends love, and there is a food co-op in our city that would help me with this, but I am a little scared about the time commitment and because I am a grad student, I have to prioritize my studies over business.

 

I like gardening, but again, I do that alone.

 

Here, everyone is the same. They are into visiting wineries, running, bicycling, yoga, rock climbing, and thai food. I like none of those activities (except eating and cooking thai food) and I've given them all a try (maybe not long enough, but I have tried)! I just feel like here no one shares my interests and I have to change into everyone else to make friends. And I don't want to become someone else that is not true to myself just to make friends.

 

Mostly I am okay with being solitary, I do have fun in my own way, but then I feel bad when I meet someone and they ask me what I do for fun and I have nothing to say. I feel like I am boring and that my work consumes me. I also wonder if I am making excuses for not getting out there more since I have antisocial tendencies and I am frugal.

[steveT95]

You sounds like myself.

 

Photography - no one wants to walk for mile or sit in a field with me.

Reef Keeping - "My tank! Get your god damned hands off it!"

 

Do you have friends at all? Maybe just arrange some evenings in together to socialize?

[ana0pera]

I don't have any close friends (people whose company I enjoy for more than an hour or two) in my current city. I can talk to friends and family from home or in other parts of the country for hours at a time, but I haven't met anyone I click with here, and I've been living here for three years now.

[steveT95]

I can't offer any more advice, except maybe try and approach people at work or uni.

I am having the same trouble as you meeting people

[LurkerXX]

Most people will not understand academic life, and you already tried friends within the lab and found that that causes your lab-mates to lean on you way too much at work, causing the friendships to become lopsided. How about cultivating relationships outside your department. You know the stats folks are going to pretty much avoid everyone else in other departments cause of the same things you experienced. Is there a Latin, or medieval history department or some other completely non-related department that you could cultivate a friendship in?

 

As far as the interests, perhaps cooking might be a good outlet. Maybe a series of small dinner parties (less than 10) where the host cooks, and then next week you move to another house, where that host cooks? Another thing is maybe just figure drawing meetups (pen-n-ink, pencils, pastels, and charcoals are lower expense mediums), or open style art lab classes, where you are all there working on your own thing, not official classes.

[Object_a]

Are there no societies or clubs in your university? I took up a part-time job within the university as a way of meeting students from other faculties, and I also joined a couple of societies for philosophy and sport. There was a faculty society that organised social events every term and the societies met once a fortnight. I had at least one thing to do every week and it was a great way to meet people.

[ana0pera]

Most people will not understand academic life, and you already tried friends within the lab and found that that causes your lab-mates to lean on you way too much at work, causing the friendships to become lopsided. How about cultivating relationships outside your department. You know the stats folks are going to pretty much avoid everyone else in other departments cause of the same things you experienced. Is there a Latin, or medieval history department or some other completely non-related department that you could cultivate a friendship in?

 

As far as the interests, perhaps cooking might be a good outlet. Maybe a series of small dinner parties (less than 10) where the host cooks, and then next week you move to another house, where that host cooks? Another thing is maybe just figure drawing meetups (pen-n-ink, pencils, pastels, and charcoals are lower expense mediums), or open style art lab classes, where you are all there working on your own thing, not official classes.

 

This is a great idea! I just need to push myself harder to seek people out in different departments. I tried going to on-campus open studios and it's actually very hard to meet people there because everyone is focused on their own work (and oftentimes slightly antisocial as well ). Maybe next year I will just take an art class through the university if I can get permission. The main issue is that I would mostly be in class with undergrads, when I need to meet other grad students (see my comments below for more on that)

 

Are there no societies or clubs in your university? I took up a part-time job within the university as a way of meeting students from other faculties, and I also joined a couple of societies for philosophy and sport. There was a faculty society that organised social events every term and the societies met once a fortnight. I had at least one thing to do every week and it was a great way to meet people.

 

There are clubs at my University, I am on the listserv for a number of these groups but haven't gone to anything since my first year because quite frankly, I am a little scared to step out of my comfort zone (there have been some time conflicts too, but mostly i am just scared). Most of these groups have been special interest (i.e. based on race, religion, etc) and the hobbie-oriented ones are a little awkward in that it's mostly undergrads and while I am fine socializing with undergrads it is a little awkward having them in your social circle because of University policies, the fact they might be my students in the future, and the age difference, among other things. I am going to try branching out more when I get back, maybe see if I can enroll in an ethnic cooking class our university has or some of the athletics classes? that will be fun for me plus it will put me into contact with like-minded people, regardless of their ages.

[Chevuron]

Well all of these various hobbies are fun to you right? It is kind of subjective.

 

Not everyone finds the same hobbies fun! Someone could find number crunching to be the bees knees and another person will love all things sporty. But, to someone else they might find these to be a total drag.

 

You don't have to go to expensive classes to learn arty things. The internet has a well of knowledge and you've already shown you can kick butt by learning to cook on your own!

 

If you just can't seem to hold on to any people right now, remember that you are your own Best Friend already! Laugh at yourself, be silly, do things and say things that make you snort. Make up your own mantras and catch phrases.You'd be surprised at who it attracts.

 

A club might help too!

 

Try talking to just one person you find interesting (stranger or not) and see how their day is going. If you go to the same place to eat a lot talk to the people that work there. You may not have anything in common-but eventually you'll build this bond with them.

 

If you are looking for ways to connect through art try posting things up on online Art site if you haven't or chatting up people that work in or near objects that you enjoy. I used to feel this way often going through High School and subsequently College. I'd buckle down in my studies and not spend a dime. I thought everything I did must be boring. But, I learned that you don't really have to change yourself to find friends.--and you don't need to have a wide circle to be content.

 

I do a lot of artwork online posting it to my deviantart/tumblr;) and if you'd want to ever send me an email I'd love to talk about it.

Edited April 30, 2013 by Chevuron

[Object_a]

frankly, I am a little scared to step out of my comfort zone (there have been some time conflicts too, but mostly i am just scared). Most of these groups have been special interest (i.e. based on race, religion, etc) and the hobbie-oriented ones are a little awkward in that it's mostly undergrads and while I am fine socializing with undergrads it is a little awkward having them in your social circle because of University policies, the fact they might be my students in the future, and the age difference, among other things.

 

To the first thing I can only say, there's no quick fix - just get in there and do it, and you'll realise it's not so scary after all.

 

As for the thing with the undergrads, I can totally relate. I was very fortunate in that the undergrads from my faculty were highly intelligent and generally lovely people who were cool to hang out with despite the age difference, and doubly lucky that my university had a very open policy on socialising. Everything short of sleeping with undergrads was fine, although you would get a quiet 'word to the wise' from the faculty if you were deemed to be acting in an unbecoming manner (i.e. doing loads of drugs or getting drunk and making a display of yourself).