mj108 Posted September 21, 2004 Share Posted September 21, 2004 I've been doing great having NC with MM. You can read through my other post about him...been off & on for over 2 years. When he lived with W.---we wouldn't see eachother. It still doesn't make a difference--it's wrong seeing a MM. Anyway, he went back to her a 3rd time & finally I told him goodbye. I told him I couldn't take anymore...& life goes on. Well, a week later...with NC---he contacts me. They got into a huge fight & he said it's over...blah...blah..blah. He went to his moms & she told me to come over. I did---& him and I sat there & talked about everything. I told him that we shouldn't see eachother & we should stop what we've been doing. I told him that when he gets a divorce, maybe we could go from there. He agreed & thought that would be best too. I love him so much but yet I feel so lonely right now. I wish I could had been strong with the NC thing. His W. if back on drugs now & I told him he needed to focus on himself & getting the kids back....not on any other relationship. This was so hard to do. I guess the reason why I'm posting is I just need some positive feedback that I did the right thing. I'm a christian woman that made a bad choice that I'm dealing with now. I mean, I know it's morally wrong but yet I did it. I love him so much---so deeply but yet I know my love for him is wrong. Question: Should I distant myself while he is focusing on divorce/kids/himself & not be there for him? Link to post Share on other sites
Merin Posted September 21, 2004 Share Posted September 21, 2004 YES you should distance yourself, and take care of YOU. Trying to be there in even a "friend" capacity isn't reasonable... I know it's hard on you, but NC really is the best thing here. Link to post Share on other sites
Barby Posted September 21, 2004 Share Posted September 21, 2004 Yes keep away because he's been "stringing you along" good for you for being woman enough to stop messing with him during the times he was living with his wife. Take care YOU just like it was said above...You should find someone unattached who you don't have to worry about "reconciling" with his wife and leaving alone for all those empty, lonely nights.. Link to post Share on other sites
Quilly Posted September 21, 2004 Share Posted September 21, 2004 You have to do what is right for you... put yourself first. However, even with that said... as the person that is trying to deal with a tremendous amount of change in my life right now... having my MM putting an end to our relationship has thrown me for another loop that I really didn't plan or want to deal with at this time. Now I'm struggling with how to deal with letting go of him instead of focusing on my separation/divorce. For me, it would have been nice had he toughed it out and helped me through this difficult time (even though being together has become difficult for him). I know this is selfish and self-serving of me, but it's honest. Sorry, I realize this probably is not helpful, but just something to think about. If you can find a way to support him and take care of yourself, then so be it. If not, then do what you need to for you. Good luck. Link to post Share on other sites
Author mj108 Posted September 21, 2004 Author Share Posted September 21, 2004 Thanks for everyones advice. The one thing I need to mention is...nomatter what---Him and I are going to bump into eachother at family gatherings. His cousin is married to my sister. Also, I have a 4 year old---& my 4 year old has been in his life & his kids (2) life for 2 years. The kids have NEVER saw us hug or anything---we wouldn't do that (eventhough he was separated). We didn't want to confuse them & still wouldn't. So--I don't know what to do in this situation. In a way I think I should distance myself---but how? Is that fair to the kids? Should I distance myself from my own sibling--who is my bestfriend just because of him? He stops by there from time to time. So I know we're going to bump into eachother. Link to post Share on other sites
Quilly Posted September 22, 2004 Share Posted September 22, 2004 I think you are making the right decision to cut off contact with him and give him the space he obviously needs to make a decision about his marriage. Perhaps it is because of your relationships that he continues to struggle with making a final decision. If you know you are going to run in to him, then just be prepared for when that might happen. When it does just minimize the contact by doing/saying whatever is necessary to be polite and get the heck out of there. Your 4 year old is much to young to understand what is going on. If there are questions about why him and his kids aren't around as often just explain as MM is very busy right now or something like that. Hopefully he'll finally make a decision that will stick and then you'll be able to decide where you want to go from there. Link to post Share on other sites
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