Ccandfl Posted April 29, 2013 Share Posted April 29, 2013 I am a 23 year old male and I have been in a relationship for almost 5 years with no break-ups all straight through. I still love my current girlfriend however I'm not sure if its starting to fade or if I'm just in love with another girl now... For 2 years now I have had feelings for another girl and I'm 99% sure she feels the same for me too. She shows all the signs, heavy flirting, likes to stay in touch and doesn't stay out of contact for long periods, always asking to hang out especially if its a situation that involves drinking... The thing is that this girl is one of my best friends ex girlfriends who I have known for just as long as my current girlfriend. And over the past few years we have shared a few intimate moments together. Nothing too explicit mostly making out and touching, sleeping together (not sex just sleeping cuddled up) and when this first happened she was still with my friend. For the past year she has been single. And even though its been this long and nothing has progressed she still seems to rly feel strongly for me but she hasent said it to me she just shows it by her actions. I too have shown with actions but not words. Of course both my current gf and her ex bf (my still current friend) have no idea any of this has occurred the past few years. Now I'm questioning my feelings for my gf as well. Help! Link to post Share on other sites
ComeUpOutDaWahta Posted April 29, 2013 Share Posted April 29, 2013 You clearly want to get out and explore other things. You've been with this girl since you were 18. If you were really and truly happy with your current girlfriend, you wouldn't be screwing around on her and taking the risk of messing everything up. I say you should break it off with your current girlfriend. Just tell her that things have faded and it's not fair to her to only stick around because it's convenient and comfortable. Now, as for girl number two, she may just be having some fun with you. Don't be surprised if the flirtation disappears once you're actually single. 5 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Ccandfl Posted April 29, 2013 Author Share Posted April 29, 2013 Yea I honestly still do really care about my current gf. But I care about this other girl too. Idk if one is more then the other... But about 4 years ago when our relationship was still fresh she returned from a beach trip in July with a scarf on... Of course I called bs and sure enough she removed it revealing a hickey. She claimed nothing happened it was a 5 second period that she slipped up the. Stopped the situation. I couldn't prove she was telling the truth bit I couldn't prove she was lieing either. I decided to give her another chance figuring she was telling the truth and nothing rly did happen except a little neck suck cuz she was drinking gave her benefit of the doubt. And whenever I think back to that I dnt feel bad about what's happened between me and this other girl because its same thing, nothing sexually (unless of course my gf lied about the situation from 4 years ago) and she's everything I want based on a long term partner (almost finished with college, aspires to be great, works three jobs, wants kids, hard worker, dedicated) all those things, however she's got an attitude and is often disrespectful. This other girl treats me way better then her Link to post Share on other sites
Author Ccandfl Posted April 29, 2013 Author Share Posted April 29, 2013 But I've also thought obviously sumtin has to be worth it to me in her to have stayed with her this long. And once again now break ups at all. And also for this other girl to be consistently flirting, getting my attention and wanting to hang out and spend time with me for two years straight and not stop at all shows alot too. And the weird thing... Her and my gf know each other and will talk not alot but occasionally maybe once every 2 months or so. And my friend that used to date her I stil hang out wih him every week and just say nothing and have been for this long. All these people are important to me and everyone seems to know how to keep quiet Link to post Share on other sites
Author Ccandfl Posted April 29, 2013 Author Share Posted April 29, 2013 So I don't know what's more important someone that you know will succeed in life and has the same goals as you and is on the same path and has been there for you for 5 years but then talks down on you, disrespects you, and has attitude. Or sum1 that really has no direction in life yet and doesn't rly show signs of doing anything with there life anytime soon but really shows that they care about you, never yells at you, always is happy to see you, and is perfectly happy just sitting at a table taking for hours to you and not complaining about anything. Or maybe neither idk Link to post Share on other sites
ComeUpOutDaWahta Posted April 29, 2013 Share Posted April 29, 2013 So I don't know what's more important someone that you know will succeed in life and has the same goals as you and is on the same path and has been there for you for 5 years but then talks down on you, disrespects you, and has attitude. Or sum1 that really has no direction in life yet and doesn't rly show signs of doing anything with there life anytime soon but really shows that they care about you, never yells at you, always is happy to see you, and is perfectly happy just sitting at a table taking for hours to you and not complaining about anything. Or maybe neither idk There's your answer chief. You're not happy with who you're with. That's why you cheat on her. And you shouldn't get with this other girl because your entire relationship has been built around you not being available. I guarantee you beyond a shadow of a doubt that, if you were to break it off with your current girlfriend, that girl number 2 would lose interest. Break it off with both of them, and move forward. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
ChessPieceFace Posted April 29, 2013 Share Posted April 29, 2013 talks down on you, disrespects you, and has attitude. That's no way to live your life. Mutual respect or no deal. No offense OP, but your lack of remorse about cheating on your current gf is not a good thing. Honestly, I hope your gf finds out and dumps your ass. He said his GF also cheated in the same manner, where's the outrage over that? Double standards. Link to post Share on other sites
ChessPieceFace Posted April 29, 2013 Share Posted April 29, 2013 Oh please, get off your high horse ChessPieceFace. Being against double-standards isn't "being on a high horse." It's called having integrity, having a conscience, having a soul etc. Its a much bigger deal if a woman cheats than a man cheats, because men can just use the "Im a guy" excuse that they have little self control. Who is using that excuse here? Has the OP used that excuse, have I? No, it's irrelevant to the thread, biased, and it's man-hate. If he had a problem with her behavior, he should have dumped her, not use it as an excuse to be a cheater himself This part is true. Which raises the interesting question - do cheaters deserve each other? Perhaps. It's not my place to make that judgment call. Since they both seem to have done equal cheating, it seems to be their problem to resolve, not a case where one person should be screamed at and the other given a pass. most men will string along any woman they can while exploring other options because they are SELFISH. This is hilarious. I've never cheated nor would I, many guys I know have never cheated nor would they. Maybe you need to change your social circle of guys to include guys who were raised to believe in something other than what convenient holes they can stick their penises in. It's offensive and sad that you have such a low opinion of men that you think none of us have integrity. And as for "selfish", as bad as many men are, if you're speaking in generalities, western women of this generation win the ultimate prize for selfishness. Bar none. People today dont seem to think they should hold themselves accountable anymore. Truth in this statement, but true of both genders. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
ComeUpOutDaWahta Posted April 29, 2013 Share Posted April 29, 2013 The main reason we're calling this guy out on being a cheater is because he is currently cheating and doesn't seem to feel very guilty about it. Plus, there's the fact that we're talking to him, not his girlfriend. Didn't she cheat like four years ago? I don't think that gives anyone "rights" to be unfaithful or mess around with other girls. Even if she is some wildly adulterous woman, we're holding this guy to an objective standard, regardless of what she does or how she treats him. If she treats him like dirt, he should just leave. That simple. Getting with her friend is only going to complicate things, though. I'd highly recommend he not do that. Link to post Share on other sites
road Posted April 29, 2013 Share Posted April 29, 2013 Your GF cheated on you. You cheated on your GF. However you uped the ante by cheating with GF's friend who is the GF of your best friend. Now you want to leave your cheating GF to start a relationship with another cheating girl. You do not need your old GF or your new affair partner/GF. You need IC to learn how to have healthy relationships. Link to post Share on other sites
iljc Posted May 4, 2013 Share Posted May 4, 2013 I knew someone in the exact same situation. Except the guy went ahead and dumped his girlfriend for the other girl. But he got dumped eventually (the new girlfriend felt too guilty/was too ashamed to acknowledge their relationship). Nobody gained anything. Do you really think you could be happy at the cost of someone else's happiness? If you are a decent guy (which I can tell you do have a good side to yourself), you will be plagued with guilt for a long time. And do you think that girl you are thinking of going for will be happy with you (she already knows you aren't a faithful guy)? Remember, in any romantic relationship, you are infatuated/passionate/constantly getting the butterflies at first. Eventually that phase fades..(and that's not necessarily a bad thing... it's NORMAL). It'll be like that with anyone you are with. And you never know how someone is really like until you live with them/spend a considerate amount of time with them. This girl will not "complete" you. Neither will your current girlfriend. By design, humans (since we are all imperfect) were never meant to "complete" each other/carry the weight of someone else's soul... if you depend too much on someone else to make you happy, you will crush them. What you need to do is spend time with yourself, and with good friends. You already know that your current girlfriend is not the one for you (or perhaps you need to lose her first to know how much you actually love her). Don't go for the other girl...you are going to hurt too many people for her, including yourself. When you are ready, I'm sure someone else (or perhaps even your current girlfriend) will come along and that relationship will feel so secure and right. Link to post Share on other sites
Jbum5 Posted May 5, 2013 Share Posted May 5, 2013 (edited) You can care without loving, but you can't love without caring. Clearly the former part of that sentence applies more to you (or so you claim). But really, your story and background posts seem crass. And you sound like a clown with a penis-compass. From one cheating act to another - you and the entire parade that you're part of should really disband. Do yourselves a favor and strive for healthy relationships. Edited May 5, 2013 by Jbum5 Link to post Share on other sites
Chevuron Posted May 5, 2013 Share Posted May 5, 2013 I think it might be best just to break up at the moment to clear your head and really consider what you truly want. It will probably continue to eat away at you later on. It takes trust, communication and compromise for things to work. No one wants to be stressed out all the time while they are in love. Relationships are complicated, but they should not take on the level of a second job. I don't think you should try to please them both because if they both aren't agreeing to be with you at the same time--and aren't tolerant of each other "as far as a relationship with you" You are just going to keep digging in deeper and deeper making this hurt even more. If you have these feelings towards this other girl, let your current girlfriend know and let her go. If she is truly meant for you she will come back-- I am seeing that you care about both, but--Please don't use either as security blanket >: Link to post Share on other sites
Chevuron Posted May 5, 2013 Share Posted May 5, 2013 I do hope things work out though! Link to post Share on other sites
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