iplaymybassinthesun Posted April 29, 2013 Share Posted April 29, 2013 I came to the realization that being closed off and fearful of being the real me had effectively distanced me from almost every one in my life, and that besides my brother and father, I have almost no close relationships with anyone. I have friends but I keep them (or them me) at arm's length. I recently posted a long 'note' on Facebook talking openly about my insecurities, and many of the people reading it would be reading about them for the first time. I have an irrational fear that once I let myself be 'exposed' like this, the friends (as distant as they may be) will 'abandon' me...or see me in an unattractive new light, as if they say 'wow he's not who I thought he was, he's not a perfect nice guy, what a prick, better off not being his friend...' Is this a common terror when trying to be open? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
shiver23 Posted April 29, 2013 Share Posted April 29, 2013 Very common fear. You MAY lose some friends, but the ones who truly care will stick beside you. Trust me, you're doing the best thing you can for yourself and any future relationships you may have. Emotional distance is a tough thing to deal with, but it's worth working through. Link to post Share on other sites
Author iplaymybassinthesun Posted April 29, 2013 Author Share Posted April 29, 2013 I agree. There's nothing really heavy about my revelations. I basically vented that I'm not as happy or secure as some people in my life know me to be. My desire is to be more emotionally honest with myself and break out of my shell and stop trying to please everyone and be everything to everybody. Trying to be 'perfect' is exhausting and I can't move forward unless the people in my life know what I'm really feeling. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
shiver23 Posted April 29, 2013 Share Posted April 29, 2013 I couldn't have said it better myself. Please know that this really will help you in the long run. Emotional availability is a major key in forming a lasting relationship. It's kind of hard to get everything out, and sometimes you don't know everything to say, but it's a lot better than feeling "trapped" in perfection. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
todreaminblue Posted April 29, 2013 Share Posted April 29, 2013 I agree. There's nothing really heavy about my revelations. I basically vented that I'm not as happy or secure as some people in my life know me to be. My desire is to be more emotionally honest with myself and break out of my shell and stop trying to please everyone and be everything to everybody. Trying to be 'perfect' is exhausting and I can't move forward unless the people in my life know what I'm really feeling. i feel the same way.......i am trying to open up to people.......its hard......i actually dont want to open up anymore.......had a bit of a set back so fighting my natural instinctual response......which is paranoia....hopefully i will continue to open up in real life...its easier on here more anon ...dont even feel like writing this but i did.......deb...... Link to post Share on other sites
Author iplaymybassinthesun Posted April 29, 2013 Author Share Posted April 29, 2013 While I'm 'friendly' with a LOT of people who know me on a surface level, there's very few people who are close to me. I have friends who I talk to but live in other states. I've had friends here that are so caught up in drama I can't relate to them. I have other friends still who seem to just be around when I have something to give them. I have a female friend who put me in a friend zone, told me I that one of my oldest friends wasn't the good person I thought he was about a year ago, but is now sleeping with him! I'm told everyone loves me, but it might just be the 'version' of myself I felt safe to put out, and maybe it's the social media age, or what, but I never spend any time with anyone, don't know who to trust and my Facebook post is a shot across the bow for anyone in my life who even cares that this is bothering me. If it weren't for Facebook I'd have no idea what anyone is up to. Link to post Share on other sites
shiver23 Posted April 29, 2013 Share Posted April 29, 2013 Deb - From what I've seen of you around the boards, you strike me as someone with high anxiety. Have you considered getting a counsellor? I suffer from moderate anxiety/severe depression, so I have been in your shoes. Bass - Your personal situation sounds a lot like mine. I've lost people to drama, and I recently removed a lot of people from my social circle that I didn't connect with personally. I actually quit facebook, and by doing that, my best friend from highschool (aka the only person I still talk to) started regularly emailing me. I just sent out a mass email saying I was leaving FB, stated my email address, and quit. It's been a bit interesting not checking my page everyday, but overall it did help. If you ever need someone to talk to, I'm around. This might be strange coming from a random girl across the net, but I honestly haven't many people to talk to in the first place. Living in the country does that. Just PM if you want my email. Link to post Share on other sites
Author iplaymybassinthesun Posted April 29, 2013 Author Share Posted April 29, 2013 Cool thanks, htough I'm sort of new to Internet forum and I don't know how to send a PM Link to post Share on other sites
spice4life Posted April 29, 2013 Share Posted April 29, 2013 I agree. There's nothing really heavy about my revelations. I basically vented that I'm not as happy or secure as some people in my life know me to be. My desire is to be more emotionally honest with myself and break out of my shell and stop trying to please everyone and be everything to everybody. Trying to be 'perfect' is exhausting and I can't move forward unless the people in my life know what I'm really feeling. I think you will find that they will be relieved that you decided to be yourself and be vulnerable. The ones that matter anyway. Chances are they already know this about you and were waiting patiently for you finally open up. Link to post Share on other sites
Author iplaymybassinthesun Posted April 29, 2013 Author Share Posted April 29, 2013 And I dont think fb is made for that. It helps you more to have that talk with your freinds. You're right. After considering it for a bit, I took it down. Maybe some read it maybe not. Either way, the whole point is to be real and present WITH my friends and family actually standing there. I even posted that I'm taking a break from the site and would rather call/text/email/get together Link to post Share on other sites
Author iplaymybassinthesun Posted April 29, 2013 Author Share Posted April 29, 2013 I think you will find that they will be relieved that you decided to be yourself and be vulnerable. The ones that matter anyway. Chances are they already know this about you and were waiting patiently for you finally open up. I hope so Link to post Share on other sites
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