APs who *didn't* have a D Day...

[SweetBella1]

If your former affair didn't have a D Day, what/who ended it? And how long were you in the A?

 

I'm a MW who was in a mutually sought-out affair with a MM. Neither of us planned to leave our spouses and that was established from the get-go. I was his (admitted) third extramarital affair. Our sexual connection was off the charts, both of us floored by our physical compatibility. He asked to be exclusive APs 2 weeks into our affair.

 

That's when the day to day connection got way more intense & relationship-y than I'd wanted. I wasn't looking for a full tilt relationship, I wanted friends with benefits. I didn't want to become emotionally attached, just casually engaged. I voiced that but MM said boyfriend/girlfriend was the only way he could engage in an affair: to know that his OW was ONLY his. He texted me from 6:55 a.m. until 9:00 p.m. every single day for three months. Between 40-80 texts per day. (Checking on me?) Once/week meetings. And those meetings were beyond anything I'd ever imagined!

 

So we were in a really great place together when he suddenly found out that I'd lied to him about something (but I had not cheated on him.) I'd call it our first "bump in the road" or relationship test but he has jealousy issues and said he could never trust me again...out the door he went.

 

Ironic -- he broke up with me (a MW who is lying to her own H) for lying to HIM but he is serially CHEATING on and lying to his own young, beautiful wife. Mothereffer. Hypocritical control freak.

 

Going from all day, every day contact from MM to zilch was like hitting a brick wall at 100 mph. I miss him, I miss how it felt to be with him. Yeah I deserve it, I know. I'll take the pain as my penance but dammit I hope he feels some misery too, somehow...please, forces of the universe, make it so!

 

NC for 18 days now. The first 14 days I was completely numb, nauseous, lost 12 lbs, a total train wreck. Can't wait until I can barely remember him anymore. I deleted his pictures, haven't clapped eyes on his likeness since the day he walked out the door, and we live an hour apart.

 

When I was pregnant a friend once said of pregnancy weight, "9 months on, 9 months off". Indeed, I lost all pregnancy weight before my child turned 9 months old.

 

SO....3 months in the affair, 3 months until I don't give a crap?!? I hope so. His memory grows more distant every day, thank God.

[ViresSanctity]

What does D-Day stand for? I'm new to this affair stuff.

[SweetBella1]

Count your blessings.

 

Your guy is a classic narcissist. His controlling ways are off the charts.

 

Why did you think a narcissist was attractive?

 

Pierre, I'm so happy you replied to my post. I've seen your responses on so many other threads and wondered what you'd say about my situation.

 

To answer your question, MM is the exact opposite of my H. I found him utterly intriguing. MM is larger than life; he knows who he is and exactly what he wants. Yep, he def has ego issues but I enjoyed experiencing a strong willed man who knew what he wanted, and expected to get it. Such a departure from my H.

 

MM is conflict prone and difficult for others, at least according to the many stories he told me. He talked about himself incessantly. But I wasn't looking for a husband, I was looking for passion, and we had that in spades. I knew MM and I would never make it as a normal couple in "real life" because while I might "play act" that I can be controlled during an A, I can't be controlled, in real life. I'm pretty willful myself. My independence and his temperament was our demise...

[whichwayisup]

D-Day is discovery day of the affair by the betrayed spouse (aka MM's wife).

[cocorico]

If your former affair didn't have a D Day, what/who ended it? And how long were you in the A?

.

 

We do not have a DDay. Our A ended when he left his BW and we M. The A lasted about three years.

[dichotomy]

Pierre, I'm so happy you replied to my post. I've seen your responses on so many other threads and wondered what you'd say about my situation.

 

To answer your question, MM is the exact opposite of my H. I found him utterly intriguing. MM is larger than life; he knows who he is and exactly what he wants. Yep, he def has ego issues but I enjoyed experiencing a strong willed man who knew what he wanted, and expected to get it. Such a departure from my H.

 

MM is conflict prone and difficult for others, at least according to the many stories he told me. He talked about himself incessantly. But I wasn't looking for a husband, I was looking for passion, and we had that in spades. I knew MM and I would never make it as a normal couple in "real life" because while I might "play act" that I can be controlled during an A, I can't be controlled, in real life. I'm pretty willful myself. My independence and his temperament was our demise...

 

If I hit "like" that might give the wrong impression, however this post was most informative and confirms somethings I understand about certain types of relationships and affairs and sex and control/power. You summed it up well.

 

One followup -informational only, no judgements. I assume your going to stay with your husband for the foreseeable future? You don't say much about the marriage or him. But you also have been exposed to a sexual passion beyond what you can find with your husband. So whats next for you?

Edited April 29, 2013 by dichotomy

[SweetBella1]

If I hit "like" that might give the wrong impression, however this post was most informative and confirms somethings I understand about certain types of relationships and affairs and sex and control/power. You summed it up well.

 

One followup -informational only, no judgements. I assume your going to stay with your husband for the foreseeable future? You don't say much about the marriage or him. But you also have been exposed to a sexual passion beyond what you can find with your husband. So whats next for you?

 

Dichotomy,

 

Yes, the A fulfilled a fantasy/unmet need. The problem began the moment I got addicted/attached to this man providing all the euphoria. I fooled myself into thinking I could avoid that. Nope. Not a chance.

 

Sex with H is good, pleasurable. When I tell him what I enjoy and tutor him, so to speak, he can scratch the itch pretty well. For me it's more psychological: to feel sexually attracted to someone I need to feel he's in control. And control/maturity aren't H's strong points. H has/had begun to seem like my little brother/roommate vs my lover.

 

To answer your Q, I'm working to change dynamics in our marriage so that I can view him as the man we both need him to be. (And me to be the woman we both need me to be!) I've stepped back, in terms of my control in the relationship so that he can step up. It just might work. I'm aware that we need MC, just want to see where we can get first by shifting some things ourselves. I don't think H & I will ever reach the scale of passion experienced in the A but that's the thing about tasting forbidden fruit, the taste lingers even after it's gone. It will be ok. One day at a time.

[natty moppet]

SweetB...Your story is mine too, except that I have backed off some and it has not turned into a PA as yet. It is the physical chemistry that is so appealing and yet, for me, I have a lot of anxiety surrounding the idea of a DDay. More than anything else, the idea of a dday keeps me from engaging further. I also fear that I would not be able to keep the emotion out of it. A 'friends with benefits' situation would be ideal, but since my own M is so lacking in the emotional intimacy dept., I'm afraid a 'friends-first' scenario would not work. This site has been helpful for me, and has sort of brought me back to reality a few times when my thinking has been skewed. Good luck!

[SweetBella1]

No D-Day here. Affair lasted 2 months. After we slept together the first time, we said it couldn't happen again. A few weeks later, we were back in bed together.

 

He wanted us to be friends. I abruptly ended it in an email and typing and sending the email was like an out of body experience. A month on, and I still can't believe I did it. I'm not dealing with it too well. I was (am) worried that his wife would find out. I was worried that I was getting to attached to him. He was definitely very attached to me - lots of emailing all the time. We haven't spoken since I ended it. It's hard.

 

I think maybe I'll have to get off this website soon as I don't think it's helping me much.

 

I'm very sorry to read of your hurt. It took a ton of strength for you to end things w/MM. I admire that. What do you miss most? Whaf fills your thoughts?

[HonestNeurotic]

I ended it cuz he wanted another and it was just TIME to end it. Four years. Took me no time at all to be over it. There were no emotions involved really and contact was limited to setting up times to meet. A text line or two.

 

Now I am in another affair, and the dude fell in love with me. I will say that it FEELS like "love" but it's really just the chemical rush. None of that constant contact stuff though.

 

I'm very married, in a sexless marriage. Now, an open marriage, though I am most discreet and it's never obvious when I am meeting my MM.

 

MM gets a little carried away, maybe a little controlling? But I am totally MYSELF, a control phreak in my own right, and he backs off. Probably why I still appeal to him because I am so very unavailable. Pretty sure that when this ends - well, I dunno that it won't hurt so very much.

[ViresSanctity]

I ended it cuz he wanted another and it was just TIME to end it. Four years. Took me no time at all to be over it. There were no emotions involved really and contact was limited to setting up times to meet. A text line or two.

 

Now I am in another affair, and the dude fell in love with me. I will say that it FEELS like "love" but it's really just the chemical rush. None of that constant contact stuff though.

 

I'm very married, in a sexless marriage. Now, an open marriage, though I am most discreet and it's never obvious when I am meeting my MM.

 

MM gets a little carried away, maybe a little controlling? But I am totally MYSELF, a control phreak in my own right, and he backs off. Probably why I still appeal to him because I am so very unavailable. Pretty sure that when this ends - well, I dunno that it won't hurt so very much.

 

If there's chemicals involved, it'll hurt.

[SweetBella1]

I know why you find the narcissistic MM attractive:

 

He is insecure and needs romantic conquests to feel validated.

 

You are insecure and need massive external validation in the form of romance. It is a match made in heaven. Do you realize that many secure women find these type of men repulsive?

 

And be careful! Your H is a good guy and if you have a d-day there will be a long line of women after him.

 

Pierre,

 

Yes you hit the nail on the head re: me & xMM. Exactly right. IMO, the biggest reason MM left me was insecurity. He got a hint that I might be cyber talking to other men (I was, per my insecurity reasons as you listed above) but I wasn't having physical relations with anyone else but MM. I assured MM of that but didn't matter, *poof* he was gone. Pre-emptive strike. No way someone like him is going to put himself in a position of being lied to and potentially dumped. He was dumped by a girlfriend when he was 26 (9 yrs ago) & although now married to another woman, he is still actively & emotionally pining for that ex who broke his heart all those years ago. He has clearly set up his own stringent rules & standards for his partners' behaviors, even if they don't apply to him. Eight years ago he married a woman 8 yrs his junior when she was only 20. I assume that was perfect for him since she was younger, and malleable. I agree w/you entirely, he is obviously an awful H in many many ways. They don't have kids, HE doesn't want any. (And from what I know of his character/temperament, he should never have any!!) If his W is unhappy I hope that she can get away from him eventually.

 

And my H *is* a good guy, for sure. You were right but I can't see how you came to that conclusion w/such little info! He is handsome, charming, easy going & forgiving. Many women would be happy to have him. Unlike me, he isn't a particularly motivated individual. He is passive & our life subsequently reflects that. He is sweet, goes to work every day, is a great dad but he is lackadaisical. Our relationship has also suffered many external stresses over the years & we have both been trying to recover. We've weathered some big storms together. But I don't feel passion, or excitement. He probably doesn't either, after 12 years & two kids.

 

Re: a potential D Day, I suspect that H knows that I was unfaithful. It would surely hurt him to know definitively about the A but he himself engaged in a one night stand back in September, something he really regrets. I don't know if there were other infidelities on his part over the years. I did catch him at the very beginning of an affair last Spring but that got nipped in the bud. His drunken ONS isn't the same magnitude as my 3 month affair, though. It's not just covering my butt, I really don't think H wants to know for sure.

[underwater2010]

Pierre,

 

Yes you hit the nail on the head re: me & xMM. Exactly right. IMO, the biggest reason MM left me was insecurity. He got a hint that I might be cyber talking to other men (I was, per my insecurity reasons as you listed above) but I wasn't having physical relations with anyone else but MM. I assured MM of that but didn't matter, *poof* he was gone. Pre-emptive strike. No way someone like him is going to put himself in a position of being lied to and potentially dumped. He was dumped by a girlfriend when he was 26 (9 yrs ago) & although now married to another woman, he is still actively & emotionally pining for that ex who broke his heart all those years ago. He has clearly set up his own stringent rules & standards for his partners' behaviors, even if they don't apply to him. Eight years ago he married a woman 8 yrs his junior when she was only 20. I assume that was perfect for him since she was younger, and malleable. I agree w/you entirely, he is obviously an awful H in many many ways. They don't have kids, HE doesn't want any. (And from what I know of his character/temperament, he should never have any!!) If his W is unhappy I hope that she can get away from him eventually.

 

And my H *is* a good guy, for sure. You were right but I can't see how you came to that conclusion w/such little info! He is handsome, charming, easy going & forgiving. Many women would be happy to have him. Unlike me, he isn't a particularly motivated individual. He is passive & our life subsequently reflects that. He is sweet, goes to work every day, is a great dad but he is lackadaisical. Our relationship has also suffered many external stresses over the years & we have both been trying to recover. We've weathered some big storms together. But I don't feel passion, or excitement. He probably doesn't either, after 12 years & two kids.

 

Re: a potential D Day, I suspect that H knows that I was unfaithful. It would surely hurt him to know definitively about the A but he himself engaged in a one night stand back in September, something he really regrets. I don't know if there were other infidelities on his part over the years. I did catch him at the very beginning of an affair last Spring but that got nipped in the bud. His drunken ONS isn't the same magnitude as my 3 month affair, though. It's not just covering my butt, I really don't think H wants to know for sure.

Do your husband a favor and let him know that you cheated too. This can be an opportunity to start fresh or have an open marriage. But you should not leave him feeling guilty when you committed the same offense.

 

You both need to deal with the issues in your marriage.

[Praying4Peace]

If there's chemicals involved, it'll hurt.

 

Here we go againnnn...I feel the chemicals kickin' innnnn. Sorry I couldn't resist if anyone even knows what I'm talking about.

 

Even if the cause is chemicals, it still caused real feelings that won't go away. Sometimes if there is a D-day the 'fear' can kick you out of your chemically induced state so I'm always impressed when there's no Dday and no one is really unhappy with the way things are going with the A.

[ViresSanctity]

 

And my H *is* a good guy, for sure. You were right but I can't see how you came to that conclusion w/such little info! He is handsome, charming, easy going & forgiving. Many women would be happy to have him. Unlike me, he isn't a particularly motivated individual. He is passive & our life subsequently reflects that. He is sweet, goes to work every day, is a great dad but he is lackadaisical. Our relationship has also suffered many external stresses over the years & we have both been trying to recover. We've weathered some big storms together. But I don't feel passion, or excitement. He probably doesn't either, after 12 years & two kids.

 

Your H sounds like my MW's H, except they don't have kids. They way you described him sounds like my MW in fact.

 

I wonder if it's just biologically imprinted into women who have stronger genes than their husband to be dissatisfied.

 

I'm also the complete opposite of her H. However, I never placed EGO before our relationship. She is the one afraid of me dumping her first.

[dichotomy]

I have said this many times before. These matches are made in heaven.

 

Good luck! At least you are honest and in an open marriage. Nothing wrong with that. I am sure your H is relieved.

 

 

I am not 100% sure of that. They have an open marriage, so her husband is cool with it, but unless the MM partner she is involved with has open marriage as well - then it is not really honest from one side?

[Pierre]

Here we go againnnn...I feel the chemicals kickin' innnnn. Sorry I couldn't resist if anyone even knows what I'm talking about.

 

 

Love is just a change in brain biochemistry.

 

Love is just a trick of nature to replicate DNA.

 

And some folks get tricked very well.

[Praying4Peace]

Pierre,

 

 

And my H *is* a good guy, for sure. You were right but I can't see how you came to that conclusion w/such little info! He is handsome, charming, easy going & forgiving. Many women would be happy to have him. Unlike me, he isn't a particularly motivated individual. He is passive & our life subsequently reflects that. He is sweet, goes to work every day, is a great dad but he is lackadaisical. Our relationship has also suffered many external stresses over the years & we have both been trying to recover. We've weathered some big storms together. But I don't feel passion, or excitement. He probably doesn't either, after 12 years & two kids.

 

 

I could have written this. My ex-AP was my intellectual match, and I his.

[tinker683]

I was the OM with a woman who was engaged but never married. They have lived together for 8 years or so. I'm not sure there was ever a D-Day. We broke up while she was still with him. I understand though that she's since "ended" things with him but seems to still be living with him. Whatever that means.

 

Also, I've yet to receive hateful/threating letters from her fiancé or her friends who know me so I'm going to assume it hasn't.

[SweetBella1]

SweetBella:

 

I want to add one more thing. Congratulations for not being fuzzy and in the fog. It seems you have a clear understanding about the affair dynamics and why you had this episode.

 

You wrote that you were looking for euphoria and excitement and at the same time described a good husband at home. The reasons for the affair have nothing to do with your H. Like I said most women would kill to have your H. Just imagine if your H was a bit like your lover. You would be in hell.

 

 

This is the deal: You need external validation to feel good and your H cannot provide you that 24/7. In fact, no man in the planet can do that. As long as you are the way you are you will be unhappy. And your H cannot make you happy 24/7.

 

You need IC to figure out while you are in such great need of men like the OM. As I said above most secure women would vomit at the sight of your MM. But, you find him attractive. There is a reason why you find him attractive. He knows how to tweak you quite well. These men know how to tweak women in need.

 

Thank you Pierre. Tomorrow will mark 3 weeks since the breakup w/MM. I was in a heavy fog until just a few days ago...it is slowly, ever so slowly starting to lift. Unfortunately those pesky irrational emotions are still alive & kicking, keeping MM at the forefront of my mind. Oh how I wish I could hit a button & stop thinking of him! I hope time will do the trick because I don't seem to be capable of compartmentalizing or having"mental NC". MM was only in my life for 3 mos. Sure, three amazingly intense months, but not that long.

 

I believe that the sting of rejection has compounded my pain of withdrawal. To be left, at the height of an A. Ouch.

 

And you're right again, the A was about ME, me seeking to fill some void, not about H. I knew that all along but couldn't stop.

 

As for me & my need for external validation, it has been a lifelong issue; a result of my upbringing...a rigid, schizoid mother who exhibited very little emotion. (She wouldn't allow my father to be in my life. Instead I had her 2nd H as father figure but he was simply her lackey.) For several years, for particular reasons, I was doing ok but recently that need has resurfaced. I have gone to IC for many, many years. I agree that no one person can fulfill or validate me at all times and am aware of the weakness but haven't yet succeeded in conquering it yet.

 

You are a very intuitive person!! MM told me a few times that he can't hang out w/his two best friends because their wives "hate" him. I always wondered how he was so conflict prone! That echoes what you wrote, about other women's reaction to him. He obviously finds vulnerable women like me, and we swoon.

[SweetBella1]

Do your husband a favor and let him know that you cheated too. This can be an opportunity to start fresh or have an open marriage. But you should not leave him feeling guilty when you committed the same offense.

 

You both need to deal with the issues in your marriage.

 

I did admit to H in a round-about way that I'd been unfaithful. He seemed to "get" what I was telling him, but didn't ask anything. Another time I told him that I have made big mistakes in our marriage, again he just hugged me & assured me that he'll stand by me, no matter what. (Wow.) The reason I didn't give him an outright admission is because when I was in the A, i had broached the possibility of a discreet open marriage. (Not sharing details w/one another). He didn't reject the idea but wasn't clapping, either. It is quite possible he suspects i went through with it & he'd rather not know.

 

I want to escape the fog & pining and have a clear head before i even consider an admission.. What H wants to see his W depressed & pining over another man? I may tell him, but it will have to be when we're both ready (& possibly in MC.)

[HonestNeurotic]

Here we go againnnn...I feel the chemicals kickin' innnnn. Sorry I couldn't resist if anyone even knows what I'm talking about.

 

Even if the cause is chemicals, it still caused real feelings that won't go away. Sometimes if there is a D-day the 'fear' can kick you out of your chemically induced state so I'm always impressed when there's no Dday and no one is really unhappy with the way things are going with the A.

 

I'm still good friends with a few of the people that were my FWB when I was single. They were single too. In fact, I could have stayed single forever and then I met my now husband who is perfect save for the absence of sex. (and this packratism thang)

 

Now I am experiencing sure, the chemical stuff. feelings? Surely they are enhanced by that. But I don't have this huge need to be contacted all the time and make plans for some distant future and play make believe. It will be sad when it ends, because he won't be able to stay my friend.

 

 

Originally Posted by dichotomy

I am not 100% sure of that. They have an open marriage, so her husband is cool with it, but unless the MM partner she is involved with has open marriage as well - then it is not really honest from one side?

 

Yeppers. Causes a problem in my mind. And - I must confess that although it's been rather don't ask, don't tell, it wasn't "officially" an open marriage until recently. Kinda funny, cuz he thought that I was having an affair with my girlfriend? He's just glad I'm more agreeable.

 

Pierre said:

 

Oops. this is what I meant to say:

 

Sorry, this could be a mild t/j. but I feel this is pertinent.

 

Narcissistic type insecure men need romantic conquests as external validation. So they are generally very charming and attentive.

 

Insecure women in search of external validation love these type of charming men because they are very good at picking out women that need external validation. These are the women that often complain they are only attracted to players.

 

 

So, it is usually a match made in heaven.

 

While I think this may be the case in a preponderance of affairs, I don't feel it is valid in mine. On my side. I don't need external validation. I need/want sex. FWB. On MM's side, I think that he needs to feel that he is in love to assuage his Catholic guilt. Pretty sure it's just his mid life crisis. Don't think he's a player.

 

Me? I find that sex and love are two very different things. I also think that the love/chemical thing is just that - though I've not had that intensity before. I liken it to skydiving, but if I had to choose between that love chemical and skydiving, well, I pick skydiving.

[SweetBella1]

Do your husband a favor and let him know that you cheated too. This can be an opportunity to start fresh or have an open marriage. But you should not leave him feeling guilty when you committed the same offense.

 

You both need to deal with the issues in your marriage.

 

P.S. I actually directly addressed any guilt he might feel (from straying) by saying, "We're in the same boat. I don't want you to feel guilty b/c I messed up, too." Not sure how he could've missed the meaning behind that.

[SweetBella1]

Anyone can have an affair.

 

What really matters is what you do with that experience. Affairs rarely lead to anything good. There are exceptions to the rule here and there and many pro EMR folks will cling to the exceptions to justify.

 

Your H cannot keep you excited and happy 24/7. No man can do that. This becomes an issue when some men and women need the spouse to keep them happy at all times. Then, one day you realize your H is not making you happy and you seek euphoria elsewhere. This is true in ALL MARRIAGES!

 

You need to discover how to be intrinsically happy. If you rely on others to make you happy you will be unhappy most of the time. However, this is easier said than done because this involves the core of your personality. You may never be able to learn how to be intrinsically happy. However, I suggest you try, it may happen.

 

Forget the OM he is no prize and he is highly insecure. He will never forget that betrayal 8 years ago.

 

With regards to your H: Why don't you try to be the best wife in the planet? He may surprise you by being quite different with you. You find him boring, but remember he is also bored with you. Someone needs to take charge.

 

Pierre, all good advice, thank you! I will try hard to be a good/better wife but it's going to take time for both of us to make the changes necessary to find a solid place in our marriage. H needs to make some changes, as well. I can see that he is willing to work on them, thank God. I think this is a situation in which we *both* need to be in control. I'm so tired of being the one who is steering the ship! We both need to be pro-active.

 

I agree, I need to figure out how to be intrinsically happy and that's not an easy feat for me. I'm usually happiest when I'm busy with a FT career, etc. Not when I have so much time to sit around and overthink things. I feel that being social also helps...and H and I are working on that part of our life, opening ourselves up to others more, instead of being so closed off and in our own little world.

[SweetBella1]

Wow! I am so impressed by you!

 

Yep, those that did not get a lot of lovin' as kids yearn for that sort of feeling when they become adults. And then this sensation feels normal. Receiving attention becomes a powerful drug.

 

 

Why don't you tell these things to your H? Tell him you need attention and admiration. BTW, most women welcome that sort of thing, but some take it to the extreme. For some the admiration from the H is not enough and they seek strange. And then it becomes an addiction.

 

I suspect your H sort of knows at a subconscious level that you cheated. Sometimes these things don't sink in right away because they seem impossible. OTOH, a suspicious insecure man like your ex OM sees betrayal everywhere. They judge others from their perspective.

 

Thank you, I'm impressed by you too! Your insight and intuition is unparalleled, and I've spent a lot of time on support boards over the past 3 weeks!

 

Your last paragraph: right on the money! When xMM learned that I *might* be talking to other guys online, as a serial cheater himself, he automatically assumed that I was cheating on him, or that he wasn't enough, or that I was going to leave, and so HE pulled the plug. Didn't matter that I assured him on everything I hold dear that I was NOT in a physical connection with anyone but him, and didn't plan to be. He wasn't having it. I was no longer trustworthy enough for the serial cheating, ex con, anti-social narcissist.

 

H knows about my childhood and need for validation and appreciation. He does try, but from time to time he gets lax (which any H or W is bound to do! I do it, too.) His guy friends and co-workers always make a big fuss over me (i.e., "You should see J's wife, holy smokes!!") and that makes us both feel good. He's not the jealous type so he appreciates me. xMM, on the other hand would've KNOCKED OUT any guy who dared make a comment like that, about his mistress or his wife.

 

Just goes to show, xMM was not one for the long haul. Jealous, possessive and controlling. He hung his hat on his ability to argue/physically fight and be victorious. I saw all the red flags, but I was like, "Meh. Not going to marry him anyway. Just keep the hot n heavy coming!" It was a siren's song and I had no ear plugs! I was addicted and in a haze. My entire "normal" life was background noise and it was like watching myself, out of body. Unnerving but unshakeable.

 

I don't know what I expected out of the A, I knew it would have to end at some point, I just didn't anticipate being dumped out of it just when we were at the height. Against my initial desires, I'd allowed myself to become attached to him. (I initially wanted to be casual FWBs, not boyfriend/girlfriend but he had to have the latter, not the former.)

 

When the break up happened, I had just spent an entire weekend with him, his wife was OOT. I insisted on staying in a hotel which he insisted on paying for, even though he'd wanted me to stay at his house. He did take me to his house one evening and made me dinner. I sat at his dining room table with him and ate, like we were husband and wife. Weird!! (I was initially resistant to going to his house but I caved. I was curious.) He wanted to have sex with me in the master bedroom. It was obvious that he was acting out against his W. More red flags. If he could disrespect her, he sure as hell will disrespect me. He was ramping up the intimacy between us that weekend, opening up his life to me, now I know where he lives, etc, then he suddenly found out that I *might* be talking to other guys, and BAM, I was out in the cold. Huh? WTH? Karma's a bitch. LOL

 

Pierre, speaking of karma, you are incredibly insightful, do guys like that ever miss an ex, or think of them? I keep thinking he couldn't possibly care or think about me at all but he IS a human. I read an article online that said that narcissists are capable of feeling emotions so I just wonder if, in a quiet little moment, xMM ever felt like he might've acted impulsively in breaking things off over one lie. But I sincerely doubt it, I'm sure he has completely convinced himself that he was in the right, as any self respecting narcissist would do.

 

It sounds like I'm hoping he'll resurface but insecure me would just like to know that he might have experienced *something* about me worth missing. -- (Again looking for external validation from xMM. Ugh. So annoying. Lord help me.)

Edited April 29, 2013 by SweetBella1