A Long distant relationship that ended in tears!!!

[Dublinlad]

Hi all!! I'm just out of a long distant relationship and i'd have to say i'd never recomend one or ever have one again!! I think we all know how hard it is and how wonderful they can be!! But if we're all honest they can be very frustrating and of course lonley!! Of course every circumstance is different but no matter what the circumstance its a very lonley experience!! I myself was hurt from one such relationship and thankfully i'm getting over it now!! I live in Ireland and i met a Swiss girl in Dublin about 1 and a half years ago!! She was dating a guy of 3 years at the time but we became friends!! Slowly our feelings grew for each other(strong feelings)but we felt out of respect to her boyfriend we could'nt do anything,so it was time for her to go home and she went home, but shortly after she rang and told me she'd ended her relationship and was coming back to Ireland for 6 weeks to be with me! I was naturally delighted but also sad for her boyfriend!! But i loved this girl and was really happy she was coming back to me!! The 6 weeks was amazing, but after she went home thats when the difficulties arose!! I did'nt see her for 2 months but chatted on the phone every day till i visited her in Zurich for a weekend!! The weekend was great but again 3 days later it was good bye again till she visited 6 weeks later!! Neither of us were exactly rich either! While it was sad saying good bye all the time we did have some amazing times together even if they were short, New years eve, Xmas etc!! But for the 1st 8, 9 months our love remained very strong for each other!! Some might ask why did'nt one of us move to the others country, but she had a couple of years left in College and i had work commitments!! It was hard!! Near the end of our year together though i noticed her feelings were becoming less and less, even by talking to her on the phone! I knew it was the long disatance that was causing it! We were becoming insecure about each other, i'd worry when she'd go partying that she'd meet somebody else, she had a lot of single friends who slept around a lot! it was stressful! There was no one else involved but i knew i was losing her! So at the start of May i visited and she told me she was unsure of her feelings for me!! I was devastated but deep down i'd known this for a while! I then told her we could work it out, but later after some thought i told myself "this is'nt good or healthy for u, u'l be even more insecure and lonley now when u go home!", i then told her it'd be better if we ended the relationship! That last night togther was very sad, and the plane journey home(alone and for the last time)was terrible and was an experience i would'nt wish on anybody!! Its still hard, we still have some contact but its not the same anymore!! It was the long distance that caused all that sadness, to many sad good byes at Airports! But thankfully its getting better every day, all the stress worrying and lonley feelings are getting easier every day!! I'm delighted i got to know this wonderful girl but in the end i think i always knew it would turn out like it did! I really hope it works out for anyone of u in a similar situation!! And long distant relationships can work!! But as u all know their really really hard, and as i said earlier i'd never wish that breakup i had on anybody!!

[claudia]

Hey Dublinlad

 

I totally understand what you are going through, having gone through it myself with a Swiss Boy, but atleast you too were on the same continent and could have seen each other a little more than me and my ex . It will hurt now but as time goes on it will get better .For now all you have to do is focus on yourself and getting through the hurt .Don't be too hard on yourself as well, long distant relationships are very difficult to keep going . The same thing happened to me after my last visit with my ex , he began to get distant and talk less and then finally he broke down and said that this type of relationship was too much stress for him and he could not continue .

 

That was a year ago and now when we talk its not the same but i have been able to move pass the hurt and look at the situation as a learning experience . Maybe your girl needs a little time to think about what she wants . Who knows what will happen in the future for you too but i hope what ever it is is nothing but positive moments you have .

 

I think sometimes we have to go through hurtful moments like these to see how strong we are .Any ways I'm sorry if I ramble a little bit but you are not alone and remember some long distant relationships work out and some don't just like ordinary relationships .

 

claudia

[Dublinlad]

Hi Claudia!!! I'm soooooo sorry i did'nt reply sooner, but i was at a wedding(it was a disaster,long story!lol) in Northern Ireland so i could'nt get to a computer!! I'm really grateful for your advice and kindness! I guess it must have been even more difficult for u having a relationship so far apart! How long did u go out with each other? As time is passing it gets easier, i'm over the worst of it finally! Although i must admit i still enjoy talking to her on the phone and sharing a joke or 2 with her, but its not the same anymore! I guess though u never know what the future holds and i think there is a slight chance be together again, but i'm not going to think about that for now as i have to move on!! I'm delighted to hear u've put the pain of the breakup in the past,its always better to remember the d not the sad times!

[claudia]

Hey Dublinland once again

 

I'm glad that you are getting over it and that this time is for you now . I understand about the talking with the ex and it not being the same actually mine acts really guarded about his feelings and sometimes confides in me that he wants a girlfriend (even though it hurts to hear that i still wish him the best ) but part of me is like (thank god he did not find anyone ) lol . Either way life is too short to dwell on the past or sit and live in hope . I just came home from four lovely days that i spent on the beach :swimming, snorkling and resting and i had a blast with my friends . That took my mind off my troubles and give even more reason to enjoy my self .

 

Don't live on the hope of getting back just be your normal funny ,sweet self the side she knows and like and act like you are neither here nor there and maybe one of two things can happen : 1 she comes back or 2 she does not . In any event you walk away learning and gaining wisdom from the experience .

 

Read or do something you like doing that you have not done for a long time when you start to think about her . Who knows maybe she is hurting too about the break up .

 

You too just need to sort out your lives and COMMUNICATE your feelings for one another .

 

I'm wishing you the best in whatever comes your way

 

claudia

[Dublinlad]

Hi Claudia!! And again thanks sooooo much for your kind words and advice!!! I really really appreciate it!! I was actually chatting to her today, and to be honest it was nice and we had a good laugh!! I think i might of shown a bit to much emmotion to her in the past, but i'm very much going back to being myself, and laughing and joking and stuff! Thats the way i was when she met me and i guess thats how she likes me! I think your right, there's only 2 things that can happen, 1 she comes back 2 she dose'nt, but either way i'm not waiting for her to make up her mind!! Life go's on and its much to short!! I guess in ways i'm lucky to still have her in my life!! She's a nice person and good to talk to, but i have to understand that she's not the most important person in my life anymore, i guess i am!! So at the moment i'm trying to think of her as a friend rather than a girlfriend! Again as i'm sure u know Claudia its easier said than done, but its getting better! I think we're both definitly in the same situation, we're willing to let the past stay in the past but there also is that tiny glimmer of hope that just maybe....but thats only human nature to live in hope!! I think the best thing we both can do Claudia is every time we speak to our former partners tell them we're having a blast and as u said act like your either here nor there!! I take your point about communicating feelings, but with my ex her answer is always "i d'ont know how i feel"?? And then at times she plays the emmotional card and starts crying!! She's a really sweet girl, but there is a coldness to her also!! And if i'm honest its a part of her i d'ont like!! She can be cold in many ways that i just could'nt do myself!! But i guess everyone has their faults and i'm no angel myself!! That cold part of her sadens me though as she's a really great person deep down...But as i said i'm moving on and things are getting better!! By the way Claudia i'm delighted to hear u enjoyed your 4 days at the beach!! Thats brilliant and keep doing stuff like that! Unfortunatley in Ireland i can't really go sunbathing at the beach this time of year as i'd catch a flu or something as its freezing!!! But i might take up bungee jumping or hand gliding to pass the time lol!! Take Care Claudia!! And if ure feeling down and just need to say something,bad day etc!! just leave a post on this thread and i'l reply as soon as i can as i get a sms to my phone when there's a reply to this thread!!! I wish u all the luck in the future!! Your a really great person!!

Brian

[claudia]

Hope I'm not being a pest to you but what we are going through are so similar that i wonder if your girlfriend is my boyfriend lol maybe the coldness is a swiss thing cause he too acts really cold at times and it also saddens me but i have to let that be and try to not let it bother me any more ,no more power to him and her lol.

 

Dublinland i think you are on the right track and things will be good for us . I also want to extend the same to you if you have any trouble and you need to vent drop me a line .

 

So take care of yourself dublinland and be good

 

 

claudia

[Dublinlad]

HI Claudia!! I'm sooooo sorry i'm very late with my reply!! I was in France with my friends for a week and had a really nice time!!Thats quite a good point, i wonder if your boyfriend is my girlfriend!!interesting lol! That coldness is'nt nice and i could'nt behave like that myself, its shallow and it show's a lack of heart and understanding, its also selfish! But your totally right, we can't think about that and we have to move on! We're both certaintly on the right track!! And d'ont worry your definitly not a pest to me!! I really really enjoy reading your advice and reading about your thought and stuff!! Have a nice weekend Claudia and have fun!! P.s What u doing tonight? Fancy a trip to Switzerland to make our ex's jealous lol!! take care young lady

Brian

[claudia]

Bonjour or Bonsoir Monsieur

 

lol i had to say that .France is such a beautiful place i always wanted to visit . I'm totally glad that you had a blast in france . Well i had a weird conversation with my ex about a cellphone he has one minute he wants to give it to me and the next he says he does not know what to do with it maybe he wants me to beg i really can't take that on . When we talk I try to be as normal as I can. But why give him or your ex the satisfaction that they make us tick and can push our buttons .One day they will realise what mistakes they made concerning the way they treated us with their coldness.

 

Dublinland you are definitly on the right track with your recovery , You got to fix you first take care of yourself than you can study other people .Your girl will see what she is missing soon dont worry and if she dont then she was not worth it someone else will see it . Like my brother says " a girl is like a taxi when one leaves another one follows right after "

 

Sure we can go to switzerland anytime lol think of their faces lol .

 

well you take care of yourself and you are definitly lucky that you can go all over europe something i can only dream of .

 

 

Have fun Dublin and dont worry about your late replies

 

claudia